Pregnancy taking a toll on my marriage

watkins3 · January 2016

Is this happening go anyone else?I'm not one to throw my personal life out there but I really am just lost at this point! I have been sick my entire pregnancy so most of my days are spent in bed,so my husband has taken over everything! I was actually feeling good enough to get out Sunday so we went to Sam's Club shopping, my husband is in management and we happened to see one of his employees who yelled across the store "hey the condoms are over that way, I know you need them" my parents were with us too

I was so frustrated. As soon as we got in the car separate from my parents I asked why he would do something like that and that it kinda makes me question how he acts when I'm not around. My hubs just said he was a Jerk and his worse employee. I let it go until I called my husband at work today and heard a woman giggle in the phone.. apparently it was another woman who works in the office who was on another phone next to him.. but still.. it was like I feel so insecure about myself riggt now. I feel like a slob who can never do anything I never feel pretty anymore I feel disgusting and I never want to have sex with my husband bc i always feel like shit and I'm tired and feel unattractive sooo yeah it caused a stink when a guy tells my hubs where the condoms are bc he needs them and then I hear a woman laughing in his phone. . Hmmm is this why he said u needed condoms! So we had a huge blow out and he basically told me I needed to start acting like a wife and he does everything around here and he can't do this anymore... and I have been crying on top of being sick and not eating or drinking all day!! I know I was probably in the wrong for not trusting my husband and blowing things out of context but I'm so insecure riggt now... and I feel like it was a low blow to tell me to start acting like a wife when I already feel like a bad wife for not being able to contribute much due to being hg!! I mean... what am I supposed to do?

vulpini · January 2016

I took the condom thing to be a stupid pregnancy joke. I wouldn't assume it reflects on your husband's fidelity at all. Just a stupid guy making a stupid joke.

I'm sorry you've been feeling so sick.

Did you tell him how you've been feeling (about yourself and your marriage, not his work stuff)? Has your doctor offered any suggestions for anything you could safely take for the nausia?

samsonator · January 2016

I would agree that the condom remark seems like a pregnancy joke (a dumb one). If it was a "cheating joke" I doubt that guy would say it in front of you. With that being said, it sounds like you got a bad feeling from it so I don't blame you for bringing it up. Maybe sit down with your husband and explain your hormones and insecurities right now, and that you can't wait until you feel better so you can help out around the house. And maybe that gestating his baby IS "acting like a wife", that was a crappy remark by him. If sitting down and talking doesn't help, maybe see a counselor ?

Grapes13 · January 2016

I would say it does sound like just some insecurities that you are having from the pregnancy and sickness with it. Not that I am judging by any means! I have had HG this pregnancy so my husband is in the same boat as yours, along with caring for our 11 month old baby. And I have cried and blown up over ridiculous insecurities too, and he has complained that he can't keep doing everything. All the while me feeling like I'm a mess, a terrible wife, a terrible mom and why would he even want to be with me! (Add on top of that my MIL who is trying to convince my husband that I am a mean lazy hag... She's a whole other issue)...

What I'm trying to say is I totally get it. And I'm sorry! It sucks feeling like this and it really wears on you. Topping it all off with crazy pregnancy hormones. I think when you both are calm just try to talk about your feelings. i always approach my husband with an apology first, to let him know that I am taking my responsibility for my part of the fight. Hopefully once you talk you will realize both of you were just speaking from a place of insecurity and stress.

Pregnancy can be hard on all couples, but when sickness is that bad it really can put strain on you both. I know my husband have had to have quite a few heart to hearts because of all of it. Depression kind of snuck up on me from all the sickness and that just added to it.

I hope things get better and I really hope you can come out of this not feeling all that guilt and insecurity!

VikingGirl12 · January 2016

I too definitely took the condom thing as a pregnancy joke. As in, you use condoms to prevent pregnancy and obviously y'all hadn't been using them... Hence the pregnancy.
Have you brought up marriage counseling? It doesn't sound like your marriage is over, just that you're going through a rough time right now. Having a baby is life changing, it's bound to put stress on a couple. As long as you act now I don't think it has to get worse.
I have been a horrible wife this pregnancy too. I am just straight lazy right now- sickness is long gone. I have fallen into a little bit of depression since finding out some not so good news about this LO and its caused me to withdraw from everything. It's really taking its toll on DH and he has told me he's sick of doing everything too. But after a long, much needed discussion, he told me he really does understand, despite the way he acts.
Hopefully everything will work out and he will start to understand soon. Hugs! I know this is hard

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