I'm really struggling to stay positive today...
jbal918
member
I know many of you can relate and I just need an outlet today! I've really been struggling with the time line for getting inseminated, but happy that we do have a plan. I thought it would be quicker and because of other medical issues, my doctor said 6 months to a year. I don't ovulate on my own but the doctor stopped the Clomid until the other stuff gets under control. (I'm really aiming for April/May to get everything under control.) ... Well, today it’s hitting me hard and it sucks. I'm trying not to cry but I guess sometimes you just need a good cry, right? ... I've always been such a positive person and I'm having a hard time trying to stay positive. I can't put on the happy face anymore and I most definitely can't take the "Give it time" or "It will happen" sayings anymore. I'm also terrified that it will never happen... I just can't pretend to be happy anymore and I've never felt this way about anything. I just don't know what to do. I tell everyone I’m OK, even the hubby but I know that he can tell I’m not. He tries not to bring it up and I don’t want to make him more stressed and take away the positivity he has. All the issues are my body so I also feel like I see and feel it differently than he does.
Re: I'm really struggling to stay positive today...
In all honesty it took dh and I going to therapy a few years ago because of ttc. I was unsure if we could make it because of the damage this struggle caused. I've even considered returning myself just to have an outlet then I found this group.
I also understand the comments made by others about just relax and it will happen. I'm sure each of us have heard it. Heck it took everything out of me not to slap the subway girl who is pg complaining about all the dr appts just tonight. Just know you don't need a brave face here and can literally let it out. I think half the struggle is feeling like we have to put on a happy face when sometimes we should just be real about the pain all this causes. It freaking sucks!
This is the first month off the Clomid but I'm still checking opks, even though I know I won't get a positive. I feel like I should stop but I have that little hope it might be positive.
I wish there was an easy button! Ahhhh!!
I honestly do not have any advice or anything, I am trying to be positive and to focus on the things I can do / change to get pregnant. Big hugs to you and best of luck with this journey.
Sending you a big virtual hug. I can completely relate with the issue being you and not hubby too as we're the same in this house- it makes it very hard.
I would recommend writing a journal. I found that on the days when all I want to do is cry (the hormones don't help) then writing it all down in an app (that's password protected) helps. Hubby and I are really close and talk about everything, but sometimes you just need to write down all the muddled thoughts and feelings before they come out and you can't take them back.
xx
Ive said it before and I will say it again - therapy is a wonderful thing! Ive been going to individual, and DH and I has been doing couples therapy too. We are lucky that our couples therapist has been through the IVF process himself, and he has said how important it is to have mental help during the process, and while you are pregnant too. Journaling is another great idea. Ive been trying meditation too, and its been helping.
Give yourself permission to feel these things. It is totally normal to have these feelings. I personally hate walking by the baby isle in stores, so now when we go someplace DH will take another route, or walk between me and the baby stuff, because it makes me so sad. Its completely normal *hugs* You will get through it!
TTC since 2011