Let's talk about sex — The Bump
Stay at Home Moms

Let's talk about sex

Didn't know where to put this so I'll put it here.
I'm a SAHM to our 6 month old. My DH works shift work. When he's on days he's only home for a few hrs at night. He comes home, showers, eats dinner, falls asleep on the couch and then goes to bed. When he's on nights, he sleeps till about noon, we hang out for a while (he often takes a nap on the couch) then he's off to work. He gets a few days off a week.
So I'm with our baby the big majority of the time. Even when he comes home, I'm still the primary care taker. I try to be sympathetic cause I know he's tired and he works hard.
The thing that aggravates me is when he has off days all he talks about is sex. I have very little drive and very little time. Our LO doesn't nap great (she only naps if someone is holding her) she sleeps great at night, but by then I'm tapped out.
On off days I try to get DH to take over the reins a little bit more, but he always ends up passing her back to me after a short time. I'm breastfeeding so everytime she fusses he assumes she's hungry and hands her to me. I'm also the only one that gets up with her at night (he will on the rare occasion but I can't sleep when I hear her fussing)
And he talks about sex. Non stop. He will mention an episode of a show that made a joke about something sex related, he will try making out with me when I'm trying to put my hair up, he will grab my boob when I'm changing the baby's diaper.
I love that he's still into me and wants sex, but I try to explain to him that he's putting the moves on at the complete wrong times.
I will FINALLY get the baby down and lay down in bed to get some sleep and he will wake up and start rubbing up against me. I will usually give in (to shut him up more or less) then he's back at it in a day or two.
I know our sex life isn't what it used to be but I have no drive.
He just gets so obsessed with it and won't leave me alone. I've tried doing other things for him to keep him satisfied but he wants sex. He gets all pouty when I offer him a bj instead.
These days sex just seems like work. It's not the leisurely exciting activity it used to be.
Even if we do it when baby is asleep for the night, I want it to hurry up and be over so I can get sleep before she wakes up cause I'm gonna be the one getting up with her.
It also infuriates me when he says "she slept till 9". I say "no you did. she slept till 6 then I got up with her and fed her and got her to go back down till 9". But that's another topic.

Ashleigh (26) and Darren (26)
Married 8-10-13
TTC since February 2014
BFP #1 4-22-14  EDD 1-1-15
8w u/s 5-22-14 Baby measuring 6w1d. Heartbeat detected
Went to Dr. 5-30-14 due to bleeding. Prescribed progesterone
Went to ER 6-1-14 2:30 AM - diagnosed with incomplete m/c
6-6-14 natural m/c completed
10-24-14 BFP #2 EDD 7-6-15 **Please** be our Rainbow 

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Re: Let's talk about sex

  • Oh girl I feel ya! I'm 5 months pregnant and have zero sex drive.

    And I definitely agree with PP that this is something y'all need to discuss more. You need to talk to him about what he can do to get you in the mood rather than what he is doing that doesn't work.
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  • I can SO relate to this. When my boys were little, and I was nursing them, I finally just came to the conclusion that I was sick of there always being someone on top of me! The last thing I wanted to do at the end of a long day was be intimate. You're not alone in this. 
    It will get better, as time goes on.
    Another thing I've found that helped, has been to leave, and NOT take the baby with me. I even left DH alone with the kids for 5 nights once. It's a really great way for them to get some perspective, and have some empathy for how exhausting it can be to take care of small children. Even if you can leave for a night, or a day... it's good for him!

    Married 07.07.07. Mom to 3: Ruby 11/08 and Oliver & Austin 12/11
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