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3rd Trimester
aclw0509
member
Breastfeeding
aclw0509
member
I'm a first time mom and am due 2/23/16. I'm wanting to only pump and feed my baby through a bottle instead of her consuming my milk through my breasts so that my husband can help feed and we work as a team. My mother thinks I'm going about this the wrong way and that I won't have that bond with my baby and I'm only thinking of myself and not my baby. Is she right? Am I being selfish? And if not will be hospital allow this? If my milk doesn't come in what do I feed her til it does? Formula? Please help me!
Re: Breastfeeding
Your mother needs to back off. This is your baby and you are responsible for making these decisions. It's not uncommon for other people to comment about various decisions you make as a mother but at the end of the day you know what is best for your child.
I've heard the argument about bonding and while I don't doubt that it helps mom and baby bond, it does not mean that a mom and baby who don't breastfeed don't bond. I think of friends of mine who wanted to BF but couldn't and so formula fed instead. The bond between them and their children is just as strong as between a breastfed child and his/her mother.
The hospital may encourage you to breastfeed but again, it is entirely your call.
Edit spelling
You'll bond with your child no matter what. It sounds like your Mom breastfed and is pushing that choice on you. This will be the first of many parenting decisions but it's ultimately yours.
As a background I BF and pumped (for date nights and a few overnight trips) and BFing was relatively easy for me after the first week but pumping was really hard. Do what feels right for you, for me it was BF (I'm lazy and didn't want to deal with bottles) but if I had difficulty like many women do I would have found a solution that worked for our family - whether that's exclusively pumping for formula feeding.
When I hear comments about breastfeeding and bonding it makes me feel for all the Mom's who can't, chose not to or adopt. Their kids aren't any less loved.
Obviously it's totally your choice, but I would maybe try starting off with BF so your LO can at least learn how in case you feel completely overwhelmed with pumping like I did.
That said, EP is HARD. And frustrating. You very well might not get anything the first few times that you pump, and you'll have to express in a different way. Alternatively (some women have done this AFTER clearing with their OB), you could pump some colostrum while you're still pregnant if you're lactating already (again, PLEASE CHECKUP WITH YOUR DOCTOR FIRST), save the colostrum in syringes, freeze it, and take it with you to the hospital.
Back to EP: I would not choose to do that again. I was constantly pumping, my supply struggled, I got mastitis and clogged frequently because, like someone else said, pumps aren't as effective. Not to mention the time washing everything, etc. I felt like I missed out on a lot, and as he got older, I found it harder to pump because he needed more of my time. I recommend finding an IBCLC, taking your husband, and talking about it with her. If it's still something you want to try, you'll at the very least be able to get some tips from her.
Keep in mind that there are a variety of ways that you can "work as a team" that doesn't involve being strapped down to a machine all day.
I have not had any issues with clogged ducts due to the pump, though I did gwt one from waiting too long between sessions and another from wearing too tight of a bra.
I never had luck pumping colostrum in the hospital, so I suggest looking up on youtube how to hand express, if you want to give that to baby before you milk comes in. I also hand expressed and froze colostrum in syringes starting at 37 weeks, so I had about 25-30 syringes that I fed to DD while at the hospital.
Sorry this was so long, I just don't want you to feel like you are alone in wanting to EP. You can be quite successful!
Instead, I want to encourage you and back you up in facing the pressure from your mom. This will be the first of MANY MANY things our dear loved ones, concerned friends and flat-out strangers will try to push on you regarding baby advice. Everyone will have an opinion on what you should and shouldn't do. There are gentle, kind, yet very firm ways to say thanks, but no thanks. You're the mamma. There's going to be a million times you'll have to stick up for you, your child and your family and I support you in starting that NOW.
All the best!
We did a combination of the two.
I actually thought it was really great for a few reasons:
1. The baby learned to take a bottle quickly instead of having to make the transition later on when it was time for him to start going to daycare
2. We both got the benefit of the closeness that breastfeeding offers and the immunological benefits of feeding directly from the breast (baby saliva passes signals through the breast while sucking that tells mama what specific antibodies to make to pass back to baby)
3. I got a break for the pre-bedtime feeding, when hubby gave him a bottle of pumped milk.
I breastfed my first from my breasts exclusively for the first two months, but I would pump once or twice a day during that time to build up my freezer stash (I started 2-3 weeks post partum). Even though I breastfed from my boobs, it was still a "team" effort, as my husband would get the baby, give him a diaper change, then bring him to me to breast feed. When I was done, if he was not in milk coma, my husband would help soothe him and put him back to sleep.That way, it didn't feel like I was doing the night time feedings all by myself. Knowing that I was going back to work after 3 months, after 2 months, we started introducing bottles. At that point, my husband would occasionally feed him bottles from our freezer stash while I sat next to him and pump. My point is, you can still make this a "team" effort without exclusively pumping.
I recommend taking a breastfeeding class. I wish that I would have because I had many of the same questions and everything was unknown to me. Your milk will take a while to come in, if it comes in at all (or if you even have enough) so you should have a game plan ahead of time. If your hospital is anything like mine, they will put massive pressure on you to breastfeed and it's super stressful right after having a baby.
Things might not go perfectly as planned but with taking a class, maybe reading some books, you should have a pretty good idea of what you need to try to do right after baby comes in regards to BF'ing. I can admit that BF'ing, or at least trying to BF was the single hardest thing about having a baby.
However, don't be discouraged from breastfeeding just so your husband can help feed.
You can still breastfeed and pump, which is what I plan to do.
I will breastfeed when I'm feeding our son (unless I'm in a situation where it's not feasible) and pump for storage so that my husband can use breastmilk in a bottle when it's his turn feed.
I will say that your mother and plenty of others are going to be offering up advice for the entire time you are a mom. You're going to have to learn to ignore them and have confidence in the decisions you are making as the parents...you'll be a lot happier in the long run.
80% of the time I nurse her and it's great. If she gets a feeding or two of formula from my husband, I'll pump and save the milk for later.
We all want to do what is best for our babies but doing what's right for momma is hugely important too. So no, you aren't being selfish at all.
TTC #2: Oct 2017, BFP 12/19/17, CP 12/22/17
BFP 2/20/18 - EDD 10/31/2018
Keep in mind that some babies refuse bottles all together. My son refused. Absolutely refused to take a bottle. When I had to go out of town to attend to a family crisis (taking my dad off life support in another city) we had to resort to syringe, dropper & spoon + cup feeding of BM or formula. So you might have plans for bottle feeding that go awry because every baby has their own preferences. If you want to EBF you just have to remember to be flexible.
Personally? I despised the pump, the washing, the storing, potentially faulty storage bags & reheating the milk if I needed it. For me, popping a boob was easier & so much less work. For some it is not & I recognize that. I've both bottle & breast fed. If I get to choose (and circumstances don't decide for me) I prefer EBF directly from the breast.
You have to figure out, once baby is here, which way works best for baby & you. Everyone else's advice is just background noise, really. You know what works for you & so you need to believe in yourself.
Wishing you the very best no matter which method you discover works best. A fed baby is a happy baby & that is what is best in the long run.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
ETA: words
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
First: pumping will definitely get your milk in. It will also make your uterus contract. However, the baby's better at getting the milk out than the pump, so you may find yourself having supply issues. Also, the mentality of being hooked up to a machine can be so off putting for some women that they have difficulty getting their milk to let down.
Second, I don't know about the hospital you'll be at, but my hospital had a pump on every bedside table and nurses were totally free with getting tubing for people. If this is your first kid, I still recommend going to breastfeeding classes, talking to the hospital lactation counselors and practicing a latch so you're confident with all of your options.
Third, breast feeding is a gazillion times more complicated than you think. Definitely do your research in advance so you can make informed choices and so you can make your experience the best possible experience for you and your family.
Fourth, and most importantly, you WILL bond with your child. If anything, you're giving your DH and your child an incredibly precious, selfless gift by ensuring that he, too, gets to experience an incredible bonding experience. The more time you spend with your baby, the stronger your bond will be. It's really that simple.
I would start out with both so you have the option to choose which balance you want once you have in-person experience with both approaches. You can still pump and have your partner give half the feedings while you still breastfeed for half the feedings. I both pumped & breastfed for my first, and liked the flexibility of being able to do both. The washing and extra time that pumping takes is enough of a barrier that I personally won't choose to exclusively pump for baby 2. But you might feel differently.
in terms of those first few days, baby nurses and/or you pump to stimulate your breasts. In general, you don't need to supplement with formula as the colostrum is sufficient for most babies until your milk comes in.
and as for your particular hospital, you'll have to ask!
I will also offer that the "wanting DH to help with feedings" argument is only valid after you get your supply regulated...at least 6 weeks, if not 12. Which means you will have to get up and pump at night every time the baby gets a bottle until your supply is settled. Therefore EP won't help you get any more sleep until at least 2 months in. My kid started STTN at 3 months, so that wouldn't have been worth it for me. Some kids don't STTN for a really long time though so it might help you then, assuming you get enough pumped during the day. I pumped MOTN until LO was 4 months old, even when she slept through, to build a freezer stash.
I'll offer also that when I was home on maternity leave i could only pump once DH was home for the night. LO was high maintenance those first 3 months and wouldn't accept me putting her down for the amount of time necessary to get a pump session in. So consider that as well. If I had no choice but to EP I'm sure I would have figured it out somehow but it wasn't worth it for me.
If you want to EP I'd look into renting a hospital grade pump for the first 2-3 months...they are a lot better than home models and would really help build your supply.
I pumped for 16months for twins. I had to pump as they were in the nicu, and then they never got the hang of breastfeeding, so I kept pumping. You CAN maintain your supply pumping, but everyone is different. You are going to have to do what is best for you and baby.
This time around, I am planning to try to nurse from the breast, but I also know that I can pump if needed. I like the convenience factor of being able to take baby out without the pump, etc.
Mama to Three Girls:
Twins born March 2014 at 26 weeks due to preterm labor
and our 37weeker born May 9th, 2016!
Mama to Three Girls:
Twins born March 2014 at 26 weeks due to preterm labor
and our 37weeker born May 9th, 2016!
I never had ANY issue with bonding, etc. That is like saying that mothers who are physically incapable to lactate are doing wrong by their babies... that parents who adopt infants are doing wrong by their babies...
Your mother obviously doesn't know what she is talking about.
I will say, though, that you don't have to exclusively pump to have a teamwork mindset with your spouse. I don't see why you couldn't BF when you feed baby, then bottle feed when he does. You can work extra pumping sessions in to your routine so that he'll always have the milk, too.
Anyway, that stuck out to me more than the EPing did. That's your own choice, I just don't see it as a necessity to accomplish your goal.
I'd breastfeed again hands down, because I'm too damn lazy to faff about with bottles, and panicking about just how much to take out for the day. I find it all much easier "on tap".
The reason, though, that DS was formula, was because I just could not breastfeed him, so, in that situation, breast was not easier at all.
I did try pumping for a month. I'd get about 2oz a day, enough maybe for one feed.
And I'd be on the pump for hours a day getting that.
How you feed your baby is 51% your choice, 49% dad's choice, and zero concern of anyone else as long as s/he's getting fed somehow.
ETA: busted by zombie-thread.
Just to share my experience, I am pregnant with DD #2 and I am going to try a new route to nursing. You may want to try this method too just to build up your supply that you and hubby can feed new baby breast milk for longer. This time around I am going to exclusive breast feed for the first month (last time I pumped and nursed from the get go). After that I am going to start pumping in tandem with nursing, so that hubby can help with feeding her. With my first DD I was able to make it a year nursing but my supply dwindled dramatically after the first few months and had to mix it 50/50 with formula. My goal is to avoid that this time and also still be able to involve hubby and pump.
My husband has 2 DDs of his own but their mother never nursed so I've been doing research in order to see how he can be more involved. The suggestions I have come across are things like letting him burp and change the baby after feeding. Also, he can massage your neck, help get the baby latched on, etc. Plenty of suggestions out there.
I know there is a lot of unsolicited advice in here and I apologize for the rambling, good luck on however you guys decide to handle feeding your new little one!
I exclusively pumped for 11 months with my daughter and fed her expressed breast milk until she was almost a year. I also fed a friends child for a few months and donated 22 L to the Nicu. You can do it if that is what you want, and breastfeeding isn't for everyone and every baby (it sure wasn't for me!)
ETA: I only stopped because my dd had a dairy allergy and after 11 months with no dairy I was jonesing for some pizza and I got pregnant around then anyway!