Breaking the news

HyrulesGaurdian · January 2016

So I'm twenty years old, going to an art college and pregnant. The baby wasn't exactly planned but regardless my boyfriend and I are excited for the baby to come. The main issue we've recently come across is telling my Mom. I'm visiting her this weekend and my boyfriend wants me to break the news because she is a smoker and he is worried about that harming the baby. I also would like to have her support since she is my mother. The problem is that she doesn't normally respond to news well and I'm not sure how I should tell her.
Any advice or suggestions would be deeply appreciated. Thanks!

stillcozy · January 2016

*lurking from July*
saw no one has responded to you yet

telling a parent who doesn't always handle news well is hard. It is probably better to do it sooner rather than later though.

So here are some things to consider. Does she need processing time? Maybe give her a call and tell her and give her a day or two before you see her in person.

Would she be able to have a civil conversation with you if you tell her in person even though she may initially get big if she can calm
enough to talk it might be better to tell her in person.

you know your mom best and you know what you can handle right now as well

so think about that and decide but I think the longer you wait the harder it is going to get. Sometimes biting the bullet and just getting through it is all we can do. Also yes try to avoid being around the smoke and telling her may help her be more sensitive to this as well

Hope it goes well for you!

bearsandbeets7 · January 2016

I got pregnant at 19 by my boyfriend, my parents were very religious at the time and had no idea that we were even having sex. I was scared to death to tell them because my mom is a very intimidating person, well she can be. Once the shock wore off she was actually very excited to be getting a grandchild. It may be very hard at first but consider your relationship and how she is and determine the best way to tell her. In the end, hopefully, she will be excited for a new baby to be entering the world!

ThisisNumber3 · January 2016

I think the best bet is to show a united front and a clear plan for how you will handle this baby and pregnancy. Be up front but also clear and direct.

- We are pregnant and we are very excited about this baby that we will be raising together.
- We do not have all the final details on arrangements, but we plan to continue to reside XYZ and do XYZ for income.
- We hope we have your support during this exciting time for us.

smilormarie · February 2016

Since the baby wasn't planned and you know your mom doesn't handle news well, I have the following suggestions.

1. Prep the convo by stating how much you love your mother and want to be a good mother like her someday.

2. Discuss your current relationship and how happy you are with your boyfriend and school and the plans you two have together for the future. Like even if you aren't engaged, make it clear to her that you two are committed to each other for the long haul. Talk about your plans to finish school and what you hope to use your degree for eventually.

3. State that although you have these great plans and are so happy with your life right now, you'd be even more overjoyed to become a mother while you're still young, healthy, and have a great career ahead of you. And explain that somehow life always goes in the direction that it's meant to be and you and your boyfriend are happily headed into parenthood and all the joys and struggles and mishaps that entails. And that you know how babies are made and you weren't being irresponsible. Your mother raised you well and you were sure you were with the right guy before getting into the next stage of your life.

congratulate the new grandma-to-be and tell her you hope she and the grand baby have an amazing bond.

*worry about the smoking part last. One weekend of 2nd smoke will not hurt the baby. Get over this HUGE hurdle first of the shock of an unplanned pregnancy. I'm sure your mother is very proud of the young lady you are becoming and taking on an art school degree, etc etc. News like this can be seen by any mother as failure in her part and that her daughter's dreams and chances of success are being ruined. You have to work harder is all - and you are strong enough to do it. She raised you that way.

good luck!

tisunge602 · February 2016

Any update OP? How did the visit go?

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