My husbands grandmother is driving me nuts! — The Bump
June 2016 Moms

My husbands grandmother is driving me nuts!

She lives about two hours away and calls me frequently like three times a week. She really is sweet and overly generous! But she's one who can't take no for an answer. today she calls me and we're talking about baby and our reveal party that is on the 6th. She then asks if we have any names. I told her we have Ava Mae for a girl and nothing for a boy but H does like Parker but I didn't really care for that. She goes on to tell me she doesn't care for that but Ava Audrey (Audrey is her name) sounds way better. Then goes on saying Parker is an awful name and Parker burton (burton is her H) didn't go and she'd make a list of good names for both gender for us to go over at our reveal party! I was so annoyed! We will name OUR child what we please!! Mae will not change as that is my great grandmas name and MILs middle name. Yes I don't like Parker but H was stuck on that with DS and we came to an agreement! I do not want to see her list and will especially will not be reviewing it with her at our party!!

Sorry I needed to Vent she's super sweet but gosh lady!

Re: My husbands grandmother is driving me nuts!

  • I've run into this issue on other subjects. Some people think that by discussing it you are inviting comment and opinion. I would just accept the list with a thank you and refrain/be vague if she brings the topic up again in the future.
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  • ahernandez16ahernandez16
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2016
    We've had mixed reviews about the name we chose along with other suggestions -- no one offered to make up a list. But we've heard, "What about _____ instead?" 

    These came from my older relatives to which I literally replied, "That's a great name! You should name your next one that." We've chose our name because we like it. We're the parents and that's the way it goes. They'll either learn to like it when it's attached to an actual baby or they'll still hate it and their lives will literally not be affected by it at all. 

    Also, I think it is very presumptuous to assume that a baby will be named after you. I'm so glad we didn't have any of that. My husband is a Jr and didn't even consider naming our son a III until I brought it up. 

    ETA that I agree with @HBamama2B. I'd take the list and then just never comment about it to her ever again and skirt around the issue if she questions you.

  • People are so weird.  I'm sorry she's being aggressive and pushy, she's probably at the point in her life where she's afraid of being forgotten.  I think your names are great, and if she keeps pushing you may need to get more firm.  When my parents started pushing me about my -next- pregnancy at 14 weeks into this one, I learned to just say "Thank you for your opinion, I gotta go." and disconnected the call.  Maybe don't hang up on a little old lady but you can definitely say "Thank you for your opinion, how is your water aerobics class going?" and refuse to change the subject back.
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  • This is why we aren't telling our family our names. My brother in law asked if we were sharing the name at our gender reveal (we are having it on Sunday- we don't know the sex either). I told him no, we weren't telling people right now, plus we only have a definite girl name anyway.

  • With our son no one said a word about our names so I defiantly didn't expect any hassle this time
  • I nipped that in the bud by announcing the name along with the gender on FB. Neither my mom nor mil are completely happy with the name. Too bad, it's FB official, no take backs! :p

  • sdnybrk said:

    I nipped that in the bud by announcing the name along with the gender on FB. Neither my mom nor mil are completely happy with the name. Too bad, it's FB official, no take backs! :p

    We did this the first time. We had no issues when we told the name. We just said here's our name. On this one we had a Gender Reveal party. DH didn't want to discuss names till we knew what we were having. Which leaves us with everyone telling their ideas and suggestions. I hate that. I want to name our little girl with no influence from anyone else. I don't really bring it up. If they ask I just say we have our list narrowed down but I don't discuss what the names are. People are less likely to comment when you say here's the name. I have an ultrasound Monday and I plan to post the picture and her name.

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  • I would just take the list and say thanks, we'll keep this in mind but I would prefer to not waste my party discussing it.

    Personally, we plan to not share our name ideas with anyone and if people start suggesting names, I'll tell them any name suggested is off the table, we would like to select our child's name with no outside help thank you very much. After hearing my MIL talk shit about her nephew's daughter, from her name choice (if they were going to give her a gender neutral name, why did they bother finding out if she was a boy or girl) to the clothes they dress her in (if my grandbaby is a girl, she better not have a stupid bow on her head all the time like ______) to how often she gets to see her, I plan to keep family, particularly that side, as in the dark as possible about our choices. Anything other than the baby's health is off limits for discussion. Babies seem to bring out the crazy opinionated side of everyone....

  • H and I haven't fully decided on names, and likely won't tell anyone what they are until we name our child at birth. I just don't care what anyone thinks.

    So, on the occasion when some family member has offered suggestions, or worse, insinuated they have some right to help name the child, I just smile and say "[H] and I will come up with a name we love. So [insert subject change]". The end.

    I know granny is sweet, but you can absolutely draw a boundary with her since you're the mother, period.
  • sdnybrk said:
    I nipped that in the bud by announcing the name along with the gender on FB. Neither my mom nor mil are completely happy with the name. Too bad, it's FB official, no take backs! :p
    We did this too! Worked like a charm. In the past my mil has said she hated our sons name months after he was born. She will hate this one too. Good for her. 
  • I agree with not telling anyone names and this woman sounds a lot like a lot of my family. Therefore my advice to you is you really need to stand your ground. Dont answer the phone if you are busy. If she says anything hateful or rude that you didnt answer, have a good reason why you couldnt answer ( even if its a white lie ) and when they ask questions like names, that will cause judgement, tell them that you have not made a decision yet even if you have. I have had to learn and do this for a long time, figuring out how to dodge these kinds of peoples questions and its really the worst. You just need to predict it the best you can and differ the question to an answer that is non negotiable. Its tough, i totally feel your pain for dealing with a person like this.
  • I told people our name...immediate family....they kept giving me other suggestions.  Didn't say anything.  So finally I was like if they are rude enough to give me other suggestions, I'll give it right back.  So I told my mom and MIL basically you had a child and named us, so butt out haha. I don't care if her name is something hideous, we like it, and don't want you and anyone's opinion. My SIL didn't tell anyone, so I followed it up with your lucky I even told you lol.  They haven't said anything since.  Nipped that in the butt.  
  • If they ask me again I plan to lie and give them the craziest name I can think off till the birth :wink: 
  • We take name suggestions and the ones we like go on a list the others are tossed out. Our list usually has 15+names and changes all the time. I'll share lists with people but never say a favorite. I found people will tell you their favorite name off the list and maybe suggest one, but we don't get too many negative comments that way. DH and I will discuss names around 34-36 weeks and cut it down, but don't share those names. We decide the final name at birth.  

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  • We are still on the fence about whether we are following a tradition both of our families hold -- naming after the paternal grandparents (H's parents) first and then maternal parents, or go our own way. All of our parents feel strongly about us following this tradition. We told them before we found out the gender that we  were thinking of doing our own things and using their names as middle names. No one is happy about that! 
  • Tell her you decided on "Cabbage Leaf" for the name.  When she turns out to be Ava Mae, there will be sighs of relief and shouts of adoration. 
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  • Told my dad we liked the name Harrison and he started going off about how Harry isn't a good name. I told him Harry wasn't short for Harrison but he could go by Harry if he wanted to because Harry Potter's awesome, but I don't care that he doesn't like it. 

    Point is, you're right. It's not their baby and they don't get a say with what name you pick. Don't let 'em get to ya!
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  • Thanks ladies!! But now I kind of feel a little bit bad for being so frustrated with her bc Saturday was her 80th birthday and she fell down a whole flight of steps! So at our reveal on Saturday I'll just take her list and politely tell her with all the guests I won't have time to go over it then! 
  • Ok, so my youngest is legally named Jacob, but goes by Jack. He is named after someone specific who had the same name and AKA for 99% of the time. When I told my husband's aunt, "We've decided on Jacob, and he will go by Jack." She immediately launched into, "Why? I've never heard of that. I've heard of shortening Jacob to Jake, but NEVER Jack. Why are you going to call him THAT? It makes no sense." I calmly replied, "Because he's coming out of MY vagina, so I get to decide his name. THAT'S why." All with a sugary smile that could have given her cavities. Shut her right up. And the first time she met him she snuggled him and said, "Oh, yes. He's DEFINITELY a 'Jack'!" Sometimes blunt is the only way to go. 
  • I had the same problem when I told SIL DSs name. We picked Jack and apparently they had a cat named Jack 15 years ago... she said that everytime she said DS name she would think of her cat. Then she suggested the most awful names, needless to say it didn't go over well. Some people don't have a filter. 
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