Second Baby

angelinthepit23 · January 2016

I used to want 2 kids close in age as my sister and I were far apart and it kind of sucked. However, the thought of 2 kids under the age of 5 is a little scary.

I'm trying to plan out this baby a little better so I have more vacation time to use so I can be home longer than 6 weeks.

When do you want to have your second OR if you have a second how far apart and what were the pros/cons?

chelseaepley · January 2016

We got pregnant when DD1 was 16 months. She was 2 yrs 1 month when DS was born. It's a great age difference. They're close enough that they will be able to play together once he gets older and its not stressful for me since DD1 is very independent.

VexedMommy · January 2016

https://www.thealphaparent.com/2012/07/what-no-one-tells-you-about-child.html This is a really good, comprehensive list of pros and cons for common age gaps between siblings. I'm done having kids, but this made an interesting read when it popped up on my pinterest.

cbolton19 · January 2016

We are planning on trying for our second at the end of the summer. So the closest they would be is 18 months. I want to have them close (me and my siblings weren't) in age. We are all friends now but it would have been fun growing up to be a little closer in age. I know it will be hard, but I am so looking forward to seeing my kids play together.

MargaretC5 · January 2016

Our two are just over 2 years apart. We wanted 2 close together, so hopefully they would have a closer relationship growing up and because neither DH or I are getting any younger (I am 34, DH is 42).
So far I like the 2 year difference. DS adjusted well to the baby and is independent enough that we are not too overwhelmed. DH and I know the next year or two is probably going to be a little harder them if we waited longer. Both DH and I also had siblings very close in age (DH is actually an irish twin) and have great memories growing up with siblings of a similar age, so that also motivated our decision. We also like the idea that having them similar in age means planning family actives for the same ago bracket.
A few of the downsides of having them close together is that if you are working the day care costs are higher while they are both young, also college costs are going to hit about the same time. Same costs either way, but they just take a bigger chunk of your income one time when your kids are close.

Pontot31 · January 2016

My daughter turns 4 next week and my son is 7 weeks old. I could not imagine kids any closer in age. I think the almost 4 years is perfect.
She's super helpful and can also entertain herself. He adores her already. She's also in school
3 days a week so I get some one on one time with him.

My nieces are 20 months apart and my SIL said the first 2 years were really rough and then it started getting easier.

For us adding this second baby has been pretty easy. We are laid back people anyway and he just comes along with us to his sister's things and is very chill. And when I need to attend to him I can give DD something to do and she's fine.

wulfpackgirl · January 2016

We had said we'd plan for number two maybe at the end of this summer. I do not want to pregnant again during the summer in the South. That would put them 18 months apart. But now that I see how exhausting it is I'm reconsidering. I'm 37 though so we don't have a lot of time to waste if we go for number 2. I joke that we'd have twins and have 3 under the age of 2.

mamavbs · January 2016

I have two years exactly between number 1 and 2. Then 2 years 2 months between number 2 and 3. (So 4 years between my eldest and youngest.) I'd say it's a little intense at the beginning but watching them grow together and how close they are as friends is amazing and worth it all. We decided to have them quite close together (but not too close) so that we didn't get too in to the next stage of life, only to have to go back and start again. For example sleep... my eldest was only 2 so still woke some nights and it made it a tiny bit easier to get up with a newborn. And third time around it's been much easier! I think it's a personal preference and also depends on your kids too!

AmoLovesAud · January 2016

After 8 weeks with this LO, I'm thinking one and done! I can barely function, I can't imagine taking care of another kid while doing this.

vomitrosa · January 2016

My kids are 7 years apart....I originally wanted 2 close in age but this 2nd baby has been a whirlwind, kudos to all you ladies who could handle 2 kids under 5! ...7 years is a good fit...maybe in another 7 I'll have #3 LOL

rachswi · January 2016

We want to wait at least 2 years before we start trying. I figure then I'll know Zeke's personality well enough and he would be old enough that he can be a helper.

I'm with you, @AmoLovesAud - right now I can't fathom having a small child running around while dealing with a newborn. I'm sure I'll adapt when the time comes but that thought crosses my mind regularly

kmd91 · January 2016

We've talked about 2-3 year age gaps. I think how doable a small age gap is depends a lot on the kiddos personalities. I know it's different than having your own kids, but I was nannying a 1.5 year old and then took on a 6 month old while I was pregnant. The toddler was very independent and mostly handled himself aside from food and diaper changes, so that was managable even with a six month old that was mad about 10 out of the 12 hours I had him every day (okay, that might be a slight exaggeration).

However, I feel like I would prefer to start trying closer to when he is two years old rather than having another when he turns two, that way he will be closer to three when he becomes a big brother. Honestly, if possible, I would like to have him potty trained before we add another, not because two in diapers is a horrible thing. But because the thought of potty training with a new baby sounds intimidating to me.

laswett · January 2016

SO was an OC, so he definitely wants at least 2. I was on board with that, and then labor and the newborn stage hit me. We'll more than likely have another. But right now, I can't imagine doing this again. On purpose. That being said, I am 3 years older than my brother. We played together well. We also fought like crazy. As adults, we can have a good time together. It just depends on what pros you're looking for for your kiddos as they grow.

GoogleMD · January 2016

We are planning to try at tge end of the summer. Grayson has been so laid back and easy, I am a little nervous to have another since we are so spooked now.

threatlevelmidnight · January 2016

DH and I agree on 2-3 year gap. I've done a lot of reading on how it takes about 2 years for your body to fully recover from a baby so I would like to give my body a good chance to heal. Plus I can't imagine having another one so soon. Haha

flas · January 2016

My 3 are all 3 1/2 years apart, though that wasn't planned. Every child was out or just about out of diapers before the other was born. It's a bit of an age gap but I like it. My oldest just turned 7. He already wants his 2 month old brother to be in his room.

Lolo427 · January 2016

We'll start trying next year but as PP have said I can't imagine another. I need to see the light at the end of a colic tunnel because I can't imagine willingly subjecting ourselves to this stage again. DD is so finicky and upset ( and this is better than what it was!) that I'm scared shitless the next one will be too...or worse. Gah. Ho well, my cat lady dreams are gone for now.

Elyse1384 · January 2016

DD is 20 months younger than DS and we love it! We are still in that "fog", diaper changing, can't rationalize with the child stage so we figured let's keep going. We plan on cycling for #3 late this year or very early next.

sadyy131 · January 2016

I'm not a STM, however I'm a full-time nanny for an 18 mo old. In my opinion, there is a huge developmental difference between an 18 mo old and a 2 year old. My nephew is 2 and the difference between them is crazy. Of course every child is different, but the girl I watch is still pretty dependent and doesn't really understand the whole "let's be quiet baby is sleeping" or "we can't sit in the babies car seat with her" kinda things. And she doesn't quite understand enough to be able to "help" with the baby. So my days are basically craziness. That's why I would personally wait until my LO was at least 2 when baby number 2 would be born. However I'm getting Mirena so we're not planning on baby number 2 for a while.

rubirubi89 · January 2016

Coming in I figured we'd have enough with one. But our son has turned out so easy to deal with that now my brain wants 5 more! I want to say we'll be waiting until this one is 2 to start trying again, although DH is such a worrier that he keeps telling me "I don't know about that other kid babe" lol yesterday he probably cried more than the baby after he got his shots.

bellie1223 · January 2016

I was so miserable during most of my pregnancy I was pretty sure I was done, being pregnant anyway, I've always been open to adopting. The end of my pregnancy, labor and delivery and newborn stage have all been relatively easy so I find myself thinking about another. I'm scared she might be a "trick" baby though and the next will be a nightmare...

mistycray · January 2016

My kids are 11, 6.5, and 7 weeks. I have really enjoyed having them so far apart, and get to really appreciate all their ages and stages. My older two (girl-11, boy 6.5) are close even if they're not close on age.

chein1 · January 2016

This LO was an "oops". I have no problem admitting that. DD1 turned 2 three weeks after LO was born. I mourned the first 2 weeks of this pregnancy because it was not the plan at all. DD1 is amazing and quirky but also so full of energy...luckily LO has the temperament of a saint. I swear it's like she knew she was the second while she was in the womb. I can't imagine LO not being here of course, but our ideal was a 4-5 year age difference.

lyankowi · January 2016

I wanted about a 3 year gap until I started school then I wanted to finish school, I didn't get into the program so 2.5 years is pretty good I guess. I am done though. But being a single mom the age gap is probably about right

mrsgabus · January 2016

We have ds1 9, ds2 4 and DD 7 weeks. I love the gap between the kids but I didn't plan it . I have some issues with reoccurring miscarriages.

So DH and I will begin trying late spring/summer or once my cycle comes back ( EPING).

dramaphile · January 2016

bellie1223 said:
I was so miserable during most of my pregnancy I was pretty sure I was done, being pregnant anyway, I've always been open to adopting. The end of my pregnancy, labor and delivery and newborn stage have all been relatively easy so I find myself thinking about another. I'm scared she might be a "trick" baby though and the next will be a nightmare...

LO is a very good baby and I worry she's a Trick Baby, too! She sleeps 6-8 hours straight every night, is mostly happy and good-natured, nurses really well, and if we time it right, she will sleep right through dinner at a restaurant. I want to wait 1.5-2 years before we try for number two, I think 2-3 years is a nice gap.

MoRay05 · January 2016

We have an almost three year gap. It's great bc my oldest loves to help with the baby (getting diapers, blankets, bath time, etc). She also entertains herself for the most part when I'm breastfeeding LO.

helsbels222 · January 2016

My oldest is 6 and LO is 7 weeks. We tried to have them closer in age but well we had some issues. It's nice that my oldest is more independent and helps out a lot. I can't imagine having 2 under age 5 or a toddler with a newborn. God bless those of you who do because you are super moms.

nmwheel1 · January 2016

My girls are 2 years and 1 day apart. We find it great. DD1 was sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old and has been fairly independent. She's now on day 3 of no diapers at home and training pants out of the house (but hasn't actually used them out of the house)! She was even able to wipe herself today after peeing while I was breastfeeding DD2. She's been a huge help with DD2. She is almost 26 months.
I was also worried she was a trick baby but DD2 is sleeping through the night now as well (I actually had to wake her up at 6:30 this morning to feed her finally).
I'd love a third but DH said no. We started trying for #2 when DD1 was 9 months old

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