Marriage changes ???

swalker517 · January 2016

Hey everyone !
My husband and I have Been married almost two years but together for 6 . This will be our first child and we are both excited but ones wondering if anyone else's marriages / relationships changed during pregnancy ? My husband seems very stand of fish and we haven't had sex in several months he says he's afraid to hurt the baby but my doctor and I have assured him he can't . I'm just overwhelmed because I want it to be an us thing and I feel like it's just me and him rather than us together as a couple like we used to be . Anyone have this same thing ? Any advice ? Does it change after baby ?

FutureMrsCaesar · January 2016

That all sounds normal to me. Some couples get closer during pregnancy and some go the oppostie direction. My DH always says it's hard to go from being bffs and having lots of sex to me being super sick (morning sickness) for 4 straight months, barely having enough energy to take care of the kids and having basically nothing left for him at the end of the day. That gets us all off track and when I finally do start feeling better it's hard to get back to where we left off. In my case, DH isn't super doting and into the whole pregnancy thing, but the second he lays eyes on our baby he's madly in love, and it goes from feeling like a 'me' thing to an 'us' thing. And the following 6 weeks will be tough and require a lot of teamwork just to survive, but once you start to come out of the newborn haze you can get back to your normal and it's even more amazing than it was when it was just the two of you! Full disclosure though, the newborn phase can be hard on a marriage and the first year in general is considered an adjustment period for everyone, so there will be frustrating sleep-deprived times just keep in that it's very normal!

cmerribury · January 2016

This is par for the course for us. We've been together for 15 years, married for almost 11. When I'm pregnant he's super standoffish. Barely any touching, NO sex, etc. It's just his thing when I'm pregnant. I think it freaks him out that so much about me changes, so much of which makes me miserable...anyway, we always bounce back afterwards. Having a baby is a whole new challenge, but with the right person it's a fun adventure.

alligreer88 · January 2016

My husband and I are sort of distant recently, but i think the challenge of two kids will bring us back. With dd1 we didn't sleep at all the first night in hospital(started pitocin at 8pm and delivered at 10am) and the second night we were up with baby, third night baby sleep and we found ourselves talking all night. We nearly died on day 4 but we were so close! I think it's hard to predict how things will go, but there's a good chance you will be pleasantly surprised.

2-Step · January 2016

I agree with MrsCaesar. We've been together 16 years and I feel like this has happened with all three of my pregnancies. The first one I remember crying and thinking he lost interest and we were headed down a bad path. It's hard with the hormones! Both times as soon as our baby was born I felt more love and closeness to DH than ever! Things will never be the same as before a child, but they can be better than ever. Hang in there. I think pregnancy just really freaks some guys out. i've also realized that I feel so bad in pregnancy that a lot of my energy is spent just making myself feel better and doing whatever I can to get by. So basically I am kind of ignoring and neglecting a lot of the things that I would normally do with or for DH too. He is getting less attention and affection from me because I am distracted by my pregnancy and symptoms and he doesn't want to do or say something wrong so he just kind of operates in the background

after the baby is born make a point to have a few date nights and do things you used to do. if you have a strong marriage it will bounce back and you will be a stronger team.

tJaffe · January 2016

All of your comments give me hope! My DH and I were friends for 8 years before we started dating and have been married for 7 months... (Honeymoon baby....) he's been distant and has had a difficult time understanding how much being pregnant affects me and how much help I currently need and will need in the future. He's used to be taking care of household as he works 12 hrs a day 6 days a week. I've been praying that once he sees his baby that it will bring us closer together. I just hope he doesn't miss the birth! (He's a commercial fisherman and out of cell range daily.)

But I'm glad I'm not the only one going through this. Being FTPs will be hard but hopefully hell rise to the challenge like I suspect he will. I guess it's normal!

Melodyags · January 2016

I've always had the opposite problem. Mine gets very over protective. To the point it drives me crazy. I cant go or anywhere or do anything myself.
He thinks something is going to happen to us. I know I have health issues this time around but he was like this with all of them.

diablesse · January 2016

Ah, just wait till the baby is here and the sleep deprivation and division of labor issues creep up. Luckily, most people get through it. I'm sure you will too.

ARogers26 · January 2016

Sounds normal to me. But nothing is hotter than my husband being an awesome dad to our first son. This preg was better but still dry spell on the love life once my bump got big.

Synnovus · January 2016

Every couple will be different, but this isn't a problem me and my DH have so I can't relate to it. However, I believe that open and honest communication in a relationship is key and if you feel alone in the pregnancy experience you should speak to him about it. Let him know how you feel and why and talk to him about how he feel and why too. Best of luck to you

Yulie87 · January 2016

It's good to read all of these comments, DH and I haven't had sex in 2 months and I feel very unwanted and emotional about it, I guess I should try to enjoy my pregnancy and trust that we will bounce back after baby comes

tJaffe · January 2016

Yulie87 said:
It's good to read all of these comments, DH and I haven't had sex in 2 months and I feel very unwanted and emotional about it, I guess I should try to enjoy my pregnancy and trust that we will bounce back after baby comes

This! I was on pelvic rest until 18 weeks... Hubby won't touch me at all. He thinks its too weird with my big belly and even more so now that my LO makes my belly move visibly.

All the communication in the world isn't helping. He just doesn't get it. Maybe since it's the first time? I don't know. It's frustrating. He's been better since I began showing, but the first 4 months were pretty rough.

amyid · January 2016

I think this sounds pretty normal, intimacy took a nose dive in this, our first pregnancy.. ( me just feeling sick, lazy and tired) and now I'm recovering at 33 wks pregnant from a huge abdominal surgery after being in the hospital for a month so... Yes... Even the thought of making out to my husband is not an option.. In fact he said "I wasn't in the best shape for making out" when I suggested it ... He is right of course but in my mind I was just trying to reconnect after what seems like an eternity of no physical intimacy that's all "my fault". I think it's hard because women tend to blame themselves and then feel bad but it seems like plenty of men get totally creeped out about the thought of a pregnant belly and a baby inside.... On the other hand I keep reading comments that " my husband thinks I'm incredibly sexy when I'm pregnant"... So who knows ! The one thing that I have taken from the whole experience is that when baby does arrive, try to recover quickly, and no matter the tiredness or lack of sleep, remember not to get too baby crazy and dedicate time, attention, thankfulness and patience to my husband.. At the end of the day, if our relationship isn't great then my daughters life want be as good as it could be. Two parents who are on the same page and totally connected in love and friendship seems like the best possible outcome, I've known way too many people get lost in baby crazy and have totally ignored their spouses and really let their marriages suffer after as a consequence. When I first heard it, I didn't agree or understand it but now I do... It's hard to get your head around as I'm sure the love for a child is so pure and unconditional that it's incomparable.... But, make your spouse your first priority, be kind, thankful, grateful and understanding... Kids come second ( yeh I know it's hard to get your head around that one at first) but I'm pretty sure that this is the winning combination to happiness. Rant over

lexievelyn8179 · January 2016

Yeah, DH and I have been together for 9 years, married for almost 4, and things have changed a lot. My husband is more than okay with being intimate even while I'm pregnant, the problem has been on my end. During the first tri, I just wasn't feeling well enough for sex. Then, once I was feeling better, it just felt too weird. Now, it just plain hurts. I feel so bad about it, too. I guess in an attempt to not push me into it when I'm not feeling up to it, it felt like he was pulling away, to the point that I kind of broke down last week, and we had a nice long talk about it. Everything's as back to normal as it can be now.

Kellyim10 · January 2016

My husband and I were keeping fairly sexually active until I hit the third trimester. Then actual sex started hurting me (cervix too low maybe?), so we did other stuff. However, the last couple of weeks I've been so tired and sore that the idea of doing anything seems like too much. I feel bad, but he's being very understanding. At least I know he still wants me - just last night I was tired and sore and feeling gigantic and he told me how sexy I looked. I wish I could work up some enthusiasm for feeling sexy and being intimate with him, but it's just not there.

meg_2006 · January 2016

It's different for everyone, but pre ting brought us closer together. DH had to step up and do more to help me out, and that makes me love him any more. We also have to communicate with each other more and that is a huge help to any marriage (that's on my end, I'm the non-communicator). During pregnancy, DH is never any different.

tJaffe · February 2016

So, I feel like the switch has been turned on in my DH's head... He's been "nesting" the past two evenings after work! Non stop with the projects and fixing things to get everything ready for the baby...

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