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November 2015 Moms
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Mom guilt

bravoandproseccobravoandprosecco member
in November 2015 Moms
I watched my 8 week old everyday all day. I feel so guilty when anyone else watches him! I just asked my husband to take him for an hour while I veg out alone upstairs for an hour or 2, perfectly acceptable (and my hubby is great about it) but I hear baby crying and feel guilty baby is upset and hubby has to deal with crying baby. The same thing happend when my mom offers to watch him while I run errands, I feel bad mom's dealing with a fussy baby (and I know she's only happy to help and get baby snuggles) anyone else having this guilt? I know it's important to get some time alone but it's hard!
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Re: Mom guilt

  • LandonModenaLandonModena member
    I totally feel the same way but then I remind myself that to be the best wife, mom and person in general, I really do need to take the time to myself. Don't feel guilty, people WANT to help. Let them!
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  • threatlevelmidnightthreatlevelmidnight member
    Same here. Haven't actually left LO yet, but DH takes him in the evening so I can take a hot bath, shower, or nap and I always feel so guilty and end up rushing through it.
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  • rachswirachswi member
    I feel the same way. I have a really hard time watching/hearing him cry with other people. Even DH. Then I realize I'm not providing him the opportunity to be a father to my son when I take him when Zeke cries and comfort him myself or when I don't give him long enough to try to put Zeke to sleep.

    I've even apologized for Zeke's crying waking him in the middle of the night.

    I've only left Zeke a few times (twice with DH so someone else watched him) and while I haven't felt totally guilty I spend most of the time wondering how he's doing without me.

    Zeke is not a happy baby so it makes it hard to know he's crying for whoever is watching him. But I know he's okay. He's just a crier. But there's a part of me that only wants him to cry for me so that no one else has to experience his anger
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  • doodleoodledoodleoodle member
    @rachswi I never thought about it the way you put it. That taking also away from DH when they're crying isn't allowing him to be a father. That's a really good point.
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  • dramaphiledramaphile member
    I realized early on that like you, @rachswi , I was doing everything when DH was with the baby and I wasn't giving him an opportunity to gain confidence in his parenting skills. I really saw it the first time I left her with him to go to church with my mom, he was so freaked out because she cried the whole hour I was gone and he couldn't figure out what to do to calm her. I've been trying really hard to show him what I'm doing and to give advice if he's struggling instead of taking her and doing it myself, and he's gotten a lot more confident in taking care of her.

    I'm in a bit of a more unusual, as he'll be a SAHD when I go back to work in February, so he has to learn and gain confidence or he's going to be in a bad place when I go back.

    I still struggle with feeling guilty if I wake DH to help with her in the middle of the night. I'm getting better at handing her off if she's fussy and I've taken a turn at calming her. We've gotten to be a pretty good team, six weeks in.
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  • rubirubi89rubirubi89 member
    I feel a different kind of guilt. I feel guilty for missing out because of work. I wish I could be a SAHM but its just not in the cards for us. Thankfully my job is really flexible and Im able to see my son during lunch and have him there with me for a while if I miss him too much. Still it feels wrong to leave him in someone else's arm for 7 hours a day.
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  • lyankowilyankowi member
    I would love to hand my kid off for like an hour a day to someone to shower or to play with DD1. The longest I left LO is I went to a movie last weekend. It was great but I checked my phone every 20 minutes or so. I completely trust my mother with both daughters. I do not trust their dad. LO is not a fan of him
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  • brownloveonebrownloveone member
    My lo is a cryer too, so I feel bad leaving him w anyone in fear that they will not be patient with him. I've only left him with husband or 17yr old daughter to go to the grocery store and everything was fine, but I do rush back and when I come through the door they quickly hand him over and look all frazzled like they've been watching him for ever and not just 30 minutes.
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  • Ceridwen77Ceridwen77 member
    rubirubi89 said:

    I feel a different kind of guilt. I feel guilty for missing out because of work. I wish I could be a SAHM but its just not in the cards for us. Thankfully my job is really flexible and Im able to see my son during lunch and have him there with me for a while if I miss him too much. Still it feels wrong to leave him in someone else's arm for 7 hours a day.

    This is how I feel. I have gotten much more comfortable about leaving her alone with DH and my mom for a few hours (today I'm planning to go to the gym and I have a massage scheduled). But the thought of returning to work is grating on me. Only 3 more weeks :(
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  • Lsager424Lsager424 member
    Ceridwen77 said:

    rubirubi89 said:

    I feel a different kind of guilt. I feel guilty for missing out because of work. I wish I could be a SAHM but its just not in the cards for us. Thankfully my job is really flexible and Im able to see my son during lunch and have him there with me for a while if I miss him too much. Still it feels wrong to leave him in someone else's arm for 7 hours a day.

    This is how I feel. I have gotten much more comfortable about leaving her alone with DH and my mom for a few hours (today I'm planning to go to the gym and I have a massage scheduled). But the thought of returning to work is grating on me. Only 3 more weeks :(
    I'm right there with you ladies. While I have been out on leave, another job opportunity presented itself. It's a lot more money and a lot less travel, which makes it a no brainier. Only thing is, I need to start on the 25th. Although it's only a couple of weeks before I would have gone back to my old joh, I can't help but feeling immensely guilty. I just keep on reminding myself what this extra money/time at home means for my family, and resisting the urge to hold LO 24 hours a day. As PP said, in order to be best wife and mother I can be, I need me time!!

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  • rachswirachswi member
    I still feel guilty for wanting me time. Especially because I have chosen to be a SAHM. I feel like since I knew it would be a 24/7 job, I shouldn't want/deserve a break. I know that's silly and downright wrong. I know to be a good mom I need me time. But I hate the feeling of "omg I can't be with my baby right now or I'm going to scream." ....makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong because I don't enjoy being with him all the time.
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  • chein1chein1 member
    My mom guilt is that I'm so glad to be back at work. Yes leaving my girls every morning is hard, but once I'm at my school I'm focused on my first graders and everything I need to do for them. Then I come home around 5 and I'm ready to be with my babies. I think I'd feel different if I just had a "job" but teaching is my passion and it's my career. My benefits through my district are absolutely amazing and we pay very little, if anything at all, for doctor and hospital visits. I love knowing that the four of us are taken care of in case of an emergency without worrying about the cost of it. There's no way that would be possible if I didn't work since my husband is a mechanic and the insurance that's offered is a joke.
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  • kmd91kmd91 member
    I totally feel the solely responsible for the baby mom guilt thing. It probably doesn't help that my husband doesn't feel confident in his abilities to soothe our son. So I always make sure that he is dead asleep before I shower, so the likelihood of my husband having to do anything for him is slim to none. If I go to do something in the other room leaving them together and I hear him start crying, I drop whatever I'm doing and go in there. I feel bad when he has to deal with the upset baby, which I know is ridiculous because I'm caring for him at least 23.5 hours out of the day.
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  • GoogleMDGoogleMD member
    Ceridwen77 said:

    rubirubi89 said:

    I feel a different kind of guilt. I feel guilty for missing out because of work. I wish I could be a SAHM but its just not in the cards for us. Thankfully my job is really flexible and Im able to see my son during lunch and have him there with me for a while if I miss him too much. Still it feels wrong to leave him in someone else's arm for 7 hours a day.

    This is how I feel. I have gotten much more comfortable about leaving her alone with DH and my mom for a few hours (today I'm planning to go to the gym and I have a massage scheduled). But the thought of returning to work is grating on me. Only 3 more weeks :(
    I go back to work on Monday :(
    I feel like I will hardly see him, and I feel bad that someone else is going g to see him 8+hrs a day.
    I am working towards moving into a part time from home position. But that is likely still at least a year away.
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  • jdal1206jdal1206 member
    I have been out of work since my DH and moved to the east coast...we did ok when it was just him and I but now that LO is here I've got to find a job, we just can't cut it financially on one income...I'm feeling guilty that I'm going to have to put my LO in daycare or with a nanny (although we probably can't afford that)...I just can't imagine it...
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  • skabanakskabanak member
    No mom guilt here either! I'm on my third, same as @flas and I'm happy to let my boy be with others, my husband is much more confident with him than he was with our daughters so I am taking full advantage and he is happy to help with the kids. He amazes me everyday!
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  • mcdoug211mcdoug211 member
    kmd91 said:

    I totally feel the solely responsible for the baby mom guilt thing. It probably doesn't help that my husband doesn't feel confident in his abilities to soothe our son. So I always make sure that he is dead asleep before I shower, so the likelihood of my husband having to do anything for him is slim to none. If I go to do something in the other room leaving them together and I hear him start crying, I drop whatever I'm doing and go in there. I feel bad when he has to deal with the upset baby, which I know is ridiculous because I'm caring for him at least 23.5 hours out of the day.

    I feel like this too! I try and put all he laundry away and deep clean when he's home to take care of her while I'm busy but I stop what I'm doing and go to her before he does. I have the mentality that no one can do it like me which I know is so wrong and he's done this before and more then capable but I can't help it.

    I also have a ton of guilt about goin strictly formula I was pumping and mostly giving that but now that she's eating more she's not fulfilled from me..i feel terrible giving up I just try to think she's fed and happy I should be too
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  • bellie1223bellie1223 member
    @RaisingJulian, before we had a kid my husband also used to do this (refer to his dad friends as "babysitting" their kids) his friend and I laid into him once when we heard him say it and explained when it's your kid is just called parenting, he's never made that mistake again, ha-ha.

    On the mom guilt thing, my husband works from home so he cares for baby while I'm at work and today when I asked how things were going he told me she was super cranky and having a rough day. I felt so bad for him having to deal with a cranky baby all by himself; I know he's capable and that there are going to be many more days ahead like this, I guess I feel bad when he's alone with her he doesn't get a break, in the same way I would hope he would feel bad for me.
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  • laswettlaswett member
    Anyone else feel guilty for putting LO down when they're awake to get stuff done, even though they're totally fine with it?
    Me: 28 DBF: 30
    BFP#1 07/10/14 EDD 3/14/15 Diagnosed with Blighted Ovum 08/18/14
    BFP#2  3/17/15 EDD 11/22/15
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    BabyFetus Ticker
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