People wanting to touch the belly.

Knottie04212328 · January 2016

Hey everyone I am looking for some advice. I am only 7 and half weeks but my mother in law and father in law keep trying to touch my belly. My mither in law even encouraged the onw friend we allowed her to tell to rub my stomach. I bugs me a lot, i lIke my perzonal space. I know this thing is going to get worse as I start to show. Any advice on how to get people to respect your personal space?

mamarusaw · January 2016

At 8 weeks I had a random guy come up to me at Target and try to touch my stomach. He asked first (luckily) and I said no! Then he tried to convince me on reasons why he should!!! Literally all it was is bloat.......not even really a bump yet at all.

PinkLady2015 · January 2016

::::Lurking:::

Start rubbing their stomachs simultaneously

In all seriousness, have no scruples about backing away or putting your hand up in front of someone if they are a stranger, because well, personal space and stranger danger.

If they're family or friend... You can make a little joke about it just being bloat and shift your body away from them. It will probably happen more often and this is a wonderful time to establish boundaries and learning to give zero f^cks about offending someone. A polite but firm "I know it's tempting but I'm not comfortable with anyone touching my body at this point." Maybe buffer with a "Later, if the baby kicks, I'll gladly let you try and feel that"
Be firm and don't feel bad. Setting up boundaries now is essential, especially when family or friends start making assumptions about your L&D! (Like assuming they'll be in the delivery room or in the waiting area the whole time!)

alyssajrob22 · January 2016

My MIL did the exact same thing. I told her that it was just a little bit of chub and a whole lot of firm. She didn't get the point and when she tried again, I gently pushed her hand away and told her that right now I'm not comfortable doing that and that she at least needs to wait until we find out the gender. I think I might feel differently about it after we find out the gender and might be more open to the occasional belly rub from family or close friends. Not yet though.

Toricharline · January 2016

I never let anyone touch my belly, besides my best friend and husband.
Others who tried, usually would ask first and I would just tell them I'd rather them not because I wasn't feeling well. This early on, you can just tell them all they are going to feel is your full bladder and possibly make you wet your pants. That should get them to step back.

imakeeff0rts · January 2016

A firm "no" works well. If they try to keep pushing, you're free to leave the room.

I'm glad they're showing their creepy early, because like you said, it's only going to get worse. If you don't establish those boundaries now, it's going to be exponentially more difficult to do/enforce the further along you get.

You could say something like "No, I really don't want people touching my stomach." And like PP said, back away and put a hand up or something.

Jenniferk08 · January 2016

I don't like being touched and my family respects that. My son is almost 5 and likes to rub my belly because he's the big brother. I let it go but we have told him he needs to ask first.
I will be having a general conversation with my coworkers about how I hate people rubbing my belly. I think part is because I'm overweight so I get self conscious about it.

kiwico14 · January 2016

My husband was kind enough to say something on my behalf when I was pregnant with DS. I'm not sure what he told him mom (I wasn't in the room), but she asked first for the rest of my pregnancy. I threw her a bone a few times when he was kicking to show goodwill. I didn't ask DH to intervene, but I'm so glad he did.

themisfitbenji · January 2016

I am dreading this so, so, so much. My partner said he'd help set boundaries for me. Tell strangers to back off, ask his family not to, etc. I have social anxiety, so it's tough for me to do so. And I hate, hate, being touched. Hypersensitive to it. If possible, ask your partner if they can help you set boundaries.

Another thing I've thought about is wearing a sign that says "please.don't touch". Lol but that might get too awkward to wear everywhere. Wonder if they make shirts lime that?

Knottie04212328 · January 2016

Thanks everyone! These suggestions will definitely help!

lalalorelai · January 2016

@themisfitbenji here ya go:

Image: https://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51Gx3z-uJAL._UX385_.jpg

A firm "Please don't touch me" works and doesn't leave it open for questions or for future "Well you said you weren't feeling well, you must be feeling better now!". It's your body. No one has the right to touch it without your consent.

A long, steady bitch face with an arched eyebrow works wonders for me when people cross boundaries.

imakeeff0rts · January 2016

^That. I don't understand why people think that they suddenly have free reign over your body because you're pregnant.

Don't leave it open for interpretation. "I'm not feeling well right now", or "maybe later" leaves it open and they're going to continue asking/trying. "Please don't touch me" the first time and then "DON'T. TOUCH. ME." the second. The only time someone touched my belly was at a grocery store. I picked her hand up from my stomach, which she didn't like.

ZedPM3 · January 2016

I don't think I'm going to mind people I know (family and friends) touching my belly once I'm showing, but do random strangers really come up and try to touch you?? That's so weird. Like, under what circumstances is that normal/acceptable? If it ever happens to me I hope it's a guy with a beer belly so that I can touch his belly back and say, "Aww, when are you due?"

kiwico14 · January 2016

Strangers will ask you amazingly invasive personal questions while vigorously rubbing your belly. After you tell them that you're not in the business of granting wishes, they will proceed to give you heaps of unwanted advice and question your competence as a parent if you answer any questions in ways that conflict with their beliefs. The bigger you get, the more the general public will weigh in on your pregnancy and parenthood.

This is a good time to practice your future responses. I second PP with the responses to people touching your belly, and I'll add the "nod and smile" to the list of responses to practice for future unsolicited opinions and advice.

bananers · January 2016

I always swore I would rub anyone's belly who rubbed mine, but thankfully I never had that issue when I was pregnant with DS. Maybe it's my resting bitchface. I must not look approachable, lol.

jamiesc58 · January 2016

I have never had a stranger ask or even try to touch my belly when I was pregnant with my other kids. I don't mind family and friends doing it at all. My cousin scratches my belly over my shirt and it feels so amazing! Way better than if I am doing it myself lol. I grew up in a family that hugs a lot and shows a lot of affection so I guess that kind of makes it easier for me.

amccul20 · January 2016

my mom wanted to rub my belly all the time when I was pregnant with ds and I told her it weirded me out and not to. she was soo soo mad at me. I told her to chill out, my body and I don't want someone rubbing all up on me.

l9i · January 2016

This concept is so strange to me. I have my personal space and respect others as I understand the frustration of someone intruding into it. When one of my good friends was pregnant I was a little weirded out at first when she wanted me to touch her belly to feel the baby kick.

jacmkelley · January 2016

I guess I'm crazy lol it doesn't bother me at all. I will say that after my loss in August I worked with two girls who were also pregnant at the time and it was comforting to me to touch theirs. I guess because I knew there was life in there and it just made me happy to know their little guys were doing ok.
In all truthfulness if someone I completely didn't know and at that a man asked to touch my belly it'd weird me out and I'd probably awkwardly laugh. But friends, family and coworkers are all game to me. It's totally fine!

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