When will you let your child stay over somewhere?

Amiyahcora · January 2016

This is my first child and people in my family keep asking me if I am going to let her stay the night at her house. It is annoying because she is not even here yet, and I really do not want her staying anywhere until she is about a year old. I tried explaining this to certain family members and they get upset. When are you going to let your child stay over a family members home?

surferP528 · January 2016

I agree with you, and I think that it will be a long time for us before we let her spend the night elsewhere. She is our first child, so I'm sure we'll feel extra protective. Additionally, I feel it's the parent's role to be there for the child 24/7 especially at the beginning. My SIL drops her 2 children off at my MILs house all the time. She basically parents on weeknights and takes weekends off. MIL says she needs a break, but she also doesn't work. Sounds like a pretty sweet gig to me!
I know that sleep training and other behaviors can get thrown off when children are off their schedule as well, but that's probably not a concern until our kids are a little older.

Aside from spending the night, I'm even nervous to let our baby stay with a babysitter. We have a friend who is trying to force herself on us as a babysitter. For our shower, her gift was that she'd babysit while we went out for the night, and that just doesn't sound appealing to us yet at all. I'm sure after a few months we'll be ready, but it's going to take some time. I would be all worries!

lilqt3929 · January 2016

I have a 2 yo DD and she just recently started spending the night at the inlaws. Its been on 3 occasions and with the 1st time I was so nervous but she did great and now will ask to spend the night there which is reassuring that she enjoys it. I couldn't imagine having someone watch an infant/baby overnight unless it was a necessity but everyone is different and who knows maybe my views will change with LO #2. FWIW, we didn't have anyone watch DD until she was 3 months old (thats only because DH wanted to take me out to dinner and a movie for my birthday) and my parents were the ones to watch her. It's certainly easier after the first time to have someone watch them for sure.

DrillSergeantCat · January 2016

@Amiyahcora - My oldest slept over with my brother around 6 weeks. I missed him like crazy, but I trusted my brother and his wife to take care of my son since they had a daughter already. You're going to need and want a break. If your mom wants to have LO sleep over, let LO sleep over if only so you can get some sleep.

@surferP528 just because your SIL doesn't work outside the home doesn't mean she doesn't work and doesn't mean she doesn't need a break. You're a FTM so you have no idea how demanding it is. Dropping them off every weekend does seem excessive, though.

satuttle1014 · January 2016

It will be a long time before my child sleeps over at someone's house unless it was an absolute emergency and there was no other choice. I would rather have that family member stay at my house. It's like with our dog (I know dogs and babies are not the same) when my MIL has watched her a few times while we were at a wedding or something, my MIL would be at our house. If she brought our dog to her house then our pup would get all screwed up, it would take a day or so to get back to normal. Eventually a schedule develops and they are used to that routine.

Honestly I don't even know what age I would have my children sleep at a family members house? Maybe when my child is 3 or 4 years old? But again I would prefer my child to be at our house where they have everything and it's familiar unless for some reason it could not work that way.

I wouldn't worry about your family getting mad at your response. It's your child and you decide what to do. They will have to be patient and adjust to how you and your DH want to handle spending the night, etc/

SoSweetTea1124 · January 2016

My DS1 has never stayed the night over at another person's house without me and he turned 2 in November. I'm afraid to risk messing up his schedule. It's so hard to get him back on track.

thoughtfulmommy · January 2016

My DS slept away from our house at about 16 months. If it was an emergency and we had no other choice, he and I would have survived earlier, but I would not prefer it.

This LO might sleep over earlier at my parents house with her older brother.

OP, I would just avoid he question instead of always explaining yourself. You don't know what your comfort level will be so there is no point in discussing it now.

Latina211508 · January 2016

I honestly would get so annoyed if family asked me that even before baby was born. I'm pregnant with my fourth. I only let any of my children spend the night if it's absolutely necessary. First time surprisingly I let my eldest two spend the night anywhere was when I gave birth to my third baby. My eldest were 3 and 19 months. My third child is now 3 and has never spent the night anywhere. I've had my sister in law stay overnight with the kids but they were still in their beds. I just feel more comfortable that way.

Achae · January 2016

My daughter has never spent a night away from me at someone else's house, although nobody has offered either. I'd take them up on it probably if baby slept thru the night/after a few months to regulate my milk supply so I'm not engorged or have to pump at night. But I also don't think I'm the typical mom since most women have a hard time "sharing" baby.

camusoh2011 · January 2016

I don't think my kids stayed overnight with anyone until well after a year. They weren't ready, I wasn't ready. Now, they did visit for a few hours without us before then. With DS1 it was more of an emergency situation the first time we left him alone with family/friends, but with DS2 it was so DH and I could have a date day. We had tickets to a baseball game that just happened to fall about a week and a half after DS2 was born. I cried the whole way to the stadium after we dropped him off because I felt like a horrible mother, but he was great for my parents, I had milk pumped for him, and my stepmom sent me lots of pics to make me feel better.

summererdvig · January 2016

Sooooo happy I'm not the only "clingy" parent before they have even arrived! I need to have surgery following the birth of our daughter and my MIL who will take a week off work to help, doesn't want to come to me. She suggested picking the baby up every day and bringing her to her house... I will have to "cut the cord" when I go back to work in June (she will be going to my in laws while we work) but at 4 weeks old the last thing I want is my daughter taken from me for a week straight. Her and my mom always talk about her "spending the night at grandmas" but between trying to get her on a schedule and wanting to bond with her I don't know at what point I will realistically be comfortable with that.

I would avoid answering the question or answer in a way that suggests that you will figure it out when it's closer. That's what I have done!

Aussiechicka · January 2016

My kids will never stay the night at the inlaws due to some religious conflicts we have going on and their inability to respect how we want to raise our kids.
My son hasn't slept over anywhere and he's 2, but we also don't live near any family and haven't for the past year. I'd be totally fine with him staying at my sisters house now though.

dtaded13 · January 2016

DD had her first "sleepover" at my moms at 4 months old so me and DH could get away for my birthday. It was too soon, I hated it and cried a lot (we drove 4hrs for a play so it wasn't really an option to just go back and get her). Since then she's had a handful of sleepovers at my moms and it's been fine, but she is also almost 5.

DH's mom keeps asking when we're going to send DD to her for a few days. Putting her on an airplane by herself isn't even an option in my book til she's at least 10. But, I am a highly anxious/attached person.

I'm assuming I'll have the same feelings about DS when he arrives.

I guess my answer is whenever you're ready. It depends, everyone is different.

Monkeybutt80 · January 2016

with my first, he stayed with my in laws for one night for the first time at 14 months; and it was only because we had to travel overnight for a wedding and bringing him was not feasible. It wasn't that I couldn't be away from him for overnight, but it's not easy! Until he was done with breastmilk, and was sleeping well through the night, it just wasn't easy to pack for an overnight stay, and give all the instructions to someone else.
Then the next time was when he was well over 2 years old, with my parents, and since then he has gone over to my parents' for several overnight stays but they are only about a mile away from our house.
With this baby, it probably will also be well over a year before she stays with either my parents or my in laws overnight.

nickilynn0516 · January 2016

I think our first was 10 months old before he slept over at grandmas. and 2 I think for my aunts. He just had his first all weekend at grandmas at almost 4! We painted his room and surprised him when he came home! It was so cute!

ohbaby714 · January 2016

Man, I feel like the odd one out for sure! We let DD stay the night at my parents house when she was about 7 weeks old when we went to an outdoor musical concert. We did miss her and called often but it was also nice to get away for a day. We let her stay with my parents/mil probably once every couple months so we can have some time alone. They both live about 5 minutes from us so if they ever need anything we can be there in less than 10 min to come get her.

BBEA2006 · January 2016

I don't have a set time frame but I think it has always been out of necessity. DS stayed w/ my parents at 3 months as DH and I were away for work. I also had to leave DD at around 4 or 5 months for a few nights due to work as well. I don't have a strong opinion against them staying away from me as it would only be with either of our parents and I'm 100% comfortable. I didn't really have any issues with it aside from just missing them but I still miss them now at 4 and 6! lol

BabySeaTurtles · January 2016

DS is 3 and still has not spent the night away from us. But it's honestly due to lack of family interest than an unwillingness on my part. Looking back, I think I would have appreciated a night off after I finished BFing at 9 months.

winterviolethope · January 2016

I can't imagine not letting my baby stay at my own mother's. I get it with other family members but I look at my mom as an extension of me lol. She's part of the core team. Im even making her stay over the first couple of nights when the baby first comes home. But, I can totally see not letting him stay anywhere but my mom's for a while.

wisco29 · January 2016

When I find someone I trust to have her sleep there, or when i trust that she's old enough to make a decision on her own and not be forced into doing something she doesn't want to do.
(I don't mean that in a scary bad way... Just in general. Fil likes to push her to hug and kiss everyone, and I mean everyone... She doesn't like to do that which I believe is a good thing! So she will NOT stay there until he either learns he can't make her do things she doesn't want to do or she can stand up for herself)

But that's just how we are so obviously everyone is different. Some people have their lo sleep over at grandparents houses right away! There's nothing wrong with it, you do you.

cvolkmar · January 2016

We are going to Punta Cana in June for my brother's wedding. All of my family is going, so we are bringing baby. Our plan is to have the baby sleep in my mom or dad's room a night or two. I figured that'll be a nice transition to sleepovers when we're just across the hall. But we are planning a few staycation night outs this summer because I want that time with husband.

g8trkim · January 2016

I think my son stayed with my mother around 6 months because we had a wedding. With our daughter we went out of state for three days when she was around 8 months and our son was three. Both times my mom stayed at our house. It was just a lot easier to be where all their stuff was. They've never stayed with anyone else though. I don't really see the point in small children staying with anyone unless there's a reason. Seems pointless just to go for a sleepover.

Shatzegirl · January 2016

My son is almost 4 and hasn't stayed the night at anyone else's house. Granted his grandparents live 7 hours away. We left him with his aunt and uncle for two nights while they stayed at our house, though.

surferP528 · January 2016

DrillSergeantCat I may have stated my opinion poorly. I'm sure that being a stay at home mom is difficult and not the peachy picture it's painted to be. However, I'd still rather do that than have to work a regular workweek! Unfortunately that's not an option for us and my husband will be a stay at home dad for the first few years.

I just don't think dropping your kids off every weekend so you can go out is acceptable behavior. I wouldn't want someone doing that much parenting for me.

DrillSergeantCat · January 2016

surferP528 said:

DrillSergeantCat I may have stated my opinion poorly. I'm sure that being a stay at home mom is difficult and not the peachy picture it's painted to be. However, I'd still rather do that than have to work a regular workweek! Unfortunately that's not an option for us and my husband will be a stay at home dad for the first few years.

I just don't think dropping your kids off every weekend so you can go out is acceptable behavior. I wouldn't want someone doing that much parenting for me.

You think you want that, but you may not. I've done both. I prefer to be a working mom. I appreciate my children more when I'm not in their presence 24 hours a day.

Life is Exciting · January 2016

Yikes! can they give a new mom a break or what?! it's ridiculous that they're already asking about that. I have friends that left their daughter when she was like 2 months old to go on their honeymoon, but I don't think I left my son overnight until he was over a year old (I breastfed overnights until 11 months). Even then, I was a nervous wreck and refused to leave him with anyone but my mom.

He's only stayed overnight maybe one time since then, when we went on our babymoon for 4 days and my MIL took him. I was incredibly annoyed because she made me go a whole day without talking to him because she didn't call like I asked her to and she didn't answer her phone. She's my backup to watch him when I have the new baby if my mom isn't healed enough from her knee replacement surgery. Hoping the baby hangs out in there a bit longer to give my mom more time to heal so he can stay with her.

blueberrymomma · January 2016

With DD she had her first overnight at my moms at about a year old. MIL would always try to push for sleepovers and would get offended that she couldn't bottle feed her at 3 weeks when I was BF.
DD is 2.5 and has had more overnights with my mom then mil mainly because I trust my mom more

ohbaby714 · January 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

surferP528 said:

DrillSergeantCat I may have stated my opinion poorly. I'm sure that being a stay at home mom is difficult and not the peachy picture it's painted to be. However, I'd still rather do that than have to work a regular workweek! Unfortunately that's not an option for us and my husband will be a stay at home dad for the first few years.

I just don't think dropping your kids off every weekend so you can go out is acceptable behavior. I wouldn't want someone doing that much parenting for me.

You think you want that, but you may not. I've done both. I prefer to be a working mom. I appreciate my children more when I'm not in their presence 24 hours a day.

Yup! I've done both as well and am currently staying at home with DD who is 18 months. When this baby is probably 6 months old or so I will be going back to work. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and spending time with her is great, but like @DrillSergeantCat said, I appreciated my time with her more when I was working (part time) and it's so nice to be able to get out of the house and socialize with people who know more than 20 words.

twinmom1121 · January 2016

My boys are 2 and I still havent let them stay anywhere without me. The first time they do is when I have this baby and even then I wish I didnt have to!

CLand3 · January 2016

My first born was 6 weeks old the first time I let my ex SIL take her for the night. She and my ex MIL literally lived four houses down the block. Before I had my second daughter my family hit rough times and they all moved in with us. So sometimes it was like they spent the night elsewhere when they were in other rooms. But now at ages 7 and 9 they have had countless sleep overs at other places. Grant it that it only be with my family, but I trust my family with my children 100% and truly enjoy being able to relax every once in a while. My younger brother, their favorite uncle, was only 12 when he started watching my daughters. It all depends on the person though. I come from a huge family, 7 brothers and 3 sisters, and we have many cousins and aunts and uncles. Growing up we were constantly with our family and my children are being raised the same way.

g8trkim · January 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

surferP528 said:

DrillSergeantCat I may have stated my opinion poorly. I'm sure that being a stay at home mom is difficult and not the peachy picture it's painted to be. However, I'd still rather do that than have to work a regular workweek! Unfortunately that's not an option for us and my husband will be a stay at home dad for the first few years.

I just don't think dropping your kids off every weekend so you can go out is acceptable behavior. I wouldn't want someone doing that much parenting for me.

You think you want that, but you may not. I've done both. I prefer to be a working mom. I appreciate my children more when I'm not in their presence 24 hours a day.

Word! I stayed home for 9 months with my newborn and two of year old. As demanding as my job is and as hard as it's been, I was ready to go back. I felt the same way, like I didn't appreciate them when I was with them all day.

Cheryl Renee · January 2016

This current pregnancy will be resulting in a c-section which will require my 2yr old to stay overnight for the first time. We are going to try her out staying with my brother/sister-in-law and their two girls (ages 2 & 4) first and see how it goes. Its either there or my parents-in-law. I'm hoping she does ok. It really makes me nervous but I don't have any other options at this point.

SgtLou2 · January 2016

I probably would have let DD stay at my sister's house overnight early on, but my sister lives 2.5 hours away in the middle of nowhere and isn't on the way to anything good. So, that never happened. Also DD fed at least once in the middle of the night until 9months, so I wasn't going to inconvenience anyone with having to prepare a bottle in the middle of the night. We left DD for the first time at 18months with a friend of ours overnight this past fall while we went to a wedding. I know that my in-laws were hurt by this decision, especially since they keep offering to take her for a night so that we can have a baby moon. But my in-laws are clueless. DD sleeps in a toddler bed, not a twin bed and not a pack n play. They have multiple stairways in their house, and a trillion outlets and climbable furniture thought the house. Nothing is kid proofed. It would take us two days just to kid proof the house to leave her for one night... Not worth it. You will leave your child overnight when you are good and ready and find someone that you trust; you will not do it a minute sooner, so don't commit to any specific date/age. (As an additional side note: if you are BFing, even if baby is away, you have to pump at all feeding times to keep up supply, so honestly, it's not worth it until you are at least past the phase of middle of the night feedings which can vary drastically depending on the kid... You can use that as an excuse to not commit).

JMarie1291 · January 2016

For myself I am very close with my mother so is my husband. We have 4 weddings coming up this spring and summer. So we will be leaving our newborn with her at 3-4 months. Each wedding is out of town or it may not of turned into over nights. This also depends on breastfeeding and ability to pump as well. My mother offered to come with us and stay with baby at hotel which we may do for the 1st time if I don't have enough milk stored up. But SO and I are both okay with leaving baby with my mom to be part of a wedding. For any other reason probably not. There are probably 100 what ifs that could happen and change the situation of leaving him with her for a night at 3 months. (not healthy baby, colic, sick, and ect) If any of that occurs of course we wouldn't do it. If I had family trying to make plans to take unborn baby overnight right away ..... I would laugh it off and ignore it. It's your child your decision. I have a huge close family and they can be pushy with things like that I just laugh say yeah okay or turn it into a joking answer then they get the idea of its not happening.

Monkeybutt80 · January 2016

surferP528 said:

DrillSergeantCat I may have stated my opinion poorly. I'm sure that being a stay at home mom is difficult and not the peachy picture it's painted to be. However, I'd still rather do that than have to work a regular workweek! Unfortunately that's not an option for us and my husband will be a stay at home dad for the first few years.

I just don't think dropping your kids off every weekend so you can go out is acceptable behavior. I wouldn't want someone doing that much parenting for me.

As another working mom, sometimes I think that it would be awesome to not work and stay home with my kids, BUT, then a long weekend comes and I am home with my toddler for 3 or 4 days straight and I get so exhausted that I cannot wait to go back to work and drop my toddler off at daycare. I think it is easy to think that grass is greener on the other side. I mean, I rather not work but not be full time stay at home mom -- maybe a live in nanny to help out and give me a break? - Come on, Powerball! make my dream come true!!!!

On another note, when I drop off my kid at daycare during the week or at my parents' on a Sunday or something, I do not think that they are "parenting" my kid. The daycare providers are teachers that teach him based on their set curriculum (this week happens to be ground transportation and my kid is so excited to talk all day at school about trucks and trains). My parents, when they have him for a couple of hours or overnight on weekends, aren't "parenting" him- at best, they are just spoiling him as most grandparents do. My husband and I parent him whether or not I am physically next to him.

kateryna72 · January 2016

My son is almost 3 and he's never spent the night with anyone other than us. For the first year it would have been pretty much impossible anyway, because I bf until 7 months and then he wouldn't take a bottle from anyone else (I'm a sahm). Technically we could have done it after a year once he was on primarily solid food and sleeping through the night, but all of our family lives out of town and honestly I didn't want to screw up his routine anyway. I didn't really see the point either, because once he started sleeping through the night it was kind of a non issue.

winterviolethope · January 2016

JMarie1291 said:
For myself I am very close with my mother so is my husband. We have 4 weddings coming up this spring and summer. So we will be leaving our newborn with her at 3-4 months. Each wedding is out of town or it may not of turned into over nights. This also depends on breastfeeding and ability to pump as well. My mother offered to come with us and stay with baby at hotel which we may do for the 1st time if I don't have enough milk stored up. But SO and I are both okay with leaving baby with my mom to be part of a wedding. For any other reason probably not. There are probably 100 what ifs that could happen and change the situation of leaving him with her for a night at 3 months. (not healthy baby, colic, sick, and ect) If any of that occurs of course we wouldn't do it. If I had family trying to make plans to take unborn baby overnight right away ..... I would laugh it off and ignore it. It's your child your decision. I have a huge close family and they can be pushy with things like that I just laugh say yeah okay or turn it into a joking answer then they get the idea of its not happening.

That's funny my mom is doing the same thing ... We have a wedding in July and my mom and step father are coming with (not to the wedding but to the destination for the weekend) so they can watch the baby and make a weekend out if it since I'll be breastfeeding etc. Some other couples at the wedding are also having their moms come along to do the same. What good grandmas

thisusername · January 2016

I get nervous just letting my pets have someone else watching them. (This includes DH, but he is lazy and will ignore them. He won't do that with a human.) Lord have mercy on my soul when it comes time for this baby to be without me!

Shortcircuit1984 · January 2016

Probably no one but my mom until they're older. My mom is very involved. We are even taking a baby cpr and safety class together with my husband and hers next weekend. She's installing a car seat in her car, etc. I can't imagine not feeling comfortable with my own mother watching - after all, she raised me. But I am enlightening her on new things that have changed since the 80's and she's very receptive and will follow our rules.

Kiek · January 2016

Um she's never stayed the night without one of us there that I can recall. She's two now. She did, however stay at our house with my mom while DH and I went to marine corps ball and we stayed at a hotel that night. So my mom watched her overnight, just in our home. Now if my inlaws or my mom offered for her to spend the night with them, I'd totally be okay with it. She loves all her grandparents and is totally comfortable with just them. My MIL kept promising to take her camping last year (they have a nice camper) but we always ended up coming too because it's kind of a big family thing on holiday weekends.

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