Doula Opinions?

mamaqdubu · January 2016

Hi All,
My OB has 8 or so doctors & midwives that I will rotate through during all my appointments (with the idea there's no way I won't recognize or know the person on call for delivery). In addition, the hospital provides a doula service for an extra $800 fee, where they would match me with someone a few months before delivery and they would act as my birth plan advocate and be there through the labor.

As a first time mom, and not having any pregnant friends, I was wondering about people's experiences with doulas and if it's worth the extra $$. I can certainly understand how it will be helpful, but not sure when the day comes if I will want help from them or just support from my DH.

lalalorelai · January 2016

I have no prior experience, but my friend gave birth a few months ago and loved having a doula. It's especially helpful if you prefer a natural or low-intervention birth. My friend was adamant that she didn't want a fetal monitor or an epi during her labor, but her doctor wasn't on board. So the doula helped them stand firm and acted as a mediator between my friend and the doctor.

Just a few things to consider: there aren't any regulations that govern doulas, so there's no required training or education. I would ask what sort of training and experience your doula has. Also, make sure whatever one you end up with aligns with your philosophy on your birth. Another friend of mine interviewed a few doulas and they were all very anti-epidural, while she took the view that she wanted to try going without an epi but would do one if the pain got too intense. So she chose not to go with a doula (disclaimer: this may have just been my one friend's experience, not all doulas are necessarily like this).

DSMLove · January 2016

I loved having a doula with my last birth! She was amazing. Whenever I was feeling uncomfortable, she knew exactly what position to suggest to make it easier. She also really helped my husband to be my main support. She gave him great ideas on how he could help and what he could offer. Sometimes he just didn't know what to do, and her experience helped us both immensely.

But, I'm a little skeptical of the doula service being hospital provided. Depending on the prices in your market, $800 seems a bit high. (Maybe not, if you're in an expensive area.) Also, I think it's really important to have the doula be your advocate. Sometimes the hospital's best interests, don't exactly line up with your best interests, and that's when you need your doula to stand up for you. I would think that if the doula is somehow affiliated with the hospital, that would be a conflict of interests.

Will the hospital allow you to hire a doula independently?

texasmama2014 · January 2016

I didn't have a doula but I had a really supportive husband and a doctor I was extremely comfortable with. I wasn't completely set on a intervention free labor, and I had no problems advocating for myself. The epidural cost me about what a doula would cost you. If you feel uncomfortable with the doctors changing, and your ability to advocate for yourself it might be a good idea.

DDRRT1982 · January 2016

That is so cool your hospital provides a doula matching service. If I didn't already know that I am allergic to contractions and will be getting an epidural I would go for it. I really think doulas are great resources and advocates for mom and baby.

kattyleigh · January 2016

The thing is, the nurses at the hospital will be with you for 99% of the delivery and your doctor will show up for just the last few minutes when you push. By then you won't care who is getting the kid out. I know that doesn't help with the doula decision, but just to clarify the doctor thing.

texasmama2014 · January 2016

@DDRRT1982 Allergic to contractions? Like you had a really adverse reaction?

texasmama2014 · January 2016

@kattyleigh my birth experience was probably different since I was induced, but I saw my doctor several times throughout my labor. However, had I gone into labor on my own I may have had an experience similar to yours.

Neesey · January 2016

I wish that I had hired a doula with my first. Absolutely everything we wanted was disregarded by the nurses and doctor despite written requests and verbal. I am so looking forward to working with one this time. She knows what we went through and we've talked a lot about what we'd like to be different. She offers post-partum support too. She will not only support and advocate for me but she will help my husband too. Having her there, as well as a new doctor, has eased a lot of my anxieties. Her cost is $795.

DDRRT1982 · January 2016

texasmama2014 said:
@DDRRT1982 Allergic to contractions? Like you had a really adverse reaction?

Sorry, I should have clarified. I am not technically allergic to contractions, however I do not want to experience any more in this lifetime. I have back labor and with my last one I wouldn't let them even start the pitocin without my epidural.

bananers · January 2016

I probably would have been annoyed with another person in the room last time, so it's never seemed necessary to me. But I know people who have loved having a doula. I never had the doctors or nurses try to push anything on me I didn't want and they mostly followed my lead. And @kattyleigh is spot on regarding the involvement of the doctors versus the nurses. The doctor came in only after DS was already crowning. The nurses were with me through 18 hours of contractions and 2+ hours of pushing until then.

jmknox · January 2016

I loved my doula. She had a ton of experience and helped me labor as long as possible at home before going in. She did massage, essential oils which really helped during contractions. She also doubled as a post partum lactation consultant. Totally worth it for me and I'm hiring her again.

texasmama2014 · January 2016

@DDRRT1982 that sounds awful! At least epidurals work for you, that would be torture.

@bananers yeah, my experience was definitely different, my doc was there through the 1.5 hrs of pushing, but only because it was after hours and she didn't see a point I'm leaving and coming back.

mamaqdubu · January 2016

@bananers I'm worried I will feel the same way. I'm a fairly private person and don't like having a lot of people around me when I'm uncomfortable, but was thinking a doula would be nice since I refuse to have my mom or MIL in the room. I'm also basically terrified of the whole thing (unwarranted since I'm not high risk at all, I'm just scared) and think that a doula might give some peace of mind from "seeing it all"

Sekerambo · January 2016

Doulas can definitely be helpful in running interference with the doctor and nurses. The hospital where my daughter was born rotated doctors and I was not lucky enough to have my doctor. Although my doctor was okay with my desires, I had to fight with the on-call Dr. I did have a great nurse that ran some interference but the doctor definitely was pushing to get his way even with my husband and the nurse defending me. It would have been nice to have a doula so that my husband didn't have to fight with the doctor. I'm definitely looking to get one this time.

THATdisneyMom · January 2016

I would maybe search for your own doula. 800 does seem very high to me. My sister loved hers. They can help. If your Dr and everyone changes so much, it could bring you peace of mind to have a familiar person there with you. And you will feel close to a good doula before birth. A lot of the time husband have no clue how to help and they feel useless. A doula can really get him involved. If you felt like you needed space, they would understand and give it to you. Many times nurses and Dr's will pressure you to take steps they think are right, but it's not always the case. It's nice to have an educated person who only has your best interest in mind (and the babys of course). I've heard it can completely change birthing experiences from stressful to much more pleasant. I've considered getting one I'm just not sure yet. I had such an easy pleasant experience with #1. I'm partially scared I'll have this one in the car lol

mamaqdubu · January 2016

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences. I'll definitely still weigh out my options and also see how DH feels about it too. I live in CT so doing some research it seems like $800 is pretty normal around here.

acciobaby123 · January 2016

I would 100% recommend getting a doula that you trust and are comfortable with. I would have had a c-section without a doubt had my doula not been there. I had a 46 hour labor and she stayed by my side the whole time. When my labor was failing to progress, she did some acupressure points that the Drs and nurses were very impressed with and it kept me laboring on.

mamarusaw · January 2016

I live in So Cal & doulas run about $1300-$1500 around here. That being said my sister is going to school to become a labor & delivery nurse so I am going to have her in the room with me

jmknox · January 2016

Mine charged $800

charmedlifex3 · January 2016

The one we just hired was $650.00
Ours is also a lactation consultant, which I found invaluable. My health insurance will actually cover additional post partum visits under that role. I could have a midwife covered, but then I couldn't also have an OBGYN.
I live about an hour from the hospital, and the doula is our neighbor, so that made me feel much more comfortable. We have quasi professional help within 3 minutes, so if the baby comes REALLY quick, or even if I just have questions ... it was well worth the money for my peace of mind.
Several of my friends have tried to go the natural route, and found themselves battling it out with the hospital staff. It's much EASIER for them if the woman is strapped to a bed, not moving around, etc. A few of those friends also birthed in ... different environments with their locations though. One friend in GA had the worst of it I think... VT tends to be a little more "birth experience" than curing the "medical condition" which is pregnancy.
Which hospital are you birthing at? One of my friends had great things to say about Hartford Hospital, and my friend who birthed in Willimantic said it was very ... clinical, none of the touchy feely stuff some other places invest in. I also know a couple of women who birthed at Lawrence and Memorial in New London.
Also - CT is expeeeeensive! That's why I live in VT. (Also... it's pretty here)

Ceventa · January 2016

kattyleigh said:

The thing is, the nurses at the hospital will be with you for 99% of the delivery and your doctor will show up for just the last few minutes when you push. By then you won't care who is getting the kid out. I know that doesn't help with the doula decision, but just to clarify the doctor thing.

THIS. I didn't hire a doula for my birth with DS, I felt comfortable enough going in and DH was totally ready to take on whatever came up. We ended up getting the OB that was on call that day from the practice instead of my regular doc. He would pop in from time to time over to check in on me, however the one that was with me throughout the 16 hours straight was the nurse. She was amazing and knowledgeable, and tough as nails when it came time to push.

I have friends that have hired doulas and they loved them, so if it's important to you I say go for it. Can I just give a big

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/7rj2ZgttvgomY/giphy.gif

to all the nurses out there? Thank you :-)

mamaqdubu · January 2016

@Allisun85 I'll be birthing at Manchester memorial. Bigger than Willimantic, smaller than Hartford (but same network). Their birthing center is fairly versatile with alternative options available, birthing baths, etc. I haven't decided natural vs epi yet, but leaning towards epi as a personal decision.

And I agree VT is beautiful! We love vacationing in Burlington. And of course getting Ben & Jerry's tours.

nonniebird · January 2016

I’m definitely going to go with a Doula. I’m a very private person (especially when I’m sick or in pain) so I think it will actually help to have an advocate for when I don’t feel like dealing with medical people, and I’m looking forward to her helping to coach my husband as to what I might appreciate so that I don’t shut him out of the experience.

stephtess · January 2016

I will be using a doula and going through a midwifery center for the birth. Our doula cost $400 and she is also a lactation consultant. I figured I should have some help because my husband may be deployed during the birth. We still don't know for sure. But if he is home, I'll still need a doula because this will be him:

Hwatts05 · January 2016

Since you're not sure whether you will end up with a mw or and OB, I'd say go for a doula. Reputable ones will have training and the experience to anticipate what you need. Your SO will be invaluable support of course, but most don't have any idea how to anticipate your needs during labor and delivery. When I had a midwife with my first I had a successful natural low intervention birth experience. When I had an OB there were a lot of unnecessary interventions and although vaginal I ended up getting an epidural which I did not want. So long story short it really depends on what you're looking for out of your birth experience.

jjang27 · January 2016

I just started looking into this and found out some in my area would offer a prenatal massage and one more postpartum. Sounds attempting!

I'll have to check with my OB and the hospital first before hiring one though... One pregnancy book I read mentioned some providers might view the doulas as a nuisance (interfering with their procedures or medical decisions) and don't like to have them around. It would be a shame if that happens...

Samm116 · January 2016

I will be looking into getting a Doula, DH has terrible anxiety with doctors and hospitals. He has passed out during a consultation with my RE, so chances are good I'll be on my own. Or perhaps the doula could help take care of him

Want a personalized experience?

Doula Opinions?

Re: Doula Opinions?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards