Feeling guilty if I quit breastfeeding...

threatlevelmidnight · January 2016

First I should just say I apologize in advance. This is a bit of a dear diary post..

So my LO and I have had quite the journey. Right after birth, they gave me a nipple shield so he had never actually latched without it. They didn't show me how to put it on correctly, so I was using it wrong. He was gaining weight really slowly, but pedi and midwife said it was normal. I wasn't convinced because he was latched 24/7. Well long story short, I hired an IBCLC and she diagnosed lip and tongue tie. Because of that, he wasn't transferring enough milk. He was burning more calories than he was taking in. (Major mommy guilt) Since he wasn't transferring enough milk, my supply dropped. I am doing everything I can (pumping 8x in 24 hours, taking Motherlove, eating lactogenic foods, drinking lots of water, etc.), but I am just worried it might not increase. I'm also debating just giving up because I see him thriving and gaining on formula I am supplementing with. I like being able to see how much he is drinking. But then I feel guilty if I quit like I am somehow failing him. It's very emotional. I go back and forth on it. I feel jealous of other moms that have it so easy with breast feeding, but then I know breast isn't best- fed is best. I guess I'm just trying to get over that guilty feeling and wonder if anyone has any advice or can relate?

queenwog · January 2016

Failing him would be not feeding him at all.

Seeing how much he eats isn't really important at all with BFing. Baby will tell you when he is done eating, so that's one of those things you'd just have to push out of your mind should you continue BFing.

My sister has great luck increasing her supply by taking fenugreek.

And seriously, mommies feel guilty about a lot of things all the time. Think of it this way: when baby is grown, is anyone going to care, really, whether he was breastfed or formula-fed? No, they're going to look at how well you did shaping him as a person. Think of the other things you're doing well and dwell on those rather than focusing on the areas where you feel like you're doing less than best.

helsbels222 · January 2016

I felt like this with DS. He never latched so I was EPing and couldn't do it as much as you have been. My supply continued to drop so I stopped when he was 5 months. He was only getting .5 -1 oz at that point anyway. Well he's now a smart and healthy 6yr old.

It doesn't matter whether a baby is breast or formula fed as long as they are eating and gaining. Sometimes these things don't work out the way we plan (actually not much does when it comes to kids because they run the show lol). Don't think of yourself any less. You gotta do what's best or your child, even if that means giving him f. Remember he needs a stress free and happy mommy too.

MargaretC5 · January 2016

The PP is right, failing is not feeding your baby.
Our pedi refered to BF as extra credit, great if you can do it but nothing to worry about if you cannot.
You could also continue nursing with the supply you have and suppliment with formula. BF does not have to be all or nothing. Most important thing is a happy mom and happy baby, if you are stressed out about BF, and yourself and your LO are not enjoying it, then do not feel guilty over feeding your baby in a way that makes both of you happy.

threatlevelmidnight · January 2016

Thanks ladies. I feel like I will end up pumping what I can and supplementing with formula. Before I gave birth, the idea of breast feeding for me kind of weirded me out, now I actually miss it! Haha
Thanks for the encouragement.

doodleoodle · January 2016

I'm currently struggling with low supply due to lip/tongue ties, nipple shield and breast refusal. I've been pumping and supplementing as well. It's pretty amazing that you manage to pump 8x/day! You're obviously dedicated. I understand feeling guilty. I feel guilty taking time away from my baby to pump and then I feel guilty when I think about quitting. I had a lot of success increasing my supply by increasing my caloric intake and taking fenugreek 3 times/day. I wasn't able to pump enough though and just ended up engorged all of the time so I stopped taking it. It sounds like that wouldn't be a problem for you though.

threatlevelmidnight · January 2016

doodleoodle said:

I'm currently struggling with low supply due to lip/tongue ties, nipple shield and breast refusal. I've been pumping and supplementing as well. It's pretty amazing that you manage to pump 8x/day! You're obviously dedicated. I understand feeling guilty. I feel guilty taking time away from my baby to pump and then I feel guilty when I think about quitting. I had a lot of success increasing my supply by increasing my caloric intake and taking fenugreek 3 times/day. I wasn't able to pump enough though and just ended up engorged all of the time so I stopped taking it. It sounds like that wouldn't be a problem for you though.

I have only had 2 days where I fit in 8 pumping sessions. Yesterday I only got 4 lol. It's slowly slowly increasing but I can never keep up with LO's needs to eat and half to give formula. Are you just EP now?

mrsgabus · January 2016

Listen you can only fail your child if you don't feed baby at all.

Both my boys were formula feed from the start and honestly I never even thought of brEast feeding as it felt weird to me. I also take some medication and figured I shouldn't . I gave formula and not once felt guilty. I wasn't pressured at all.

Anna is BF (eping) and I feel like the pressure is on to continue . I struggle all the time with keep up with what she is eating but I too feel guilty to stop.

I am trying to make it to 6 months but if I cant keep up then I'm going to start supplementing and eventually I'll switch to formula completely.

Being stressed out will not help anyone

rubirubi89 · January 2016

I chose to BF but as far as I'm concerned, as long as LO is gaining weight and is healthy, you could be feeding him carrots and its ok. As long as you love him and have his best interest at heart he'll be fine. My stupid MIL actually told me yesterday that maybe I should not BF my son so much because he looks a little fat. Smh

doodleoodle · January 2016

alyssaleighw said:

doodleoodle said:

I'm currently struggling with low supply due to lip/tongue ties, nipple shield and breast refusal. I've been pumping and supplementing as well. It's pretty amazing that you manage to pump 8x/day! You're obviously dedicated. I understand feeling guilty. I feel guilty taking time away from my baby to pump and then I feel guilty when I think about quitting. I had a lot of success increasing my supply by increasing my caloric intake and taking fenugreek 3 times/day. I wasn't able to pump enough though and just ended up engorged all of the time so I stopped taking it. It sounds like that wouldn't be a problem for you though.

I have only had 2 days where I fit in 8 pumping sessions. Yesterday I only got 4 lol. It's slowly slowly increasing but I can never keep up with LO's needs to eat and half to give formula. Are you just EP now?

She mostly gets formula to be honest. I pump when I can and occasionally she will want to nurse, mostly at night when she's sleepy. Most days she won't latch at all anymore.

threatlevelmidnight · January 2016

doodleoodle said:

alyssaleighw said:

doodleoodle said:

I'm currently struggling with low supply due to lip/tongue ties, nipple shield and breast refusal. I've been pumping and supplementing as well. It's pretty amazing that you manage to pump 8x/day! You're obviously dedicated. I understand feeling guilty. I feel guilty taking time away from my baby to pump and then I feel guilty when I think about quitting. I had a lot of success increasing my supply by increasing my caloric intake and taking fenugreek 3 times/day. I wasn't able to pump enough though and just ended up engorged all of the time so I stopped taking it. It sounds like that wouldn't be a problem for you though.

I have only had 2 days where I fit in 8 pumping sessions. Yesterday I only got 4 lol. It's slowly slowly increasing but I can never keep up with LO's needs to eat and half to give formula. Are you just EP now?

She mostly gets formula to be honest. I pump when I can and occasionally she will want to nurse, mostly at night when she's sleepy. Most days she won't latch at all anymore.

Girl, we are in the same boat.

doodleoodle · January 2016

alyssaleighw said:

doodleoodle said:

alyssaleighw said:

doodleoodle said:

I'm currently struggling with low supply due to lip/tongue ties, nipple shield and breast refusal. I've been pumping and supplementing as well. It's pretty amazing that you manage to pump 8x/day! You're obviously dedicated. I understand feeling guilty. I feel guilty taking time away from my baby to pump and then I feel guilty when I think about quitting. I had a lot of success increasing my supply by increasing my caloric intake and taking fenugreek 3 times/day. I wasn't able to pump enough though and just ended up engorged all of the time so I stopped taking it. It sounds like that wouldn't be a problem for you though.

I have only had 2 days where I fit in 8 pumping sessions. Yesterday I only got 4 lol. It's slowly slowly increasing but I can never keep up with LO's needs to eat and half to give formula. Are you just EP now?

She mostly gets formula to be honest. I pump when I can and occasionally she will want to nurse, mostly at night when she's sleepy. Most days she won't latch at all anymore.

Girl, we are in the same boat.

Oh no! I'm so sorry! It's awful isn't it?! I feel so guilty taking time away from her to pump, but then when I decide to start weaning from the pump I get really sad. I never thought BF would be such an emotional thing

Knottie41914738 · January 2016

I'm having the same issue! When I was pregnant I was planning to BF, but I always felt weird about it. Now I miss it so much! As soon as my daughter hit the 1 month mark my supply dropped down to practically nothing. I've tried fenugreek, mother knows best, lactation foods, and letting her latch whenever she wants. Nothing has helped. I'm to the point of just letting her have formula. My friend is BF her daughter and complains all the time about it and it makes me soooooo jealous of her! Hopefully your supply will restore and you will get luckier than me!:(

ShianeNicole · January 2016

I am exactly the same way. LO had a terrible tongue tie so she had a bottle for the first 3 weeks. Tried to latch after that for weeks and it never happened. I EP still and pump 4 to 5 times a day making plenty of milk for her. I really want to stop but I feel SO guilty because I produce plenty. I always suffer from clogged ducts, I have a huge over supply, I can't even leave the house without leaking or being in pain from engorgement. I wanted to craft with my best friend today and do our baby books but I had to stop and feed her 3 times and pump a few times. It wasn't even worth trying by the time I fed her, pumped, and cleaned up, I had to almost start over again. I feel so much stress being home alone trying to occupy her while I pump. If she's screaming I have to stop and get dressed, calm her, try to pump again. My husband has only had one day off in 3 weeks so he isn't much help. At this point I feel like I'm bonding with a pump. I can't get these days back with her. Since I have such an over supply she can have at least some breast milk until 6 months with my freezer stash. I am ready to call it quits but cry every time I try because I feel like such a horrible mom. I honestly tried with all I had. Fixed her tongue tie, worked with LC, it just isn't happening for us and it makes me very sad.

laswett · January 2016

Please don't stress. I made it two weeks on the breast with mine and quit because I couldn't even touch my nipples with a towel out of the shower. I started EPing and eventually lost my supply. LO has been FF for 6 weeks. He's growing, he's happy. I feel guilt that he's missing out on the natural stuff, but I'm happy he's here with me regardless.

gipfish · January 2016

I felt guilty, too, and really frustrated like my body wasn't working the way it was supposed to. I was EP because Jane's mouth was too teeny to latch (I was the same way as a baby, and even now dentists are always commenting on how my mouth won't open wide enough). My supply died at 3 weeks when I got a 24 hour stomach bug.

I felt guilty for several weeks after that. Things that helped me get over the guilt include: 1) Jane gained weight rapidly (5th to 48th percentile in 2 months) and no longer cried about eating. 2) My husband being super supportive of formula feeding and reminding me that I didn't fail or do anything wrong. 3) Getting used to all the perks of bottle feeding, like being able to sit in the back seat and feed her in her car seat while we are driving or being able to let somebody else feed her anytime without having to pump or not being sore and leaky.

Hang in there, mama! If you do decide to go straight formula, check out fearlessformulafeeder.com

EDIT because I wrote .coma instead of .com although a bottle of formula does tend to send Jane into a milk coma.

MomofEv+1 · January 2016

You sound like a wonderful mom. Whether you feed your baby by breast, EP, or use formula, that won't change.

But if you are interested in increasing your supply you might find a technique called hands on pumping helpful. Just google hands on pumping and a video from Stanford University will come up. It's about 9 minutes long. Great info.

threatlevelmidnight · January 2016

laswett said:

Please don't stress. I made it two weeks on the breast with mine and quit because I couldn't even touch my nipples with a towel out of the shower. I started EPing and eventually lost my supply. LO has been FF for 6 weeks. He's growing, he's happy. I feel guilt that he's missing out on the natural stuff, but I'm happy he's here with me regardless.

THIS!!! The towel KILLLLLLSSSS

Edit because I wanted to mention that although I feel for you moms, it's comforting knowing I'm not alone!

ShianeNicole · January 2016

For those of you who stopped pumping/ breast feeding, how did you do it? I'm trying to pump every 8 hours right now because I usually pump every 6. It seems IMPOSSIBLE. I'm so uncomfortable, my boobs are KILLING me. They leak all over. I don't feel like I'll ever be able to cut out a pumping session, let alone stop all together.

doodleoodle · January 2016

ShianeNicole said:

For those of you who stopped pumping/ breast feeding, how did you do it? I'm trying to pump every 8 hours right now because I usually pump every 6. It seems IMPOSSIBLE. I'm so uncomfortable, my boobs are KILLING me. They leak all over. I don't feel like I'll ever be able to cut out a pumping session, let alone stop all together.

I've had success reducing my supply by pumping at the same time I usually do, but just for less time. I typically would pump for 20 minutes and I cut it down to 15 minutes, then to 12 minutes after a few days and so on.

VexedMommy · February 2016

I am going through the same things. My daughter doesn't recognize my breast as a food source because I stopped breast feeding when she wasn't getting enough. She doesn't transfer milk well which means I never got a good start on building a supply in the beginning. I was then put on antihistamines for about a week and that completely crashed my supply. I was down to less than 1/2 an ounce at a pump (both breasts combined.) I've been able to build up to about 8 - 12 oz between 4 pumpings each day. I would love to pump more often, but between work, waking in the middle of the nights for feedings (daddy's no longer in the home), and trying to go out and run errands on weekends, I'm at my wits end getting those pumps in. Not to mention I have a feeling the stress I'm under as well as the PPD I'm dealing with aren't helping the supply situation at all.

I feel incredibly guilty, but I think I've decided I will stop at 3mo unless she can begin to latch again and I can't really take the time off of work to see a lactation consultant to help. I want so badly to nurse her. It's one thing that is incredibly important to me. I feel like my body has completely betrayed me by not making enough milk. To make matters worse I have huge 32G breasts. Boobs have one job and mine have completely failed. Apparently all the damn things are good for are inviting unwanted sexual advances from creepers.

Squirtgun · February 2016

ShianeNicole said:

For those of you who stopped pumping/ breast feeding, how did you do it? I'm trying to pump every 8 hours right now because I usually pump every 6. It seems IMPOSSIBLE. I'm so uncomfortable, my boobs are KILLING me. They leak all over. I don't feel like I'll ever be able to cut out a pumping session, let alone stop all together.

Peppermint reduces supply! Altoids have a lot of real peppermint oil in them, as does peppermint tea. Put cold cabbage leaves in your bra for the pain. You can crush them a little by rolling a rolling pin across them. Something about the juices in them helps as well. (Although this does have a bit of a smell to it, so I'd reccomend only wearing the cabbage leaves at home and not out and about!)

On a side note, I hate that not being able to breastfeed makes people feel so guilty! As long as your little one is loved and fed, they will be just fine!! I think that things like reading to your child and spending time out of doors with your child have a much greater impact on their future than how they eat.

threatlevelmidnight · February 2016

I am also trying to stop lactation. Any other tips would be appreciated!

rmortinsen · February 2016

I'm on the verge of stopping breast feeding I keep changing my mind back and forth. My LO has been an excellent breast feeder from the beginning but I could never produce enough to EB so he gets formula too. I BF at night during weekdays when I work and then about every 4-6 hours on weekends. I'm having a hard time switching to just formula because he loves his boobies! I also love the bonding time I get with him while breast feeding But it's difficult to find time at work to pump. I produce about 4-5 oz with each pumping which is what he eats each time but soon he's going to want more so I'm not sure what I can give him will even be worth it. Breast milk doesn't seem to fill him up

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