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how to keep pregnancy a secret?

StrappinArrowStrappinArrow member
in 1st Trimester
My SO & I currently live with his parents while we finish the process of buying a house. We want to wait to tell people including his parents till I'm 12wks (which will be the same time as we will be moving out). His mother and I have had a very rough relationship since I lost my first pregnancy. She just didn't understand it & was always making comments. She was right on me the whole pregnancy never thought i was doing things right. So we figure it'll just make it easier if we tell them after we move.

Well....she is nore observant than I give her credit. She told my SO that she doesn't think I've had my period. & she knows I like to drink...well I havent had a drink for almost a month & she's been trying to get me to drink. Ive been making up lame excuses (oh my kidneys hurt, my acid reflux is bad blahblah). She even blurted out infront of my friends last week asking if I was pregnant (because I was eating doritos & salsa) ....

HOW do I get her to back off till we move?
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Re: how to keep pregnancy a secret?

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  • Pinkgirl42Pinkgirl42 member
    Oh that would really bother me. Kudos to you for keeping it together, I would lose my marbles. She needs to worry about herself or find some hobby to keep her busy instead of micromanaging you and your cycle. If they're drinking maybe talk to your SO and come up with a plan like going out or saying you have plans. Although I don't think any of those are only for pregnancy and chips and salsa doesn't mean you're pregnant lol.
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  • StrappinArrowStrappinArrow member
    Lol right! Doritos and salsa were a favorite for my mom and I growing up! Even though I'm almost 8wks it really would just make it so much easier if she'd back off. I know she was just trying to help by nagging my eating last pregnancy but it didn't help. Because let's face it...I'm pregnant & want to puke half the time so I either eat what I'm craving or I don't eat because I'll get sick.
    Like Sunday I flew out of the house because the smell of bacon was making me gag so I went to McDs & got a parfait :smiley: but they all thought I was being a snob for not eating her "sunday breakfast"...nope just didn't want to hurl.
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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
    Sounds like the woman needs some hobbies. Unfortunately, I would say that as long as you are living with them, you may have to put up with it. Any idea when you can move out?
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  • cMichelle0423cMichelle0423 member
    Wow. And I thought my mil had boundary issues.... You could call or text her while she's out of the house and ask her to pick you up some pads! And then just keep them for postpartum bleeding ;)

    Maybe make a few mock-tails to drink around the house? Hell I'd ever go as far as filling an empty beer bottle with some juice or something and drink it in front of her lol
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  • StuuuaaartStuuuaaart member
    I agree with some of these other ladies. How does she know you didn't get your period? That's sounds very intrusive. Maybe you could have your husband say something so it doesn't seem like you are being the snob or difficult. Maybe he could say that he noticed her being a little too much and ask her to back off. Then it's not all on you.
    I did this a few times when my MIL was intruding with things I did with our LO was an infant. It helped.
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  • BrookieB86BrookieB86 member
    Unless you all share a bathroom and she sees that you haven't thrown away any sanitary wrappers, she should have no clue what your cycle is... I would hope at that point that my SO would tell his mom to back off. Unfortunately there is only so much you can do to avert questions without raising more suspicion. I agree that asking her to grab you pads or tampons the next time she is out may help throw her off, or make sure to say something about how bad your cramps are at some point in front of her ;-)
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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
    I also have to add that there was NO hiding my pregnancy at first. If someone else had been living at my house, it would have been real obvious, real fast. More than once (more than 10 times.....) I puked on the floor because I couldn't get to the bathroom fast enough. I was sleeping all the time, I couldn't cook (smell made me throw up), couldn't take out the trash (smell made me throw up). I was a fairly dysfunctional human for about 10 weeks there.

    And I sure as hell wasn't getting my period.

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  • StrappinArrowStrappinArrow member
    Hahahahaa you ladies make me laugh :)
    Unfortunately we do share a bathroom ://

    I was thinking about putting an Odoules in one of my SOs budlight bottles...hmmm good idea :) only problem is then I have to hide the Odoules bottle (we still have some in the fridge from my last pregnancy)

    we moved out of his buddies house when we found out I was pregnant because of the partying. And we have 30days till we sign the papers on our house unless the old owners don't follow through with the banks terms or something ahhh.
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  • tmk0325tmk0325 member
    Pretend to have a drink... Hide some n/a beer or cider in your room and take a real drink when she offers then casually get up and switch it after taking a few fake sips. Worked for me during the holidays. I kept n/a beer in my purse! Lol
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  • StrappinArrowStrappinArrow member
    Update: my MIL asked last night if I was pregnant.  She goes "I just have a question you need to answer." I said no and she was still arguing with me about it and finally I pulled out the good old "yeah my kidneys have been bleeding for like 3wks, doctorsaarent sure why but thats why i cant drink or smoke."
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  • wildtotwildtot member
    edited January 2016
    If she questions your period and not see tampon or wrappers, tell her your going the DivaCup way. Although that can either gross her off and stop asking or open up another can of worms...

    This sort of detective work shes got going on is upsetting and would totally bother me too. 

    My mom had her questions about why I couldn't eat some stuff but she knew I was pregnant and always led to "well back in my day..." We live an hour away and she stills hovers a bit too much sometimes but I know she does it with good intentions and knows how hard it was during my mc last year. 

    If your hubby won't say anything and if your close enough to her to just sit down and talk it out? You don't have to spill the beans but just clarify that the mc was though on everyone and that you do plan of having kids but pressure is not helpful. That when it does happen you will share the news with her. In the meantime you are taking care of yourself. Meaning eating healthy (stop drinking), see the doctor for check ups and work out any kinks and not stress over it.

    If this is not an option then yeah keep on with the little white lies
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  • FireInWonderlandFireInWonderland member
    If your SO isn't going to stick up for you I think maybe it's time you did for yourself. You shouldn't have to lie - my MIL is pushy like that and my DH is never around to tell her to back off so I started doing it myself on both of our behalves. She isn't even living with me and suspects I'm pregnant - to which I've said no. When people ask why I won't drink I say I'm on meds that keep me from drinking, or we are trying to get pregnant or that I'm not feeling well. If your MIL is questioning that then be more firm and tell her you're not feeling well, end of discussion. Also, I would say something along the lines of, "While we are so grateful you're letting us stay here until we close on our house, I'm still a private person in a lot of rights, and your behavior towards me has felt very intrusive. I would appreciate it if you could give me some space and be more accepting of my choices, since they aren't harmful toward you or your home." I would also recommend TELLING your SO how you feel - he might not notice because his mother might treat him the same way and he's just used to her behavior. 
    TTC #1 - Started 7/2015
    MC #1 - 1/10/2014
    MC #2 - 10/15/2015

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  • surferP528surferP528 member
    Can you say that you're giving up drinking because you're trying to get pregnant. You could try to slip in that it's been a painful process so you'd appreciate it if she wouldn't bring it up for a while since it upsets you. She probably (deep down) has good intentions and wants you to be happy even if it may not always feel like it.
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  • Glow360Glow360 member
    Oh wow, another monster in law. How insensitive and rude. Your husband needs to stand up for you firstly and have a long conversation with his mom. I wouldn't tell her either. Its not her business if you start or stop your period. Set boundaries now, nip it in the bud or she's going to get worse. So beyond sorry you have to deal with that. I've been down that road. I overheard my monster in law once tell my husband," it seems like you are training her to be a good wife." Lol I stopped inviting her for Christmas, grounded her from the house. On the second year, she got the message and was nice as pie. Firstly, don't disrespect me ever......you deserve to be treated better even if you are in her house. 
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  • plumeria05plumeria05 member
    I would just tell her off.  Mother in law or not, it's none of her damn business.  Sometimes people just need to be checked.  
    TTC for Baby #1 for 3 years. After 2 failed IUI's & IVFs, God blessed us with our miracle :).  FET 12/17/15 (transferred 2 embryos at 5days). First Beta 12/29/15 = 354. Second Beta 12/31/15 = 694. Third Beta 1/7/16 = 6,695.  Finally heard his heartbeat (126)  on 1/14/16 @ our 1st US.  2nd US on 1/21/16, HR was 159.  The most beautiful sound ever :) 
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  • BurdyGurlBurdyGurl member
    She sounds like a handful. Mothers in law can be A LOT at times. Mine lives below me & drove me nuts w my first pregnancy. Now that we are pregnant again, I'm keeping my distance. Maybe have your hubby talk to her to set some boundaries ? 
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  • PinkLady2015PinkLady2015 member
    agree with pp, SO needs to step up and tell this lady to mind her fucking business. Gross. 
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  • vcabbywvcabbyw member
    Yeah you're not going to change this lady. Put up some boundaries and find other things to do. My MIL knows me so well that the only thing I could do is become "suddenly very busy" until I'm ready to tell her.  
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  • stillcozystillcozy member
    Your husband need to tell her to back the eff off! She has no right to ask you those things, question you and being a straight up nosy b. You need to tell him to man up and tell her off! 
    April Siggy Challenge Social Distancing


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