I don't know what to do! — The Bump
February 2016 Moms

I don't know what to do!

Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
edited January 2016 in February 2016 Moms
Hey everyone,

This is mostly going to be a venting session for me, since I've been all keyed up since my doctor appointment yesterday and desperately need to let off some steam. But I'm also looking for some advice. I'm a FTM, also.

I went to my OB yesterday for my 39 week appointment (I'm 39+2 today). She did a cervical check, and I'm still only 1 centimeter dilated and 30% effaced. I know that most people here believe that the condition of your cervix isn't a huge indicator of when you'll go into labor, and I feel the same way. But she also mentioned that LO still hasn't dropped (he's at a -3 station) and this, I feel, does mean that I will likely go past my due date. My OB thought so as well.

Of course, she's fine with letting me go past my due date (as am I), but mentioned that I would need a BPP to check on LO and make sure that he's doing okay in there. So right now, the plan is for me to go back to my OB next Thursday for my 40 week appointment, then schedule a NST and BPP for Friday. My OB said that as long as LO is doing okay in there, she's fine with letting me go to 41 weeks - and then we'll re-assess his condition.

But here is my worry. DH goes on-call at work on February 18th, and when he's on-call, it pretty much means that he's gone all hours of the day and night. I want to give LO as much time as he needs to keep cooking, but I hate cutting his potential delivery date so close to when my husband will be gone. We were hoping that he would at least get a couple weeks of paternity leave to spend at home, helping me out with LO. I brought this up to my doctor and she said that potentially, we could schedule an induction for Monday the 8th - putting me at 40+5. But again, I hate to rush LO out if he's not going to be ready yet - especially if he still hasn't dropped by then, since I feel like it's just a recipe for a C-section.

I know that I just need to take a deep breath, be patient, and wait to see how everything looks at my next appointment/NST/BPP. And I'm trying to. But I can't help but feel so anxious that LO will be 2 weeks overdue, and I'll have him when DH goes on call at work and is gone. Should we induce or should we just let him continue cooking? I don't want to be selfish and rush him out if he's not ready, but I want DH to be at home with us after the birth. I'm so torn.

Re: I don't know what to do!

  • I'm a FTM as well, so I can't go on experience, only on what I've read. So, please, take this with a grain of salt. I would be so frustrated as well. It's really hard to have such a huge experience in our lives that we have no control over and cannot plan.
    I've heard that inductions can be slower than natural labors and much more painful, so I, personally, want to avoid one. That being said, it would be really difficult to have my husband not be present at the birth or not be at home with us for at least a good few days before he had to be gone for work. Do you have other people who could stay and help you? Perhaps your mom, a friend or a sister? If you choose not to be induced and happen to go over that date, then they could help ease the transition.

    I know many women who have been induced and seem happy with their decision. It does seem somewhat common place now even if it's not most of our first choice. Good luck!! Try to find comfort in knowing that soon this will all be behind you and will seem like a minor decision. :)

  • Thanks for the reply! I know I need to just take a deep breath and wait to see what the next week holds in store. I'm just so anxious about everything and all of the uncertainty. Luckily, my mom does live nearby and I know she would be more than willing to come over and help me with LO if DH is away at work, but it just wouldn't be the same - I was looking so forward to the three of us, home together, experiencing being a family for the first time. But I also desperately want to avoid an induction. I'll keep telling myself that yes, this will all soon be behind me, and seem so minor - you're right in that, and it's good advice!

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  • I'm 39+2 as well.  1/2 cm dilated, 70% effaced and baby hasn't dropped for me either.  It seems that our OBs/midwives are taking similar courses of action.  Mine scheduled me for a 40 week ultrasound the day after my due date and a Non-stress test 4 days after my due date.  Because I'm attempting a VBAC, she doesn't want to let me go past 41 weeks, so she scheduled me for an overnight induction on 2/9. 

    I have some perspective for you from someone who has been induced before (I was induced at 36 weeks with my son).  If baby isn't ready, the induction may or may not work.  At least in your case, you'll be past your due date and will likely have better odds for having the induction work.  In my case, being induced  only got me to 5cm dilated in 24 hours and they ended up doing a C-section for stalled labor.

    From my perspective, let baby cook as long as you can.  Could your husband talk with his boss and make arrangements in advance to have someone cover for him short-notice if he needs to be out suddenly?  What would they do if he got the flu when he was supposed to be on-call and needed to be out for a week? 

  • I was induced with my first and it wasn't awful---grant you as a first time mom, I also didn't really know labor to be any different either. I was dilated to 3 cm when I went in for mine and did not need a CS---but ended up with an episiotomy, forcep delivery and a fourth degree tear which is no joke. Medically, I would rely on what your doctors opinion was over what would be more convenient. Since you are almost over 40 weeks---I would start to consider the idea of being induced personally. Keep in mind that you will have a chance for many years to come to be a family all together as a family of three. And if your mom is able to help, you would at least have the support to not be alone. In the meantime, I would just try to stay relaxed--maybe try and do a bunch of walking and I know some women who swear by doing some BDing and it kick starts their labor when they are this far along. Good luck!
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  • suteki325suteki325
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2016

    Unfortunately DH has already rescheduled his on-call week to be from Feb 18th - Feb 26th; originally he was supposed to have his on-call for the week of Feb 5th, and since that was two days past my due date, we had him switch it with another co-worker. So I'm not sure he would be able to switch again. It's good to hear from someone else in a similar situation though. Sending good labor vibes your way!

    @BabyHope2013, what is BDing? I'm willing to try anything to jumpstart labor naturally! My OB even mentioned that out of all the old wives tales, having sex is the one thing that really does help kick things off. So she sent me home yesterday with strict instructions to jump DH, haha. Even though sex sounds like literally the least appealing thing in the world to do right now...I'll do whatever helps!

    Life is ExcitingKimbarbour08
  • When I had DD she did not drop until 39.5w.  She had been head down since 35w, but had not dropped.  I was also 1-2cm and 50% effaced with her for weeks.  Contractions began at 40w2d and L&D lasted 30 hours for me.  I'm glad that I let her come at her own pace and that I did not make it to my scheduled induction date (which would have been horribly inconvenient with DHs work schedule). My husband had to return to work 2 days after I was released from the hospital. Granted, he could work half days for those first three days back to work, but then he was back to work full time. If DD had been any later, DH would have had to go back to work immediately after I was released.  Do you have family and friends than could help out? It's not ideal when our SOs jobs interfere with our unknown shedule.  My DH has had training all this month (which we were informed of in December).  His last day of training ends in 30 minutes.  We have told this baby that he has permission to begin his journey into this world beginning and noon today.  He has so far listened to our request to stay put.  Hopefully your LO will listen to your request to come at a time that allows the most time with daddy (maybe daddy should have a talk with your LO today). :) Good luck, I hope that it all works out!
  • Tough situation! 

    I wouldn't induce unless it was recommended by the doctor for a medical reason. It would be sad if your DH is on call when your little one is ready to come, but it still looks to me like the less stressful/painful of the two options for you and baby. 

    Back in the 1980s, my dad had a three-month assignment abroad for work right after my brother's due date. They tried induction so he could be there for the birth, but it just didn't work. My brother came about a week later, when he was darn well ready. My mom thinks in retrospect all the stress of trying to coax him out probably made it more difficult to relax and let labor happen, so might have even prevented labor from starting! Maybe giving up control to baby when it comes to timing will give you peace of mind and an easier labor.

    If your H is on call, does it mean there's a chance he won't have to work? 
  • You really can't predict what will happen over the next few days. I was 0 for everything at 39 weeks and went into labor on 40 weeks exactly. Hang in there and trust in the timing of your body and things will fall into place! Re evaluate at 40 week appt. 
    6 & 2 year old, 2 losses
  • For what it's worth, not all babies drop. In fact most don't until labor has already begun. 
  • Thanks for all of the new replies. I'm really trying to just take it easy and trust that my body knows what to do. I do think that if nothing has really changed at my appointment next Thursday (still only 1 cm dilated, not more effaced, baby hasn't dropped yet), then I'm going to just hold off and wait for LO to come on his own. If DH has to go on-call right after he's born, so be it. Obviously it's not ideal, but neither is me having a C-section! And like I said, I do have my mom nearby who can come and help me out. Although, I'm hopeful that LO may have dropped yesterday - I bounced like crazy on an exercise ball and so far today, his squirms have felt much lower (before I could feel his little butt up underneath my ribs, and now it seems further down) and I have discomfort in my pelvis/bum area. Fingers crossed!
  • Good luck! That has to be so stressful :( My co-worker said she took really long warm showers in the two days before she went into labor and swears by them. My other coworker also swears by the old-fashioned "special time" with the hubby.  Hopefully things work out!!
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