- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
August 2016 Moms
Diimari15
member
DH not understanding hormones rant
Diimari15
member
Anyone else having issues with their 'dh'? He's totally not getting the "My hormones are FREEKING RAGING!!" thing.
The problem comes from-I think-the fact that I don't, in normal life, have any detectable form of PMS so I don't think he knows what it's really like,even when I straight up tell him "HORMONES!" he comes back at me like I'm trying to start a fight.
Our living situation is that we rent a stand alone house on a good friend's property, we're about 30 feet from his house and parking is in between.
So yesterday he comes home and rather than coming in and saying "Hi there, I'm home I'm gonna go see Scott for a minute and see if he can crack my back," He goes over there without so much as waving through the window and stays over there for half an hour.
When he comes over I'm crying-hormones-and for the first time in our entire 10.5 year relationship I raise my voice telling him that my Mother had invited us for dinner and was expecting us momentarily and explain my problem with what he did. Yes I could have gone over there but at that time (and even now) that's not the point in my mind.
In stead of any sort of apology he just comes right back at me, yelling at me for the first ever time still not getting why it is or why I'm making such a big deal out of it all. (Still has not apologized nor, I believe, realized in any way that he could possibly have done anything that could be even mildly construed as wrong.)
This is about the 3rd time in my 10 weeks (all instances within the past 3 weeks) that he has been subjected, and subjected me to ridiculous instances that are simply completely unfair I believe (the other two are worse and I'd be P.O'd if he did it if I weren't pregnant, but I don't want to air all my laundry.)
There are so many extenuating circumstances that make this a very emotionally mixed time for us, more so for me since I'm the one who's had to sacrifice throughout for him and the fact that he can continue to be so disrespectful is absolutely enraging! And more than that he doesn't even realize it is disrespectful even if I tell him! How can a man with a third child on the way (one he made while we were semi-separated, while I was pregnant with his first and had decided on adoption because of our ages, yet he still destroyed everything I could have had with that one by not telling me until after the adoption was done, and I had taken him back, about his second.)
I was over it for 5.5 years until now where he brings up this kind of behavior.
Emotionally I feel like I died at that point, just numb, not good or bad, tried the psychiatrist thing, too judgmental, tried talking to him, said he understood (always does) until he goes on to show that he doesn't. I go on defending him to everyone, yet it seems like he does the opposite to me. He doesn't have the ability to say 'no' or think for himself, only of himself.
I have to justify my being here by the thought of 'back in the day' when people were paired with good matches, which is in fact what we are. Him practical and able, and me craftsy, imaginative and devoted to an idea that we can create something good out of all this learning from our mistakes...
When he proposed I had doubts, but thought they were just nerves...but I think now I've realized it should have been a different kind of turning point, se should have turned away instead of come together. He 'needs' someone, I 'want' someone, but unfortunately in an area like this I have no ability to go, nowhere, no one, no how. I'm absolutely torn and keep thinking that we're turning a corner, but then it's like his actions just regress...since we've been married.
So I move on...the first time I've felt my heart beat again was when I saw the ultrasound pictures of this little one here. We were trying, I am at the point in my life where I always wanted a child. I have a home in the woods, a yard, he has (finally) a good job, being the main money maker (now) with full health benefits which is how little one is being covered.
I feel bad saying anything since he's taken over dish duty and (obviously) litter boxes, but It's impossible to just bottle it us and try to come out mild later, it seems like he used to be so mature and caring, now he just seems like a rambling ball of disrespect.
RAAAAA!!!!! I just want to scream...and there it is...I see this tuned into a full on rambling rant and I apologize. I know if I were reading this I'd be telling the girl to scram...but I literally have nowhere to go and no means either. There is no lack of love from him to me, and there won't be to the child. He is very sweet, he's just like a dumb puppy, doesn't realize what wrong is and has no idea what he's being 'punished' for....the end...if you made it this far I hope I didn't bring you down, I'm sorry, but if one person out there can understand then at least I'll know it's not just me losing it.
The problem comes from-I think-the fact that I don't, in normal life, have any detectable form of PMS so I don't think he knows what it's really like,even when I straight up tell him "HORMONES!" he comes back at me like I'm trying to start a fight.
Our living situation is that we rent a stand alone house on a good friend's property, we're about 30 feet from his house and parking is in between.
So yesterday he comes home and rather than coming in and saying "Hi there, I'm home I'm gonna go see Scott for a minute and see if he can crack my back," He goes over there without so much as waving through the window and stays over there for half an hour.
When he comes over I'm crying-hormones-and for the first time in our entire 10.5 year relationship I raise my voice telling him that my Mother had invited us for dinner and was expecting us momentarily and explain my problem with what he did. Yes I could have gone over there but at that time (and even now) that's not the point in my mind.
In stead of any sort of apology he just comes right back at me, yelling at me for the first ever time still not getting why it is or why I'm making such a big deal out of it all. (Still has not apologized nor, I believe, realized in any way that he could possibly have done anything that could be even mildly construed as wrong.)
This is about the 3rd time in my 10 weeks (all instances within the past 3 weeks) that he has been subjected, and subjected me to ridiculous instances that are simply completely unfair I believe (the other two are worse and I'd be P.O'd if he did it if I weren't pregnant, but I don't want to air all my laundry.)
There are so many extenuating circumstances that make this a very emotionally mixed time for us, more so for me since I'm the one who's had to sacrifice throughout for him and the fact that he can continue to be so disrespectful is absolutely enraging! And more than that he doesn't even realize it is disrespectful even if I tell him! How can a man with a third child on the way (one he made while we were semi-separated, while I was pregnant with his first and had decided on adoption because of our ages, yet he still destroyed everything I could have had with that one by not telling me until after the adoption was done, and I had taken him back, about his second.)
I was over it for 5.5 years until now where he brings up this kind of behavior.
Emotionally I feel like I died at that point, just numb, not good or bad, tried the psychiatrist thing, too judgmental, tried talking to him, said he understood (always does) until he goes on to show that he doesn't. I go on defending him to everyone, yet it seems like he does the opposite to me. He doesn't have the ability to say 'no' or think for himself, only of himself.
I have to justify my being here by the thought of 'back in the day' when people were paired with good matches, which is in fact what we are. Him practical and able, and me craftsy, imaginative and devoted to an idea that we can create something good out of all this learning from our mistakes...
When he proposed I had doubts, but thought they were just nerves...but I think now I've realized it should have been a different kind of turning point, se should have turned away instead of come together. He 'needs' someone, I 'want' someone, but unfortunately in an area like this I have no ability to go, nowhere, no one, no how. I'm absolutely torn and keep thinking that we're turning a corner, but then it's like his actions just regress...since we've been married.
So I move on...the first time I've felt my heart beat again was when I saw the ultrasound pictures of this little one here. We were trying, I am at the point in my life where I always wanted a child. I have a home in the woods, a yard, he has (finally) a good job, being the main money maker (now) with full health benefits which is how little one is being covered.
I feel bad saying anything since he's taken over dish duty and (obviously) litter boxes, but It's impossible to just bottle it us and try to come out mild later, it seems like he used to be so mature and caring, now he just seems like a rambling ball of disrespect.
RAAAAA!!!!! I just want to scream...and there it is...I see this tuned into a full on rambling rant and I apologize. I know if I were reading this I'd be telling the girl to scram...but I literally have nowhere to go and no means either. There is no lack of love from him to me, and there won't be to the child. He is very sweet, he's just like a dumb puppy, doesn't realize what wrong is and has no idea what he's being 'punished' for....the end...if you made it this far I hope I didn't bring you down, I'm sorry, but if one person out there can understand then at least I'll know it's not just me losing it.
Re: DH not understanding hormones rant
Also, I think chats like this helps by allowing you to vent and to hear others stories!
Good-luck!
I don't know what to tell you besides what you've already said. We have had some rocky times too, so I can understand some of it. You just have to determine does the good outweigh the bad times? Will this be a safe and loving environment for my child?
I would recommend not making any rash decisions. Things will settle down in a couple weeks. Find a peaceful place to go to mentally when things get a little crazy. As much as pregnancy physically and mentally changes you, it's taking a toll on your DH too. Added pressure of providing for a new family member, stress from the relationship... It's going to be hard but remember, you guys are in this together. You both need to be supportive and understanding of one another.
Baby #2: Emmeline Grey - August 2016
Baby #3: BFP 9/7/18 | EDD 05/24/19
After he went into our room and read it, I came in to find out how he took it and he was just stunned, almost in tears. I could hear in his voice when he asked, "You're not serious, are you?" that he was very choked up and trying not to cry.
I guess I can't say that my DH doesn't understand, because he's been very understanding, but I'm telling you that many guys would NOT have reacted the way that my DH did to my little freak out. He's just a very, very patient man. Hormones are terrible and they make us think/do/say terrible things sometimes. Whether your dh understands or not, it isn't going to last forever. I do agree with PPs that having him read up on hormonal changes and how they affect us might help. Best of luck to you, mama.