Reintroducing myself (PG mentioned)

TheCalhoons · January 2016

Hi ladies! It has been a while since I have posted anything.

Background: I was diagnosed with PCOS at age 18. I have been TTC for 8 years.

Current situation: I went through one round of clomid at the end of 2013 before I started having some health issues. So we had to take some time off while I underwent a head CT, 2 brain MRIs, and multiple doctors and prescriptions. I have a small cyst that we are not doing anything with at this time. I have to wait until at least mid-March and a follow up MRI to get the all clear to official start fertility treatments again. My husband and I are not ruling a miracle BFP but no luck so far.

My baby sister called last night and told me she is expecting. As many of you have been through this, I can imagine that you know the feeling of joy for your sister and hurt for yourself. It hit my husband a lot harder than I had expected. He turned 31 last month and is worried about us missing our opportunity to have children. I am doing everything I can to be supportive of my sister and my husband. Therefore, I have not had much time to process my own feelings. I almost lost it talking to my mom this morning when she told me I was the last to know. My sister was afraid to tell me because she didn't know how I would react. I hate that my infertility is causing my sister to think she can't share her joy with me.

cmm012 · January 2016

Welcome back! I'm glad you will be able to resume your fertility treatments after your medical interventions. I can understand the frustration of having to wait for doctor clearance, as I was in the same boat last year. I can completely understand your husband's feelings. My DH is turning 39 this year, and he is freaking out. It's actually causing me stress. Continue to listen to your DH and to be supportive of his concerns. Infertility sucks all the way around, but it's even harder when people around you get pregnant. They don't know what to do because they want to be sensitive (usually) and you may be sure how to feel. Welcome back to the group, and I hope 2016 is your year!

tvh1982 · January 2016

Hi and welcome back.
Sorry to hear you been going through so much trouble. Not only do you have to wait the two weeks, you are now waiting to get the 'ready-go' clearance.
Tough ass woman you are!

It's definitely difficult to hear others get pregnant, and you don't. Even more difficult to have them being so close to you. And horrible when they are afraid of telling you.
I felt it the other day at a party, all the ladies around had just had a baby, or were about to. And one friend (only just met her through another friend) was just pregnant, and told as she said no to wine. She did not dare to look at me due to the struggles I have, it was quite painful for both of us as she was happy, but scared to show to much.
Which is even harder when someone much closer feels they can not share the news.
Do let them know you are happy for them, but don't be afraid to tell them its a situation with mixed feelings.
Do let your DH talk to you about his fears.
But most of all, do talk about yours! As it is oh so important that you feel good and not holding that negative energy in.
People who don't know how it is to have infertility will never understand, but for you to talk about it might help you process the news.
FX and GL, I hope 2016 will give you lots and lots of good news.
Sending babydust your way x

KidShrink · January 2016

Welcome back! I totally understand your struggles. Just as we were waiting for some health issues to be taken care of so we could start fertility treatments last year my little (irresponsible, unstable in her life and relationships) sister announced she was pregnant after her first month of trying. She then revised herself and said she wasn't actually trying, as they didn't expect it to work that quickly (both our older brother and myself have had fertility issues). To add to it, she doesn't have much of a filter and had told me before she tried (and before any fertility tx on my end) that she really hoped it'd work out for her, because she was sort of our parents' last chance to become grandparents. As we were starting tx, she dared telling me that push comes to shove, if ever it doesn't work out for us, it's not the end of the world as I'd be an auntie. That's where I lost it on her and asked her to think twice about what she said. Needless to say, I was not ecstatic about her pregnancy, but like in your situation, my husband is the one who took this the hardest. He was literally pissed off that she could get pregnant but that we (who were financially and emotionally stable, in a good place to start a family) couldn't.

Thankfully, we found out we were pregnant the day she went into labor, and to be honest, I think that's the only thing that is making me able to interact with my sister and my niece normally now. People don't understand what it's like to go through IF...so ultimately, do what you have to do to take care of yourself, and maybe once you're ready you can share your feelings with others including your sister (about how you're hurt to have found out last).

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