assistance

arbylski · January 2016

My husband and I are trying to get pregnant and he is up and down with his moods about having a baby. He is worried about the money situation and that he would have to get a second job. He already works 6 days a week from 8am-6pm. So if he gets a second job he would never see the baby. I found out at my job they don't offer maternity leave but I was told I would still have my job when I got back. We are trying to figure out an extra income for me or some kind of assistance. If anyone has any ideas please let me know. Any ideas/suggestions would be amazing.

Xstatic3333 · January 2016

arbylski said:

My husband and I are trying to get pregnant and he is up and down with his moods about having a baby. He is worried about the money situation and that he would have to get a second job. He already works 6 days a week from 8am-6pm. So if he gets a second job he would never see the baby. I found out at my job they don't offer maternity leave but I was told I would still have my job when I got back. We are trying to figure out an extra income for me or some kind of assistance. If anyone has any ideas please let me know. Any ideas/suggestions would be amazing.

Have you guys written out a budget? Before H and I bought our current home, we sat down and made a "baby budget" to make sure we would be able to afford our home with a baby. I want to continue working, and we live in one of those areas where daycare is very expensive, so we didn't want to price ourselves out of parenthood with our home purchase. Now, we continue doing a written budget every month to stay on track.

It's hard to say without knowing more about your situation, but I'd look at your budget and see what you can cut to free up room. Is there a car you could sell and get a cheaper (but still safe) used version to get rid of a car payment? There, you just gained a couple of hundred a month! Can you cut cable? If it has been a few years, renegotiate all your insurances and get quotes from different companies. Savings from stuff like this can add up so quickly! If you still rent, maybe you could move to a cheaper area.

For daycare, centers can be very expensive but you may be able to get a better deal from an at-home daycare or by paying a SAHM to watch your baby as well.

Another board I frequent, Money Matters on TN, has been super helpful in getting our finances in order. Feel free to post your budget over there if you'd like some suggestions! Most of the ladies are super responsible but also resourceful, and I learn a ton from them.

Megzb510 · January 2016

Based on your income, there are WIC and SNAP benefits you could apply for. That really only covers some food and formula though. I've never been on either so I can't advise on the details. It's something that you can easily Google for your local area and call for additional information.

many of us here are saving for baby expenses. You will have 9 months to save up for the time you have off. Think about what things you can give up to save money. Many women here were talking last night in the UO thread about how they gave up cable tv to save money. The reality is many people work 2 jobs or have opposite shifts where you don't see much of each other or the baby. It's a definitely a serious conversation to have where you take a hard look at your finances and see if right now is a good time to TTC. Good luck!

FloridaStanley · January 2016

Depending on your incomes you may qualify for SNAP or WIC, but the limits are very low for those as they're really for truly needy families.
Take a look at your total income vs bills/outgoing money, and see where you can make cuts. Maybe don't go out to eat, cut cable, etc. I don't love being the person to say it but maybe taking 6-12 months off of ttc so you can together save some money and pay down some debt might be a smart decision. Just from what you've told us, everyday life is a stretch financially and getting your finances in order will help so many things. Kids are expensive and you never know what "unexpected" expenses will come along- I certainly never planned on a NICU stay and major surgery before I got pregnant with DS, but luckily we had savings to help us out when it happened.

shaami1986 · January 2016

Like Xstatic3333 said, without knowing your exact personal finances it is a little difficult to make suggestions that will apply to you for sure. But, if you have any credit card debt I would highly suggest looking into a consolidation. If you have anyone in your family who is a veteran, USAA offers great personal loans so that you can pay off your credit cards and focus on one payment with a lower interest rate rather than multiple high payments. That way you could also make extra payments towards the principle and cut it down much faster.

Also, it sounds so simple, but writing out exactly what is coming in and going out on a calendar really helps too since it is hard to account for without visualizing.

I definitely understand your eagerness to ttc but I also understand your DH's concerns. Maybe once you look at your budget, decide where you can cut back, consolidate etc. and see what you can save each week or month, you will have a better idea of exactly how much would be possible to save in a 9 month time span. If it isn't an amount that you are comfortable with, maybe you can DH can discuss when would be most feasible to begin ttc. Trying and having a baby are stressful alone without adding any additional worry to it if it can be helped. I wish you all the best and I would be more than happy to talk to you further about how we did our budgeting and saving plan if you want to send me a pm :-)

LoveIsOwlYouNeed · January 2016

I don't really know how it works, but my Facebook feed is half full of people who sell everything from nail wraps to bags to vitamins to skincare stuff and make commission off of it. It might be a way to earn extra cash while keeping your job.

Does your company have short-term disability insurance? That is what many women use to get "paid" during their FMLA leave. It'll provide some level of income.

atcwag · January 2016

I've always been of the opinion that if you wait until you're "ready", you'll never be "ready". I had a freak-out crying session when I was pregnant with DS bc I didn't think we could do it. Fast forward 3 years and we're going just fine.
With the said, this may be a UO, but I don't believe people who are on assistance/will be going on assistance to support baby should be actively TTC. That may sound harsh, but it's a vicious cycle that I wish would improve. It's harder to get out of a bad financial situation with children, so taking a year or a few years to focus on improving finances before TTC is ideal. If you are working full-time and your hubby is working 60 hours a week, there seems like there should be some plan for financial improvement prior to adding another financial stress.
Look into a short-term disability policy at your job to supplement your income after birth as well as saving up your PTO to use after birth.

MamaMunn · January 2016

I definitely agree with the PPs here. Sit down with your husband and hash out a budget. See what things you can cut out of your life or cut back on to save up some money. Do you have a job where you could pick up some over time? Or you said you are ttc and your husband was thinking about picking up a 2nd job, there will be at least 9 months between now and when the baby is here. If he really wanted to he could take on a 2nd job now until there is actually a baby in the picture and you could put all of that money into savings.

LadyMillil · January 2016

I don't officially get paid leave. We had been saving Quite a bit each pay check to pay for our wedding. We kept up the same savings rate after we got married in a baby fund so that we could use the savings to cover my income from home. My BIL was able to take a second job as a consultant that he could do online from home. A friend babysits for another friend, so she can be home with her kid all day but also is making some money.

LizaKate1213 · January 2016

I am on board with @atcwag. Having children is a huge financial burden and (though you haven't said this, OP, so this isn't directed right at you) if the plan is to support them through government funding, or if money is already extremely tight/bills are behind, then DH is right. Take a step back and re-evaluate TTC right now. You have a lot of time to save money for maternity, especially if you aren't KU yet. You could look into becoming a consultant for Mary Kay or any one of the MLM companies to make extra cash. Or you could evaluate your own professional goals and decide if taking a year or two to further your education in order to get a better job might be an option. Either way, having a financial plan that does not include depending on others to provide for you is essential.

Xstatic3333 · January 2016

Hmmmm, I hadn't interpreted the OP as meaning "assistance" in the government assistance sense so much as assistance with getting her budget in order and/or finding another way to make money. If that is what you meant, OP, I do think it's pretty unlikely that you'd qualify for anything with you both being employed. The good news is that you both have jobs, which increases the likelihood that that you can arrange your budget and make changes that will make you both feel better about TTC.

I'll differ from some PPs and say that I wouldn't recommend the MLM route unless you are an extremely charismatic person who is good at sales. Most people lose money on those endeavors, though they can be fun as a hobby or way to get a discount on products you buy anyway.

sarah0985 · January 2016

Have you ever listened to Dave Ramsay or read his books? It really helped me and my husband create a budget and gave us a starting point to actually talk about our money. I'd highly recommend him. We have started really saving for future expenses (baby related as well) because of his guidance. I don't agree with some of his social points but love his financial advice.

Lecool · January 2016

I agree with all the PP about sitting down with your DH and really setting a budget. One thing that we did about a year ago, about a month before we set a budget, is to write down every time we spent money on something that wasn't bills/food/essentials (i.e. coffee, going out to dinner). It really helped us when we sat down to make a budget the next month, because we could really see where our money was going, and where we could easily cut back.

Also - in preparation to TTC, I picked up a second job 8 months ago waiting tables. It's been hard, as I work full time during the day, to work in the evenings and weekends as well. But it's been absolutely worth it, because all of the money I've earned has going to paying off some of our debt, such as our wedding, our car, and credit card. And it's also helped us put money in savings to use for when I do go on maternity leave. I know that this wouldn't work for everyone's schedules, but it has definitely given us more confidence moving forward that we can afford to provide everything a baby needs without having to be stressing out all the time about money.

shaami1986 · January 2016

I agree with the other ladies who noted that if you are currently on public assistance or if you are planning to go on it in order to support your family, then this might not be the time to ttc and putting it off until you are more stable would be best. @Xstatic3333 I didn't think that this was a question regarding public assistance either. I really thought it was more about help figuring out finances and budgeting....

Lulucooks · January 2016

I also didn't read this as OP looking for government assistance (she may not even be in a country with such programs). But maybe some resources on budget making. Definitely see what you can cut from your day to day. Save dining out for special occasions, cook at home, maybe cut back on your meat consumption. Lots of ideas for saving money, you can Google tons after you make your budget to see what areas you can improve in.

With that said, on an American note, WIC is a wonderful program that has a slightly different (and less stringent) requirement then Food Stamps. It's actually in danger of being shut down because not enough people who qualify, use it. The stigma of being associated with food stamps cause many men and women to avoid it, when it's a great resource for the working poor.

rkstro2 · January 2016

I second @sarah0985. If you are starting from ground zero Dave Ramsey has a great program to help you out making a budget and deciding what to do first. He has an easy to read book "The Total Money Makeover" or a program that can be attended called "financial Peace Univeristy". FPU costs money to join but the book is cheap or can be borrowed from library. OR if you'd like to try it out totally for free he basically re-hashes his plan daily on his radio show. It is free to listen on the radio (obvs) or his podcast is free to download on iTunes.

No matter a person's income or spending habits a budget can be truly life changing. Nothing has ever made us feel like we have it together more than knowing where our money is going. Andplusalso working together on a budget and our spending has really made our relationship better. I promise I'm not trying to be uber lame but it's totally true. No matter what budget method you find OP I think once you get going and get control of your finances it will feel like you got a raise.

sarah0985 · January 2016

rkstro2 said:

Nothing has ever made us feel like we have it together more than knowing where our money is going. Andplusalso working together on a budget and our spending has really made our relationship better. I promise I'm not trying to be uber lame but it's totally true. No matter what budget method you find OP I think once you get going and get control of your finances it will feel like you got a raise.

yes! I thought it was just my crazy mind. I feel like we are actually more united now and I feel like our marriage got better too. We weren't in a bad place but money wise we weren't in the same place! I totally chugged the Dave Ramsay koolaid and listen to his podcasts all the time. Helps me keep my goals front and center in my mind!

rkstro2 · January 2016

sarah0985 said:

rkstro2 said:

Nothing has ever made us feel like we have it together more than knowing where our money is going. Andplusalso working together on a budget and our spending has really made our relationship better. I promise I'm not trying to be uber lame but it's totally true. No matter what budget method you find OP I think once you get going and get control of your finances it will feel like you got a raise.

yes! I thought it was just my crazy mind. I feel like we are actually more united now and I feel like our marriage got better too. We weren't in a bad place but money wise we weren't in the same place! I totally chugged the Dave Ramsay koolaid and listen to his podcasts all the time. Helps me keep my goals front and center in my mind!

Lol drinking the koolaid is all the rage!

KarliQ88 · February 2016

How can your job not offer maternity leave?.Its the law. Doesn't have to be paid but you do get time off.

atcwag · February 2016

@KarliQ88 - maternity leave is not "the law". FMLA is the law. Unpaid leave up to 12 weeks. With that said, there are a lot of loopholes in FMLA and not all employees qualify.

KarliQ88 · February 2016

Yes i know that atc. Birth of a child falls underFMLA. Unless employer has less than 50employees and need work there for a certain amount of time to get all of it.

https://www.dol.gov/whd/regs/compliance/1421.htm

atcwag · February 2016

@KarliQ88 Absolutely, but FMLA and maternity leave are not the same thing. Women often use FMLA for time off after the birth of a child, but some states, organizations, etc. offer actual maternity leave. Also, like I said, FMLA has loopholes - you have to be working at your job for over a year, your company has to be of a certain size, etc. If a company or an employee falls into an exception, then FMLA doesn't apply. The OP may be an exception.

ETA whom I was speaking to

Ash9614 · February 2016

atcwag said:

@KarliQ88 - maternity leave is not "the law". FMLA is the law. Unpaid leave up to 12 weeks. With that said, there are a lot of loopholes in FMLA and not all employees qualify.

Also, I refuse to mix up the two. As someone who works for an organization that only offers the required, unpaid FMLA instead of maternity leave, which is paid time off to be with your new family, I correct women at my office. When they say, "my maternity leave starts..." I gently remind them that it's FMLA. Don't give our company credit for maternity leave - there's a huge difference.

atcwag · February 2016

Ash9614 said:

atcwag said:

@KarliQ88 - maternity leave is not "the law". FMLA is the law. Unpaid leave up to 12 weeks. With that said, there are a lot of loopholes in FMLA and not all employees qualify.

Also, I refuse to mix up the two. As someone who works for an organization that only offers the required, unpaid FMLA instead of maternity leave, which is paid time off to be with your new family, I correct women at my office. When they say, "my maternity leave starts..." I gently remind them that it's FMLA. Don't give our company credit for maternity leave - there's a huge difference.

Absolutely. 100%. My boss tries to tell me that we have "paid leave" because I can take FMLA with PTO/STD and I'm all like

Nope!

DiFazette911 · February 2016

I agree with PP's. We're sound financially with a nice nest egg and 401k's and the money seemed that it was going down the drain once we had DS. If you're tight now, take the steps to course correct. Parenting can take a toll on a relationship and adding money concerns will only amplify the stress. Children are incredibly expensive. Health insurance and part time daycare, my son's individual expenses are over $1000/mo. That doesn't include clothing, food, shoes, toys, activities, savings for college, and all the things you need to buy/get to bring a baby home. I'd suggest making a budget, sticking to it and adding in expected costs for having a child. If you can't make it work for a couple of months, changes should be made to prevent an overly stressful situation. I don't mean to be harsh - I've had a few friends who's marriages have fallen apart because they didn't anticipate financial stress of having a family. Good luck!

KarliQ88 · February 2016

I believe you all i just cant wrap my head around a company that wouldfind loopholes around it. What do they expect? Give birth and return to work a day later? No thanks.

Our short-term disability requires we use our PTO before SD kicks in. What's the point of it then? Atleast what a coworker just told me

Xstatic3333 · February 2016

KarliQ88 said:

I believe you all i just cant wrap my head around a company that wouldfind loopholes around it. What do they expect? Give birth and return to work a day later? No thanks.

Our short-term disability requires we use our PTO before SD kicks in. What's the point of it then? Atleast what a coworker just told me

It's not loopholes. Employers with less than 50 employees just don't have to hold your job. Yes, it's awful. I am not covered by FMLA. I asked my board to establish a family leave policy, and they will now hold jobs for 12 weeks (wooo!) but that was out of the goodness of their hearts. They could let me go for needing more than two weeks off after giving birth and would face zero legal recourse. Many women lose their jobs over this every year. It's messed up.

whiska · February 2016

KarliQ88 said:

I believe you all i just cant wrap my head around a company that wouldfind loopholes around it. What do they expect? Give birth and return to work a day later? No thanks.

It's not that the company "finds" loopholes. The law, the Family and Medical Leave Act, only requires employers to hold your position if you've worked there for a year before taking leave. And they only have to hold that position for 12 weeks. After that point if you aren't back at work they can legally let you go and replace you. Oh yeah, and it's unpaid. It's just leaving work without getting fired.

Our work culture is such that this is "just how it is" so everyone follows it. Some bosses are going to be more flexible and accommodating and others will be more strict. Personally I think it's ridiculous; it allows employers to treat childbearing women as completely disposable. This country (the U.S.) needs to do better.

KarliQ88 · February 2016

That's disgusting.

whiska · February 2016

Xstatic3333 said:
It's not loopholes. Employers with less than 50 employees just don't have to hold your job. Yes, it's awful. I am not covered by FMLA. I asked my board to establish a family leave policy, and they will now hold jobs for 12 weeks (wooo!) but that was out of the goodness of their hearts. They could let me go for needing more than two weeks off after giving birth and would face zero legal recourse. Many women lose their jobs over this every year. It's messed up.

I seriously want to reach out and hug you or shake your hand! Way to take action!!

Xstatic3333 · February 2016

whiska said:

Xstatic3333 said:
It's not loopholes. Employers with less than 50 employees just don't have to hold your job. Yes, it's awful. I am not covered by FMLA. I asked my board to establish a family leave policy, and they will now hold jobs for 12 weeks (wooo!) but that was out of the goodness of their hearts. They could let me go for needing more than two weeks off after giving birth and would face zero legal recourse. Many women lose their jobs over this every year. It's messed up.

I seriously want to reach out and hug you or shake your hand! Way to take action!!

Aw thanks! I'm lucky to have a great board so it was not too bad to do. I'm super glad I did though, because I probably would have sold myself short and only asked for 8 weeks if I had a healthy pregnancy.

britters314 · February 2016

Xstatic3333 said:

KarliQ88 said:

I believe you all i just cant wrap my head around a company that wouldfind loopholes around it. What do they expect? Give birth and return to work a day later? No thanks.

Our short-term disability requires we use our PTO before SD kicks in. What's the point of it then? Atleast what a coworker just told me

It's not loopholes. Employers with less than 50 employees just don't have to hold your job. Yes, it's awful. I am not covered by FMLA. I asked my board to establish a family leave policy, and they will now hold jobs for 12 weeks (wooo!) but that was out of the goodness of their hearts. They could let me go for needing more than two weeks off after giving birth and would face zero legal recourse. Many women lose their jobs over this every year. It's messed up.

Also if you are only part-time or contract then you don't qualify for FMLA. I'm contract so I don't get time off and my company doesn't have to hold my job (they will, but they don't have to).

atcwag · February 2016

This is a situation that hits near to my heart. I am covered under FMLA and will never take less than 12 weeks. That short amount of time is a slap in the face IMO. At 9 weeks, our DS was inpatient for a still undiagnosed GI issue. We spent 18 days in PCH. My FMLA ended the day we came home (day after Christmas), but we didn't know we were being discharged until that day. I was faced with the decision of leaving my infant 2 hours away by himself (my husband hadn't been at his company a year yet, so not eligible for FMLA). At that point, because he was still immune-compromised, trying to get back to BFing and hadn't had any of his vaccs, I was advised to not return to work for at least 2 weeks. My HR department told me if I did not return, my job would be posted, but I was "welcome to reapply". I had been in the same position for 5 years. Thankfully, my immediate supervisor and the department supervisor refused to post my position and my medical director personally gave us about 2 weeks pay to help out.

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