SAHM's: Need your advice..

amandazap · January 2016

So I am currently working FT making a pretty good salary. I am on my husband's benefits so I get a nice sized check. However, I recently moved my career to a different county (same job though) and I am SO not happy. I have been toying around with the idea of being a SAHM, my only issue might be financial. I think dh and I can swing it but he would need to get a part time job (he's a firefighter and most do have second jobs), but I have guilt about that because he works a lot of holidays and weekends already. My ds is currently being watched by my MIL who is getting more aggressive with suggestions on how to care for my son, which I obviously have a problem with (he's 1 this month). Any other moms in my position or SAHM's have any advice as far as what to do? I have high anxiety about quitting a career that I have been so proud of and I have never been unemployed before. Sorry if it seems I am rambling.

1faceinacrowd · January 2016

I agree with PP, and would add that you need to remember that if you aren't currently paying your MIL to watch your 1-year-old, consider any other expenses that might be added now. For instance, if you bring your son to your MIL's house now, once you're home with him then you'll have to cover food and other costs throughout the week that normally would've been handled by MIL at her house. It may not seem like much, but he'll keep growing, and you're adding another to the mix.

I've never been a SAHM but my daughter's dad was a SAHD for a while (I have always been the primary breadwinner). It made sense because I made so much more and the amount he was bringing in was just enough to cover daycare costs. He ended up choosing to return to work though, because he's not really cut out for staying home and providing structure and education to a small child - not that he's a bad dad, it's just a really difficult job and he's not that type.

Best of luck to you mama! I highly recommend following PP's suggestion of not using your paychecks at all for a while to see how you do.

ThePax89 · January 2016

If you love working, being a SAHM may not be for you. What is your gut saying about being a SAHM? It isn't for everyone.

cabee310 · January 2016

Being a SAHM definitely isn't for everyone. I did it for 18 months with DS2 and was miserable. Some women love it though. I personally would have terrible guilt with DH having 2 jobs. I think if that were the case id prefer to have the PT job. I also remember being so jealous of DH being out of the house and I always had little people attached to me. I was jealous of his lunch breaks. If he was gone ALLL the time with 2 jobs, I would have lost me. Not trying to be negative, only telling my experience. Just my opinion, but only you know what is right for you.

mooncusp22 · January 2016

I worked FT for many years (pre baby). Now, my DH is the provider. I started working PT when DD was about 7months. I am a fitness instructor and personal trainer. I don't make a ton of money but a bit to help with things and have my own money when I want to buy something for myself. There was a time where I made nothing and I didn't like the feeling after being used to supporting myself! Plus, I started getting bored with not having a schedule each day and a little break for myself. My job is perfect, I bring my daughter with me to the gym and she plays in daycare (free) while I work (& exercise!). I've been in the fitness industry for 17 years but only put in 4-5hours a week after my FT job. I am currently up to 18-20 classes a week now (yes, it is exhausting too). I feel like it's a perfect balance

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lalalorelai · January 2016

Not a SAHM, but could you get a part time job instead of your H? Honestly I would feel so guilty if my H was working 2 jobs while I stayed at home. Maybe if you have a part time job, your MIL won't be as intrusive if she's watching your son for less time.

Or have you considered finding a new full time job that might make you happier? It sounds like you're unhappy with your current job, not with working altogether.

jmknox · January 2016

What if you get a PT job (even within your current company?) and you would get more time with the baby and MIL would get less time with him? Just a thought. I would quit my high stress job (and I am the breadwinner -and my hubby is a detective) in a heart beat if it was possible and I'm trying to go to part time once our new baby will be here because I just can't keep all those plates spinning.

jmknox · January 2016

Sorry @lalalorelai just hit my thought!

cal031686 · January 2016

I decided to stay home with our 1st LO after my employer cut hours and raised price of child care following my maternity leave. To create extra income I started watching a few kids around my LO's age. Two years later I now have a full fledged home daycare. It definitely helps cover the bills and I get to spend all day with my LO soon to be 2 LOs.
There are ways to generate an income and cut costs while staying home.

lotsofsunshine · January 2016

I am a SAHM. I love it. Working full time while someone else was with my kids all day was very very hard on me. And my paycheck didn't justify it. We have had to cut back on a few things and I have had to learn to budget. But we are making it work. Our home is a lot happier now and we seem to all get along better now that I'm not working. But, that's just what works for us. Good luck!

carstekj · January 2016

Sounds like a difficult choice for you. Is DH on board with getting a 2nd job? I recently became a SAHM and I knew I would love it, because I wasn't feeling fulfilled with my career. However, I have met several mom's who never had the dream to be a SAHM and it just wasn't for them.

Budget wise, we did have to cut out going out to eat on weekends (we would usually go out once on Saturday's, but it would be +$50). We also cut cable and paid off my car early. We used my paycheck towards daycare cost only for several months to see if we could make our new budget work.

We've talked about me getting a 2nd job down the road if needed.

Good luck!

Ktande22 · January 2016

I've loved it. I quit working 6 years ago when my dd was born. It's been awesome. And crazy how you realize how quick it goes. When she went to K this year and it was just me and her brother who's almost 3 alone I didn't know what to do with myself. We saw a friend doing amazingly well doing lularoe and decided to jump in while its young! So far I'm loving that. I get to be home still but work at something that has me really excited and making money for our family to still do vacations and fun and special activities

ginger819 · January 2016

I loved working full time but after being passed over for a promotion that would have made it possible for us to afford daycare I made the tough decision of going down to part time. I work overnights (not my favorite shift but it gives me the hours I need while giving me the week off with our daughter) during the weekend while my mom and DH can watch our daughter. In a month I will also be watching a friends new baby during the week too. I was able to scratch out enough hours at work that once I have the extra income from watching the other baby I will be making as much as I did when I worked full time. Granted my husband is our primary breadwinner, but I still feel as though I am contributing a fair amount of income and am saving so much on daycare for going on two babies that I feel like I am actually coming out fairly close to his income. I also love being the one home with our daughter. It really stressed me out when I worked full time and had to leave her.

Of course each situation is different so it's going to come down to what you are comfortable with.

amandazap · January 2016

PLOT TWIST

This past week (after I posted this thread) dh and I got into a huge argument about ds going to daycare. He would rather wait until LO is born so my MIL only has to watch the baby. However, ds is turning 1 this month and I want him in a program that is going to stimulate him academically (as much as a baby can be) and socially. We found one in our budget and I know someone who also takes her son there and they love it. So, I think I have decided to keep chugging along with my career, as long as ds is in daycare. I would rather not have ds sit at my in-laws watching Paw Patrol all day (not even kidding). DH and I have tabled the discussion until we can talk about it with clear heads. Pray for me ladies lol.

Stephanie7693 · January 2016

I would say it would probably be better to start your son before baby comes. It's going to take a toll on his immune system for a while, and that would probably be better to get out of the way now. And getting him used to the new daycare before his world at home changes would probably be beneficial too. Hope you and your hubby can agree!

cm716 · January 2016

My DH worked two jobs for a while. Since I stay at home, money has always been tighter. He worked a full time job and a part time pizza delivery job for Domino's so that we could get rid of our car payment. (Insert shameless Dave Ramsey plug here...) Once the car payment was gone, he quit pizza but for awhile he would work 16 hour days between the two jobs 3-4 nights a week.

That being said, I worked full time before I became a full time SAHM. It's mentally grueling and often thankless but I feel it is worth the sacrifice. I want to be at home with my kids and I want to be in full control of what's happening during these vulnerable years. Are there days where I daydream about working in an office and not having a permanent snot stain on my shoulder? Definitely but ultimately I feel like staying at home will bring me the most peace in the long run.

Also, there is a huge benefit logistically to having one parent at home all the time and one at work all the time.

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