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June 2016 Moms
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For those moms who did have people in the delivery room...

Lyette1206Lyette1206 member
in June 2016 Moms
Brief background - my first birth we asked everyone to stay home and give us time, and we'd call them when we were ready for visitors. Everyone respected our decision. I ended up with a c-section due to DD being breach (we had tried turning her with no luck). The recovery was terrible, breast feeding was hard, and my husband and I were so overwhelmed. I ended up calling my mother in tears begging her to come and stay for a while.
This time, I'd really like to try for a VBAC. Ideally, I'd have a doula and my husband, but I can't justify the cost. So now we're discussing having our mothers attend as support people. My mother was so great after our DD was born, and my MIL is a nurse and we have a good relationship as well. I am completely not concerned with them seeing my vagina or anything.
My question is, for those moms who had people as support, what kinds of boundaries did you discuss beforehand? Any good advice to share?
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Re: For those moms who did have people in the delivery room...

  • MDKC14MDKC14 member
    We didn't really discuss anything beforehand, they just knew I was okay with them being in there. I had mom, MIL, and DH with me. DH and MIL were the encouraging ones the whole time and mom was the one rubbing my back and counting while I pushed. I actually had my dad and DH's step-dad in there until I hit an 8 and they broke my water. Then I was only allowed three people.
    The only thing I will change this time is to have DH be more of an active participant and be the one rubbing my back etc. While I enjoyed my mom doing it (because she knew what she was doing) I'll have DH doing it this time now that he has been there, done that.
    Married: 08/04/13
    DS: 11/25/14
    DD: 06/25/16
    EDD: 12/05/18


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  • Rosehip15Rosehip15 member
    My mom was there with both my first two, and probably will be again.  I didn't set up any particulars.  I can tell her to back if need be, with no offense taken.  I'm a nurse, and she's a doctor, so there are no modesty issues here.  Given that my DH (my first two were with my ex, who in hindsight was really an a-hole in the delivery room & postpartum) is extraordinarily queasy & might not make it to the home stretch, I might have one of my two best friends on call - they're both nurses, both have had VBACs (I'm aiming for one this time) and both would be totally comfortable.  My mom has certain health issues, that if they're kicking up at the time, might make being there for a long labor tough.
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  • Emztron500Emztron500 member
    I had my mum there and I did not really set any boundaries. I sort of just trusted that her and I were on the same wavelength and we have pretty similar personalities, which is why I was comfortable having her there in the first place. Some things you might want to discuss if they would bug you: maybe ask them not to post updates on social media or to family (unless you want them to), tell them you want DH being the primary person to get involved (if that is what you want), ask them not to take pictures or tell them what kind of pictures you'd be comfortable having taken (I was glad to have my mum snap a few shots of me in labour for the memories, but not once my lady business was out for the world to see). Maybe talk to your husband and organize a signal you can use to let him know you want privacy, and then leave it to him to clear out any extra people? Easier than trying to be tactful and delicate when you're in the midst of a tough time.
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  • BLM10BLM10 member
    My mom, grandmother, MIL and 2 of 3 sisters were in the room with us, besides my husband. I didn't discuss anything with them because they weren't there as doulas or support. They were just there to share the moment and I knew they'd offer me privacy and shut up if I said noise had to stop.

    That said, I ended up with a Ceasaren after almost 28 hours. I am VBACing with only my husband and son in the room and a few key people in waiting room to take my son if/when needed.
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  • RMLandyRMLandy member
    My mom and sister were both in the delivery room with my first and we didn't discuss any boundaries before hand because I knew I didn't care what they saw, did, etc. It all went fine. If you have hesitations, boundaries may be a good idea.
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  • Lyette1206Lyette1206 member
    I'm mostly thinking boundaries like @Emztron500 mentioned. No pictures, nothing on Facebook, after baby is born I'd like a few quiet moments with baby and husband, and if I say get out I mean it. I think they'd both be really respectful of that.
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  • BoonhildeBoonhilde member
    I had DH and my mom in the room. I didn't set any boundaries before hand because I knew if I needed anything these two people would listen to me and give me what I needed. Establish boundaries if you feel the need.
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  • lelahwojolelahwojo member
    With my first I had my sister only as a coach and I swear half the hospital staff because it turned into an emergency delivery with blood transfusion. My second I had my exhusband and sister and my mom hid in the corner not wanting to be there but baby was ready right now. This time I know dh will want to be there and if my sister is available I wouldn't mind having her there again since she has been there for my first two and has seen both the emergency and normal child birth with me and knows how to get my attention if necessary.
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  • Seabee12Seabee12 member
    With my first I had my daughter's father and two of my best friends with me! ! No discussion prior! ! Everything just WORKED! I had support and felt comfortable. No one had to get yelled at or kicked out.
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  • knm768816knm768816 member
    I have a question...how do you tell your mom that you don't want her in the delivery room? She stresses me out and I don't think it would be good to have her there...but of course she's already saying that she'd like to be there. Eeek! I'm very low drama and I hate making people upset.
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  • CourtJackCourtJack member
    knm768816 said:
    I have a question...how do you tell your mom that you don't want her in the delivery room? She stresses me out and I don't think it would be good to have her there...but of course she's already saying that she'd like to be there. Eeek! I'm very low drama and I hate making people upset.

    I'm not sure there is any way to tell her without upsetting her if she's really keen on it. Just explain that you'd prefer just your H there and that she's welcome afterwards (if that's the case). I guess make sure you know how much you appreciate her offer, but you'd feel more comfortable with fewer people. Good luck!
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  • ahernandez16ahernandez16 member
    knm768816 said:

    I have a question...how do you tell your mom that you don't want her in the delivery room? She stresses me out and I don't think it would be good to have her there...but of course she's already saying that she'd like to be there. Eeek! I'm very low drama and I hate making people upset.

    Chances are, she's going to be upset if she was expecting to be invited in. I told my mom it was just going to be me and DH and she laughed and said, "Oh, okay. We'll see who you want in there when it starts hurting..." so I don't think she believes me, lol.

    If I were you I'd bring it up sooner than later and don't cave because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. It'll be worse if you let her in to appease her and then in the heat of things get frustrated and kick her out. That's how I look at it anyway. Good luck!
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  • CourtJackCourtJack member
    ahernandez16 said:
    I have a question...how do you tell your mom that you don't want her in the delivery room? She stresses me out and I don't think it would be good to have her there...but of course she's already saying that she'd like to be there. Eeek! I'm very low drama and I hate making people upset.
    Chances are, she's going to be upset if she was expecting to be invited in. I told my mom it was just going to be me and DH and she laughed and said, "Oh, okay. We'll see who you want in there when it starts hurting..." so I don't think she believes me, lol. If I were you I'd bring it up sooner than later and don't cave because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. It'll be worse if you let her in to appease her and then in the heat of things get frustrated and kick her out. That's how I look at it anyway. Good luck!

    Lol. Did you tell her you'd probably want the anesthesiologist? 
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  • ahernandez16ahernandez16 member
    @CourtJack Ha! No, but I think I'll use that next time.
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  • Rosehip15Rosehip15 member
    knm768816 said:
    I have a question...how do you tell your mom that you don't want her in the delivery room? She stresses me out and I don't think it would be good to have her there...but of course she's already saying that she'd like to be there. Eeek! I'm very low drama and I hate making people upset.
    Throw the hospital/nurses/doctor under the bus on this one.  I'm a nurse, and will gladly be the bad guy if my patients don't want a particular person around for an exam, or in their room.  Say the hospital policy is very strict, or the doctor/nurse thinks it's distracting, whatever. 
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  • Bear14+Bear14+ member
    My mom's job was to take photos right after birth. I didn't want DH to have to mess with his phone to get pics. So she even though the baby was delivered and immediately put on my chest for an hour, it was still nice to get those photos of us from the very first moments.
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