Pregnant and Feeling Resentment Towards SD. :(

Lynna2401 · December 2015

This is my second pregnancy I miscarried 3 years ago at 11 weeks. I am 6w1d today and on Friday the 27th I started resenting my Step Daughter. I mean seriously anything she did made me cringe! Am I jealous? I feel so cruel and evil!!! I am becoming the evil step mother!!!!!! I don't understand what has taken over me. We only get her 8 days a month! I've been in her life since she was 7 years old and she will be 12 next year! She's such a sweet little girl who loves me so much and I love her beyond words. I've always gone above and beyond for her...sometimes I don't feel appreciated but I love my family! But!..... this past week has been HARD on me! I started spotting and having flashbacks of my first pregnancy. I went to the doctors on Tuesday and praise god everything is ok. Still spotting hear and there and has me uneasy.... My patience has been wearing thin with her and I feel awful. I did some searching and its actually pretty common for this to happen during pregnancy but it still doesn't make me feel ok. When does this pass? Maybe when we tell her I am pregnant? I know she will be over the moon excited and she will be the best big sister ever! But right now at this very moment I don't feel that way. I wish it were just my husband and I celebrating being parents for the first time. I know that sounds so selfish. After my first miscarriage I was so scared that I would never be able to have kids and it would just be me, my husband, his daughter.....and dealing with his crazy ex-wife. Now that I am pregnant again I am excited but still so nervous until I know for sure my baby is safe.

PS.. and YES! I know what I got myself into. I married him knowing he has a child and this is forever.

This feeling that I am feeling is new and I hate it

mcklough · December 2015

I think it may be fear taking over because of what happened with your previous loss. It sounds like you genuinely love and care for your step daughter, but that maybe the healthy pregnancy that she represents is just too intense right now- not only is she happy and healthy but her mother got to have her full pregnancy with her. With your fears from your MC and the scare with the spotting you may feel like you aren't going to have that and it might make you feel bitter.

I don't have step children so I can't relate at all, but it's a stressful time. Hopefully you will feel more confident in your pregnancy soon and you won't feel like this towards her. I would just include her in the fun things that are to come and that will help you two bond over the new changes.

Good luck- i'll be thinking of you

1faceinacrowd · December 2015

I'm really sorry you're feeling that way.

I have a step-son, as well as a daughter of my own from a previous relationship. I haven't felt resentment toward my step-son, but I've felt...I'm not sure how to describe the feeling. Anger? Sadness? My story is a little different though.. I started dating my DH about 7 years ago and we broke up after a year and a half (we were young and he made the stupid decision to break it off). He had a rebound thing with an ex girlfriend and ended up getting her pregnant very quickly, and stayed with her for some time trying to make it work for their son. Now that my DH and I are together and happily married, it's sometimes hard for me to look past the hurt that was caused when he first got my step-son's mom pregnant (who, by the way, is also crazy beyond belief). It kind of makes me sad that my DH and I don't have a child of our own together and that we've never gone through that experience as a couple, but that he's gone through it with someone else (then again, so have I, and it wasn't that great because my ex was pretty terrible).

I guess all I can say is that I'm sure it will pass once your baby is here, and I'm sorry you're feeling that way.

Lynna2401 · December 2015

mcklough said:

I think it may be fear taking over because of what happened with your previous loss. It sounds like you genuinely love and care for your step daughter, but that maybe the healthy pregnancy that she represents is just too intense right now- not only is she happy and healthy but her mother got to have her full pregnancy with her. With your fears from your MC and the scare with the spotting you may feel like you aren't going to have that and it might make you feel bitter.
I don't have step children so I can't relate at all, but it's a stressful time. Hopefully you will feel more confident in your pregnancy soon and you won't feel like this towards her. I would just include her in the fun things that are to come and that will help you two bond over the new changes.
Good luck- i'll be thinking of you

You are 100% correct. I am trying to explain that to my husband but then feel like I just come off as jealous or maybe even crazy lol. Ugh! My husband and I are both concerned. I am just glad he understands and doesn't hate me for currently feeling this way. But that's exactly what it is I have this underlying fear. I seriously can't wait to tell her. She's been asking when she will have a brother or sister.. she's the only child. She is so great with my friends kids. She is just a good kid and doesn't deserve me treating her the way I have been DH and his ex wife divorced when my SD was only about a year old. She is going to be so ecstatic when we tell her. (God willing everything goes as planned). We are hoping to be able to tell her on Christmas my follow up Appt is the 17th I will be 8w1d. Hoping the doctor says it will be ok. I KNOW the safe zone isn't till after 12 weeks But I feel like it loses its magic of telling her on such a special day. She is aware of my previous MC but not until almost 2 years later we told her when she was a little older and more understanding.

I am going to have to share this with my DH. Thank you so much for reading my post and your kind words! Means a ton!

Lynna2401 · December 2015

1faceinacrowd said:

I'm really sorry you're feeling that way. I have a step-son, as well as a daughter of my own from a previous relationship. I haven't felt resentment toward my step-son, but I've felt...I'm not sure how to describe the feeling. Anger? Sadness? My story is a little different though.. I started dating my DH about 7 years ago and we broke up after a year and a half (we were young and he made the stupid decision to break it off). He had a rebound thing with an ex girlfriend and ended up getting her pregnant very quickly, and stayed with her for some time trying to make it work for their son. Now that my DH and I are together and happily married, it's sometimes hard for me to look past the hurt that was caused when he first got my step-son's mom pregnant (who, by the way, is also crazy beyond belief). It kind of makes me sad that my DH and I don't have a child of our own together and that we've never gone through that experience as a couple, but that he's gone through it with someone else (then again, so have I, and it wasn't that great because my ex was pretty terrible).

I guess all I can say is that I'm sure it will pass once your baby is here, and I'm sorry you're feeling that way.

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I couldn't even begin to imagine and then having to see her still too

This happened 11 years before me and it wasn't always easy. I was married before and did not have children with my ex husband.. is it sad that sometimes I wish I did? It took a while to build a relationship with my SD. She looks up to me and I have influenced in so many ways that you would think she was mine if you didn't know. Her mother is a nut job and it breaks my heart and now she has to deal with her Stepmother(me) who is pushing her away. I've just been short with her for no reason. Its almost Christmas too which should be a happy time for all. I feel like a scrooge! I just want to know this baby is going to be here in 8 months

I told DH I just feel like a third wheel lately. I will never have that bond with her like he does or she has with her mother.

kynbar5 · December 2015

Lynna2401 said:

This is my
second pregnancy I miscarried 3 years ago at 11 weeks. I am 6w1d today
and on Friday the 27th I started resenting my Step Daughter. I mean
seriously anything she did made me cringe! Am I jealous? I feel so cruel
and evil!!! I am becoming the evil step mother!!!!!! I don't understand
what has taken over me. We only get her 8 days a month! I've been in
her life since she was 7 years old and she will be 12 next year! She's such a
sweet little girl who loves me so much and I love her beyond
words. I've always gone above and beyond for her...sometimes I don't feel
appreciated but I love my family! But!..... this past week has been HARD
on me! I started spotting and having flashbacks of my first pregnancy. I went
to the doctors on Tuesday and praise god everything is ok. Still
spotting hear and there and has me uneasy.... My patience has been
wearing thin with her and I feel awful. I did some searching and its actually
pretty common for this to happen during pregnancy but it still doesn't make me
feel ok. When does this pass? Maybe when we tell her I am pregnant? I know she
will be over the moon excited and she will be the best big sister ever! But right
now at this very moment I don't feel that way. I wish it were just my husband
and I celebrating being parents for the first time. I know that sounds so
selfish. After my first miscarriage I was so scared that I would never be able
to have kids and it would just be me, my husband, his daughter.....and dealing
with his crazy ex-wife. Now that I am pregnant again I am excited but still so
nervous until I know for sure my baby is safe.

PS.. and
YES! I know what I got myself into. I married him knowing he has a child and
this is forever.

This feeling that I am feeling is new and I hate it

I think you need to talk to your husband and really figure out your feelings. You've said several times you love your step-daughter but then you also said you wish it could just be you and your husband celebrating being first time parents together. Coming from someone who was very close to her father and step-mother right up until they had "kids of their own" I honestly think you should have a very candid conversation with your husband. I do hope it all works out for you and your husband but also your husband's daughter. That is and always will be his child and children need their fathers. She should be just as important as any child the two of you have together. You're having these feelings so who's to say she isn't having feelings of her own?

Lynna2401 · December 2015

kynbar5 said:

This is my second pregnancy I miscarried 3 years ago at 11 weeks. I am 6w1d today and on Friday the 27th I started resenting my Step Daughter. I mean seriously anything she did made me cringe! Am I jealous? I feel so cruel and evil!!! I am becoming the evil step mother!!!!!! I don't understand what has taken over me. We only get her 8 days a month! I've been in her life since she was 7 years old and she will be 12 next year! She's such a sweet little girl who loves me so much and I love her beyond words. I've always gone above and beyond for her...sometimes I don't feel appreciated but I love my family! But!..... this past week has been HARD on me! I started spotting and having flashbacks of my first pregnancy. I went to the doctors on Tuesday and praise god everything is ok. Still spotting hear and there and has me uneasy.... My patience has been wearing thin with her and I feel awful. I did some searching and its actually pretty common for this to happen during pregnancy but it still doesn't make me feel ok. When does this pass? Maybe when we tell her I am pregnant? I know she will be over the moon excited and she will be the best big sister ever! But right now at this very moment I don't feel that way. I wish it were just my husband and I celebrating being parents for the first time. I know that sounds so selfish. After my first miscarriage I was so scared that I would never be able to have kids and it would just be me, my husband, his daughter.....and dealing with his crazy ex-wife. Now that I am pregnant again I am excited but still so nervous until I know for sure my baby is safe.

PS.. and YES! I know what I got myself into. I married him knowing he has a child and this is forever.

This feeling that I am feeling is new and I hate it

I think you need to talk to your husband and really figure out your feelings. You've said several times you love your step-daughter but then you also said you wish it could just be you and your husband celebrating being first time parents together. Coming from someone who was very close to her father and step-mother right up until they had "kids of their own" I honestly think you should have a very candid conversation with your husband. I do hope it all works out for you and your husband but also your husband's daughter. That is and always will be his child and children need their fathers. She should be just as important as any child the two of you have together. You're having these feelings so who's to say she isn't having feelings of her own?

You are misunderstanding me.

"You've said several times you love your step-daughter but then you also said you wish it could just be you and your husband celebrating being first time parents together." - That is correct. It was just wishful thinking. Who doesn't want to experience firsts with their significant other? It will never happen obviously and I knew that when I married my husband. But when the time comes your hormones are all over the place...I am a worried mess! My emotions/feelings are all over the place right now. The 1st and 2nd person who commented said it perfectly..

"I honestly think you should have a very candid conversation with your husband". - Thankfully my husband and I have open communication and I have expressed my feelings and concerns with him and he completely understands.

'I do hope it all works out for you and your husband but also your husband's daughter." There isn't anything for us to work out. We are not having problems over this. Once I get over this hump of fear and worry that I have it will be fine. This too shall pass...it is only a feeling that I am currently experiencing. Unfortunetly a sign of pregnancy is mood swings and then add the worry of losing your baby into the mix.

"That is and always will be his child and children need their fathers." Thank you... I know that.

"She should be just as important as any child the two of you have together". She IS and will be but unfortunately with the little time with have with her of 8 days a month she wont be able to experience everything with us. Her mother is to blame.

"You're having these feelings so who's to say she isn't having feelings of her own?" - I am having these feelings because I am concerned as I said I miscarried 3 years ago... and started spotting again the other day thankfully as was well. My SD and I have an amazing relationship. Unfortunately, due to my worrying and my raging hormones I have disengaged a little.

When the time comes to tell her. I have no doubt in my mind it will be magical and we will make sure that she is involved as much as she can and is allowed to be. I obviously am feeling extremely bad about this. I am looking forward to becoming a whole family and I think you mistook my post as I just don't care about my stepdaughter nor do I want her. That was not the case!

kynbar5 · December 2015

Lynna2401 said:

kynbar5 said:

Lynna2401 said:

This is my
second pregnancy I miscarried 3 years ago at 11 weeks. I am 6w1d today
and on Friday the 27th I started resenting my Step Daughter. I mean
seriously anything she did made me cringe! Am I jealous? I feel so cruel
and evil!!! I am becoming the evil step mother!!!!!! I don't understand
what has taken over me. We only get her 8 days a month! I've been in
her life since she was 7 years old and she will be 12 next year! She's such a
sweet little girl who loves me so much and I love her beyond
words. I've always gone above and beyond for her...sometimes I don't feel
appreciated but I love my family! But!..... this past week has been HARD
on me! I started spotting and having flashbacks of my first pregnancy. I went
to the doctors on Tuesday and praise god everything is ok. Still
spotting hear and there and has me uneasy.... My patience has been
wearing thin with her and I feel awful. I did some searching and its actually
pretty common for this to happen during pregnancy but it still doesn't make me
feel ok. When does this pass? Maybe when we tell her I am pregnant? I know she
will be over the moon excited and she will be the best big sister ever! But right
now at this very moment I don't feel that way. I wish it were just my husband
and I celebrating being parents for the first time. I know that sounds so
selfish. After my first miscarriage I was so scared that I would never be able
to have kids and it would just be me, my husband, his daughter.....and dealing
with his crazy ex-wife. Now that I am pregnant again I am excited but still so
nervous until I know for sure my baby is safe.

PS.. and
YES! I know what I got myself into. I married him knowing he has a child and
this is forever.

This feeling that I am feeling is new and I hate it

I think you need to talk to your husband and really figure out your feelings. You've said several times you love your step-daughter but then you also said you wish it could just be you and your husband celebrating being first time parents together. Coming from someone who was very close to her father and step-mother right up until they had "kids of their own" I honestly think you should have a very candid conversation with your husband. I do hope it all works out for you and your husband but also your husband's daughter. That is and always will be his child and children need their fathers. She should be just as important as any child the two of you have together. You're having these feelings so who's to say she isn't having feelings of her own?

You are misunderstanding me.

"You've said several times you love your step-daughter but then you also said you wish it could just be you and your husband celebrating being first time parents together." - That is correct. It was just wishful thinking. Who doesn't want to experience firsts with their significant other? It will never happen obviously and I knew that when I married my husband. But when the time comes your hormones are all over the place...I am a worried mess! My emotions/feelings are all over the place right now. The 1st and 2nd person who commented said it perfectly..

"I honestly think you should have a very candid conversation with your husband". - Thankfully my husband and I have open communication and I have expressed my feelings and concerns with him and he completely understands.

'I do hope it all works out for you and your husband but also your husband's daughter." There isn't anything for us to work out. We are not having problems over this. Once I get over this hump of fear and worry that I have it will be fine. This too shall pass...it is only a feeling that I am currently experiencing. Unfortunetly a sign of pregnancy is mood swings and then add the worry of losing your baby into the mix.

"That is and always will be his child and children need their fathers." Thank you... I know that.

"She should be just as important as any child the two of you have together". She IS and will be but unfortunately with the little time with have with her of 8 days a month she wont be able to experience everything with us. Her mother is to blame.

"You're having these feelings so who's to say she isn't having feelings of her own?" - I am having these feelings because I am concerned as I said I miscarried 3 years ago... and started spotting again the other day thankfully as was well. My SD and I have an amazing relationship. Unfortunately, due to my worrying and my raging hormones I have disengaged a little.

When the time comes to tell her. I have no doubt in my mind it will be magical and we will make sure that she is involved as much as she can and is allowed to be. I obviously am feeling extremely bad about this. I am looking forward to becoming a whole family and I think you mistook my post as I just don't care about my stepdaughter nor do I want her. That was not the case!

I didn't mistake your post. I'm giving you a response coming from the other side. You won't like and agree with every response you receive. I'm trying to give you a little perspective on how your step-daughter could be feeling. I understand 8 days out of the month as I'm from a broken family but that's not her mother's fault. That's how custody works when parents are divorced. I also understand hormones but pushing a child away isn't the best way to handle being stressed. I understand loss as I've also experienced that but again, I'd never push any children away because of that worry or stress. I said I hope it all works out because there are things to work out. As in, I hope your raging hormones and disengagement towards your step-daughter take a few steps back so that it doesn't cause hurt feelings and problems with her. I do hope for the best for you all.

Lynna2401 · December 2015

kynbar5 said:

This is my second pregnancy I miscarried 3 years ago at 11 weeks. I am 6w1d today and on Friday the 27th I started resenting my Step Daughter. I mean seriously anything she did made me cringe! Am I jealous? I feel so cruel and evil!!! I am becoming the evil step mother!!!!!! I don't understand what has taken over me. We only get her 8 days a month! I've been in her life since she was 7 years old and she will be 12 next year! She's such a sweet little girl who loves me so much and I love her beyond words. I've always gone above and beyond for her...sometimes I don't feel appreciated but I love my family! But!..... this past week has been HARD on me! I started spotting and having flashbacks of my first pregnancy. I went to the doctors on Tuesday and praise god everything is ok. Still spotting hear and there and has me uneasy.... My patience has been wearing thin with her and I feel awful. I did some searching and its actually pretty common for this to happen during pregnancy but it still doesn't make me feel ok. When does this pass? Maybe when we tell her I am pregnant? I know she will be over the moon excited and she will be the best big sister ever! But right now at this very moment I don't feel that way. I wish it were just my husband and I celebrating being parents for the first time. I know that sounds so selfish. After my first miscarriage I was so scared that I would never be able to have kids and it would just be me, my husband, his daughter.....and dealing with his crazy ex-wife. Now that I am pregnant again I am excited but still so nervous until I know for sure my baby is safe.

PS.. and YES! I know what I got myself into. I married him knowing he has a child and this is forever.

This feeling that I am feeling is new and I hate it

I think you need to talk to your husband and really figure out your feelings. You've said several times you love your step-daughter but then you also said you wish it could just be you and your husband celebrating being first time parents together. Coming from someone who was very close to her father and step-mother right up until they had "kids of their own" I honestly think you should have a very candid conversation with your husband. I do hope it all works out for you and your husband but also your husband's daughter. That is and always will be his child and children need their fathers. She should be just as important as any child the two of you have together. You're having these feelings so who's to say she isn't having feelings of her own?

You are misunderstanding me.

"You've said several times you love your step-daughter but then you also said you wish it could just be you and your husband celebrating being first time parents together." - That is correct. It was just wishful thinking. Who doesn't want to experience firsts with their significant other? It will never happen obviously and I knew that when I married my husband. But when the time comes your hormones are all over the place...I am a worried mess! My emotions/feelings are all over the place right now. The 1st and 2nd person who commented said it perfectly..

"I honestly think you should have a very candid conversation with your husband". - Thankfully my husband and I have open communication and I have expressed my feelings and concerns with him and he completely understands.

'I do hope it all works out for you and your husband but also your husband's daughter." There isn't anything for us to work out. We are not having problems over this. Once I get over this hump of fear and worry that I have it will be fine. This too shall pass...it is only a feeling that I am currently experiencing. Unfortunetly a sign of pregnancy is mood swings and then add the worry of losing your baby into the mix.

"That is and always will be his child and children need their fathers." Thank you... I know that.

"She should be just as important as any child the two of you have together". She IS and will be but unfortunately with the little time with have with her of 8 days a month she wont be able to experience everything with us. Her mother is to blame.

"You're having these feelings so who's to say she isn't having feelings of her own?" - I am having these feelings because I am concerned as I said I miscarried 3 years ago... and started spotting again the other day thankfully as was well. My SD and I have an amazing relationship. Unfortunately, due to my worrying and my raging hormones I have disengaged a little.

When the time comes to tell her. I have no doubt in my mind it will be magical and we will make sure that she is involved as much as she can and is allowed to be. I obviously am feeling extremely bad about this. I am looking forward to becoming a whole family and I think you mistook my post as I just don't care about my stepdaughter nor do I want her. That was not the case!

I didn't mistake your post. I'm giving you a response coming from the other side. You won't like and agree with every response you receive. I'm trying to give you a little perspective on how your step-daughter could be feeling. I understand 8 days out of the month as I'm from a broken family but that's not her mother's fault. That's how custody works when parents are divorced. I also understand hormones but pushing a child away isn't the best way to handle being stressed. I understand loss as I've also experienced that but again, I'd never push any children away because of that worry or stress. I said I hope it all works out because there are things to work out. As in, I hope your raging hormones and disengagement towards your step-daughter take a few steps back so that it doesn't cause hurt feelings and problems with her. I do hope for the best for you all.

kynbar5 said:

kynbar5 said:

This is my second pregnancy I miscarried 3 years ago at 11 weeks. I am 6w1d today and on Friday the 27th I started resenting my Step Daughter. I mean seriously anything she did made me cringe! Am I jealous? I feel so cruel and evil!!! I am becoming the evil step mother!!!!!! I don't understand what has taken over me. We only get her 8 days a month! I've been in her life since she was 7 years old and she will be 12 next year! She's such a sweet little girl who loves me so much and I love her beyond words. I've always gone above and beyond for her...sometimes I don't feel appreciated but I love my family! But!..... this past week has been HARD on me! I started spotting and having flashbacks of my first pregnancy. I went to the doctors on Tuesday and praise god everything is ok. Still spotting hear and there and has me uneasy.... My patience has been wearing thin with her and I feel awful. I did some searching and its actually pretty common for this to happen during pregnancy but it still doesn't make me feel ok. When does this pass? Maybe when we tell her I am pregnant? I know she will be over the moon excited and she will be the best big sister ever! But right now at this very moment I don't feel that way. I wish it were just my husband and I celebrating being parents for the first time. I know that sounds so selfish. After my first miscarriage I was so scared that I would never be able to have kids and it would just be me, my husband, his daughter.....and dealing with his crazy ex-wife. Now that I am pregnant again I am excited but still so nervous until I know for sure my baby is safe.

PS.. and YES! I know what I got myself into. I married him knowing he has a child and this is forever.

This feeling that I am feeling is new and I hate it

I think you need to talk to your husband and really figure out your feelings. You've said several times you love your step-daughter but then you also said you wish it could just be you and your husband celebrating being first time parents together. Coming from someone who was very close to her father and step-mother right up until they had "kids of their own" I honestly think you should have a very candid conversation with your husband. I do hope it all works out for you and your husband but also your husband's daughter. That is and always will be his child and children need their fathers. She should be just as important as any child the two of you have together. You're having these feelings so who's to say she isn't having feelings of her own?

You are misunderstanding me.

"You've said several times you love your step-daughter but then you also said you wish it could just be you and your husband celebrating being first time parents together." - That is correct. It was just wishful thinking. Who doesn't want to experience firsts with their significant other? It will never happen obviously and I knew that when I married my husband. But when the time comes your hormones are all over the place...I am a worried mess! My emotions/feelings are all over the place right now. The 1st and 2nd person who commented said it perfectly..

"I honestly think you should have a very candid conversation with your husband". - Thankfully my husband and I have open communication and I have expressed my feelings and concerns with him and he completely understands.

'I do hope it all works out for you and your husband but also your husband's daughter." There isn't anything for us to work out. We are not having problems over this. Once I get over this hump of fear and worry that I have it will be fine. This too shall pass...it is only a feeling that I am currently experiencing. Unfortunetly a sign of pregnancy is mood swings and then add the worry of losing your baby into the mix.

"That is and always will be his child and children need their fathers." Thank you... I know that.

"She should be just as important as any child the two of you have together". She IS and will be but unfortunately with the little time with have with her of 8 days a month she wont be able to experience everything with us. Her mother is to blame.

"You're having these feelings so who's to say she isn't having feelings of her own?" - I am having these feelings because I am concerned as I said I miscarried 3 years ago... and started spotting again the other day thankfully as was well. My SD and I have an amazing relationship. Unfortunately, due to my worrying and my raging hormones I have disengaged a little.

When the time comes to tell her. I have no doubt in my mind it will be magical and we will make sure that she is involved as much as she can and is allowed to be. I obviously am feeling extremely bad about this. I am looking forward to becoming a whole family and I think you mistook my post as I just don't care about my stepdaughter nor do I want her. That was not the case!

I didn't mistake your post. I'm giving you a response coming from the other side. You won't like and agree with every response you receive. I'm trying to give you a little perspective on how your step-daughter could be feeling. I understand 8 days out of the month as I'm from a broken family but that's not her mother's fault. That's how custody works when parents are divorced. I also understand hormones but pushing a child away isn't the best way to handle being stressed. I understand loss as I've also experienced that but again, I'd never push any children away because of that worry or stress. I said I hope it all works out because there are things to work out. As in, I hope your raging hormones and disengagement towards your step-daughter take a few steps back so that it doesn't cause hurt feelings and problems with her. I do hope for the best for you all.

I do appreciate it. I am not trying to come off like I don't.

I 100% understand how custody works and it has been a heck of a ride. However, the mother does indeed have a choice to allow the father of the child to see them more. They do not have to go by a piece of paper. Now a days they allow 50/50 as it should be.. wish they did back in 2005. Getting a modification isn't easy either.. I saw my husband fight for more custody of his daughter 3 years ago as his ex wife who is narcissist and suffers a personality disorder say to the judge "oh! he's a great father and he can see her when he wants but I will not agree (sign) to 50/50). The whole thing absolutely sucks as she thrives when she is with us. She loves being with us. Thankfully in the summer we do get 50/50. It's heartbreaking to say the least to hear my step daughter say I wish I was with you guys more. Little does she know its her mom keeping her from it. Again, regarless what you may think in our case its her mother. I do hope when baby comes she will be able to spend more time with us other than 8 measly days a weeks. A mother absolutely DOES has a choice regardless what the courts say to allow the father to see their child. ESPECIALLY when the father wants to be involved and is a GREAT FATHER. She chooses to be a nasty evil vindictive person.

Like I said I feel horrible as its not in my nature. That was the whole meaning of my post...do you think I want to push her away? GOD NO. I am sure she is probably thinking what is wrong with me as it is not like me. I do hope I get out of this nasty funk I am in as it just started on Friday.

I find comfort knowing I am not the only one who has experienced this.

DisneyIsabelle · December 2015

Don't worry! It sounds like you are not crazy, judging by how you know if you are having unusual and unwarranted feelings. I would possibly relate it to how I feel about people during PMS. Sometimes with PMS anything my DH does can just drive me insane. I would really guess it's hormonal. Maybe write her a sweet card and a thoughtful gift or a little pre-Christmas gift. That way you can write from the heart. Or maybe just put it in her bag so she finds it when she goes to her moms. Also, do something indulgent for yourself, like get a massage or something just for you

I think doing something nice for your SD maybe will make you feel better too. It sounds like you are a great Step-mom and going to be a great mom as well!

groovylocks · December 2015

I didn't know for sure on my own but had a suspicion so i googled it. Look what i found! https://www.babycenter.com/404_is-it-normal-to-resent-my-stepchildren-during-pregnancy_2235.bc

Turns out, it might be a weird animal instinct that sucks but is perfectly natural. This article suggests that involving the stepchild(ren) in the process helps reestablish that bond.

EDIT: The search i did was "pregnant resenting stepchildren" and it's so commonly asked that google autocompleted it before i was done typing. So you are NOT alone!

Lynna2401 · December 2015

@disneyIsabelle Thank you so much! We get her every Wednesday and every other weekend. This Wednesday I plan on making ornaments with her and gingerbread cookies I think I will feel much better when I can tell her and involve her.

Lynna2401 · December 2015

@groovylocks I googled the same thing this past Wednesday and read 4 different articles including that one. They were great to read. I know it will pass. Google did the same thing for me and autocompleted it. It was nice to see because I was able to share it with my husband as well and we were able to talk about it. As I googled I thought to myself please don't let me be alone on this!

Atlast111 · December 2015

I have felt very resentful towards spending time with people I normally love to see so it's just a pregnancy thing! Its great you are so in tune with your feelings and I'm sure you will work through this. I suppose my only advice would be to look at this from her point of view, you don't want her to feel replaced. I'm sure she will be over the moon to have a baby brother or sister and will be a great helper to you. Maybe involve her in getting the nursery ready so you can build further on your relationship together while these emotions pass which I'm sure they will. You sound like a great step mum!

Bigboobsmcgee · December 2015

groovylocks said:

I didn't know for sure on my own but had a suspicion so i googled it. Look what i found! https://www.babycenter.com/404_is-it-normal-to-resent-my-stepchildren-during-pregnancy_2235.bc

Turns out, it might be a weird animal instinct that sucks but is perfectly natural. This article suggests that involving the stepchild(ren) in the process helps reestablish that bond.

EDIT: The search i did was "pregnant resenting stepchildren" and it's so commonly asked that google autocompleted it before i was done typing. So you are NOT alone!

I probably wouldn't put much faith into an article on Baby Center....

OP, regardless of the reason or the funk you are in, you need to check your emotions and your behaviors and not let this affect your step daughter. I hope she doesn't see you cringe or see you lose your patience with her over nothing. You know what you are going through is not normal for you so snap out of it. Whatever that takes.

I'm sure this post will piss you off but that wasn't my intention. I have a step son, and 2 children with that step son's father so I understand the step parent/step child relationship.

groovylocks · December 2015

Bigboobsmcgee said:

groovylocks said:

I didn't know for sure on my own but had a suspicion so i googled it. Look what i found! https://www.babycenter.com/404_is-it-normal-to-resent-my-stepchildren-during-pregnancy_2235.bc

Turns out, it might be a weird animal instinct that sucks but is perfectly natural. This article suggests that involving the stepchild(ren) in the process helps reestablish that bond.

EDIT: The search i did was "pregnant resenting stepchildren" and it's so commonly asked that google autocompleted it before i was done typing. So you are NOT alone!

I probably wouldn't put much faith into an article on Baby Center....
OP, regardless of the reason or the funk you are in, you need to check your emotions and your behaviors and not let this affect your step daughter. I hope she doesn't see you cringe or see you lose your patience with her over nothing. You know what you are going through is not normal for you so snap out of it. Whatever that takes.
I'm sure this post will piss you off but that wasn't my intention. I have a step son, and 2 children with that step son's father so I understand the step parent/step child relationship.

haha yeah ok fair. But I DO kind of agree with the theory. I think it's an extension of the same thing that's making me so antisocial lately. I don't want anything trying to come between me and my baby or distracting me from her.

PrimRoseMama · December 2015

Would family counseling be a viable option for you, your husband & step-daughter? I think it might be a very good idea because it can offer a safe space for Everyone to open up about their feelings. It's a big change for everyone!

So, good/bad/uncomfortable feelings are bound to come up. I think getting things out in the open & obtaining a professional's help with tools to alleviate any miscommunication could be incredibly worth it.

Just as you are worrying about your feelings, I'm pretty sure this little girl is worried she will get shoved to the side when the new baby arrives or that the time she can get love/attention from her father is threatened. She might wish you & the baby had never come into the picture. So she might have some less than comfortable feelings to work through & resentments.

Lord knows what your husband might fret over, but he's probably worrying about balancing needs/attention.

So, counseling is a very beneficial option & I think it would work for you. Good luck.

pettycrocker · December 2015

I feel like a lot of it is just hormones... All throughout the 1st tri of this pregnancy, I could not stand to be around little babies, and my cousin and friend had just given birth to sweet little boys, but I just cringed whenever I saw them. By the 2nd tri, I felt fine. Don't beat yourself up.

arcanejinx · December 2015

I've been the unwanted step child to stepfathers before. Just tread carefully and when you do snap apologize to her. You can explain it away with whatever stress you want and when you are ready to tell her you are pregnant sit her down and let her know the real reason.

My last stepfather came into my life when I was 19. He still had younger children (9 &12) and honestly saw my mother as a replacement mother for them. He was very very mean and demeaning to me (especially when they were considering having their own child-my mom is thankful they did not). She always treated his children very well and even his kids said he was too rough on me. My mom and I were close but he almost destroyed our relationship completely as he wanted "his" family and I wasn't part of it (even asked my mom not to invite me to visit). Near the end of their relationship he tried to repair the rift with me but it was too late. Long story short don't let the "I dream of my family looking like this" get in the way of the family you actually have. It's good you recognize the how you are acting and feeling towards her is not ok-just keep reminding yourself that her existence is not her fault-she doesn't deserve any of how you are feeling being dumped on her.

Lynna2401 · December 2015

PrimRoseMama Once we tell my SD it will be much better! Thank you though!

Lynna2401 · December 2015

Atlast111 She doesn't know we are expecting just yet. But when she does find out she will be over the moon excited. She will be involved in everything that she can be involved in. I can't wait to take her to one of our appts so she can see baby. Right now its just so tough over the fear of losing this baby as well.

Lynna2401 · December 2015

Bigboobsmcgee Thank you for your opinion. I think people are missing the part as where we have not told her yet. So she has no idea I am pregnant so how would she feel replaced? Unless you are referring to after we tell her? She is so excited to one day be a big sister. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and when I posted this I knew there would be people who were understanding and people who had strong opinions and judge me. It does not piss me off because I know who I am and where my relationship stands. It's just a funk and I feel guilty as heck having felt that way towards her. Once we tell her she is going to be a big sister I can't wait to see her light up with excitement and can't wait for her to be involved.

mcklough said it best..."I think it may be fear taking over because of what happened with your previous loss. It sounds like you genuinely love and care for your step daughter, but that maybe the healthy pregnancy that she represents is just too intense right now- not only is she happy and healthy but her mother got to have her full pregnancy with her. With your fears from your MC and the scare with the spotting you may feel like you aren't going to have that and it might make you feel bitter. "

Lynna2401 · December 2015

arcanejinx she's not unwanted. I love her tremendously. These were new feelings that have taken over me that I feel so guilty and horrible about. I take a step back and disengage and do my own thing because I KNOW its not fair to her. I've been blessed to have such an amazing SD like her. I think that was just a bad week. I wasn't feeling good hormones were raging and then the spotting

Once we tell her and get to share in the excitement with her I think I will feel much better. I am so sorry that you went through what you did.

Lynna2401 · December 2015

I made this post because these were feelings I have never felt before in the 4 years I have been in my SD life... I knew it wasn't normal... I just wanted to know if others had felt that way. I feel guilty as heck for having felt that way and I know it will pass.

kynbar5 · December 2015

I just really hope it all works out for everyone. The more I see on this thread the more it is of you pointing out the responses you like and agree with and making excuses for the responses you don't like or don't agree with. This is just my honest opinion. However, like I've said several times now, I do hope everything works out.

Bigboobsmcgee · December 2015

Lynna2401 said:

Bigboobsmcgee Thank you for your opinion. I think people are missing the part as where we have not told her yet. So she has no idea I am pregnant so how would she feel replaced? Unless you are referring to after we tell her? She is so excited to one day be a big sister. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and when I posted this I knew there would be people who were understanding and people who had strong opinions and judge me. It does not piss me off because I know who I am and where my relationship stands. It's just a funk and I feel guilty as heck having felt that way towards her. Once we tell her she is going to be a big sister I can't wait to see her light up with excitement and can't wait for her to be involved.
mcklough said it best..."I think it may be fear taking over because of what happened with your previous loss. It sounds like you genuinely love and care for your step daughter, but that maybe the healthy pregnancy that she represents is just too intense right now- not only is she happy and healthy but her mother got to have her full pregnancy with her. With your fears from your MC and the scare with the spotting you may feel like you aren't going to have that and it might make you feel bitter. "

I truly wasn't judging you. I had some crazy emotions and crazy thoughts during both my pregnancies and even after my kids were born so no judgment from me. Good luck.

Lynna2401 · December 2015

Bigboobsmcgee I meant in general Thank you so much!!! It's going to be an interesting ride I am sure!

Lynna2401 · December 2015

kynbar5 thanks for the support

xtraumaxqueenx · December 2015

That sucks that you're having those feelings but honestly, I don't understand them at all.

I have a "SD" (technically she's a step, but she's MINE damn it!) who just turned 4 and I can't imagine feeling anything but overprotective like I am now. Maybe it's the age difference?? That lil girl is my whole world and not once since finding out we're expecting have I thought "I wish it was just my husband and me being first time parents"....my family isn't complete without her, I'm not complete without her. My only fear about this pregnancy is how disappointed my daughter will be if the baby isn't a girl!! We are scheduling all of our appointments on days when we have her so that she can go to all of them with us; she's beyond excited.

I'm sure it is a fear thing or just a crazy pregnancy hormone thing...hopefully it will pass soon. My daughter also knows about the pregnancy, so maybe that's another part of the issues you're having.

Car0liiine · January 2016

I hope this doesn't come off as cold or negative but what you're describing is a natural phenomenon I learned about in my evolutionary psychology/anthropology class. It is an instinct that is engrained in your DNA to default towards preferring a child that shares more (any) of your DNA. It was important in situations where perhaps there were not enough resources to go around so a mother would choose to feed her biological child first so that her generic material would have a greater chance of being passed on. Now this is a tendency, not an unchangeable new mindset. You have free will and can and I'm sure will choose to suppress these feelings and love both children and care for them equally. The point I'm hoping to get across is that you're not an evil step mother, you're just anther human being

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