Baby Shower Questions

BritMC18 · January 2016

Hi all. I posted this over on the Baby Showers board too, but figured I'd post here and get y'all's opinions as well. I wasn't sure if I should post this in the randoms thread or if giving it a custom thread was okay, so I generally titled it "Baby Shower Questions" so that once my question is answered others can also post their questions and get answers

Also, I cannot possibly be the only person in this kind of predicament.

Since this is our first, and likely only, child, I've had 6 people (my mom, my stepmom, and my MIL + 3 of my good friends) all tell me that they want to host a shower for me. My dilemma is two-fold:

1.) While I don't have a ton of friends, I do have a quite large extended family that shows up for every single event they are invited to - and I'm sure between my 3 moms all the extended family is definitely going to be invited. If you add in the friends I would actually invite to a shower, we're looking at 50+ people... that seems A LOT to me.

2.) Having 6 people co-host one baby shower seems like a lot of "cooks in the kitchen," per say. I co-hosted a baby shower with 2 other people last year and nearly lost my mind trying to figure out the dynamics.

So, my question(s) is this: Would it make sense (and not seem to greedy) to have two separate showers? The first would be hosted by the moms and be a more traditional shower. All the family members and only a very small group of close friends would be invited to this one. The second would be hosted by my friends and be a co-ed BBQ/Books shower. No registry gifts for this shower, just a book for baby.

Also, there would be a small amount of people (namely my 3 best friends + 2 other close friends) that more than likely would be invited to both since their spouses are close friends with my hubby and I'm sure he'd want them at the co-ed shower. Is this one of those situations where I privately message them and just let them know that while they are being invited to both showers they are most definitely not expected to double up on the gifts?

amandazap · January 2016

I had 2 showers-one for my side of the family (included co-workers because I have a small family) and one for dh's side (as they are a HUGE Italian family). However, your situation seems more complicated than it needs to be. My advice: have one family shower and one co-ed just for friends. Pick ONE person to host each shower. I would not invite anyone to both showers as that puts the guest in an awkward situation ("Well do I get her a gift for each shower...?").

Ceventa · January 2016

Considering the dynamic, I think as long as said parties are happy to host, then it's totally fine to have two showers! I could totally see having a family hosted shower by the moms first and extended family. You will most likely get all the major baby items since family usually likes to get those. Since it's their grandkid, I'm sure the moms really want to be able to do their thing here. If anything, get ready for the back and forth between the moms.

I totally love the casual, friends BBQ idea! It sounds so nice and chill, your girls can decorate really nice and it can be a nice relaxing even for you. So yeah, go for it. Have you already told them all about this idea?

1faceinacrowd · January 2016

Your solution - to have on hosted by the moms and one hosted by friends - is actually a different approach than I would take, but it all depends on your family dynamic, and I don't see why that wouldn't work. The most common thing I've seen is for the two different sides of the family to throw one (for example: your mom/MIL throw one together, with input from your friends, and your step-mom throw one for your dad's side of the family). I have a friend who did this recently as her father's side and mother's side don't really get along. But again, if yours do, then I think your idea is great!

bearsandbeets7 · January 2016

I had 2 baby showers one for my side of the family and one for DH side of the family. Neither side is very big but my MIL wanted to do her own so we said ok. The one for DH side was very awkward because we aren't close with them and DH didn't go with me. If they want to do a shower this time, I might just insist on 1 because I can't do that whole fiasco again.

LacieMac · January 2016

Personally...I think it is no prob to have 2 different showers. But I would only have 1 person host each. Or have 1 of your moms host 1 and your 3 friends host the other if they want to work together. Like was said before I would not invite anyone twice not even your moms. One could be just family and 1 just friends. I had a huge baby shower BBQ with family hosted by my husband and I, really just as a party and I was thrown another by friends that I did not invite anyone else to besides them. It worked out best and was easy to establish who goes to which. I threw a baby shower last year for a friend by myself and just her mom trying to get involved was difficult as was wasn't really helping or contributing anything just giving opinions. ..too many people hosting one shower sounds like a mess

haboobjob · January 2016

My friend had a similar situation happen for her baby shower. I had offered to throw her shower, so did 3 other people. We just all teamed up for one shower since there were almost 60 people there. It was nice because we just divided up the responsibilities. Of course there were moments of "too many cooks" but I think it's just finding everyone's strengths and then just focusing on that. I think the only real downside of that large of a shower was opening gifts because it took well over an hour to get through everything. My friend was beyond exhausted at the end of it.

Also, I don't think it's greedy if you want to split it up (as long as the hosts are okay with it).

BritMC18 · January 2016

Yeah, I'm really not to keen on doing a "my side" and "his side" shower since his family only has 5 people that would be invited - it's the "my side" that has all the extended family. My mom, step-mom, and MIL all get along wonderfully. They all co-hosted a bridal shower for me and it went just fine, so having the three of them co-host isn't a concern for me.

amandazap - The friend shower & family shower is more than likely what I'll do. I can definitely can narrow the "friend" shower down to one host. The family shower, not so much. All 3 moms are adamant they be a part of it, but as I said above, they have co-hosted before with no issues.

Ceventa - It was actually my best friend's idea to have two. She knows that my step-mom and MIL are both huge party planners and that they would want to do a blow-out type of party. She knows I'm a lot more chill and would prefer something more casual, so she suggested the co-ed BBQ for friends.

smilormarie · January 2016

I think you can justify 2 or even 3 showers. Hubby's side, your side, and friends. Or any combo of those. So wonderful that so many people are offering to host your baby shower! I think I am the only person I know who only had one shower. Most everyone seems to have to split up family sides for big events - thus 2 showers. Good luck!

Stephanie7693 · January 2016

For my first I had two showers. One from my bf family, which my mom came to with me. His family is pretty big, so we had to split it up. The second shower was my family and some friends, and my mom came to that one too. My family is pretty small, so it worked out well.
For this baby, which is my 3rd, I've been offered a shower by 2 people. One a family member on my husband's side, and the other my best friend, since my kids will be 11 and 6 and we saved almost nothing. Again it will be my husband's family (which is not my first kids dad) and another shower with my family and friends. I only have a few family members left now, and that shower will probably be a BBQ pool party in my backyard. I think splitting them up is a good idea, too many guests can be overwhelming, and it's impossible to get quality time with 60 people at once.

BritMC18 · January 2016

Thank you all for your opinions and advice! I appreciate it! I'm actually meeting up with everyone (minus my mom - she lives 12 hours away) for lunch in the near future. I think I'm going to recommend a "family" shower and a "friends" shower to be held separately - no overlapping guests

That way no one shower has too many guests and I'm getting more quality time with guests who are present (thanks @Stephanie7693 - I hadn't even thought of that!).

And I think we're going to scratch the "co-ed" thing - maybe hubby can have a daddy shower sans gifts and go have a good night out with his friends

SkiChic626 · January 2016

I think it's fine to have two showers, but I would second that it's more common for them to be split by your side and DH's side. But honestly, you shouldn't be the one figuring this out. I would put all the people wanting to host a shower for you in contact and let them hash it out. My mom used my backyard for our venue, but that was really the only thing I was involved in when it came to planning my shower for DD - it was hands down the best location to do what we did. I also don't think 50 ppl is that large of a shower, we invited well over 70 guests to each my wedding and baby showers, and ended up with about 60 at each, maybe a little less for my wedding shower because it was on a snowy winter day. Have DH come for gift opening if you're worried about being overwhelmed, and have him help you.

Bubblegum5586 · January 2016

I didn't read all the replys so sorry if this has been said. A shower is something that is thrown in your honor and technically you shouldn't really have any say in it. If people decide to throw you multiple showers that's their decision and in no way looks greedy from you (as you have no role in planning this!). But when loved ones want to do something nice for you I totally get how you want to help them to make it all easier!

danahorowitz · January 2016

I think your plan of dividing up the showers sounds great. You can even make it three showers (one for friends, one for DH's family and one for your family assuming that your mom and stepmom get along). If you feel more comfortable with a smaller crowd, then you'll be happier with smaller showers and each hostess can "run her own show". Just make sure to space them apart!
When I was pregnant with my first baby, I had four showers (one for family in an out of town city, one at work, one for my college friends and one for in-town family). I'm a very social party girl and it was fun to be the center of attention (four was a little much, but that's just how it all came together). I had a handful of people who were invited to multiple showers. One in particular being a very close friend from college who came to the family and college friends shower. I just talked to her privately in advance and told her that she was going to be invited to both, not to mention it to our other friends and that she was NOT allowed to buy me two presents. The whole think worked out really nicely.
I think it'll be a nicer experience for you and your guests. I think it's always fun to attend a shower and celebrate a new baby, but I've been to a shower with 50ish guests and I felt like my presence wasn't really that special. Plus opening presents takes FOREVER! You'll need 30 seconds to a minute to open each present and allow everyone to ooh and aah over it. With 50 plus guests, you'll need roughly an hour to open presents.

ThisisNumber3 · January 2016

We had showers that were more focused by attendee type. One being the older family crowd (my moms friends, relatives etc) and one being the younger friend crowd.

Wolfie646 · January 2016

Two showers is perfectly fine, and if there are only a close few you'd invite to both you can have the convo w them re: no gifts for both. If they are your close friends they probably already assumed that and the conversation should be easy. My friend who lives in Chicago had two showers thrown for her in two different states, she invited me to both (I live in CA) and didn't tell me I wasn't expected to send a gift for each, but I knew it was a given that I'd only be sending one gift and that she didn't expect more .

BritMC18 · January 2016

Thanks for that @Wolfie646 and @danahorowitz ! Talked to the hostesses-to-be and it was decided to a family shower and a friends shower. My 2 best friends made it known that they definitely be attending the one they aren't hosting, so I just made sure to re-iterate that they were not expected to get any gift (since they are throwing a shower), much less 2.

I knew there had to be people out there who had an incident of someone being invited to two showers.

amccul20 · January 2016

I think this is a great idea. I had 3 baby showers: my family in Ohio, my H's family & our friends where we live in PA, and then a work shower.

my bff just had a baby and she had a family shower, and I threw her a friends shower and it worked out perfectly! I was perfectly happy to be able to throw a shower and not have to deal with her mom and MIL.

serah496 · January 2016

I will probably end up with two showers- one in CA where our families live, and one in IN where we live, work, and I go to school.

BritMC18 · January 2016

amccul20 said:

I think this is a great idea. I had 3 baby showers: my family in Ohio, my H's family & our friends where we live in PA, and then a work shower.

my bff just had a baby and she had a family shower, and I threw her a friends shower and it worked out perfectly! I was perfectly happy to be able to throw a shower and not have to deal with her mom and MIL.

So glad to know that someone else has had that separation of family and friends!

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