dad is dying of cancer ..

sparkledonuts · January 2016

I normally don't post on here and just read but my dad has been in the hospital since Saturday and has had stage 4 lung cancer for a couple of years. My original due date was my dads birthday may 10th until they changed it from measuring small to May 20th. I knew it was meant to be when this happened but I had no idea my father would now be this close to dying and especially while I'm pregnant. I feel like my anxiety is out of control along with my emotions and I no longer know what to do at this point. I'm so scared of sending myself into labor and feel like I'm putting stress on this baby. I don't even know that he will make it out of the hospital because he is in so much pain and they are now talking about hospice. Has anyone gone through anything similar ? Should I call my dr ? My next appt isn't until the 26th.

durbie92 · January 2016

I don't have any advice but I'm so very sorry you're going through this. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

js8812 · January 2016

So sorry to hear this. Prayers to you.

gamommyx3 · January 2016

I would say to call your doctor and seek their advice...they may have had someone in your situation before & know how to help you through. Doesn't hurt to ask their opinion.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Bluejay3030 · January 2016

I'm so sorry to hear this. If you feel that your anxiety is getting out of control, a good first step might be to call your OB/midwife. They might be able to ease your mind about the impact of stress on your pregnancy. Hugs to you; your family is in my thoughts.

rlworzalla · January 2016

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I would recommend calling your OB and see what their recommendation would be. If the hospital is the same as the one you would deliver at, do they have a grief counselor on site that could help you? If not, I would highly recommend seeing a therapist. Even if it is for a short while, it may help to alleviate the anxiety and stress. Lean on your family and friends - they may need support from you as well, but collectively you can help each other.

slfezz · January 2016

I was in your situation with my first child, my father passed away from cancer when I was six months along. Call your doctor to see what things they recommend for anxiety and anytging they want you to be watch out for and really consider going to a therapist to just talk to out. A therapist really helped me during that time. Just remember that you have to take care of yourself so that your baby is taken care of, do your best to eat, drink, and sleep and have someone remind you if needed. As long and you do these things the baby should be fine. Also don't be afraid to look into anti anxiety meds if it gets to be to much. There are some that are safe for pregnancy/breastfeeding and you need to be in a good place mentally to take care of the baby once it gets here.

businessmama · January 2016

I think a therapist would help, but also anyone who has been in a similar situation you can talk to. Sharing the perspective will help you discuss things you may be afraid to share with others. I am so truly sorry your family is going through this, and I'll pray for their comfort during this time.

slfezz · January 2016

AliciaD39 said:
I think a therapist would help, but also anyone who has been in a similar situation you can talk to. Sharing the perspective will help you discuss things you may be afraid to share with others. I am so truly sorry your family is going through this, and I'll pray for their comfort during this time.

Feel free to PM me if you do just want to talk to someone who has been through this and out the other side. Even with all the stress of dealing with this I had a healthy DD who is now 5. ::Hugs:: I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

Daybird11Six · January 2016

Hi. I know you don't know me. I'm lurking, and I have absolutely zero advice for the health of your pregnancy, but my dad recently passed away (three months ago) of stage four cancer after a nine year battle, and the title of your post caught one of my heart strings.

For the last year we were actively TTCing so that we could hopefully make him a grandpa without any success, and as his primary caregiver all these years, I can tell you it put tremendous amounts of stress on my body. I understand the anxiety you speak of. Keep the communication open with your provider and try to take care of yourself however you can.

Hospice is a scary concept but a wonderful organization. Please PM me if you ever need to talk about your dad and how you're feeling. I know it's a stretch because I'm a stranger, but I'm here to listen/read if you need it.

Edit: clarity

tripledaggerWed95976 · January 2016

So sorry to hear this- thoughts and prayers

Jenly17 · January 2016

I've never been in your shoes, but I do want to give you a big creepy internet stranger hug right now! I'm so sorry that this is happening. I think many of the PP's have offered great suggestions, by looking into the support of family members, friends, and a therapist. I'll keep you in my T&p's.

mcb2016 · January 2016

So sorry to hear this. Thinking of you.

kbrands7 · January 2016

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Hugs to you, and thoughts and prayers to you and your family. I definitely recommend talking to your doctor about how to best manage your anxiety and stress. As others have suggested, therapy can be an incredible resource as well.

KaKip · January 2016

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I can only imagine the emotional distress you must be experiencing. I think you should contact your doctor, if nothing more for reassurance and any advice she or he may have. Being pregnant is stressful and of course your dad's illness must be adding to that times 1000.

I concur with others who have mentioned therapy. If you are a spiritual person, it may be comforting to turn to your faith community too.

I don't know you but I'm sending you lots of good thoughts.

allisonmunson94 · January 2016

Praying for you and your family. Sick family members are not easy to handle, especially not while pregnant. This must be very hard on you emotionally. My grandfather died out of nowhere on Jan. 2, and loss of a family member during pregnancy is not easy, either. I'll be thinking of you, and don't forget to take care of yourself too while you are busy taking care of others

PrimRoseMama · January 2016

Lurker as well. I was not pregnant, but post partum (DS was 2 months old) when my father passed unexpectedly after a stroke. He'd actually beaten his cancer & was getting his colostomy reversed. The stroke happened after the surgery. I had to go remove him from life support, but it took him 3 days to cross over.

Definitely have a frank conversation with your OB & tell him how much stress you feel. It's highly unlikely you can put yourself into labor via stress alone, so be reassured. It's just not pleasant for you is all.

I am sending you thoughts, prayers & as much peaceful time with your Dad as you can get before he completes his journey here on earth.

Mrs Sweet Tea · January 2016

Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

lalala2004 · January 2016

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You've been given great advice, but I wanted to reiterate that being sad or anxious is unlikely to hurt your baby. As long as you are able to eat and get enough rest, your baby should be fine. Taking care of yourself = Taking care or baby. Try not to worry to much about that part of things.

sparkledonuts · January 2016

thank you so much everyone who has responded , I am going in to see my doctor in the morning for them to check everything since I've been having contractions and get a better sense of what I should look out for. I did get a pre natal yoga DVD but I just need to start doing it .. thanks again for your kind words .. my dad is still in the hospital and we are waiting on a hospice consult on what to expect but please keep praying

JennyS86 · January 2016

My doctor's advice for contracting: rest, put your feet up, drink liquids, keep bladder empty! Maybe lay off the yoga if you are contracting!
You and your family are in my prayers. God Bless.

Dantzscher32 · January 2016

I am so sorry! I lost my dad recently and it was a long battle. There were a lot of mixed emotions. I got sad thinking he will not be here to meet this new baby. But there have been a lot of "God winks" that are comforting to show me how my dad is still a part of my life and this baby's life.

You can bring up your sadness and anxiety to your doctor, but just remember to drink fluids to replenish after lots of tears. Baby will be okay.

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