plans for after delivery

Re: plans for after delivery

• sarahufl member

  January 2016

  She sounds like a peach.
  
  IMO, Your spouse should handle your MIL, not you.
  

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• suchaglencoco member

  January 2016

  Have your husband write her an email expressing every reason and justification you have and when she can visit. Just make it black and white. I'd also set up a date once the baby is born so she knows when she can come visit and will have no excuse to keep asking. So just say "on the 5th, you can come spend time with our family and as the day gets closer, I will let you know a time." If she still may show up put a note on your door about not accepting any visitors and keep the door locked.
  My DH and I try to remain firm as possible with decisions like this. That's the key for people to learn your rules are the rules they need to follow and you won't waver no matter how much they complain or the antics they use.

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• dragonfly321 member

  January 2016

  @suchaglencoco I love the note idea!!! It sucks to even have to make that a thing, but the reality is, some people just don't care and completely disregard your wants and needs. I'm sending out a message to everyone saying something along the lines of "I know y'all are super excited to meet and see the baby! We are taking a day or two to get settled and then if you would like to come visit, please give us a call and we can arrange it! Thank you for being so understanding of our new family set up!"
  I won't have a problem with being bitchy to people who show up unannounced. Especially while we're attempting to get used to our new "routine".

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• cMichelle0423 member

  January 2016

  Definitely let your husband deal with this. No reason why you should feel stressed over his mother.

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• Bigboobsmcgee member

  January 2016

  Playing devils advocate here:

  So are you not close with your MIL? Why can your family come but not your husband's family? I'd be hurt if my son's wife wouldn't let me come visit my grandchild but her parents can.

  I wouldn't ever straight up tell a family member to leave if they came to visit me and my new baby but it sounds like there's a history with your MIL.

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• redfallon member

  January 2016

  Bigboobsmcgee said:

  Playing devils advocate here:

  So are you not close with your MIL? Why can your family come but not your husband's family? I'd be hurt if my son's wife wouldn't let me come visit my grandchild but her parents can.

  I wouldn't ever straight up tell a family member to leave if they came to visit me and my new baby but it sounds like there's a history with your MIL.

  That's not what she said. She said that she asked everyone to wait, and that her family is ok with this decision, but that her MIL is not. cmn2k9 said:

  I've asked people to give us two weeks after the birth before they can come visit the baby at home (immediate family will come and see at hospital, but after we are discharged I asked for 2 weeks) I had a previous 24 weeker who has disabilities and is going to need time to adjust without all the company, and it's also flu season. My family is okay with this an understands why I'm asking them to wait, however my MiL is not understanding and isn't the type of person to listen or care and if she shows up unannounced during that time I will have to ask her to leaves she's extremely sensitive and I don't want to come off rude, what's the best way to get my point across to someone that doesn't listen to begin with? (She also recently told me that she hopes I notify her first once labor starts, and not my own mother.)

  
  

  Jamie

  
  

  
  

   

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• Bigboobsmcgee member

  January 2016

  redfallon said:

  Bigboobsmcgee said:

  Playing devils advocate here:

  So are you not close with your MIL? Why can your family come but not your husband's family? I'd be hurt if my son's wife wouldn't let me come visit my grandchild but her parents can.

  I wouldn't ever straight up tell a family member to leave if they came to visit me and my new baby but it sounds like there's a history with your MIL.

  That's not what she said. She said that she asked everyone to wait, and that her family is ok with this decision, but that her MIL is not. cmn2k9 said:

  I've asked people to give us two weeks after the birth before they can come visit the baby at home (immediate family will come and see at hospital, but after we are discharged I asked for 2 weeks) I had a previous 24 weeker who has disabilities and is going to need time to adjust without all the company, and it's also flu season. My family is okay with this an understands why I'm asking them to wait, however my MiL is not understanding and isn't the type of person to listen or care and if she shows up unannounced during that time I will have to ask her to leaves she's extremely sensitive and I don't want to come off rude, what's the best way to get my point across to someone that doesn't listen to begin with? (She also recently told me that she hopes I notify her first once labor starts, and not my own mother.)

  
  

  
  Ohhhhhh, reading fail on my part.

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• GinnyJ2012 member

  January 2016

  Your house, baby, and family, your rules. I don't think your demands are unreasonable especially since she can meet the baby at the hospital. You know your older child best, and if you say they need adjustment time and yall need time as a family to get in the swing of things, then that's how it is.
  
  Let your H handle his mom so you don't feel in the middle of things, but make sure he won't cave to her.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• suchaglencoco member

  January 2016

  @dragonfly321, our twins were in the nicu until a week before Christmas. I let close family visit and everyone else was not invited. We also told everyone we wouldn't even entertain the idea of visitors until after the holidays. Our kids. Our house. Our rules. We had no problems.
  We also have notes on our doors -"Sshhhhh.... babies sleeping and guard dogs on duty. Do not knock or ring the bell. Please leave any packages by the door. Text us if you need anything else." No reason to have unexpected visitors waking the entire house.

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• dragonfly321 member

  January 2016

  @suchaglencoco on the guard dog front, mine go crazy if they think anyone even pulls in the driveway. Nevermind someone walking up the steps. Hopefully I can get baby boy acclimated to THAT noise fairly quickly! Guess it will be just like vacuuming and normal household sounds. So much new to figure out!

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• suchaglencoco member

  January 2016

  Ours don't wake up too much when the dogs park as they are used to it from the womb. I just don't like people banging on my door or visiting unannounced.

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• PrimRoseMama member

  January 2016

  cmn2k9 said:

  I've asked people to give us two weeks after the birth before they can come visit the baby at home (immediate family will come and see at hospital, but after we are discharged I asked for 2 weeks) I had a previous 24 weeker who has disabilities and is going to need time to adjust without all the company, and it's also flu season. My family is okay with this an understands why I'm asking them to wait, however my MiL is not understanding and isn't the type of person to listen or care and if she shows up unannounced during that time I will have to ask her to leaves she's extremely sensitive and I don't want to come off rude, what's the best way to get my point across to someone that doesn't listen to begin with? (She also recently told me that she hopes I notify her first once labor starts, and not my own mother.)

  You are under no obligation to acquiesce to her requests. If she shows up then tell you are not up for company and close the door. I've had to do this to my own MIL because she is the same. She got her panties twisted, but boundaries need to be set and you've tried to be diplomatic. What does your husband say? Because he needs to listen to you and be with you on this. IF his mother shows up he can take her out for coffee or escort her out with a promise to call as soon as you are ready for visitors. If he doesn't have your back on this then that is a separate issue. It would be a husband (and less an MIL issue) at that point.
  
  Stick to your guns on this. She should not have free reign to drop in unannounced or announced if you have specifically asked for no visitors for X amount of time. That is rude and disrespecting your boundaries that you have been clear on. 
  

  
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