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September 2015 Moms
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Husband Is BOMBING Our 1st Anniversary

mdk2015mdk2015 member
in September 2015 Moms
I spent so much time & effort into this weekend as its our 1st Anniversary. He got me chocolate covered strawberries (which sounds nice but I dont like them) I thought he knew that? And he got me a frame.. that we already have!

I cut out parts of an atlas of places we've gone this past year.. heart shapes & framed it. Where we got engaged, married, hunted in PA & a trip to GA. & I got him a bottle of muscadine wine hes been talking about forever. & a card.

The kicker he spent more time & effort getting his gun fixed today & he got ANOTHER BALL CAP. Which we agreed he'd do after rent was paid first. Well that didn't happen.

I would have been happy with a card.. and to spend that money on a haircut I haven't had since months before baby was born.. Im so hurt.
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Re: Husband Is BOMBING Our 1st Anniversary

  • susubabysusubaby member
    I'm sorry! I feel you. My husband used to do stuff like that too until my sister and mom told him one year to put more effort into it. On our first year anniversary he got me flowers that were hideous and a candy bar the morning of. Which sounds nice, but then I found out my dad told him " you better go get something" ....do you have anyone close to you guys that can give him a hint that he sucks and to step it up lol?

    If I were you, I'd go buy myself something nice even if you over draw on your account....pedicure for Saturday night? :p
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  • mdk2015mdk2015 member
    I'm seriously considering it!!
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  • alexfraseralexfraser member
    edited January 2016
    Agree with PP on getting someone who can drop a hint to him. Otherwise, Hubs and I are both terrible at choosing gifts for each other worth same value/sentimental value so we have an agreement of organising something alternate years. This year it was my turn with a brand new bubs so we went on a treasure hunt with clues for the day (picnic where he proposed, dance studio where we learnt our first dance and had to try remember it, a walk we absolutely love doing and out to tea where we went the night we found out we were pregnant - he loved the day!) it's his turn this year and I can't wait to see what we do - no prezzies and no cards expected.
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  • jen83mnjen83mn member
    My husband and I did the gift thing before we got married, but then we both decided instead of trying to figure out what to get each other and stressing over it, we'd plan a fun day of activities using the money we would have spent on gifts and spend some quality time together instead. Our anniversary usually happens when we're up at the cabin with family, so we ditch the fam that day and spend time alone together: going out for breakfast, couple's massage, bike ride, mini golf, dinner somewhere nice, etc., then we watch our wedding DVD that night. For us, it's much more meaningful than any gift would be, and it will be even more meaningful this year because we'll ask grandma to watch the baby while we have some alone time.

    Most the guys I have dated in the past suck at gift-giving. And since "receiving gifts" isn't my "love language," but "physical touch" and "quality time" are, it makes sense why I prefer to spend time together vs. doing the gift thing (have you read the book "The Five Love Languages"?). Just offering up another option for future years if you think your husband will never be great at the whole gift-giving thing. That being said, if "receiving gifts" happens to be your love language, then you may need to explain to your husband how important it is to you that he put some thought into this gift and why. Guys are generally clueless!
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  • BrandiLaw87BrandiLaw87 member
    That sucks. I can totally relate. My DH sucks at anniversaries. I learned not to expect much from him so we don't do gifts, just hopefully a nice dinner out. We don't do gifts for a lot of things since he returns almost everything I get him and he just doesn't get me things anyways.

    This past October was our 5 year anniversary so I was hoping for something a little more special. First off his family decided to have thanksgiving dinner that night (Canadian thanksgiving) even though they knew I was looking forward to having a few hours with DH alone. So we changed nights, NBD. We had talked about an anniversary band for over 6 months leading up to it. He came home from work that night with super cheap flowers. I bought him a very expensive bottle of scotch, assuming he got me a band. I waited all night, no band. The next day (our real anniversary) I waited all day only to realize he did not get me an anniversary band. I'm not materialistic but I was hurt since it was something we talked about. I felt like he led me on.
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  • mdk2015mdk2015 member
    We had talked about all kinds of things to do etc. Id rather go do something than wrap a present. I was more peeved that he spent more time at the gun store than anything else today. I would have liked to go!
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  • ForeverEverAfterForeverEverAfter member
    My DH isn't great with gifts. The few times I was really surprised, he'd also blown the budget (I do all the finances, and we barely balance, so that's not cool!!). So since we married, we don't give big gifts to each other, just little things, like a favourite chocolate or drink. We do something special for our anniversary, but we plan it together. Since having DD1, she has come with us on the date/outing. Hubby always gets a card though, because I was shocked he didn't have one for our 2nd Christmas, and gave him one to write in. He's given me a card for everything since. So try telling him what you want!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • LoveLee85LoveLee85 member
    My DH is so clueless and always has last ditch tries, the day of for: first married anniversary, babies birth, Christmas. I just know just zero thought or blows it off all together. Lol. When he does try Its the most random BS. And I'm super easy to shop for!!! Literally nice bubble bath and I'm very happy! For our first married Valentines Day, and my pregnant Valentine's Day day(same v day!) I asked for chocolate covered strawberries. The same as he surprised me with the year before. Literally reminded him daily. Valentine's Day came around. NOTHING. He said he ran out of time. Talk about a livid pregnant lady. I don't think I talked to him for two full days. I told him exactly what I wanted, made it easy, reminded him over and over and he still couldn't do it. CLUELESS.
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  • kmcshane0211kmcshane0211 member
    Only you know your relationship. Is he himself otherwise or is he pulling away and then this lack of effort is more indication of that?

    If he is himself otherwise, it sounds like gifts are important to you and how you feel loved. Maybe try taking the "love languages quiz" and have an honest conversation about what you need to feel loved and vice versa.

    If he is pulling away in general, then there's a larger issue.

    Either way. Be direct and talk to him. He's your husband. No games. No roundabouts. Talk.
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