PGAL brain is in overdrive (previous loss mentioned)

Mamafesto · January 2016

Last night I had some yellow mucus streaked with brownish, pink when I wiped and it has really unsettled me. I wouldn't even think anything of it, had I not had a mc this summer. I have convinced myself that I'm feeling fewer symptoms since then and that something must be wrong. I tossed and turned and had stress dreams all last night. The spotting (or whatever it was) has stopped, but I can't shake the bad feeling. It's going to be a long haul to my next midwife appointment on 2/15 when we will hopefully pick up the heartbeat on the doppler. I just wish there was some way to know what was going on in there. Just looking for a little support to calm the PGAL brain...

Goldsgirl9 · January 2016

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I don't know how far along you are but I can tell you at 27 weeks I still check every time I wipe. Sadly the fear doesn't go away.

I dont have any other real advice expect that I'm sure all is fine and if you are that nervous, see if your midwife or OB will let you go in for an ultrasound. Don't feel bad asking!

One thing that helped me was buying a fetal Doppler so I could hear his heartbeat whenever I was nervous.

Sending you hugs, just know you are not alone and try to relax. Remember, today you are pregnant!

Wyattnash00 · January 2016

Ditto on buying a Doppler, it will give you peace of mind at moments like these:)

jilligan14 · January 2016

I hear you on the worrying. I can't wait to get further along where I can feel kicking, etc. There's nothing wrong with calling to see if you can get an ultrasound done sooner. I myself am worried about buying a Doppler...I'm afraid I won't be able to find heartbeat at home and will then freak out (more than I do on a normal basis). Sending you hugs!

lickastick · January 2016

I'm sorry you are going through this right now, and I'm sorry you have had a previous loss that makes right now so much harder. It just plain sucks when we don't know what is going on with certainty. Hugs for your PGAL mind and a mantra I sometimes use to help me when the fear threatens to overwhelm me is "I can see peace instead of this" or "I am willing to see this differently, I am willing to see love."

I know I can't "force" this baby to stay inside of me or control if I get to carry it to term, I have been saying everyday to my LO I hope you'll stay one more day, one more week, one more month, the whole 9 months. Everyday I just hope for another day to be pregnant.

carrieandr · January 2016

At 10 weeks, I had pink spotting, then brown for 8 more days. A week later I had more brown spotting for a few days. I've had two u/s's since that started and they were both fine. Plus the good MaterniT21 results. Hopefully yours is nothing. I've got a PGAL brain myself and I know it isn't easy.

Ssoccerball · January 2016

I think one of the worst things about experiencing a loss is that it casts a shadow over all future pregnancies. I'm so sorry that you are worrying. As I'm sure you've heard and as I just heard from my doctor last week, unless it's bright, red blood with clots, spotting is considered normal. Keep your chin up.

Sporty1216 · January 2016

I'm so sorry. This is so hard. I also worry constantly and have to fight myself all the time to believe it will be okay. I know my OB told me that if I ever felt nervous I could come in for a quick Doppler check. I never took her up on it, because I was afraid I would end up just wanting to live in her office with the Doppler attached. That's why I never bought my own Doppler too. But I think if it would help, you should certainly call them. Pregnancy is so hard. And not just physically. It does get so much better once you can feel them move.

I am on pins and needles myself, waiting for my first scan on Monday. I have no reason to believe anything is wrong, but I will breathe a huge sigh of relief once I see that confirmed. The weekend can't go quickly enough.

Hang in in there and let us know what you decide to do!

Mamafesto · January 2016

Thanks for the support, everyone. I have had a good, busy day off with DS so far today and am feeling better about things. I'm glad the doppler works for some of you, but like @jilligan14, I think I would be obsessive about it and freak out if I couldn't find a heartbeat. I think I just need to keep taking things one day at a time. I have always had trouble relinquishing control, so this is quite an exercise in patience. For now I've talked myself down of the ledge, but it's nice to know I can reach out here when I'm having a freak out! Good luck to everyone with an upcoming u/s!

emsmama15 · January 2016

I'm so sorry @Mamafesto. While I haven't experienced a loss (beyond a VERY early chemical pregnancy), I can relate to the feeling of doom that comes with spotting and symptom changes. Though different, struggling with infertility has made me live waiting for the other shoe to drop. It is not a fun way to live, especially in early pregnancy. I think you should ask if you can come in and get a quick doppler check now. Or, get your own doppler. I am like others, I felt like a doppler would make me a crazy lady so I never went down that road. It's just so much better once you can feel your little bean. I wish you peace for your PGAL brain. Hugs.

redheadbride15 · January 2016

Hugs to you! I've also never suffered a loss, but from simply having waited so long to get pregnant and I wanting it so much I understand some of your fear. I also have a very heightened awareness of what can possibly go wrong because of what I do for a living. My anxiety level first trimester was very high. I also considered the Doppler but didn't go for it. I think I would have obsessed way too much and checked multiple times a day. The nurse in my OB office was kind and said I could always come for a quick check if I was anxious for any reason at all. Your "one day at a time" attitude is exactly right. There will be difficult moments, but you can talk yourself down, and we're here for you too!

Jenniferk08 · January 2016

Saw your other post. Still keeping you in my prayers.

Glow360 · February 2016

I am so sorry, I know the pain of mc and the worry that you go through! Keep us posted!! Wish I had an answer.

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