Returning to work

suda12 · January 2016

Hello ladies! I've been off on maternity leave since my little girl was born November 28th. Since I had to get a C section, the leave was extended to 8wks. This means that unfortunately next week is my last week... I'm having an extremely difficult time accepting the fact that I have to leave my little girl when she's so itty-bitty.

We are looking at day cares but of course for my mama bear side a 1:4 ratio isn't good enough. We are going to ask my MIL to help babysit even though I don't trust her as she is OVERLY obsessed about the baby. For example she has tried to shake her awake just so she can say that she can hold her as she is no longer sleeping, she always says that the baby is hers, and the biggest thing is she tried to hide a cold sore from us just so she can hold the baby and was even kissing her face with said cold sore. Basically she puts her own wants and desires ahead of my baby's health and well being, but my husband said hopefully we can talk to her about it. When she is over and the baby is sleeoing she will stand over her like a vulture, waiting for signs that she's awake so she can pick her up, even if I say to leave her be. His parents fight us on everything and she burst into tears one time when he calmly and politely asked her to hold the baby differently as she wasn't supporting the neck, and queue the whole "I raised two kids" defense. Obviously there's a ton of issues with the in laws.

I'm extremely worried about leaving her with both day care and the MIL and every time I think about leaving her I start bawling. How have you all death with returning to work? I'm finding that I'm not dealing with the reality well at all and wish I could stay home with her.

angelinthepit23 · January 2016

I've been back to work for a little over a week and I'm not dealing well with it at all. I've been late multiple times because I try to wait until he's up to see his smiley morning face. By the time I get home he has 30 min of play time then it's back to sleep until bath/bed time. I treasure that time as much as I can. Then once he's asleep I get my shower and cry the whole time. I also cry multiple times while at work because I miss him. My LO isn't even in daycare, he's at home being watched by my sister and I still find it EXTREMELY difficult to be apart from him.

Sorry I can't be much help, I'm hoping it will get better. While I do have solace in knowing he's safe at home having a great time it doesn't help the separation anxiety. The only thing really keeping me going is knowing I should be working from home by next month and then I will have a little more time with him in the morning/night and can spend my breaks/lunches with him.

As for MIL issues-girl I feel you! My MIL is a pain in my side and has done all the things you mentioned and then some. Honestly if I had to choose between a good daycare with a 1:4 ratio or my MIL I would choose daycare. At least until she straightens her act up and even then I would be nervous to use her FT. Good luck mama!

cwoods1016 · January 2016

I'm not dealing well either, this is my second week...to prepare myself I took her three separate times and left her with the sitter a little longer each time...I text every hour and call twice a day to check in on my little girl! It's rought get up at 6 out the door by 7:30 - drop her at 8:30 pick her up at 6 get home around 7 she goes to sleep around 8:30-9...with bath time and night routine it's rough not getting much time with her!

Hang in there, I'm also hoping it gets better. If I had to choose I would say the daycare because at least they will adhere to your wishes, at least I think so, better then MIL will. Or give it a shot for a couple of hours one day with MIL and see how things go. It's a crappy situation all around!

VexedMommy · January 2016

As a second time mom, I promise it does get better. It takes some getting used to, but after a while you find a rhythm that works for your family. Even though you're not there with your LO, you're providing them something they need. You're providing food, clothing, housing, medical care, and some fun stuff for them by going to work. It's not as fun or as cuddly, but it's absolutely essential (assuming your family depends on your income or your combined income.) What you're doing for them is incredibly important. Also remember, you're their mother. You are the only one who knows them inside and out. You created them with your own body and no bond with another person will ever be the equal to your child's bond with you.

smnewby · January 2016

@suda12 Just finished my first week back to work and it was tough. I never liked my mil but she is watching our daughter & I am so greaful that she is. She puts our daughters needs before everything. She even sends me videos and texts with updates during the day.

Now if my mil behaved like yours by placing her interests first...even if I only slightly perceived that to be the case, I would have chosen to go with daycare. You have to feel confidence in whoever is going to be responsible for your child.

helsbels222 · January 2016

STM here and what VexedMommy said, yes it really does get better and easier. Eventually, you will enjoy having that time away and at work. Of course you will still miss them like crazy but it gets easier to cope.

As for having your MIL or daycare watch the baby, I'd go with the lesser of the two evils. Seems like you already made that decision if your only gripe with the daycare is the ratio. Perhaps try to go in and watch how effectively they run with 1:4.

Starlite14 · January 2016

Hey moms i return back to work 2/1 and im feeling the anxiety of leaving her . Although she my 3rd it should be easier but shes my 3rd 10yrs later .. Now im grateful for family because she will be with my family . But i told my job im coming back fulltime but cutting one day so i work 4 days instead of 5 . 3 days off so i can spend time wit her plus my other 2 . it wont be easy Moms but we will get it done!! For some of us WE HAVE TO!!! Try and check in on them as much as u can to ease your stress.

maiatene · January 2016

Family is not always best.... if you have reservations about your MIL watching baby then don't do it. It will add stress to an already stressful situation and if you lose your cool with her it may damage the relationship as well as your relationship with hubby.

I'm on number two and I was lucky to have my cousin watch them when I go back but if I didn't trust her I have no issues sending them to daycare. It doesn't mean I (you) love them less or they won't be properly taken care of. In either scenario you have to be realistic with your expectations and what you are comfortable with when things don't go the way you want them.

Good luck!

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