changing your mind on starting maternity leave

mcklough · January 2016

has anyone told their employer that they are going to work right up until the birth but then changed their mind as it got closer and went out sooner?

I'm just wondering what the conversation sounded like, because I was all "I can totally work up until I go into labor" but as it's getting closer and I'm getting more uncomfortable I just don't know if I want to do it. If there is a reason that the dr says I need to be out then I guess I don't care about how it comes across to them because health is most important, but if it's just a physical and emotional comfort thing it really does matter.

Maybe I just need to hear that we are all uncomfortable and to suck it up. I was reading the desk job thread and it made me feel better to know that I'm not the only one hurting even though I "just sit" all day. I mean is home really going to be that much more comfortable or will I just be uncomfortable with NOTHING to distract me.

Also I don't have maternity leave- I'll just be off unpaid but my company isn't the type to get rid of people so I don't fear for my job, but since I started near the end of my first trimester I do care about being a good team member and employee.

jadkins2 · January 2016

I was originally going to work until January 29th (38 weeks), but I switched mine to Friday January 22 (37 weeks) if I can make it that long. I decided I would rather not be at work this time when I went into labor (I had my daughter at 38 weeks last time and worked up until the day I had her). My boss was not thrilled about me leaving sooner this time, but there is little that can be said about that. No time will be a good time for your employer. I was contacted the Monday after I gave birth by my employer asking me when I would be back and that he needed me to stay in contact with them. (ummm no- that's against the law, I didn't answer any emails while away last time and they managed). Keep that in mind, its really up to you and how much you can stand and if your willing to be bored for a little while if your baby decided not to come early or even on their edd. I just don't like the fact I might be at home for two weeks before she decides to come, but I will enjoy staying at home with my two year old (something I don't normally get to do). My friend took off early recently and her baby was a week late so she waited for three weeks at home, bored to tears????? It's a hard decision when you are miserable! We get 12 weeks unpaid protected FMLA leave.

DrillSergeantCat · January 2016

@mcklough can you take naps at work? Probably not, you can at home. If you can afford the extra week, go for it. I constantly sit here contemplating at least cutting back my hours if for no other reason than an afternoon nap.

camusoh2011 · January 2016

I would just be honest and respectful about it with your boss. Let them know that you had thought you could give them good quality work until the end, but exhaustion and the drain is causing you to rethink that idea. Most employers totally understand.

sbegnaud93 · January 2016

I will say, some days were worse than others. I always said I wanted to work right up until I couldn't work anymore. There were some days when I just didn't want to be at work, but once I was there, I was fine. This is my last week at work and I've been coming in leisurely to help out the guy we trained to do my job while I'm out. I'm glad I chose to stay and work because there is really only so much I can do at m house. This week I've gotten everything I've needed, done. And then still got to come in to work to help. It's kept my mind off the surgery and my days moving fast. Friday will be here quicker than I know!

mcklough · January 2016

I'll be 34 weeks on Friday so it just seems like forever away. Total whiny moment happening here, but reading the responses helped to me realize that maybe the bigger issue is that I don't have an "end date" and that it's some abstract thing that feels like it will never come.

I have my next appointment next Friday so maybe I'll ask my dr if there is any reason that they think that I wouldn't be able to work until 38 or 39 weeks. Then I have the emotional time frame of getting to next Friday and then after that setting a solid date to be out. 37 seems SO realistic because it's only 4 weeks and a few days away, but if I tell them after my next appointment then it would only be 2 weeks which seems like short notice.

Monkeybutt80 · January 2016

I totally understand. I'm 35 weeks this Thursday and even with a desk job, I'm physically and mentally drained. I can't really take off early, bc of my responsibilities (my boss will have to take on my responsibilities instead of someone else), but if I could just take off even unpaid, I would do it in a heart beat. Luckily I have some flexibility on being able to work from home when I can ( I say that but I haven't been able to recently), which I will probably take advantage of as I get closer to my due date. If you think your boss will understand, I would have an honest talk with the boss. Maybe you can at least reduce your hours or days to make it easier even if you can't just stop working entirely.

I remember with my last, once I hit 39 weeks, my boss took pity on me and without prompting, told me to take the rest of my pregnancy time off without it affecting my leave. I did have to come in a couple of days after to take care of some stuff, but I really needed that. Maybe your boss will do the same?

funkypineapple · January 2016

Yes. I'm due on 2/9 and as of right now my last day is scheduled for 2/8. I really thought that I could easily make it until right before since that's what my CW did but I'm just so uncomfortable sitting at my desk all day, half the day lately I've been like "OH! SQUIRREL!" because I can't concentrate.

They're working on finding a temp for my position while I'm out so I'm hoping that person will start next week since I'll have to train them and maybe I can dip out a few days earlier depending on how I'm feeling/progressing.

summererdvig · January 2016

I feel your pain!!! I have actually considered being induced for the simple fact of having a set end date.

My situation is less about being home bored and more about not wanting to waste my leave when I will be having a surgery done while out with baby. Just my luck I'll pick an end date and she will arrive late!!! Working is getting to be sooooo difficult, but I have decided (for now) not to be induced. Just hoping these last five weeks will fly by!

MississippiCatfish · January 2016

I did with my first. I think I stopped around 37 weeks. I was working the night shift as an RN and just couldn't do it anymore and feel healthy or happy. I honestly struggled with the night shift even before being pregnant, but I was truly miserable all the time at that point, only getting three or four hours of sleep each day, and knew it wasn't good for my body or baby. I was basically just honest with them about all of that, and they were very accommodating.

purplepenguin3 · January 2016

I'm 36 weeks and still working. With both of my previous pregnancies I worked right up until i went into labor. I can totally understand wanting to stop though. If it's not going to affect your maternity leave, go for it. It's your time. The only thing I can think of is that you might drive yourself crazy waiting for baby to come. At least at work you have distractions. If I were just chillin' at home i wouldn't make it personally.

summererdvig · January 2016

I posted a thread yesterday about desk jobs in the third Tri and some women had some great tips for staying comfortable, If anyone wants to check that out! I'm looking into a heading pad and possibly and ball to sit on as opposed to my desk chair.

egraves4 · January 2016

Because I'm a server, I'm planning on stopping at 39 weeks. But there are plenty of women I know who worked up til their due date. I have my good days and bad days... I'm just ready for her to be here so I don't have to keep this up.

RissKay · January 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

@mcklough can you take naps at work? Probably not, you can at home. If you can afford the extra week, go for it. I constantly sit here contemplating at least cutting back my hours if for no other reason than an afternoon nap.

There's a good idea! Can you ask your employer for a compromise on hours so that you don't have to fully leave/take the time off/can still do work, but are able to come home a few hours earlier in the day?

My boss is a 3 year old, so I'm pretty jealous you can have a reasonable conversation with someone and potentially get a nap out of it.

SoSweetTea1124 · January 2016

I left work at 39 weeks with my first because my boss basically kicked me out of the office and said that I looked too uncomfortable to be there. I was induced at 40+1 and that whole week before DS was born was the longest of my life.... It was boring, uncomfortable, and made my anxiety go through the roof. I will be working up until the day I go into labor with DS2. I can't sit at home and wait to have this baby.... it's excruciating! I would rather be uncomfortable at work and be doing something productive and time consuming rather than laying around the house waiting to go into labor.

VitaLuna · January 2016

I just decided yesterday that I'll be done at 37wks (I'm 34). It's less stressful now knowing there's an end in sight. I work a very physically demanding job, and am beyond frustrated with my MWs right now because they say they don't think I should be working anymore (contractions getting more intense, major SPD since 20ish weeks, and now an injury from catching a falling patient that made it difficult for me to stand/sit/walk/sleep/etc for several days), but they won't say I *cant* work. If they said I couldn't, then I could be out on STD and it wouldn't count against my FMLA. As it stands now, I can't afford to voluntarily go out now, both from a financial standpoint, and because I don't want it taking away from my 12wks total FMLA.

But anyway, to answer your question, I think the way to approach it (and how I will approach it) is: "early on, I really thought I could make it until X weeks, but as the pregnancy progresses, I really feel like X weeks is more realistic, and I'd like to set my end date for X".

SarahS06 · January 2016

I'm so done with work for reasons other than being pregnant - though I'm sure that has added to the problems. (Side note: As I was leaving work, I found out I'm losing my office to our new MD - because she "needs an office fitting a doctor". I'm not sure what that means, since I'm also a doctor (though not MD). The plan is to move me to the break room - no joke. I also found this out through our secretary......)

I originally said I would work until lo was born but my schedule relies on seeing pts and it is hard to plan with a vague end date. I'm 37 weeks today and seriously reconsidering my original. It's not really early but I'm planning on telling them the 29th is my last day.

I agree with pp. Be honest and explain that you've changed your mind as you've gotten further along. I hope it goes well!

thisusername · January 2016

Yes! This is technically my last week before maternity leave and I'm working 13 hour shifts.. Which wouldn't be so bad if I was actually getting paid for all 13 hours. For some reason I have to be there at every meeting my sub has and hold her hand though the walking process.. 13 hours of non stop walking with no breaks? It's brutal. But I have 3 clients that I agreed to walk/work with until the day I go into labor, and I am just so tired and cramping and contracting so much lately that I don't want to do it either..

Hopefully your employer understands that you didn't expect all of the physical stress and what your body is going through. Your pretty close to your due date that I would be shocked if they made a big deal about it.

thisusername · January 2016

SarahS06 said:
I'm so done with work for reasons other than being pregnant - though I'm sure that has added to the problems. (Side note: As I was leaving work, I found out I'm losing my office to our new MD - because she "needs an office fitting a doctor". I'm not sure what that means, since I'm also a doctor (though not MD). The plan is to move me to the break room - no joke. I also found this out through our secretary......)

I originally said I would work until lo was born but my schedule relies on seeing pts and it is hard to plan with a vague end date. I'm 37 weeks today and seriously reconsidering my original. It's not really early but I'm planning on telling them the 29th is my last day.

I agree with pp. Be honest and explain that you've changed your mind as you've gotten further along. I hope it goes well!

She sounds stuck up and I already don't like her! Your office space doesn't define how you work.. People have crappy offices everywhere. If you can't do your job in any office space, are you really that good..? I know exceptions to this apply, but in this situation it doesn't seem like the office should really matter.

Achae · January 2016

thisusername said:

SarahS06 said:
I'm so done with work for reasons other than being pregnant - though I'm sure that has added to the problems. (Side note: As I was leaving work, I found out I'm losing my office to our new MD - because she "needs an office fitting a doctor". I'm not sure what that means, since I'm also a doctor (though not MD). The plan is to move me to the break room - no joke. I also found this out through our secretary......)

I originally said I would work until lo was born but my schedule relies on seeing pts and it is hard to plan with a vague end date. I'm 37 weeks today and seriously reconsidering my original. It's not really early but I'm planning on telling them the 29th is my last day.

I agree with pp. Be honest and explain that you've changed your mind as you've gotten further along. I hope it goes well!
She sounds stuck up and I already don't like her! Your office space doesn't define how you work.. People have crappy offices everywhere. If you can't do your job in any office space, are you really that good..? I know exceptions to this apply, but in this situation it doesn't seem like the office should really matter.

Nobody's office should be a break room. Holy lack of concentration and focus!

PaniaO · January 2016

Echoing others... I'd planned to work until labor. I get a fixed amount of time off but not at all dictated by my boss. I could leave tomorrow with no issues other than missing out on 1-4 weeks on the other end--and I don't want to regret it when I have less time with my baby. That's my struggle. But my H is pushing for me to leave early and, frankly, I'm dying to. For the naps. For the nesting. For my sanity--because I'm absent-minded, a bit anxious, and dealing with BH contractions. Thinking I'll go to 38 weeks and call it then. And hope I don't go past 40!

thisusername · January 2016

Achae said:

thisusername said:

SarahS06 said:
I'm so done with work for reasons other than being pregnant - though I'm sure that has added to the problems. (Side note: As I was leaving work, I found out I'm losing my office to our new MD - because she "needs an office fitting a doctor". I'm not sure what that means, since I'm also a doctor (though not MD). The plan is to move me to the break room - no joke. I also found this out through our secretary......)

I originally said I would work until lo was born but my schedule relies on seeing pts and it is hard to plan with a vague end date. I'm 37 weeks today and seriously reconsidering my original. It's not really early but I'm planning on telling them the 29th is my last day.

I agree with pp. Be honest and explain that you've changed your mind as you've gotten further along. I hope it goes well!
She sounds stuck up and I already don't like her! Your office space doesn't define how you work.. People have crappy offices everywhere. If you can't do your job in any office space, are you really that good..? I know exceptions to this apply, but in this situation it doesn't seem like the office should really matter.
Nobody's office should be a break room. Holy lack of concentration and focus!

Not to mention if everyone has access they could be stealing your stuff constantly.. Nothing would be safe.

Aussiechicka · January 2016

I fully intended to work up until the end but that's looking less and less likely. Today I spent 6 hours in L&D after my regular weekly appt showed baby girl was having some crazy spikes in her heart rate. I then was taken to L&D where they monitored me non stop, gave me IV fluids and took blood to check for preeclampsia signs. Thankfully all came back fine though my BP started to get high while I was there. I have to monitor 4 times a day and report into the dr each day and I've been told to take it easy. She said we'll discuss winding down work after the next week. The whole day was stressful because it was the exact day with my son where I was admitted for preeclampsia and induced, so happy to go home to my own bed tonight!

acuteangles · January 2016

You are so not alone. I was actually hoping to be done by now, and not having a definite end date is frustrating. My back hurts so much it keeps me up at night, a direct result of a desk job (it's much better on the weekends), I am nauseous again, tired, etc. Cutting my hours down to 5-6 a day with Wednedays off thus far has been really helpful. If you can afford it financially, I would say just cut your hours or hack a week or two off your end date. Tell your boss you hadn't anticipated the pain and exhaustion and feel like for your own health and wellbeing, you think you should revisit your options. I ham it up a bit too at work by walking slowly, sighing loudly, and breathing heavily when I move around. Doesn't hurt to remind everyone that you're super pregnant

mcklough · January 2016

PS you guys... I was not feeling well AT ALL yesterday so I called in and it was amazing. I felt like an actual human by the end of the day and I'm feeling better today too. I haven't brought up the possibility of taking Wednesdays off until I go out but I think after my appointment next Friday I will.

Life is Exciting · January 2016

Is work from home an option for you?

I think I might ask my boss if I can work from home for the last part of my labor if, in 2 weeks, I haven't delivered yet. That will be just a few days before my due date. At least that way I could work in my recliner and get a little relief on my back and belly and be able to wear something comfortable (my belly skin is stretched so thin that it's super sensitive and most fabrics really irritate it).

surferP528 · January 2016

I'm a high school teacher and I'm working up until 39 weeks. I'm 34 weeks right now and I can tell this last month is going to be difficult. I'm trying to sit more at work which is not easy, and I can tell I have considerably less patience dealing with teenage crap.
I've also realized I have nesting instincts about my classroom, so I become an organizing maniac at home AND at school. I've also been feeling really possessive over things in my classroom and freaking out about someone else being in here all the time with all my students and my stuff. Super weird.
I wish I could go on leave sooner, but it's not a financial possibility. I do worry though that if we go on leave too early and then baby takes forever to come that could be just as awful as being at work. As much as working sucks sometimes, it sure does make the day go by faster!

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DD1: 9/19/11
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