Disciplining a toddler

RedMar · January 2016

Previous posts made me think of this as well as my 19m old that keeps acting out. We've tried time-out by facing him in the corner (usually whenever he hits us), but that has been it. So far, it hasn't been effective as he keeps drilling us in the face. Any suggestions for disciplining a toddler? TIA

TheTamedShrew · January 2016

I know the concept of timeouts didn't really sink in for my DD until she was closer to 2. We started it around 19 months, but she thought it was a game for awhile. Now it works a lot better. She hasn't ever been very aggressive, so I have no advice on that. I am also one that isn't opposed to a swat on the behind or hand every now and then if the situation calls for it. I wouldn't give up on timeouts quite yet. I sit DD down and say very sternly and clearly "you're in timeout for __" and then let her sit for a full minute with no engagement or interactions. Then I ask her if she knows why she's in timeout, and she says "because __", and i make her apologize. Then I hug her. Rinse and repeat.

Beegey33 · January 2016

Repitition, just stick with it. Make sure that you are explaining to him why he is going in time out, then when you let him out of time out make sure you explain again why he went to time out. Make him say "sorry for hitting you," so he is repeating it back as well. Always make sure you are bent down to his level so you are eye to eye. I've found with my 2 yr old it works best to be at her level, make sure she is calm and repeats back what I have asked or told her.

If time outs don't work then find something meaningful to him that can be taken away as a consequence. Let him see that he doesn't get things if he behaves poorly. Over all I would say stick with timeouts or whatever normal punishment you have been doing. Just gotta stick to it.

noelani42 · January 2016

At 19 months, time outs are probably going to be very ineffective...it's something that doesn't make any sense to them developmentally (actions & consequences)...those just started to work for my child and she's 2 +4 months...At that age, what worked best for us was redirecting/distracting...turn his attention to a high-interest item (something sparkly

) and make him forget that he was trying to smack you in the face...toddlers are tricky that's for sure!

Sporty1216 · January 2016

We're going through this with our 21 month old too and it is so hard! Timeout doesn't make sense to him, so I usually will hold his hands down at his sides, tell him it is not nice to hit/pull hair and that it hurts mommy (I'm almost always the target). Then I ask him to tell me he is sorry (he does the sign) and then we hug. I feel like we're gonna need to change it up eventually, but for now, that seems like what makes at least a little sense to him. This toddler stuff is no joke.

JSAH082215 · January 2016

I don't have any children of my own but your situation reminds me very much of a story my mom used to tell me and my sister. My parents decided very early on with me(I'm the oldest child) that they weren't going to go the spanking route. I grew up with calm explanations to unwanted behavior and a very human to human conversation to every misstep. There was hardly any yelling in my house at all which made yelling very scary and effective as a correctional tool when talking didn't help. I was never a hitter growing up but my sister went through a phase at around 1 1/2-2. She would hit and my mom would do her explanation but it wasn't helping so one day she hit my mom and she had just had enough. She knelt down and said " we don't hit in this house, if you hit mommy again we can change the rules for you". As my mom turned around my sister gave her a good smack to the leg. My mom turned back around, knelt down and gave her the lightest swat to the bottom. Remember this NEVER happened in my house so it took my sister by total surprise and she went ballistic ( that part of the story I actually remember) my mom waited until she was done being upset and explanned again that we don't hit. Needless to say she never hit again after that.

RedMar · January 2016

Thanks for the suggestions, everyone! We have been trying the timeout for a month and it is pretty ineffective for a toddler his age (since he'll do it again 3 mins later). We put him facing the corner, holding his arms down saying "no hit or don't hurt", but it's definitely a game now. We are not violent ppl by any means so it's def a cry for attn. Now that I've slowed down even more, he senses something is up for sure.

I will try the distraction or taking away the toy. I can't wait til he can say full sentences/understand more of what's going on. This age group is toughhhh.

PSUBecky23 · January 2016

Check out Janet Lansbury - blog and Facebook. Her methods are all about acknowledging your child's feelings (because they're people too) and figuring out ways together to address the behavior. It hasn't been perfect on my 2.5 year old but it's definitely helped stop me from getting too frustrated.

crispy11 · January 2016

I also like ahaparenting.com
I think 19 months is a little young for time out. I have a 2.5 year old and we occasionally do time out for her more egregious offenses but I usually stick with just reprimanding and having her apologize. She was/is a super late talker so her apology is a hug. I also do redirection. Basically I have no system

StellaStan · January 2016

I have an aggressive 19m old as well. When he hits us or throws something he shouldn't we grab his wrist and firmally say no we don't hit or throw. It seems to be working for now but that could change tomorrow.

kfeldm73 · January 2016

The whole brained child is an excellent read with quick guides to get you up and running. We used connect and redirect with our then 18mo old (when we got the book). It worked like a charm! I strongly suggest the book it has been a great resource for us.

kfeldm73 · January 2016

What we do is you connect to the emotion, with hitting usually anger, frustration, even sad...you hug, connect- "I know you're really ______ right now and sometimes we want to hit, if we get _____ how about we hit our pillow instead." Or something like "I know you're really_____ right now and sometimes mommy yells when she gets _____, but hitting isn't the way we handle it." And then redirect by taking kid out of the situation that frustrates them to begin with.

KimmySchmidt · January 2016

kfeldm73 said:

What we do is you connect to the emotion, with hitting usually anger, frustration, even sad...you hug, connect- "I know you're really ______ right now and sometimes we want to hit, if we get _____ how about we hit our pillow instead." Or something like "I know you're really_____ right now and sometimes mommy yells when she gets _____, but hitting isn't the way we handle it." And then redirect by taking kid out of the situation that frustrates them to begin with.

Mine is a few months behind the OP (17 months old) but this seems like 5x's as many words as what she would actually hear. At our house now we keep it to cave man speak. "No Hit. Hurts Mommy." I don't think she is cognitively able to reason through her actions and make cognizant choices about how to handle herself.

kmullins26 · January 2016

We gave ours a swat on the seat at that age, time outs are great but once they understand. Once they "get" the isolation part of the time out then I think it's the best tool in the world!

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