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Baby cries whenever dad holds her

gipfishgipfish member
in November 2015 Moms
It didn't used to be like this. Jane has always been bottle fed. In the beginning, DH was usually the one who fed her while I pumped (she is on formula now). Jane has always acted the same in his arms as in mine.

But the last week or two (she is 10 weeks), every time he picks her up she cries. She can be smiling and cooing, but when I hand her over, she immediately gets fussy. After a few minutes, she is wailing inconsolably. She doesn't calm down until I take her back.

Please tell me this is a phase that is almost over. I can understand preferring mommy sometimes, but every single time?

It is really shattering DH's confidence, and he was doing so great with her. It breaks my heart to watch him beat himself up over the fact that his daughter doesn't like him and he can't even hold her and hug her.

He keeps asking me what he should do. I don't know. Google isn't helpful. Any wisdom or advice?
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Re: Baby cries whenever dad holds her

  • kdoak2015kdoak2015 member
    edited January 2016
    It's a phase, it will pass and she will be daddy's little girl again! There is nothing google can tell you, just keep doing what you are doing.
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  • cwoods1016cwoods1016 member
    My little girl did this too, I had to shower one day and gave my little one to DH and ran to the shower...I could hear her cry for a minute then he was able to calm her with a small feeding and walking with her. She still does this from time to time though. Hang in there, my husband gets discouraged as well.
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  • VexedMommyVexedMommy member
    It may be just the transition to anyone else.  She doesn't dislike her daddy, she's just used to you and doesn't want to be moved.  Has daddy tried babywearing?  It may help a bit.  Most babies take really well to it and most carriers and wraps are unisex and fit a huge variety of sizes and body types.
    If there's something strange underneath the hood.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  If there's something weird and it don't look good.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  Immediately.  If it's new, painful, and possibly pregnancy related get your ass off the internet and call your doctor.  It's for your health and your child's. 




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  • gipfishgipfish member
    VexedMommy said:

    It may be just the transition to anyone else.  She doesn't dislike her daddy, she's just used to you and doesn't want to be moved.  Has daddy tried babywearing?  It may help a bit.  Most babies take really well to it and most carriers and wraps are unisex and fit a huge variety of sizes and body types.

    Good idea. Thanks!
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  • Elyse1384Elyse1384 member
    DS did this to my DH and DD is going through this now. It is definitely a phase. In these early days there really is something extra special about Mommy and it isn't that LO doesn't like Daddy, but rather LO just wants Mommy. Soon the opposite will probably happen. One day DS wanted no one but me and the next he wanted Daddy. Daddy was even his first word (figures!). Tell you DH to hang in there and keep that bonding time going cause it is important even if it doesn't seem to be making a difference in the moment.
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  • SweetTooth126SweetTooth126 member
    My DS does this too. It sucks to see his confidence waiver! One thing that really helps is the ergo carrier. He puts him in there and within minutes he is calm. DH is a big guy and it fits him great.

    Married DH December 2014
    Expecting DS#1 November 2015
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  • kmd91kmd91 member
    This is making me nervous. My husband is away at the moment and will be for another few weeks, so I don't know if my son would be going through this phase, but it'll break mine and my husbands hearts if when he gets home the baby doesn't want daddy to hold him.
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  • doodleoodledoodleoodle member
    @kmd91 you could show LO pictures of daddy everyday and talk excitedly while you do that way baby might associate him with positive feelings and be excited when he returns?
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  • VexedMommyVexedMommy member
    kmd91 said:
    This is making me nervous. My husband is away at the moment and will be for another few weeks, so I don't know if my son would be going through this phase, but it'll break mine and my husbands hearts if when he gets home the baby doesn't want daddy to hold him.
    Do you wear perfume?  A trick that works with some babies is to spray mom's perfume on dad so he smells the same.  You could also have daddy try to hold him in your bed so that it is a familiar place that smells like you.
    If there's something strange underneath the hood.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  If there's something weird and it don't look good.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  Immediately.  If it's new, painful, and possibly pregnancy related get your ass off the internet and call your doctor.  It's for your health and your child's. 




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  • MargaretC5MargaretC5 member
    DH and I have found with both our kids that DH needs to use different techniques to calm them then I do. For example, this LO likes sitting on daddy facing outward, but like to face me when I hold her. I would encourage your husband to try different things with your LO to calm her even if they did not work for you.
    Ad PP said it is probably just a phase, but it can be very hard for our husbands.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
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  • kmd91kmd91 member
    @doodleoodle I do talk to him excitedly about daddy coming home and show him pictures, though I think he's probably a bit young to actually get it, haha. But I figure it can't hurt to keep reminding him of his daddy.

    @VexedMommy Those are both good ideas. I've been a bit lazy with perfume since he has been born, but given the fact that I still have time to prep him I can start back up with it and get him to associate the smell with me so that if need be we can try the perfume trick. And either way, the bed is a good option!
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  • dramaphiledramaphile member
    kmd91 said:

    @doodleoodle I do talk to him excitedly about daddy coming home and show him pictures, though I think he's probably a bit young to actually get it, haha. But I figure it can't hurt to keep reminding him of his daddy.

    @VexedMommy Those are both good ideas. I've been a bit lazy with perfume since he has been born, but given the fact that I still have time to prep him I can start back up with it and get him to associate the smell with me so that if need be we can try the perfume trick. And either way, the bed is a good option!

    You could also just try putting one of your worn shirts on dad's shoulder when he holds baby, so your smell is on him. I found that Cecily likes when she can be against my bare skin (I wear tank tops at home usually) and since DH is more covered up, she doesn't get that contact with him. If she's preferring me, sometimes it works for him to take off his shirt so she gets some skin contact.
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