I'm already being pressured into natural birth

jessieereddia · January 2016

I don't know what in the world happened, but I got verbally "assaulted" by one of my best friends when she asked me if I was wanting an epidural and I said yes. She spent the next thirty minutes lecturing me on how I should want the best for my baby and research shows epidurals are not the best for babies and I should do natural birth if I'm truly wanting to "give my baby the best chance". This all happened literally one week after giving her the news. I'm not even two months along. Needless to say my hormones took over and I cried for the next hour because it's been all of two seconds and I already feel like a selfish, unfit mother. Has this happened to anybody else yet? Getting opinions thrown at you way too early and way too forcefully?

diagonalley · January 2016

I don't know that I can say it happened this early but it does happen and continues to happen once the baby arrives. People always feel the need to give unsolicited advice. Next time it starts, shut it down immediately and tell them you plan to do your research and discuss your options with your doctor and quite frankly, not their body so their opinion isn't necessary or welcome. And it comes from all angles. I got crap at work from coworkers who told me there was no way I could give birth unmedicated and when in the moment I'd change my mind. I did give birth unmedicated and didn't change my mind once, because it was what I wanted to do (I have extreme anxiety over needles)

wlux · January 2016

Oh dear.... Sad to say it but you will get all the advice from strangers, friends, family....

From your size to how terrible your baby's name is to how your birth plan is the worst and your kid will never understand algebra because you had an epidural and you are deli meat a couple times.

Birth can be pretty traumatic for everyone involved. You get your epidural. Eat your subway. Name your kid after A Harry Potter character.

You will be a great mom. Pregnancy is tough enough without everyone else's opinions.

mommytimesfour · January 2016

I hate to break it to you, but this is just the start. Learn to put your foot down now, and set very clear boundaries before your baby is here and don't put up with people's shit. Do what's best for yourself and your baby- only you know what's best. FWIW, I think birth plans are a waste of time. Sure, have preferences and do your research beforehand, but there's a good chance things won't go as planned anyway. Go in with an open mind. Decide if you want an epidural when the time comes. Maybe you'll be able to do it without one? Maybe you'll want one the second you walk in the door of the hospital? Who knows. ALL birth is "natural" in my option. Cesarean section, vaginal delivery, unmedicated or not, your body is doing something very natural and beautiful and that's all that matters. Also, just to add...my epidural actually sped up my labor quite a bit both times. It allowed my body to relax enough for my cervix to open up quite quickly. You do you

izzetoot · January 2016

Agreed with PP, the unsolicited advice will come in droves over the next 9 months and then get worse once the baby is here. Just remember YOU are the mama and no one can tell you how to parent YOUR child. If you want an epi, get one! I did and my labor was completely pain free with very minimal anxiety. It was beautiful. Natural childbirth is also beautiful but it is up to you to make that choice not a freind, family member or stranger. Stick to your guns and put your foot down now.

crispy11 · January 2016

I love epidurals and I have no shame!

But oh yes, the mommy wars are real. Try to shut it down early or else you may have to endure a tirade about how you are killing the earth one disposable diaper at a time. The number of ways someone can be a better mom than you is endless.

jessieereddia · January 2016

Thank you all for the encouragement! I'm definitely going to have to learn how to stick to my guns, but I guess this is all good practice for when the baby's out and we're raising her, too. Hope it doesn't get too out of hand!

By the way, I love this community ☺️

WineNChocolate · January 2016

Welcome to the world of everybody knows what's best for you. I did natural by choice but in the end of 72 hours of labor 4 hours of sleep and only dialating to 5..my body wouldn't of made it through pushing my DD out. I did an epidural and then also pitocin. Its sometimes a game time decision. Sorry you sent through that. I don't feel I didn't try or guilty. My Daughter is here and healthy.

PSUBecky23 · January 2016

A funny way to respond to the unsolicited advice once baby is here

https://www.pregnantchicken.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2012/7/6/monkey-baby.html

KimmySchmidt · January 2016

To add to the already good advice, with which I agree, I might add that it is super early to have any sort of plan for anything, and that it is OK to tell people so.

"We're going to see how things go and cross that bridge when we get to it." Even if you do have an opinion, this is a great way to disengage in further conversation.

I don't know what it is about babies that brings out everybody's inner evangelist.

estellegetty · January 2016

@jessieereddia I'm sorry you had to listen to your friend being an a*sshole. People should have to record themselves to hear how ridiculous they sound.

@PSUBecky23 I LOVE Pregnant Chicken

jessieereddia · January 2016

@KimmySchmidt good idea! I wish I had thought to say something like that at the time.

@PSUBecky23 hahaha! Definitely bookmarking this.

KimmySchmidt · January 2016

@jessieereddia Don't worry, you'll get another opportunity.

ejmo68 · January 2016

During my first pregnancy, I got unwanted advice almost daily. People unfortunately have their own opinions as to what is "best" but honestly I listened to everyone's advice and made the best decision for myself. The people who I learned the most from as to what to expect and what maybe best during labor was the girls on the bump...these ladies are the best to learn from...you guys are awesome!

noelani42 · January 2016

That really sucks...the epidural was the most amazing thing ever....I seriously don't know how mamas do it without the drugs but I salute you....my advice is next time she goes on her rant say "wow, thanks for the information-I'll take that into consideration" and change the subject

noelani42 · January 2016

Well said @whitneylux

AshleySparkle720 · January 2016

Birth in all forms is natural

chickendancefever · January 2016

Whatever. I want an epidural now. At 8 weeks.

TheTamedShrew · January 2016

My mom had 5 med-free births so she definitely encouraged me in that direction. I became a little preoccupied with the idea because of her. I went from being 50/50 to 80% sure I wanted to try med-free. I did the works: read everything Ina May, watched "the business of being born", was strictly against pitocin during labor, pre-labor cervical checks, and AROM. In the end my labor was almost 40 hours long. I was progressing very slowly (like half a centimeter an hour). I got the epidural when I was 5 cm and it was wonderful. I took a nap and went from 5-8 cm in an hour, and I was at 10 another hour later. I had to push for 2.5 hours.

I don't know how things would've gone without the epidural, but I was grateful for it because of how long labor was and how worn out I became. I really don't understand all the fear mongering surrounding epidurals. Bottom line is ONLY YOU can decide what you are comfortable with in the end, and screw everyone else and their opinions. You may have a short labor and a wonderful med- free experience, or it may not turn out that way. As PPS have said, ALL births are natural. Do your research, figure out what you're comfortable with, and don't have rigid expectations/plans because things won't likely fall into a highly detailed birth plan.

carpetmatchesdrapes · January 2016

She sounds like a twat. Do whatever is right for you and for the baby!

camichael84 · January 2016

She's not the one birthing or raising your baby so she has no say and her opinion doesn't matter. I wanted to go as long as possible epi free and didn't even get to 4 cm before I caved, but I have ZERO regrets. My labor started at midnight, and I was actually able to sleep a bit with the epi and, like others, I dilated much, much quicker after I had it.

Parent the way the works for you and yours, and ignore anyone who wants to make you feel guilty because it's not their way.

Shiva14 · January 2016

Like PPs have said it really doesn't matter what you do, someone will want you to do it differently. I got laughed at by several STM s when I expressed that I wanted to try a med-free birth. Strangers in a store/restaurant would ask me about my birth plan (uhm none of your business?!), if I was going to keep working or be a sahm. In the end, none of that matter, only you know what's best for your family - I ended up getting the med free birth I wanted, but I'm not sure I can do it again.

PrimRoseMama · January 2016

#Lurking

Why are you friends with this person? I've had both types of birth experiences. The birth plan I tell my friends to go by? Whatever the heck makes them comfortable & produces a healthy baby for them to squish.

Flexibility in labor, & parenting will be your best friend. I'd be distancing my self from someone who wants to go all HAM on you over something like this.

bunnymay · January 2016

I had an epidural, it was amazing. I could move my legs, feel contractions, but the pain was absent. My sister likes to rub it in my face that she didn't have one !!1!!1!! But she got a drip of anti-anxiety meds and was really "out of it" after birth. Also echoing PP, do what feels right for you.

JSAH082215 · January 2016

I've never understood people's need to become so pushy about how someone should handle their labor and raising their child, it makes absolutely zero sense to me, not your body not your choice. Advice I'll take but badgering is a no go. I'm sorry your friend was so inconsiderate of your feelings and a choice that you made for you, any dicision you make is the right one for you, that's all that matters.

SuperFudge00 · January 2016

My friend made the best statement when we discussed natural birth.

"Having drugs doesn't make my birth less natural, the baby is still coming out of me not an artificial being."

eboyd83 · January 2016

I've had two epidurals and one natural. I will do natural again this time also. Just remember do what is right for you. Forget everyone else.

jhems776 · January 2016

I saw this and thought of this post. I think we will all be thinking this for the next 9 months forever. There are so many people (family members) that I kind of wish they would never know.

Image: https://alphamom.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/unsolicited-pregnancy-advice-from-family-e1452265962883.jpg

jessieereddia · January 2016

Hahaha that pic is perfect, @jhems776 !

AnnaS930 · January 2016

Unless she's pushing your baby out of her own hoo-ha, she has absolutely no say. Just smile and nod.

I was always very pro epidural - I'm a pharmacist, I understand the medications/the science, the benefits/risks. I ended up not getting one because I did better laboring when I could walk around.. that being said, I'm still 100% pro-epidural if things are progressing slowly or for any other hiccup.. or just because I damn well want one.

It's your body. It's your baby. The moment you become pregnant you're the mom and the one making decisions. It's a bump road of advice and guilt - keep your chin up and come back to us on Bitchfest Mondays when this inevitably happens again.

0SeaMonkey0 · January 2016

AnnaS930 said:
Unless she's pushing your baby out of her own hoo-ha, she has absolutely no say. Just smile and nod.

I was always very pro epidural - I'm a pharmacist, I understand the medications/the science, the benefits/risks. I ended up not getting one because I did better laboring when I could walk around.. that being said, I'm still 100% pro-epidural if things are progressing slowly or for any other hiccup.. or just because I damn well want one.

It's your body. It's your baby. The moment you become pregnant you're the mom and the one making decisions. It's a bump road of advice and guilt - keep your chin up and come back to us on Bitchfest Mondays when this inevitably happens again.

Fwiw I also went into last L&D "pro epidural". I didn't end up having one but if I'd needed pain relief, that would have been my first choice.

Everyone will do their own research and have their own opinion, but my reasoning was that I talked to a neurologist at work, who also has two kids of her own. She explained that with an epidural, the drug goes into your spinal column and only affects you whereas if you take an IV or injection narcotic pain killer such as morphine or fentanyl, the drug goes into your bloodstream and is delivered to both you and your baby. All options are obviously perfectly fine, my point is just that there are arguments for every choice and it just depends who you talk to or what article you read which opinion you end up holding.

Either way it wasn't right for her to go on about it. If she hasn't given birth med free herself I'd tell her to shove it. If she has, take it into consideration and move along.

ducks6 · January 2016

I have to say, personally, I would like to try for a med-free birth. I've never met a pain killer that didn't make me nauseous and I hate needles. However, that's me and my choices. Don't let a "friend" pressure you into a birth you don't want. My best friend had an epidural and I fully support her because it was the right thing for her. She supports my hope for a med-free birth because right now I think it's right now me. This is true friendship, recognizing and supporting one another in our personal choices.

Want a personalized experience?

I'm already being pressured into natural birth

Re: I'm already being pressured into natural birth

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

Choose Another Board

Search Boards