I'm going to lose it!!!

jennnyy · January 2016

I'm 9 weeks pregnant and I maybe sleep a couple hours at night.my 2 year old has been waking up every couple hours... And tonight, he won't go to sleep... It's almost midnight and he is still fighting it!!! I don't know what I can do to get him to sleep through the night. It makes me fearful to have another baby. Ugh what do I do??

MrsDannyOutlaw · January 2016

Lurking from TTGP..

My son is 5 1/2 now. He went through stages like that off and on until pre-k. What eventually worked for us was one of two things.
One, reverse psychology. Years ago I learned that because it takes far more energy to stay awake then to try to sleep, I started making myself try to keep my eyes open. Worked like a charm every time I had bouts of insomnia. We tried this with DS and worked. "Don't go to sleep!! You have to finish the book. Look at all the pages!" "Don't go to sleep! You wanted to watch the whole episode!"
Two, ENYA! She was a LIFESAVER!! Half way through "Orinoco Flow" and he was out!

ETA We also, when he got older, realized that just because he is a child doesn't mean he can't determine if he not tired or not hungry. We started respecting his opinions and needs as opposed to forcing what was best for us. If he was just not sleepy, we allowed him to stay up. He had to read, put on an educational TV show, or color. Something calm and relaxing in his room. Overtime this taught him that we understand and respect his wishes( not implying you don't respect your child by any means!) and he realized it wasn't a battle of wills. He didn't have to fight us. So he was okay saying, "hey, I'm tired. I'm going to bed early." Also, he learned to respect us. When we say, "Time for bed," he realizes we aren't the bad guys. We are simply doing what is best for him. We offer some flexibility to him, and in return he shows us that he can also be flexible with us.

Of course, all of our flexibility and teaching of independence was done within healthy reason. It's hard to get passed those stages, but in due time. Just have to determine what works best in your family unit. Hope I could help some! Even if it was just by understanding.

Bigboobsmcgee · January 2016

What have you tried? There's tons of advice to give but I'm not getting much from your post.

PrimRoseMama · January 2016

We also do the reverse psychology and white noise. True story though the Spa Channel or any one of those relaxation music CD's work like a charm on my two. Books and more books. Read in a quiet place. What was extra fun for us is getting a night light (like the lady bug or even a colored bulb in a clay night light with different shapes. Turning the lights down low and reading then snuggling. Add the music and you will have less fight and more cuddle.

Also, a bath before bed with some soothing diffused oils and music. Classical or mood music while you give them a bath in low lighting (we got the dimmers for our bathrooms and its amazing). With being warm and snugly, then transfer to more warm and snugly-- its been a shoe in for us once we discovered how much of a difference that lightning, sound and snuggles makes.

Also, realize that this type of thing is a phase and that it WILL end at some point. Having two with the night wakings in the beginning is very difficult. I'm not going to lie-- I had 2 under 2 for about 3 months. Thankfully my DD didn't do much night waking, but she did get sick at some point. So I was bouncing between them with very little sleep myself. It sucks, but you make it eventually!

jennnyy · January 2016

Thanks for your advice! I will try that!! Love the dimming lights and essential oils ...I need to do a better bed time routine and this sounds like it would be great. Also the insomnia trick... I'm going to try that on myself!! Lol

groovylocks · January 2016

I had severe insomnia as a child (typically slept 3 hours a night at most for years) and my parents went the tough love route with me. So when i'd get up, they'd pick me up, take me back to bed, not speak to me except to say "it's bedtime. I love you. Goodnight" and put me in bed and turn the light off. If i cried, they ignored me. If i screamed, they went to another part of the house. If i came looking for them, they'd just take me back to bed, not speak to me and put me back in. They didn't entertain any requests for anything or any "i just have to tell you something" except to say "tell us in the morning. We aren't listening right now"

It didn't help me get over the insomnia per se. There is nothing a parent can really do to "fix" childhood insomnia so that was treated separately by my pediatrician. But what it did do was show me that bedtime meant bedtime. And i was welcome to lay there and listen to my music and cuddle my animals but i was NOT welcome to disrupt a resting household (and my mom was also pregnant during part of that time too) And if i DID disrupt the household, i didn't get any reaction. I didn't get what i wanted. My manipulation wasnt entertained at all. I didn't get anger or a fight. I literally got nothing but marched back to bed.

It took about a week of this before i realized that i might as well give up and at least stay in my room. I don't recall how cranky i was during the day though..

groovylocks · January 2016

Oh yeah and the routine, i see somebody mentioned that.

So my pediatrician told my parents that around 2 hours before bedtime, everything in the house should begin to slow down. The TV goes OFF (Seriously. For adults and children. TV, games, screens of all types. OFF) and the lights get low and voices get quiet. I got a light snack (maybe some fruit and a couple of crackers - NO NO NO sweets!) I would get a bath and put into warm jammies. My mom claims she even washed my jammies in a different soap so the smell of that soap meant bedtime. I could choose two books for her to read to me. We would read them and then I would be put in bed with a glass of water and any stuffed toys i wanted. Then the light would go out and my parents would walk away and that would be the last complicated interaction i had with them before i finally got up for good. At 5am. Because to this day, I'm a night owl but can't sleep in lol (It makes late night feedings with my newborn kind of easy, actually.)

groovylocks · January 2016

sorry one more thing. You SHOULD respect your child's opinions but the inability to regulate sleep patterns isn't an opinion. They DON'T know if they're not tired at this age because their little brains are still growing and regulation of melatonin and other sleep hormones, needs to be trained by the parents.

Sorry but this 'I'm going to stay up till 3am, get back up at 5am because i'm 'not tired'" is not a child's opinion or illustrative of their individual need for sleep. What it is is a child who is cycling badly and will give you sweet holy hell the next day.

It is not his responsibility to dictate his bedtime. It's yours. Sorry momma but if you let him make the choice, this is going to become a whole new layer of hell. And it's a bell you can't unring.

MrsDannyOutlaw · January 2016

@groovylocks Yes, I agree with all that. Hence why I noted "healthy reason". When I say respect my child's ability to determine how he feels, I mean within healthy reason.
So when he has not had the chance to wind down yet due to a busy day, homework, baseball, what have you..I understand. He is allowed a bit more time to get to that point. My child most certainly does not stay up beyond a reasonable hour just because he says so. However, I don't believe allowing him to stay up 30 minutes later to chill out is doing him any harm.
We are not so flexible that we have become lazy in our parenting.
After almost 6 years we have determined this works best for us. My son has a very healthy sleep schedule and pattern.

Edited to clarify, this is not a daily ordeal we stuggle with. That practice began when Kindergarten did and he struggled with all the new stimulation of his "big boy" world. Then had trouble getting to a relaxed state with the sun still out. Now he simply goes to bed when told. Some nights he likes to read by himself for a few and does not argue when we tell him lights out. Then sleeps straight through until the alarm goes off.
Demonstrating understanding and flexibility helped us get him into the healthy routine he has now. Good thing since the bus comes at 6:30!

PrimRoseMama · January 2016

Meh-- I'll disagree with @groovylocks . My kids have almost always had a flexible bedtime based on their cues. If they start to demonstrate signs of sleepiness we head towards bath & bed. We don't have a fixed bed time though & we never have. It works for us because my kids sleep when they are tired & they sleep through until 8am or later.

The mom-friends I know that insist on a 7pm bedtime? I hear constantly how their kids are up at 3am or 4am and so they have to be up that early. So-- as always there is no one size fits all for any one family.

I just think most sleep stuff is phases that worked through vs. Something to be hulk-smashed into fitting for a parent. Practical reasons do apply (work/school) but it's been my experience that everyone feels less rested & more frustrated the more you fight to make sleep happen vs. Create at atmosphere that helps sleep.

So, I agree somewhat-- but not completely. I know I'm in the minority on my sleep beliefs, but nothing has saved me more sanity than to stop making sleep a battle (or food).

jmknox · January 2016

How is the day time nap schedule?

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I'm going to lose it!!!

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