Fed up with potty training

MillerMama13 · January 2016

I really just need to vent and if anyone has advice, that would help too.

I was off work for a week during the holidays so I decided to take that opportunity to work on potty training with DD. She will be 3 in March. We've tried several times to potty train but never got the hang of it. She did really well during my week off. She went back to daycare and had a couple accidents the first week. Since then though, she hasn't had another accident at daycare. The teachers say she's really good about telling them she needs to go. Great!!

Except...

When she's home she has so much trouble. She's so stubborn that every time I ask her if she has to go she says no even if I can tell she needs to go. I've also tried not asking her and waiting to see if she will tell me when she needs to go. Or just go use the potty on her own. That didn't work either. When I'm home with her I have to basically force her to sit on the toilet or else she will just pee or poop her pants. We give her rewards for going. Make a big deal out of her going and everything like that.

She doesn't even tell me when she has peed her pants. She will sit in her pee pants until I notice that she's wet. I'm trying so hard to keep calm and not get frustrated but it is so damn infuriating. I don't want to give up and try again later since she's already doing so great at daycare. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong at home and I feel like a failure.

I was going to post this on the potty training board but it's completely dead so I decided to vent to y'all. Sorry!

MamaNicoleof3 · January 2016

It's nothing you're doing. PTing was one of the worst parenting experiences I've had (and I had a baby who literally didn't sleep, had sleep apnea, awful reflux, and two surgeries before a year....). Neither one of our kiddos wanted to PT. It might be a control thing for her and she just doesn't care. You may have to just let her dictate when it happens :-/ not fun, I know, but both our kids were over 3 when they finally learned. And no one goes to kindergarten in diapers

hang in there, mama!

MillerMama13 · January 2016

Thanks! That makes me feel a lot better actually. I think google and Pinterest is getting me down with all these moms that are like "How I potty trained my 18 month old in 1 day" and other blogs like this. I know that is insane but at the same time I never thought it would be this hard.

lola6711 · January 2016

I don't feel qualified to give potty training advice because it went horribly in our house. I read tons of books, blogs, etc. And still felt like a failure. I've already decided that I'm never potty training this one, I will fund adult diapers for her:) I'm kidding. Just wanted you to know you're not alone.

peaceinnature · January 2016

As infuriating as it is, it's mostly up to them to decide to do it. DS still had accidents at home for awhile after he stopped wearing diapers. I think mostly because he didn't want to stop what he was playing to go pee. We sang the song from Daniel Tiger ("if you have to go potty, stop and go right away") and generally tried to not make a huge deal of it. "Oh whoops you had an accident, we better clean you up." It all evened out before he turned three.

I did allow him to ask me for a diaper if he wanted to, which he did for poops for a short while. But then I just suggested he try his potty and let him sit there with lots of books or his toy piano and he stopped asking for the diapers, but I think it was important for him to feel like it was his decision.

rkrichey · January 2016

I feel for you. Potty training has literally been the worst part of parenting for me so far. And I dealt with long, drawn out colic twice. I hate potty training with a freaking passion. My now 4 1/2 year old was so hard. I tried everything. It came down to just waiting until HE was ready. I tried for months. Then I gave up. And one day when he was 3 and 3 months I just happened to have gotten a great deal on underwear for him. I showed him and said "hey, you wanna try these on and stop wearing diapers?" He said ok. He had a handful of accidents but nothing like before. It was almost as infuriating as the previous attempts. It just had to be his decision. And now my other son will be 3 in February so we just started with him and again, it's so hard. I think I'm going to wait a few more months. But in your case where she's doing ok at daycare, I don't know. That's extra infuriating. Hang in there. It's so hard.

Lyette1206 · January 2016

One of my coworkers had trouble with her almost 3 year old - if he was wearing underwear he'd just pee in them. She had luck in just leaving him bare bottomed - for some reason it just clicked?
The problem with 3 year olds is they're learning to be independent and that they have control in certain circumstances - and this is one they can control. As frustrating as it is, I'd just keep reacting calmly - for my DD, she really pushed with poops on the potty, but one day she just started going and it was all good.

Tawny87 · January 2016

I sympathize! Trying to get my 2 yr old twins trained before this baby comes.

hoosiermamaof2 · January 2016

I agree with everyone else about letting the little one dictate when it's time. Potty Training can definitely be such pain, but I think fighting with the kiddo about it makes it worse. I understand wanting to get her potty trained before the next baby arrives. I'm in the process of pt my DS who will be 3 in May. The thought of only having to change one kid's diapers sounds just so nice. Hopefully she stops fighting it and realizes sitting in wet or poopy pants is much worse than just sitting on the potty.

Good luck, Mama! You're doing your absolute best, and I applaud you for patience.

WinniethePoohsPants · January 2016

If It helps, everything "clicked" for my DS just before his 3rd birthday. GL mama, you'll get there.

Incandescent · January 2016

If you can let her go pantless, that worked for my DS

MillerMama13 · January 2016

Thanks so much everyone. It makes me feel so much better knowing everyone had some challenges and potty training is just hard. Glad it's not just me.

m8881 · January 2016

I hate potty training. Mostly because I'm ocd and hate cleaning up the inevitable messes.
With both my older kids I used the 3-day method which is where you throw away the diapers, make a big deal if that, really do it, get them fun undies they can easily put on n take off themselves, focus on the kid (no other distractions), tell them regularly to let you know if they need to go potty, watch for the signs of them needing to pee and take them when you see the signs. They wear undies and shirt, no pants. You don't make plans to go out for those 3 days (long weekend works well) You praise each time they go. You can give candy if you want. There's other tips with it but that was the gist. The key was literally hanging out with your kid the whole 3 days. But halfway thru you both pretty much get it. There is regression on day two and day one is rough. By day three both of mine got it. Then I backed off and just reinforced. There were def accidents but for the most part they were good. You have to really make a point to get rid of the diapers and praise them for being such a big kid. The lady recommends doing it at 21 months but we did it at 30 ish with both of ours.

Tawny87 · January 2016

21 months.... Wow! Mine are 28 months and I think that they would have a hard time lol.

TwoBadMice · January 2016

MillerMama13 said:
Thanks! That makes me feel a lot better actually. I think google and Pinterest is getting me down with all these moms that are like "How I potty trained my 18 month old in 1 day" and other blogs like this. I know that is insane but at the same time I never thought it would be this hard.

This! We are having a hard time here too. Ugh Pinterest potty trainers can go shove a mason jar salad up their ass.

lifeisbetteronthered · January 2016

Another vote for waiting until your kid is ready. DD showed some signs of readiness so we tried once and it was an utter failure. 2 months later she informed us that she was too big for diapers, and voila, potty trained in one day, no fights. The rare accident (maybe 5 total), all related to not wanting to stop what she's doing. We're hoping DS is as easy, but he's only 19m, so we're not expecting it anytime soon.
As much as 2 in diapers sucked (or kids are only 17m apart, so we had 2 in cloth diapers for 8 months), many potty trained kids regress when the bay comes and you may have to go through it twice. Just a though, if it's too frustrating now, it may be worth waiting until baby is here.

m8881 · January 2016

Tawny87 said:
21 months.... Wow! Mine are 28 months and I think that they would have a hard time lol.

I know! Early. The reason she gives is that they aren't as defiant at that age as they are closer to three but I waited and while I dealt with some push back it went ok. Not looking forward to it again by any means.

mimi_8607 · January 2016

We used a sticker chart. It worked really well. He got to put a sticker on the chart every time he peed. If he got so many by the end of the day or had no accidents he got to pick something out of the prize box. I just went to Walmart and found a bunch of cheap $1-$2 toys and some snack bags of his favorite candy. He loved it. Our biggest problem was getting him to poop on the potty. That took a lot longer. The thing you have to remember is its on their time not ours. After a few months it just clicked. I wish I wouldn't had gotten so upset on the pooping part. I wish I had known to just wait it out till he gets it. I thought he was just being stubborn but I think it just has to click for them. I'm dreading pt this next one.

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