January 2016 Moms

NBR - Vent about my mom

I know that I've complained about her before, but yesterday was especially infuriating. I had a very hard day yesterday. At two days before my due date, I had to put my cat down. He was very sick, and it was a very hard decision, but it was something that we had to do. He was my cuddlebug. I'm devastated, I broke down at work several times and had to go say goodbye to him on my lunch break. I told my mom about what I had to do earlier in the day. Then at 10:06 PM last night I received this text from her (this is exactly the way she wrote it):

"Hi now I just want to make you smile. I love you both and I know you are both carrying a heavy load especially you Kim lol, but I wanted to remind you that Friday is Dads and your Mom's 39th Wedding Anniversary. If that didn't happen then u wouldn't of happened then u 2 would of never met and be having your bundle of Joy. So you have a lot to be thankful for and to thank your parents for. So don' forget our Anniversary. *various emojis*"

Ummm...WTF!!! Yes I'm carrying a heavy load my cat just died two days before my due date, that is the worst time ever to use lol. Seriously and the whole anniversary thing really? I don't know anyone else who expects their children to remember there anniversary let alone with everything going on that has been happening this week. Most everyone I know is doing good knowing what month their parent's anniversary is in let alone the actual day. I think an anniversary is more celebration between a couple, unless its something like a 50th and you throw a party. I hate that she wants to redirect attention to herself. Oh, and if I didn't exist then I wouldn't care one way or the other, I don't exactly see that as something to be grateful to my parents for. This text message in no way made my smile, it does quite the opposite. It completely rubs me the wrong way.
Married March 19, 2011
TTC off and on 04/14
BFP 06/13/14 MC 06/15/14
BFP 12/14/14
1st Appt 01/13/2015
M/C 1/19/15 D&C 1/20/15
BFP 5/13/15
1st Appt 06/10/2015 Peanut has HB 150
A/S 09/02/15 It's a Girl!! Low placenta, but everything else great!

IAmPregnant Ticker

Re: NBR - Vent about my mom

  • JmadCJmadC member
    edited January 2016
    I'm so sorry about your furbaby... Sending you a big huge hug. :(

    As for mom, wow. That was pretty thoughtless and tacky of her, honestly. The added guilt tripping thing of "you wouldn't be here if not for us" actually has me grinding my teeth.

    I don't expect anyone to remember our anniversary except my husband and even then I don't want too much fuss... just (lie and) tell me I'm still as pretty as I was on our wedding day and maybe bring me chocolate and I'm good, haha.
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  • I am so sorry about you little love. I know what it feels like to have your grief disregarded and from my step mom too. I wish I could give you the hug and understanding you deserve!
  • That would definitely have rubbed me the wrong way too. I agree that Anniversaries are for the couple, not everyone else. I'm always surprised when people remember mine, DH and I don't do anything special. She especially shouldn't be guilt tripping you right now. 

    I'm really sorry about your kitty, it can be so hard to say goodbye to a pet that's a member of the family. Big hugs, I hope you have someone else to help you with your grief and stress. 
  • Sorry about your fur baby! They hold a special place in our hearts.
    Sounds like my mother. Yes that was tacky and selfish. I'm pretty sure you have a general idea of when her anniversary is. And anniversaries aren't a family affair. Its a day for the couple to celebrate
  • I'm so sorry you had to say goodbye to your sweet furbaby. That's never an easy thing to do! And I have no words for your mother. My parents anniversary is tomorrow and my mom told me not to bother buying a card for them when I asked if they were doing anything.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Lilypie - FiGB
    Married DH 11/15/08
    Formerly MissMheMhe
  • I'm so sorry about your fur baby :( Pets are family.

    Your mother sounds very selfish. You have more important things to worry about!! And, how is it in any way genuine for someone to wish you Happy Anniversary if you went out of your way to rudely remind them in advance? Wow. Just Wow.
  • Sorry about your cat. I don't understand people who expect anyone other than their SO to care about their anniversary. 
    Married 2006
    DS1 2010
    DS2 2013
    DD1 2016
  • I'm so sorry about your kitty :(

    You should just tell them their grandchild is their anniversary present this year.

    My son was born on my parents' anniversary 2 years ago and that's what they got for their anniversary that year.  They understood that I wasn't able to go out and get them a gift.  I just made sure to remember to wish them a happy anniversary when they came to the hospital to see him.

  • Visiting from D'15

    First, let me say I am so sorry for the loss of your furbaby. My husband and I joke that our cat is the only boy we will ever have (we have three daughters).

    While this may not be much better; when I read what she said, I took it as your heavy load being the baby... not your loss. That may explain the "lol" at the end of it.
  • cali1710cali1710 member
    edited January 2016
    I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. We got a cat last year after I said I never wanted one and she has turned into my bestie. We snuggle all the time and she follows me everywhere. I couldn't even imagine what it felt like.

    As for your mom, that sounds like something my mom would say so I can feel your pain. I'm kind of a jerk and would purposely "forget" their anniversary. I would just try to let it slide and forget about it. I know when my parents anniversary is but we never do anything. I may call them but thats it. We dont do gifts or anything unless its a big one. Best of luck!
  • Are you sure your mom knows what lol means? My mom thought it meant lots of love for the longest time
  • I'm so sorry for your loss, especially because of its proximity to your due date.

    I hope this doesn't sound callous, but soon you will have your baby in your arms (if you don't already) and some of the pain of your loss will be pushed further back in your mind. Also, if he was very sick it was probably better that this happened before your baby arrived so that you could give him the full love and attention he deserved and needed.

    Again, I'm so sorry. If one of my dogs died I don't know how I would even be able to cope, especially while pregnant.

    Forget your mom and focus on your self and your new little family.

    Hugs to you.
  • Being in the process of becoming a mother has given me a new level of compassion for my own mother with anticipation that the day will come when my child realizes how flawed I truly am but hopefully my can give me enough benefit of the doubt to know that I'd never intentionally hurt her. Give your mom a break, you may need it one day yourself.
  • I think your mom meant well so don't let her text irritate you. All moms try the guilt trip card. It's their best play on your emotions. I personally would have just rolled my eyes & send them a gift.
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