Another Goodbye - Advice on options?

l9i · January 2016

I went for my first appointment yesterday at 8.5 weeks. When they looked they saw the sac, but nothing in it and no movement at all. With this being my first I was very excited, so naturally I'm also very disappointed now. Luckily we hadn't spread the news as we were going to wait until after that appointment.

Now the only thing to figure out is which option to pick since my body hasn't miscarried on it's own. I was told I could wait it out (not a fan), use a prescription to induce the miscarriage, or have a D&C. Does anyone have experience with either of the last two options? I'm leaning toward the D&C just to get it done, and move on. It seems like the quickest option, but I've also never had any medical procedures of the surgery type which makes me nervous.

While I'm upset I won't be continuing with you gals for the rest of the journey I wish you all luck! I'm ready to heal, move on, and continue my journey in trying again.

*Update in comments*

stacieann15 · January 2016

I had the exact same situation with my first pregnancy. I ended up with the D&C. It went fine, I wasn't in any pain afterward, and I appreciated knowing it was finished. (I had it first thing in the morning and I went home and slept most of the day after.) I've very sorry. Please be kind to yourself.

mouse1029 · January 2016

I'm so sorry! My feeling is that if you were 8.5 weeks and there was only a sac, it's already been a long time that your body hasn't done this naturally. I don't have experience with the pills, but I did have a d&c after my m/c and physically it was very easy. I felt much like you that I just wanted it to be over.

kcolly32 · January 2016

I'm so sorry for your loss, I've never had a D&C but I know ppl that have and they didn't have any issues with it. I would go for that option just so you can start healing. Thoughts and prayers for you!

l9i · January 2016

@stacieann15 Thank you. That is helpful! That is my thinking, is just that everything will be done and taken care of, no more waiting to move on.

@mouse1029 Yes, with the lack of progression I'm a little surprised I hadn't naturally miscarried already. Good to know that the procedure would be easy on the body. From what I read about the pills, it can be a painful process; however, it is non invasive.

smilormarie · January 2016

So sorry.

Ceventa · January 2016

So sorry :-(

Kristin712 · January 2016

I'm so sorry for your loss. I miscarried naturally so I don't have any personal experience with the other two options, but I would choose D&C if I had another loss.

I've heard that the medication is both physically and emotionally painful as it induces contractions. Some people appreciate taking the medication, having the pain, and seeing/miscarrying the tissue; but I think it would be way too traumatic for me. I like the idea of a D&C because you're put out and it's over in one quick procedure.

nellybellycat · January 2016

I am so sorry. My 2 previous pgs ended this way. I chose the D&C. They were physically very easy and painless

Kjohnson1426 · January 2016

So so sorry. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage as well. I chose to miscarry naturally as it helped me with the grieving process but that is obviously not the best for everyone. Trust your instincts on what will help you most. I got pregnant 6 weeks after the miscarriage ended and now have a healthy almost 3 year old. Wishing you all the best!!

charmedlifex3 · January 2016

Oh no! Be kind to yourself, we'll miss you.

ThisisNumber3 · January 2016

Im so sorry, I had two D&C, because both had been a while and they felt like if my body hadn't naturally started it likely wouldn't do it easily on its own. My recovery was pretty easy. Not really any bleeding right after but day 2/3 it was heavy (I think I took 2 days off work). I bled for just over a week and the following month started my first natural cycle.

jamiesc58 · January 2016

So sorry to hear that! Hugs!!!

I have not personally gone through it but the girl I work with just had this happen to her before Christmas. She chose the pills as she wanted the non-invasive option. She still ended up with a D&C afterwards because her body didn't pass everything. She said it was extremely painful and super had on her emotionally. If she had to do it over again, she would choose the D&C right away. Godd luck in whatever you choose. We will miss you!

HeyStVincent · January 2016

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your chances of having another situation like this are small though (if that's any consolation). I work in healthcare and I've seen a lot of women in your position who go on to have a healthy second pregnancy.

I would choose a D&C. That way you know when it's coming. Women who don't get a D&C sometimes don't expel all of the products of conception, and then wind up needing a D&C later anyways. It's a really minor procedure at this point in the pregnancy too - recovery time (physical) is quick. But, really, what you choose needs to be what you're comfortable with.

Be sure to take care of yourself as you deal with your feelings in the coming days and weeks. It's OK to concentrate on you during this time.

juleswalsh · January 2016

So sorry

I had a missed miscarriage last year. I was 11 weeks but baby stopped growing around 9 weeks...I ended up doing it naturally and just waited it out. But , I will tell you it was the most painful thing I've ever gone through! I never expected it to hurt the way it did. It lasted 12 hours. I really thought Something was wrong. It was very scary. If it happened to me again I would probably do the D and C.
Thoughts are with you.

vmd2003 · January 2016

Hello there. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I am not a frequent poster as I am PGAL and still a little anxious about this pregnancy but I did want to share my experience in case it could provide you any help.

I went through this in October, and chose to have a D&C. It went very well - no cramping or pain (I didn't even need to take ibuprofen afterwards) and only had some mild spotting for about 2 weeks afterwards. The only thing I would add that others above have not, is the cost.

I have very good health insurance, which covered the bulk of the procedure, but was still out of pocket about $1300 (total charge was >$8000!) (Also need to note that we had already reached our yearly deductible). Given that our ob/gyn office notified us that a natural child birth in the hospital costs roughly $3000 and a C-section $3800 or so, we were blindsided as we didn't even imagine that a 30 minute procedure could exceed a childbirth.

So, I just wanted to give you this heads up - you can search other posts and find out what others have been charged, but I recall the range being from about $6000-11,000.

We conceived again after my first normal menstrual period, and my ticker change is today (11 weeks), so we are very blessed. In hindsight, it was the right option for us and I would recommend it.

*Edited to add the note re: deductible

tinkerbell11210 · January 2016

I am so sorry for your loss! Please take care of yourself.

bananers · January 2016

I am so sorry. I have had two missed miscarriages and two D&Cs. I don't have any experience with natural or the pill to compare, but my D&Cs were very easy procedures, all things considered. Take a couple days off work to recover - though most of the recovery is emotional, to be honest. The physical part is pretty easy. I was given Vicodin after the procedure, which I took more to sleep and escape than I did for the actual pain. I bled lightly for a few weeks afterward, but many people bleed much less.

As I said, I don't have anything to compare to, but what I appreciated about a D&C was the ability to schedule it (versus waiting around for my body to get the memo, which clearly wasn't happening), and being able to get it over with, with little pain or seeing the products of conception.

Take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve.

kwilliams3402 · January 2016

I don't have any experiences to share with you, but just chiming in to say that I am so sorry you are going through this, and I am praying for you.

texasmama2014 · January 2016

So sorry for your loss.

Bookhousegirl · January 2016

I'm so sorry for your loss. I miscarried naturally, but from what I've heard the pill can be pretty intense and painful. Some doctors have you wait an extra cycle after a D&C vs the medication but I would check with your doctor on that as it seems to be different for everyone.

Take care of yourself. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way!

ramoseecology · January 2016

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a mmc discovered at 11 weeks and a few days and the baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks 2 days. I had the d&c and it went very smoothly. That way I knew it was done and could grieve, I didn't have to keep wondering when it might happen. I had it done in the morning and went to work the next day. The recovery was very easy and my insurance covered it except for $300.

Fremdschamen · January 2016

I am so sorry for your loss. I miscarried at 11.5 weeks, but the baby had apparently stopped growing at 8w6d. Although my natural miscarriage was somewhat traumatic, I was very thankful not to have to take the drugs or have a D&C. I have heard some bad stories from colleagues about their experiences with the prescription meds (hemorrhaging etc)-- and many ended up having to have a D&C anyways. If I had not miscarried naturally, I would have chosen the D&C and skipped the prescription meds.

Abcd7890 · January 2016

So sorry this happened. The same thing happened to us this June. I had the D&C it went well but I've partly always regretted not letting my body do it naturally. It was also rather expensive with my shitty insurance. The downside of maybe waiting it out though is you have no idea when its going to happen or if it will. You may end up with a d&c anyway. I like none of the options. The surgery was a good decision for us then, but I don't know I would do it again if it happens again. You just have to make the best decision for you and what will help you heal.

Kjack85 · January 2016

So sorry for your loss.

Duffgurl · January 2016

So sorry for your lost. Sending my T&Ps your way.

bananers · January 2016

@Abcd7890 summed it up perfectly: "I like none of these options."

Sorry again you're going through this. I hate that so many of us know just how much it sucks.

DDRRT1982 · January 2016

I am so sorry for your loss. Whatever direction you choose I am thinking of you and hope your recovery goes well.

mamarusaw · January 2016

I'm so sorry. Pick what makes you feel most comfortable and what makes you feel the most at peace. I have miscarried before and have felt that when I do things at my own pace that I heal better.

revlaurawittman · January 2016

I've had two missed miscarriages. With my first I did the pill and it was an awful experience. The second time I did the d&c and it was a lot easier to go through. It's obviously an emotional experience but the recovery was really easy. I'm so sorry for your loss.

l9i · January 2016

You gals are all wonderful and supportive! I got my hormone levels back yesterday and they were on track for an early pregnancy which could coincide with what they saw. Now I have to get my levels tested again next week just to make sure the dates aren't way off and I'm just a lot earlier than I thought before making any decisions. I was really hoping to get the D&C and move on and now I feel like this is just dragging it out. Who knows, things could be earlier than I thought, but I'm doubting that.

ThisisNumber3 · January 2016

@l9i - I'm so sorry, that limbo land is terrible. Will you go back for an ultrasound?

Fremdschamen · January 2016

FX for you. Limbo is an awful feeling.

kmswarts · January 2016

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I had a missed miscarriage in October. I waited 8 days after the initial appointment to the confirmation of miscarriage appointment. It was the worst, I started driving myself crazy with the what-ifs! We waited just to make sure my dates weren't off. I ended up having a d&c 3 days after the confirmation appointment and only needed a couple days off of work. Some spotting for a week and my cycle started a month after the d&c. Like the other poster said, it was surprisingly expensive, but I liked just having the finality of it all so I could move on. I was able to conceive the following month too. I wish you all the best in the waiting game, it truly sucks.

angelob88 · January 2016

I'm so sorry for your loss, I had a mmc last Feb and decided to go with a D&C. It was a quick process and I'm glad I went that way to "get it over with." My thoughts go out to you, take time to heal and don't beat yourself up, nothing could have prevented this.

crob5685 · January 2016

I had a very similar experience. I went in at what I thought was around 8-9 weeks, but my periods are long and irregular and I had no idea when I ovulated as I wasn't temping or using OPKs at the time. I'm sorry you are going to go through this roller coaster. I read about lots of cases where they went back a week later and thing were right on track. In my case I went in and they found an embryo and fetal pole the second time but was still measuring about a week behind the earliest we thought i could be so doctor was still not optimistic but said he had seen enough cases like this to know it was possible the baby would catch up. Unfortunately in my case when I went back this was not the case. I opted for the D&C and that experience itself was painless and a very quick recovery from the procedure itself. It did take a very long time for my body to normalize after that though. FX you are just one of the cases where you weren't as far along as you thought, but hugs either way, it is quite the emotional roller coaster!

l9i · January 2016

@thisisnumber3 I'm not sure, it's probably dependent on what the second round of blood work brings back. I go in Monday for blood work and then I was previously scheduled for my annual on Tuesday. They told me I could keep that appointment so I'm sure I'll find out the results then and if they think there's a chance I'm guessing they'll do another ultrasound then. And yes, limbo is the worst.

Want a personalized experience?

Another Goodbye - Advice on options?

Re: Another Goodbye - Advice on options?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards