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Pregnant after a Loss
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When to tell siblings?

bgf1bgf1 member
in Pregnant after a Loss
Hi Ali.

In am in my 14 th week. I just told my work this week and plan to tell my girlfriends next week as we are meeting for a birthday dinner.. But struggling with telling my 3 &5 year old. My loss was at 9.5 weeks and I hadn't told them about the pregnancy yet. I am feeling superstitious about telling them, because the loss shook my confidence a bit, and I just can't bring myself to tell them yet. Anyone else feel this way, or have you told your kids already, or have a plan to break the news?
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Re: When to tell siblings?

  • rkricheyrkrichey member
    I totally get this. I have an almost 3 year old and a 4 year old. I couldn't tell them until after my anatomy scan on Monday. I just didn't know what I'd say if something was really wrong. It got awkward bc they were literally the last people to know. A lady even asked them last week if they were excited about their new baby coming soon. They were like "what??" And I just said something like "oh maybe we will get a new baby someday. We'll see." I still feel like I shouldn't have told them yet but it was time I guess.
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  • lilyasterlilyaster member
    I am planning to tell my kids after our 10 wk ultrasound.  I'm dying to tell them now because I know how excited they'll be, but it's a long wait for them and they were so sad with our last loss. 
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  • MamaCoffinMamaCoffin member
    Lurking from TTCAL

    We involved our 4 year old in the entire process of the last pregnancy. We had no reason to believe anything was wrong. Everything looked great and there was a heartbeat at 7 weeks 4 days. She was with me at the ultrasound when we discovered the loss at my 10 week scan. I think dealing with that was harder than learning of the loss myself.

    When and if we get lucky enough to conceive again I think we'll wait until the 20 week anatomy scan and tell her that she's going to have a little baby brother or sister. At that point the wait isn't as long for her and I'll feel more comfortable with accepting that everything is OK.

    Good luck. Congratulations on the healthy pregnancy. You'll know when the time is right!

    Mama to two perfect little girls.
    Lucy 07-13-11
    Violet 03-13-14
    Conceived #3 since September 2015
    11-25-15 twelve week loss
    07-21-16 ten week loss
    10-03-16 5 week loss
    TTC again soon!
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  • indy_chicindy_chic member
    This is weighing heavily on me. We have a 4yr old. We had 40 wk stillborn 3 months ago. We are currently 8 weeks preg. And i so badly want to tell him but also want to keep it from him until we bring baby home. Yes unrealistic I know. To me, there will nvr be a safe time, having experienced very late pregnancy loss, to share pregnancy.  :(



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  • bgf1bgf1 member
    @rkrichey yep that is exactly how I feel :)
    @indy_chic so sorry for your loss. I think many  of us feel the same that nothing is a given in terms of pregnancy.

    The question for me just answered itself this weekend, after visiting friends with a new baby this weekend my 5 year old asked when we'd have a new baby so we answered honestly. Had her not asked and opened the door we likely would have waited as long as possible. My 5 great old is super excited, my 3 great old is mulling the whole thing over but mostly following her brothers lead.  They are so funny my son is making a running list of what we will need for baby and my daughter keeping lifting my shirt and poking my belly and asking if the baby is in there.
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  • veetveetveetveet member
    I'm waiting until we know all is clear after the anatomy scan.   I know anything can happen at any time.   But she was so devastated after my 27 week loss.    
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  • lfh22lfh22 member
    This is so tricky and depends so much on you and your kids. We told our three year-old pretty much right away. She overheard that I was going to the doctor, which she associates with sad things since our loss at 22 weeks last summer, so she freaked out a little. We decided it was better to be honest and clear than to leave her worried and confused. She's very excited, and the bigger challenge has been keeping her from telling everyone else! 

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  • BoonhildeBoonhilde member
    If I would tell this person I lost a baby then I tell them I'm pregnant before the 12-week mark. I tell everyone after the 12 week mark. 

    I don't blame you for being trepidatious. 
    BabyFetus Ticker

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