Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Our first pregnancy, ended too soon

I know I'm not the only going thru this, but how to move forward is something I will need help with.
Our first pregnancy has ended. I'm going thru the miscarriage now. The physical pain is not near as bad as my emotional pain. I know they say it's nothing I did, and there was nothing I could do, but I can't help but feel as if I failed.
I do not know of anyone that has experienced a miscarriage that is close to me. I don't know if my husband and I should tell our friends on what we are going thru, or keep it to ourselves and try to move forward?
I understand it will get easier, physically and emotionally, but I feel like without telling my story, there could be someone else out there I know silently hurting as well.
Any suggestions?

Ps. I am very sorry to everyone in this group. May God hear our prayers and help us all heal and some day have a blessed bundle of joy soon!

Re: Our first pregnancy, ended too soon

  • I am so sorry for you loss. I have found that sharing my situation with those around me has helped a lot. All of our family and about a dozen friends know. Time, talking about it, and knowing how common it really is have helped me recover over the past month. I've gotten emails from aunts and cousins telling me their experiences. I still think about it all of the time, but it's not nearly as painful anymore. It's just a memory that while it ended sadly, there were many happy moments during the pregnancy I like to think about, and those help.
    Married 10/12 & TTC since 09/15
    BFP #1 11/06/15 - EDD 7/14/16 - MMC 12/14/15 - D&C 12/22/15
    BFP #2 03/13/16 - EDD 11/26/16

  • monkey41 said:

    I am so sorry for you loss. I have found that sharing my situation with those around me has helped a lot. All of our family and about a dozen friends know. Time, talking about it, and knowing how common it really is have helped me recover over the past month. I've gotten emails from aunts and cousins telling me their experiences. I still think about it all of the time, but it's not nearly as painful anymore. It's just a memory that while it ended sadly, there were many happy moments during the pregnancy I like to think about, and those help.

    Thanks for your help!
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  • At first only my best friend and mom knew. My friend had miscarried later, so that was a tragic experience for her. Though, I felt I could rely on her for guidance. I ended up telling my cousin, and then she opened up to me about her losses. Which I was sad to hear but it was comforting in a way.
  • I had a D&C for my MC on Oct 23, two weeks before my wedding. I hadn't told almost anyone, so I found myself calling my mother to tell her about the procedure and the baby at the same time and that was very rough.  Right when I found out and around the time of the D&C I didn't want to talk about it or tell anyone, DH told the few who knew about it.  But as time has gone on I've found myself wanting to talk about it... it was MY baby after all and it's effected me quite a lot, especially my mood and emotions.  I don't tell just anyone, but have opened up to others about it.  I think you should tell who you want to tell, when you want to tell them, and if you want to keep it to yourself or not talk about it, then do that.  There may be people out there silently hurting, but they may not be at a stage where they are ready to talk about their story yet.

    MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
    MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
    MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
    RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
    MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
    RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
    MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)

    RE #3: More testing 2023. 
    Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
    Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
    Lupron Depo March 2024.  Benched 3 months.  Hopefully FET after that.

    #BitterHagPartyOf1

  • I have been very open about it and you would be surprised how many people have gone through similar situations! My boss, multiple co-workers, my husbands boss and two guys he's working with including one who also miscarried in Dec. like myself.

    Personally I feel as though talking about miscarriage is treated the same way as mental health. It's hushed and made me feel like I should be ashamed. The moment I started being open its helped tremendously, took away the shame and really opened my eyes to how incredibly common it is.

    I personally say do whatever feels natural to you. If you want to talk about it that's ok!

    I am very sorry though that you have to go through this, as common as it is I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
  • I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I am going through the same thing right now - my first pregnancy ended at 10 weeks on 12/30 after I had been on fertility meds for 4 months. The emotional part has been really difficult, and although my husband has been so patient and sensitive and listened to every feeling I've shared, I know there are parts of it that he can just never understand. 

    A woman I work with had a miscarriage several years ago, so I went to talk with her. She didn't know I was pregnant, but I am so glad that I decided to speak with her. This has been the most helpful thing I've done so far, because I know she understands all of it. Her advice hasn't been anything I haven't heard from other people, but for some reason, hearing it from her has meant more to me. 

    Obviously it's a personal decision, whether or not you want to share what happened with other people. I know a lot of women don't, but I cannot imagine getting through this experience without being able to talk with others about what I've been feeling. Even women who haven't experience it are generally incredibly sympathetic and understanding of how horrible this all is. 
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