Self confidence gone

midge519 · January 2016

At 2 weeks I got back into a pair of jeans I got right before getting pregnant. But here I am at 11 weeks and all my other jeans won't go past my thighs. I won't wear most of my shirts because you can see my belly and it makes me super uncomfortable that others are going to see it. So instead of my nice shirts I'm wearing old volleyball shirts or slightly bigger tshirts. I can't afford to go buy new clothes right now so that solution is out. I've never been a super confident person, read years of bullying in school and then a cheating ex killed it, but I'm finding myself feeling even worse about myself now. I try hard to keep myself focused on the whole you just had a baby aspect of things but I'm just having a hard time with it. This is my third pregnancy and the one taking the longest to bounce back from, as I should have expected. I have more belly now than I ever did before and when I sit it creases and over hangs which really gets me. I have back fat too which is hard as well. I'm sure knowing we are planning a wedding is starting to weigh on me and making sure I look how I want in a dress but I can't bring myself to fix it. I know the solution is exercise and cut out the crap I'm eating but I'm in this spiral of I feel bad about myself so I want to do something but then when I think of wanting to do something I feel bad about myself and the thought of doing something makes me want to cry. So here I am in a vicious cycle and idk what to do. Please know my SO is amazing and tells me daily how beautiful I am and that he loves me how I am and I can feel his love and admiration for me. But it doesn't help me feel better about me.

Any tips on how to motivate myself to do something? Tips on cutting out sweets (I'm addicted and have a hard time having just a bite)?

If you want to vent here as well please do. I know getting it out has helped me.

cbolton19 · January 2016

Be kind to yourself! You have grown 3 humans! That is an incredible thing to do. Try taking your little one(s) with you when you exercise. I hate the gym, so I have been walking. I met a couple other moms in my birth class and we meet up once or twice a week to walk and we usually get 4-6 miles in. That has helped me a lot. Getting out more is helping me get out and walk more with my husband too. I think the most important part is to be kind to yourself and figure out what helps you get moving. For me, it is being distracted, so I like having someone to talk to when I exercise. Take small steps and don't be too hard on yourself if you have a bad day. As for eating, I feel better if I just add a little more veg in my day (adding a bunch of spinach to my eggs is an easy way to get a lot of greens).

AiramJ · January 2016

I know easier said than done, but don't let it get you down. I also feel like I should fit into my pre pregnancy clothes. But no chance. I cannot believe how I have ballooned! I have signed up to the gym at the start of this year, signed up for 5 classes and cancelled them all. I really want to eat well and exercise, but it's such an effort!!! I rather snack in chocolate bars than carrot sticks. I have to keep telling myself that I won't lose wait that way and that I will feel better once I get into a healthy routine...why don't you start replacing one meal a day with something healthy? As in a salad or a soup? What I also did, I bought a food dryer. Do apples, mango, carrot, whatever fruit and veg you like and dry it. Tastes yummy and way healthier than sweets. Put it in a storage box with some nuts and pick on that when you feel like having something sweet. I went to the hairdresser the other day and we chatted. I told her I am going to the gym and need to lose wait. She was literally shocked and told me to take it easy and it's okay to just be with baby and it's okay to be a bit chubby. I am ranting on now...just start with small steps, not too much pressure! We'll get there!

LaurenBee24 · January 2016

I feel the same way. I started a small size 4 (big butt) or a 2 in dresses. Now 11 weeks pp ( tomorrow) I'm a size 8 but can still wear some of the 10s I got a while back. I eat super well and never snack! It just won't budge. I fear I'll never be able to fit in my 26 inch hip huggers again. What helped me was to pack away all of my prepregnacy clothing... That way I'm not trying to put it on and getting upset. I only got a few things at Ross because I don't plan to stay this size, but having things that fit is so important. I know you said money was tight, but if you buy 2nd hand I bet you could have a few outfits super cheap! It helped me so much to be able to look nice.

Casseylemon · January 2016

I tossed out all the junk food and stocked up on fruits, baby carrots, cottage cheese, stuff to make smoothies ect. I've also only been drinking water. I'm on day 5, and all of sudden I'm not even craving the junk anymore! It makes it so much easier if it's not even in the house. Going to the store is way too hard with a newborn lol I wish you the best, and I'm so sorry it's been such a struggle!!

midge519 · January 2016

Thanks ladies!! I've been trying to eat more salads. I bought it and replace a meal a day if I can. Some days are really hard with him screaming so much. I'm thinking about maybe driving to the mall or something to get a good walk in once a week (the big mall is 45 minutes away) when it's cold and trying to walk more outside when it's not bad. I hate the gym as well so I know saying I'm going to go isn't going to motivate me lol. I've been trying to do the stairs more. I guess I just gotta do it :-/ tomorrow the oldest two have a wrestling tournament (I have three bio kids and two bonus) so it should be interesting I'm sure. Knowing others are in the same boat helps me. My sister barely gains in her pregnancies and wears her pre pregnancy clothes right away so I'm kind of in the dark lol. Here's to trying lol

danniellemichelle · January 2016

I know exactly how you feel. I feel like my body looks like how a grandmas body should look not a 23 year old and it makes me cry. I gained 70 pounds with my pregnancy (lost 45 in the first two weeks so I know all that swelling and largeness was a lot of water retention) but I'm still up 20 lbs (only this last week have I lost five) and Violet is already almost 12 weeks old.

I have a massive hangy flab of a belly right now and it's gone down but it literally folds down and I don't know if that will ever go away (had a c section so idk if that makes your belly worse) to top it off I'm covered in stretch marks

I was never body conscious before with my husband I used to feel sexy and pretty. But between my saggy boobs after I pump and flabby belly I just want to hide and cry. He tells me I'm so beautiful and he loves me just the way I am but I want to be the best I can be for myself and him.

SOOO this last week I literally bought tons of healthy veggies and fruits and yogurts etc and I've already lost five pounds in a week. I feel better already about myself energy wise not so much physically yet. But we were eating fast food every single day and have been eating bad since I first found out I was pregnant almost a year ago now.

Tips for sweets there are a TON of vegan dessert recipes on Pinterest that are sooooo good like I've made chocolate peanut butter cups that are healthy ... And dates are such a good ingredient to add to any dessert. We used to be vegan and I have been making some vegan dishes lately they are awesome tasting and awesome for you

What really helps me is to have easy to grab things like bananas, the personal Greek yogurts and frozen veggies you can steam and toss in some rice or noodles like a stir fry

Sorry this is so long !!! Thank you for this post it feels good talking to other women that understand and are on the same page

KristynLee15 · January 2016

Oh man. I could have written this. I just spent the afternoon basically crying in my closet. Nothing and i mean nothing fits and i refuse to buy new clothes. I feel like such a frump all the time and its really bringing me down

altow1310 · January 2016

So glad I'm not alone. Literally everything on here I feel like I could have written. It's so tough, but it does help to look into the face of my LO and watch how he's growing right before my eyes (I'm EBF, so I take his weight gain as some success of my own even if that's weird. Lol! It helps me cope). I get really discouraged sometimes too when I think about the fact that by the time I get back to where I was before or where I want to be (I'm ok with being 5-10 lbs heavier than I used to be; 25 not so much) it will be time to turn around and start on baby #2! Lol! The flabby belly and stretch marks are really killing me. I don't mind being thicker and a little bigger, but the flab. Oh my God the flab. So over it.

midge519 · January 2016

jadi1215 said:
The flabby belly and stretch marks are really killing me. I don't mind being thicker and a little bigger, but the flab. Oh my God the flab. So over it.

This! I can handle being a little thicker and even the stretch marks, I've dealt with them for 8 years and they faded a lot. But the flab is killing me!

J1D · January 2016

Hmmmm. Motivation is hard because different things motivate us.
I'm bummed you can't buy new clothes because that's what made me feel the best. Being bigger isn't as bad if you can get dressed in clothes that fit. I got so big while pregnant I had to lose almost 50lbs post baby to fit into my maternity pants!!!
Not prepregnancy jeans.
I had to lose weight to wear my maternity jeans.
Talk about a kick in the teeth of one's self confidence.
I recently busted out the measuring tape and find out what size jeans I actually needed now. Right now, today with the weight I currently am. Women's plus size 18. Prepregnancy it was a woman's 12... It'll be awhile before those bad boys will fit again. So I ordered a cheap pair of old navy jeans in the plus size 18.
Then I bought 2 tops with gathers and drapes and all that good pudge hiding jazz to wear when I leave the house.
Having two leave the house options so I didn't feel so frumpy did HUGE things towards helping feel more confident.
So here's my 2 birds with one stone motivation plan!
1.Pull out cash to do your grocery shopping.
2.When you look at the sweets and drool think "fabulous new outfit," put the sweets back and transfer the cash you would have spent on sweets, even if it's just a dollar or two, into an envelope.
3.At home have a jar with a label or go all out and put a pic of the outfit you want on it, and put the sweets money in the jar.
Use physical cash to do this so you can see it and feel it and make it very "real."
5.Keep avoiding those sweets and watching the money in your fabulous outfit jar accumulate and hopefully as a fringe benefit a few pounds fall off.
6.When you have enough money buy your fabulous outfit (don't repurpose that money! Don't spread it out for multiple cheap comfy crappy things, that's your one fabulous outfit fund!) go out and get one outfit that fits right now, looks new and stylish and makes you feel, if not great, at least better.
7.Wear your fabulous outfit!
8. Receive compliments from friends and family and complete strangers

9. Feel more confident and more motivated to do it again to get another outfit and lose another few pounds.
10. Rinse and repeat

Also, trust me, I know it's hard, try to give your body a break and love it for producing beautiful children for you.
When anyone starts talking to me about diets and exercise to get back in shape, I tell them to f@¢£ off cause my body is on vacation. It had a very hard year and it's taking a freaking break. Diets and exercise will still be there when my baby starts sleeping through the night.

J1D · January 2016

cbolton19 said:
Be kind to yourself! You have grown 3 humans! That is an incredible thing to do. Try taking your little one(s) with you when you exercise. I hate the gym, so I have been walking. I met a couple other moms in my birth class and we meet up once or twice a week to walk and we usually get 4-6 miles in. That has helped me a lot. Getting out more is helping me get out and walk more with my husband too. I think the most important part is to be kind to yourself and figure out what helps you get moving. For me, it is being distracted, so I like having someone to talk to when I exercise. Take small steps and don't be too hard on yourself if you have a bad day. As for eating, I feel better if I just add a little more veg in my day (adding a bunch of spinach to my eggs is an easy way to get a lot of greens).

Yes to spinach in all the things!

When I'm trying to eat less junk my rule is I can absolutely have as much cookies, chips, candy, cakes- whatever- that I want. There's no limit

But- I have to eat an apple or a plate of veggies or a salad (no dressing, usually spinach and fruit) and drink a BIG glass of water first. The apple and veggies and water take up space and get much needed actual nutrition in the mix and then I don't have as much room for junk so I feel satisfied after just a cookie or 2 instead of eating the whole box. And I don't feel like I've denied myself anything! I was just full and didn't want it which is totally different than denying myself something.
See what I did there?

LiveNLove44 · January 2016

@midge519, try not to be so hard on yourself! I know it's easier said than done, but many of us are in the same boat. After I had my first, getting back into shape was much easier than I thought it would be...except my belly. This second time around, it's even harder. My abdominal muscles are just stretched and the fat that sits on top of them looks more prominent because of it. It makes getting dressed a challenge, and it doesn't make me feel any better about myself even though I workout 6 days a week. The motivator that I have is seeing that my body is changing from working out, just changing very, very slowly. I make sure to do some core exercises everyday, even if only for a couple minutes, because I can tell that my belly is starting to hold itself together. I also try to focus on what I'll think of myself tomorrow. So for instance, I want to wake up tomorrow and be like, "Sweet! Way to go yesterday's self! You didn't binge on the oatmeal chocolate chip cookies before bed!" <--actual example of things I do. I do not like waking up with this, "Thanks a lot yesterday's self. You're the reason I feel like crap today." Obviously, there's a balance, but it helps me to know that when I am making good choices today, I'll be happier tomorrow. For me, good choices beget good choices, but it happens on a small scale. Take baby steps and know that change will happen!

dwaldrop · January 2016

This has been hard for me too. I have a strange body shape. Big bottom, small waist. Sounds good till you go shopping. Clothes aren't made like that. I worked in a clothing store pre baby. I have so many cute clothes that will not fit. I'm so close but I don't think I'll get rid of enough to squeeze back in. I figure it is what it is. But it just bums me out to lose out on all those cute things.
Plus my bra size has gone up exponentially with breastfeeding. Also sounds great but they don't make 32G in a normal store and I don't really want to spend $50 on a nursing bra.
I don't feel sexy. My boobs just feel gross and sore usually. The stretch marks are real. And I highly doubt those will go anywhere.
But I just try to remember what I gained with my son and I know it could be worse. I try to be healthy and stay active. Even when I'm exhausted and/or lazy. The fitbit I got for Christmas reminds me not to be lazy.

midge519 · January 2016

Thank you ladies!! It really does help knowing others feel the same way and hearing your stories. I'm already doing better at not eating sweets late at night (one of my big problems) and instead of buying the kids sweets I bought them applesauce so I won't be as tempted. :-) maybe in the next two weeks I can buy myself a new pair of jeans or some shirts. I love the Salvation Army store here for second hand and will probably get some clothing there

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