Guilty feelings, let em out!

Ljonas87 · January 2016

I am feeling guilty about choosing to be a stay at home mom. Don't get me wrong, I feel like it was the right choice for me and I love spending time with my little man and I give huge props to the mommas who are super moms and also work out of the house.
But I can't get over the guilty feeling. Like, I'm getting away with something, or like a kid staying home from school saying "I'm sick" when I'm really not.
My husband fully supports me staying at home and actually requested it while we were still pregnant that once LO arrived that I would stay home for at least the first year. But again, I feel like it's totally unfair to him, so much so that if I even stop running around the house for 2 seconds to eat or rest, I feel like I'm not the "trophy wife" I want to be for him. It's just with all the under handed comments from some friends and family makes me feel like I'm cheating somehow at the game of life.
Wow, was that a long rant. Thanks for letting me vent and I'm going there are other moms trying to deal with some stuff if their own that they wanna share.....Maybe?

Aldermanbaby · January 2016

I am in the same boat! When DH and I first got married and discussed kids we agreed we would both work but while pregnant we both changed our minds. Since we could afford for me to stay home we wanted me to be home with DD to raise her but I feel guilty everyday! Exactly like the kid staying home from school!!! I must admit being a sahm is wayyyyy harder than I ever thought . Most days I run around the house trying to super clean and spend time with baby but I always feel guilty when he comes home and asks what I did today .Somedays I feel like I am just not cut out for it but it's an adjustment

Ljonas87 · January 2016

Aldermanbaby said:
I am in the same boat! When DH and I first got married and discussed kids we agreed we would both work but while pregnant we both changed our minds. Since we could afford for me to stay home we wanted me to be home with DD to raise her but I feel guilty everyday! Exactly like the kid staying home from school!!! I must admit being a sahm is wayyyyy harder than I ever thought . Most days I run around the house trying to super clean and spend time with baby but I always feel guilty when he comes home and asks what I did today .Somedays I feel like I am just not cut out for it but it's an adjustment

Omg! I feel the same way 100% so glad we aren't alone in this. Ya, I feel I'm not cut out for it too sometimes, especially when cooking dinner. Let's just say I'm not the best, I have good intentions when it comes to dinner. I plan it out, go grocery shopping and try getting things started. Then my husband just takes over and it always turns out amazing. Meanwhile I'm in the living room in the floor making funny faces at baby. I feel less than par.

Aldermanbaby · January 2016

@Ljonas87 glad I am not alone feeling particularly guilty right now watching teen mom while LO naps in my arms - I should be doing dishes she's just so peaceful

danniellemichelle · January 2016

I'm a new SAHM too and I totally feel you ladies. I thank my husband every time I think of it for working so hard so that I can stay home to raise our daughter

@Aldermanbaby I love teen mom

Casseylemon · January 2016

Although I feel like being a SAHM is like 2 full time jobs, I hate that I can't contribute financially! I don't handle our finances either, so every time I swipe that card I feel bad that I'm not helping out in that area! That being said, I love being at home with my sweet pea and being a wife. And I'd hate to pretty much be working only to pay for child care.

millereliz13 · January 2016

I felt guilty at first but then I looked up the cost of a good day care and a cleaning lady. I showed them to my husband and said if I was getting paid for this I'd be golden. He then reminded me I run our lives and make sure he looks good for work (I do laundry, which I dislike). We all rock! Being us is hard!
But some days I feel guilty for sitting on my couch watching Property Brothers while I hold my napping kiddo.

I love you all!

LaurenBee24 · January 2016

So my partner used to ask me "what did you do today" and when I told him that it made me feel bad he stopped. He didn't intend it the way I always took it. He wanted me to be napping and what not. This is when I quit working while pregnant. I had a hard pregnancy and was on my feet tutoring all day at work. I had to carry a bucket around the tutoring center for months before I quit.

midge519 · January 2016

I feel guilty I don't get a lot done during the day. I'm actively working on doing better at getting baby used to alone time including nap so I can do more, including pumping, but it's hard. I feel guilty when SO comes home to dirty dishes or messy house. He doesn't mind helping even encourages letting him help but I feel bad.

I also feel guilty doing something for me. SO works so hard and helps out here at home so me time feels like I haven't earned it, yes I know I'm incredibly hard on myself. I'm working on that too

Ljonas87 · January 2016

Yes, I have some days where it seems like LO will not let me set him down for one second. In really trying to get him to be a little more Ok by himself without resorting to the, "cry it out" method. On his needy days I'll always try to be within his line of sight and talk to him while I'm doing things, but sometimes I think this just makes him realize I'm close by but not with him so he gets fussy. This makes me feel bad when hubby gets home and my story is, "he wouldn't let me put him down"

feeohhnaax7 · January 2016

I feel so guilty I'm not the mom/wife I thought I'd be. I EP and by the time I feed my son, change him, play with him, set him down for a nap and maybe do some dishes it's time to pump and do it all over again! My apartment is a mess and I feel so bad that I stay home all day while my husband works and next to nothing gets done around the house.

I also feel guilty and conflicted about going back to work... I don't want to be away from my son and miss milestones, but I want to help out financially. Meanwhile I don't know how I'm going to juggle taking care of him and getting both of us ready and out the door on time!

Imangan · January 2016

Woah mamas less of the guilt ladies your ARE working you have A full time job with no scheduled breaks.

I'm on mat leave and 100% staying at home is so much harder than going to a paid job, I thought I'd be a super wife with a perfect house and settled baby by the time husband gets home with a lovely dinner made and me looking great, reality check if I can shower do the dishes brush my teeth all in one day ive had a productive day - so what we watch tv as we feed or take a nap because we do night feeds we need these things to keep us going, I hear the guilt and think your being way to hard on yourselves and under estimating how "hard" you work at home, our husbands don't feel guilty taking a coffee break at work, the same way if we sit down for 10 mins we shouldn't either.

I for one watched way to much tv and the picture I had of mat leave and the reality are very very different, my husband stayed at home one day while I was doing some jobs and he out right said there is no way he could cope with the constant demands of being at home and while he works hard the SAHM is way harder.

I will be going back to work in the future so right now if I can grab 10 minutes of teen mom or take a nap with LO im going to enjoy it but I hands down know that work will be a breeze in comparison to the role of a SAHM.
Well done mamas you should be proud !

FatPony · January 2016

STOP FEELING GUILTY FOR STAYING AT HOME!!!! Here in Canada most everyone stays at home for the first year. I have a high paying career I could go back to right now and I feel bad for not currently bringing in money -BUT- my baby will never be an infant again. So screw the extra cash. In 30 years I'm not gong to look back and wish I would've went back early for that extra $$.

We need to stop being so hard on ourselves. Rant over.

plumpous · January 2016

Dear op, don't feel guilty! What you are doing is amazing. You get to raise your kid. I have my reasons for returning to work but I hate having just 3 hours a day with my precious gem. Being a sahm is not easy at all and you are not cheating in the game of life. Just be happy. And of course you need to rest so do what you gotta do!

AiramJ · January 2016

Haha, I am so glad we are all the same! My house is a mess, which gets me. I get so irritated looking around, but what can I do! My little one seems to only want to sleep when I hold him. As soon as I put him down, he is up and needs attention. I tried having hi on me in his carrier, but doing dishes or picking stuff off the floor is not easy like that. I told my husband we need to tidy up when he gets home from work, but he wants to spend time with his son. I get that, but I can't be doing everything. Looking after baby takes up most of the time. I often don't even get the chance to brush my teeth until lunch time and showers are a treat, only once husband comes home. I feel so gross! On top of that I have 3?dogs to look after. I feel so bad for not taking them for walks daily :-(

sarapagan · January 2016

My guilt is mostly for my 4 year old. I've had so much luck nursing baby girl, and he was such a challenge!! He wouldnt latch and I stopped producing by the time he was 8 weeks old. Since she needs me so much, it is so hard for me to balance and find the time to get on the floor and play with him. I find myself constantly saying, "Go play, honey," and he seems okay and very happy playing alone, but I hate that I can't figure out how to divide my time better as a mom of two. I work all day and come home, then my husband leaves for work (night shift

) So I've got to wind off of teacher mode and get into mommy mode---make dinner, try to carve out time to cook and do baths. It's just still such a challenge to find time for little man and I go to bed discouraged and feeling like a failure every night!

tracij12 · January 2016

sarapagan said:
My guilt is mostly for my 4 year old. I've had so much luck nursing baby girl, and he was such a challenge!! He wouldnt latch and I stopped producing by the time he was 8 weeks old. Since she needs me so much, it is so hard for me to balance and find the time to get on the floor and play with him. I find myself constantly saying, "Go play, honey," and he seems okay and very happy playing alone, but I hate that I can't figure out how to divide my time better as a mom of two. I work all day and come home, then my husband leaves for work (night shift ) So I've got to wind off of teacher mode and get into mommy mode---make dinner, try to carve out time to cook and do baths. It's just still such a challenge to find time for little man and I go to bed discouraged and feeling like a failure every night!

This is my biggest guilt as well. DD1 is so good with baby and she has been great with less attention but I feel horrible. I go back to work next week and know that is only going to make it worse

I've been trying to do little things like go to the grocery store when H is home so I can leave baby with him (my older daughter LOVES going to stores) and letting her pick a movie we can watch together. Hoping it gets better as DD2 gets older and they can somewhat play together.

cbolton19 · January 2016

My guilt is that I am back at work. I was starting to find a good rhythm at home with my baby. It wasn't perfect, but we were getting there. Now I feel like I don't have enough time to do all the things I should as a wife and mom. I have so many things I need to do (laundry, food, dishes, etc) but all I want to do is hold my baby when I get home. I hate not being with her. Staying home now could work but would be tight. If I can pull up my big girl britches and just deal for a year or so, we'll be much better off on one income of we choose. I feel guilty for being so upset about feeling like I have to work, but then I'd probably feel guilty for staying home on days I couldn't get everything together. Gah! Mom guilt is rough. I guess we all need to be kinder to ourselves.

meganraschke · January 2016

@cbolton19 I am in the same boat. I hardly even work when I sit at my desk now and just watch videos of my LO from maternity leave!

I find myself being angry by the time I get home that I only have 3 hours to wash bottles, relabel them, cook, maybe clean, eat, and get snuggle time.

I feel like I can't juggle all of the hats I am supposed to wear now. I loved being home on maternity leave and I am having anxiety attacks being back at work now.

I'm trying to come to terms with it as both of us working is our only option, it's just been incredibly difficult for me to adjust to being a working mother

cbolton19 · January 2016

@meganraschke Yes! I'm so distracted at work. All I can think about is her! Then pumping is frustrating but I love nursing so I have to pump. I never wanted to be a working mother. I have always wanted babies and to stay home with them, maybe getting a part time job when they went to school (don't know why I got a masters in engineering...). It's a hard pill to swallow. I feel like being a mom is my calling. Maybe we'll win the lottery tomorrow. Ha ha good luck momma, I'll be sending you good vibes.

dwaldrop · January 2016

Mom guilt is very hard. I feel like I spend all day trying to get my LO to nap. And sneaking one in for myself.
Mostly I just feel dirty, tired, cranky and useless. Sigh. I wish I could do more. My LO is still in an eat, play, sleep cycle.
I used to feel guilty about being home and my hubby having to go to work. But I know that when he is quietly sitting in his private office drinking his coffee, I'm being screamed at and peed on. LOL. We all do our part.

OliveOyl2014 · January 2016

I work part time and last night I called off but still left for "work" at my usual time. I had so many errands to run and never get a chance to do them with both kids. I felt guilty and ended up telling DH. He laughed about it and said I shouldn't feel guilty. I felt more guilty not telling him at first than I did for not going to work.

nianicho777 · January 2016

I feel guilty because I work! By the time I get home, my son wants to nurse and falls asleep within 2 hours of me being home. It totally sucks!

shantyrae · January 2016

I feel guilty for enjoying heading off to work. It's nice to have hands free time around other adults and I feel bad that I enjoy not being around my baby sometimes! I do make good money and get free Healthcare for our family by working though.

I also want to say to the SAHMs.... you ladies do work so hard! I'm the first to say I think staying home would be harder than working full time. I don't think I could do it! It's a very mentally and emotionally tiring job in addition to keeping the house clean day in and day out. Kudos to you all!

cbolton19 · January 2016

@meganraschke How are you doing? We are on week 2. Daycare/eating is going better for my little one. I'm still super distracted and just want to see her all day.

meganraschke · January 2016

@cbolton19 It is getting better, but in 7 weeks I have only worked a full week once. Some by choice, taking of random days just to stay home with LO, some not. Daycare is working on his immunities for me he has gotten pneumonia and RSV so far in the past 6 weeks.
I know exactly what you mean about feeling distracted. My husband bought me a digital photo frame for Christmas and I find myself just staring at it some days.
It is getting better, it's just going very slow for me. Days when I stay home just remind me why I want to be home all the time with LO

Edited because the app keeps loosing half of my post

cbolton19 · January 2016

@meganraschke Oh my! Poor little guy! That sounds rough. I hope he is doing better. The days I am home with her really do make me want to stay home all the time. I'm glad you have gotten some days off here and there to spend with him. I just have to remember why I am at work. It helps sometimes. Hang in there momma! We can find our rhythm. : )

meganraschke · January 2016

I completely agree! I sure hope so, my heart aches when I am away from LO

jessrl · January 2016

I'm on day 2 of being back to work and the guilt is real. I'm surprised that I'm doing a pretty good job staying focused on work when at work and so far not bringing any work home so I can focus on LO at home. I still feel so horrible that she's at daycare for 9 hours even though I know she's in good hands (it's my church) and she seems very happy there. I just feel so guilty not being with her for so long. I guess it will take some getting use to.

brittanispears · January 2016

I feel guilty that I haven't been able to BF my baby girl. I want to so badly and I've cried so many times over it. I don't want to give her formula but since she wouldn't latch, it's my only option right now. So, I'm working on getting my milk supply back up so I can at least bottle feed her my milk. I feel like I'm cheating her out of what she deserves. I'm getting teary-eyed typing this.

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