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Late Term and Child Loss
Lovefor5inID
member
Lost son at 27 weeks-can't be happy for others who are pregnant
Lovefor5inID
member
I lost My sweet boy Griffin, two days after he was born on October 3, 2015. I have been reading these posts from other women for some time now and am excited to join a discussion...
I need help, other women are pregnant in my family and I don't want to be around them, don't care how they are doing and can't bring myself to be happy for them-especially those due the same time as me.... I am usually a caring, selfless person and while I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, I can't be "happy" other women have their baby And mine is gone....I told my husband I would be happy for others if they were sad for me....no one wants to be around a sad person, I get it but don't expect me to want to be around you...the fact of the matter is I am NOT happy for them. Does that make me a bad person?
I dont want to be like this, Griffin was due in Christmas Day and maybe after his due date it will get better....help?
I need help, other women are pregnant in my family and I don't want to be around them, don't care how they are doing and can't bring myself to be happy for them-especially those due the same time as me.... I am usually a caring, selfless person and while I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, I can't be "happy" other women have their baby And mine is gone....I told my husband I would be happy for others if they were sad for me....no one wants to be around a sad person, I get it but don't expect me to want to be around you...the fact of the matter is I am NOT happy for them. Does that make me a bad person?
I dont want to be like this, Griffin was due in Christmas Day and maybe after his due date it will get better....help?
Re: Lost son at 27 weeks-can't be happy for others who are pregnant
I am sorry to find you here. Like you I have been reading posts for a while and have yet to share my story until I read your post just now. My son was born at 27 weeks as well and passed away after 30 hours. He was unexpectedly born early and very sick. Up until then everything had been entirely normal with my pregnancy.
Like you I had a due date close to Christmas. He was my first pregnancy so I was over the moon excited. We were having Christmas at my house this year and I had been planning the holidays for a while. Understandably everything was cancelled and I chose to have a quiet holiday at home with my husband and my dogs. I put up a very small tree and I bought an ornament in his honor. We have respectfully declined all Christmas related parties or gatherings.
Like you I also feel very uncomfortable around other pregnant women. I am very caring and selfless as well so I am not used to feeling so out of character. After reading so many posts on loss I know have become more aware of how difficult it is for some people to even get pregnant. When I see a pregnant person I try to remember that I do not know their story and who knows all they have endured to be pregnant and who knows what lies ahead for them (of course some women have no issues with pregnancy and delivery and live in bliss, we were one of those people at some point and some degree of bitterness is definitely allowed). Now that is normal and this too will pass hopefully. I have been lucky in that many friends after hearing of my loss have approached me with other loss stories I was entirely unaware of. Not everyone is brave enough to share their story.
My son was born in the middle of September so I am a couple of weeks ahead of you in this never ending healing process. Things that I have found helpful include seeing a therapist, talking with my husband and family and giving myself time alone. I have been spending a lot of time at home these days which might be counter productive to being able to deal out in the world but grief can be similar to a physical injury, if you had fractured your leg and had surgery you would spend time resting and slowly get back into running without heading straight to a marathon.
Sometimes your own thoughts can be your worse enemy as well. I start thinking very pessimistic thoughts such as I am never going to be happy again, I will never be a mother to a healthy child and I will never be able to move on. When I catch myself in this mood I try to take a walk and clear my head. I was waking up every morning at 3 am crying inconsolably but this went away so I am hoping pessimistic thoughts start to fade.
Keep me posted on how you are doing, you are not alone.
IUI #7 Follistim + Ganirelix + Ovidrel + Prometrium + Baby Aspirin - BFP! PLEASE STICK!!!
1/25 Beta #1: 389, #2: 940! IT'S TWINS!
TEAM DOUBLE PINK!!!!
All of you are so appreciated and the first place I have found where true care and support lies. I am so sorry for the loss of all mothers and pray for all pregnant women to never go through this (I know that's not reasonable but do it anyway)...
It was hard to write it but it actually helps to say things here because there is no judgement and I am SO proud of him, he was perfect...his little lungs weren't ready....we found out I had a placenta infection and we wouldn't have known that-and we wouldn't have had the two days that we did have-had the delivering Doctor not performed the surgery....
My heart also goes out to the doc-he was young and ours was the first baby he delivered and whom didn't survive-he appeared as devastated as my husband....
All NICU shift nurses, the delivering doc and my regular OBGYN were at Griffins funeral-that was touching....
Thank you so much ladies, I needed the support! Hugs!
I just wanted to say that your story is heartbreaking. No family should ever have to endure this.
It is hard to know what to say when someone has gone through something so unthinkable. I am sending you love and light to you, your family, and your beloved son Griffin.
I imagine you got the same questions as me durine your pregnancy - how does he breathe in your belly? Does he eat what you eat? (My favourite one: "Can he touch your bones?") And then after loss, the questions are so much more poignant.
My daughter had a Poem About Me school exercise where she fills in the blanks. In the "I wish ... __________" line, she completed it with "that baby John could be alive". It was touching and sweet and sad, all at once.
It is hard enough for us adults to absorb and comprehend this loss. It is so much more unfair for a young one to have to do so at all.
I don't think Griffin will ever -- could ever -- be forgotten in your family and by those who hear about the special time he had with you. I am an internet stranger that is probably 3000 miles from wherever you are, but I will keep him in my thoughts too.