Sudden loss of loved one need advice!

greenbaypackerbaby · January 2016

Does anyone have any information on coping with the sudden loss of a loved one. We had someone very close to me in my family die suddenly last night and I can't wrap my mind around it. I want to make sure the baby is safe but I feel like I need to grieve at the same time. I don't want my stress and anxiety to hurt the little one. Does anyone have any past experience? I feel like I'm selfish for not crying but when I let myself cry I feel like I'm hurting my baby.

smilormarie · January 2016

I think stress and grieving are different things. High levels of constant stress increase your cortisol levels which *can* be harmful. Grieving is something usually that is a response to a loss or sadness. If you don't feel like crying, don't. I lost two family members the summer of 2014. I only cried one time for each, maybe 5 mins total. Crying is not an indication of how much you loved them or how much you miss them. Everyone grieves differently. Also I highly suggest seeking professional help for loss/grieving. So sorry you are going through this, and at a time which should be so joyful for you with the upcoming birth of your child.

PinkLady2015 · January 2016

Crying will not harm your baby

bananers · January 2016

If crying harmed your baby, I'd be doomed. On a serious note, I'm sorry for your loss and hope you are able to grieve in whatever way you need right now.

squishy0511 · January 2016

I'm still grieving the loss of my mother who died in October. I don't think grieving will harm the baby. I'm very sorry for your loss- it is so hard to lose a loved one!

jmknox · January 2016

It will take years.... The pain will never go away it just I think somehow gets easier to handle... I lost my dad fairly suddenly in early 2012.... Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. Cry! I cry all the time esp over thoughts of him... Thoughts and prayers during this difficult time

riveridgional · January 2016

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Grieve however you want to grieve. Everyone does it differently. But, certainly, don't hold back the tears for fear of hurting your baby. Crying is actually very cathartic and can be an excellent way to release stress. I'm thinking of you!

satto_takai · January 2016

Just adding my two cents here. I want to start by saying I am deeply sorry to hear you lost a family member you were close to. Sending prayers to you and your family. I hope you don't mind.

As for your grief, I concur with the PP here - grief is a natural and normal process. Crying isn't going to hurt your child. I know for me, to of my main symptoms of grief are to stop eating and not sleeping. Doing that for prolonged periods of time could be negative, I think. If you do the same things, but only short-term, you should be OK. You know your grief process and your body best. Just be sure to take care of yourself and you will do great!

Talking to a professional, if you feel up to it, could be a good thing. They are especially good at listening when you have to get those hard feelings off your chest.

Sending prayers, support, and love your way!

mamaqdubu · January 2016

I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be very difficult to be between the happiness of the pregnancy and the sorrow from your loss. Everyone reacts differently in these situations, and have varying levels of coping skills. I would say feel the feelings you have, as they are natural and normal. However, if you begin to feel uncomfortable or that it reaches a level of significant difficulty you must talk to your OB. They should be there for you medically, but that also includes emotionally if it's going to affect your health or the babies.

wishing you and baby kind and healthy thoughts

Bookhousegirl · January 2016

I'm so sorry for your loss. Grieving is so important and whether or not you let it out, those emotions are still going on in your body, letting them out can help you process it. Grief will certainly not harm your baby. I hope you are able to find some peace in what I'm sure is a very difficult time.

greenbaypackerbaby · February 2016

Thank you everyone. I will be 12 weeks on Saturday and haven't even announced my pregnancy to my family yet since I wanted to make sure everything was going okay. It's hard to keep the pregnancy a secret and grieve with family at the same time. I don't think I will announce for a few weeks now. I really appreciate everyone's prayers.

mumblefrog86 · February 2016

Hugs! My father died when I was 32 weeks pregnant with my daughter. I was devastated and was also concerned about the health of he baby with the amount of grief I was feeling. My midwife was great she told me not to worry about the baby keep eating and resting but feeling the grief and stress wasn't going to harm the baby. Talk to someone let out your feelings. I am sorry you are going through this. My midwife also said people during the war had healthy babies in the midst of all the stress and loss. This helped me grieve and not worry so much about hurting the baby.

greenbaypackerbaby · February 2016

Thanks @mumblefrog86 I appreciate it!

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