This probably doesn't belong here but I just wanted to be able to vent about it. Had my baby a little early Dec 27th. Had the in home nurse come new years eve to do the weight check and such. Recovery for me was rough this time because my Placenta would not detach so I had to have a Procedure and lost a massive amount of blood (close to transfusion amount). Anyway they say sleep when baby sleeps so I was well come to find out baby was sleeping way to much and he lost a lot of weight since I'm EBF. The nurse was so pushy with trying to get me to use different things and kept saying she wasn't impressed. Well she was at my house for 2 hrs and I was an emotional wreck! She told me to take him to the hospital the next day to see how we did with feeding that night. Needless to say I don't give up and my baby is #1 so I woke up every hr and a half to nurse him and even got him to latch onto the boon we were having issues with. He had gained 4 Oz over night! Can't wait for his appt tomorrow to see how much more he has gained! So I guess I just don't care for pushy in home nurses messing with my super hormonal self!
I hate hospital sibling rules. I want DH there with me. I don't trust anyone that I know but DH or myself with taking care of DD. If you'll let her on the floor to visit during extended visiting hours, why not just let her stay the night there? If it were an issue with germs and not allowing ANY children to visit, it'd be one thing. But you're already letting her on the floor for like 16 hours out of the day. There are already tens of babies crying throughout the night, I just don't see it being THAT much more of an issue to add one more per mom.
I understand that nurses don't want to deal with kids. I get that. I don't want to deal with other people's kids at the grocery, either. But if they're already allowed (so it's not an issue of safety, or sterility, like I said) it would make my life and DD's and DH's life so much easier if she could just sleep in the room with us.
Instead, it's probably going to be an insanely stressful and sleepless night for everyone involved, which is not what I need immediately after giving birth.
@Emott13 I think that is way so many people don't stay the whole time they are allowed. They miss and are worried about their other kids. In my state you are allows 96 hours after a csection. For my first they tried to send me home early and I said no. For my second I left a day early because I wanted to be with both my boys.
That seems so backward to me. Shouldn't they be doing everything they can to get you to stay as long as possible? I mean, if letting your kid stay makes you stay an extra day to recover and make sure that you're actually ready to go home, i feel like they should be encouraging it! I feel like doctors should push to have you stay for the max amount of time (within reason, of course).
I guess I'm mostly freaking out because I had to stay in the hospital for a week after DD was born. I couldn't go a full week without being home overnight with her. It would probably make me make poor health decisions for myself because I wanted to be with her.
That seems so backward to me. Shouldn't they be doing everything they can to get you to stay as long as possible? I mean, if letting your kid stay makes you stay an extra day to recover and make sure that you're actually ready to go home, i feel like they should be encouraging it! I feel like doctors should push to have you stay for the max amount of time (within reason, of course).
I guess I'm mostly freaking out because I had to stay in the hospital for a week after DD was born. I couldn't go a full week without being home overnight with her. It would probably make me make poor health decisions for myself because I wanted to be with her.
Hahahahaha Ok I'm sorry, clearly you don't work in hospitals or understand how they work. Hospitals are chronically over capacity and definitely do not want to encourage patients to stay longer than needed, especially HEALTHY patients like post-partum mothers. It is absolutely ridiculous to expect your child to be able to stay in the hospital with you, it is not a hotel. If you're that concerned have DH go home at night with DD and take care of her. You can survive the night without him, you have staff there 24 hours to help you if needed.
I think the cartoon characters on my toddler's favorite shows would make for better leaders than our current presidential nominees in the US.
Also, I'm tired of pooping. I just have to pee! I swear! But then, apparently not... Guess I'll just hang out in the bathroom for a while because seriously every time I have to pee, the other comes right along with it.
My doc told me I could be here until Saturday with my little guy. No way. I have done everything in my power to get moving so we can be discharged early. Tomorrow at noon we are out of here! I'm not even taking any pain meds besides Motrin (csection delivery). I'm glad for the three days we have been here but I am ready to be at home! I am also very surprised at how well recovery has gone.
My UO for today is that I hate people writing off my kid's good behaviors or routines as "luck". We recently had family stay over. My son is 2.5 and sleeps all night in his own bed, in his own room. My extended family have 3 kids aged 1-5 that all sleep with them every night and they can't get them to sleep without bottles, tv, etc. I'm not judging cosleeping vs independent sleeping here. All I'm saying is they hate their arrangement and it wears them out but they think I'm just lucky with a kid who magically sleeps on his own. No, sorry. I coslept with my son until about 9 months old when he no longer nursed at night. At that point we transitioned him to his own bed and room and he's been there since. I read up a lot and spent a lot of time planning and preparing for his transition. There are times he ends up in our bed still. Illness, night terrors or traveling are usually the main reasons, but there have been the occasional night where it's just cause we want to snuggle. Nearly all of the time he's fine in his own bed, though. But this was something we put time and effort into establishing and not just some lucky roll of the dice. They seem to think the same way about my son's behavior in public compared to their fit prone 5 year old. My son is NO angel. He has fits and tantrums and screams and cries like every other 2 year old. But again, we work on his behavior and work on our responses to teach him correct behavior and aren't just "lucky" he doesn't go insane and destroy everything nearby when he doesn't get his way. I just feel like their "you're so lucky you have an easy kid" comments invalidate my preparation and consistency in parenting where I've tried to raise my child to behave nicely and follow certain routines.
That seems so backward to me. Shouldn't they be doing everything they can to get you to stay as long as possible? I mean, if letting your kid stay makes you stay an extra day to recover and make sure that you're actually ready to go home, i feel like they should be encouraging it! I feel like doctors should push to have you stay for the max amount of time (within reason, of course).
I guess I'm mostly freaking out because I had to stay in the hospital for a week after DD was born. I couldn't go a full week without being home overnight with her. It would probably make me make poor health decisions for myself because I wanted to be with her.
Hahaha do you live in America? You sound new here...
Me: 36 DH: 36 Married: October 2011 DS: January 2016 DS: May 2019 #3: April 2022
Ok, har har har. No, I'm not an idiot. I understand that hospitals are chronically over-inhabited and under-staffed. Notice I didn't say the *hospitals* ought to encourage you to stay, I said *doctors*. As in, people who ought to care more about your health than whether or not the hospital has enough nurses. MIL's husband was sent home early from shoulder surgery and ended up back there with complications. My father was sent home early from blood clot treatment and nearly died. I understand HOW hospitals work and WHY, I just don't think that people who I pay to care for me (my doctor) ought to shirk their responsibility in favor of helping the hospital with their full bed issue.
As far as it being a "hotel", if I'm already in a room, not requiring another bed, room, staff, etc, why shouldn't my family be allowed to stay? They're doing nothing there but breathing the air. They're not taking up rooms, food, medicine, beds, anything. Literally just existing. Forgive me for not wanting to spend my first night post-labor without my husband. And forgive me for not being blessed with responsible people to care for my daughter.
All I'm saying is, there's a reason they typically offer for you to say the night after birth- many postpartum complications can be caught within the first 48 hours if you're being monitored. My preeclampsia could've taken my life had I not stayed the "voluntary" amount of time after DD. Again, I understand hospitals are heartless machines that just want your bed ASAP, but I feel that my doctor ought to fight for my rights and comfort in order to best serve my health, which is his job, after all.
Ok, har har har. No, I'm not an idiot. I understand that hospitals are chronically over-inhabited and under-staffed. Notice I didn't say the *hospitals* ought to encourage you to stay, I said *doctors*. As in, people who ought to care more about your health than whether or not the hospital has enough nurses. MIL's husband was sent home early from shoulder surgery and ended up back there with complications. My father was sent home early from blood clot treatment and nearly died. I understand HOW hospitals work and WHY, I just don't think that people who I pay to care for me (my doctor) ought to shirk their responsibility in favor of helping the hospital with their full bed issue.
Probably your insurance is actually paying your Dr to care for you more than you are. And unfortunately, in the US, that means insurances dictate a lot of how hospitals operate. Length of stay has a lot less to do with how many beds are available in the hospital and more to do with how long your insurance wants you there.
I don't understand what your daughter has to do with your health. You are the patient. Not your daughter. And they ARE taking care of you. A hospital isn't a day care. It sucks that you haven't found care arrangements for her in the 9 months you've had to prepare, but that's not their fault. As another patient, I wouldn't want someone's kid running around being all noisy, and kids ARE noisy by nature, while I'm recovering and trying to eek out some quiet time between all of the necessary nurse checks and nursing sessions.
Honestly, it's kind of irresponsible to not have someone as a backup. What if a true emergency happens to you or DH? Or you both die? Backup care is important and every parent should have a plan and a will! Otherwise your children are subject to the courts.
I guess my UO is that people who think hospitals are boarding houses, entertainment, or hotels are ridiculous. (Not just this issue, but when I was at the hospital some moms had literally a dozen people in the waiting room taking up all the space, being loud and obnoxious, etc.)
My UO for today is that I hate people writing off my kid's good behaviors or routines as "luck". We recently had family stay over. My son is 2.5 and sleeps all night in his own bed, in his own room. My extended family have 3 kids aged 1-5 that all sleep with them every night and they can't get them to sleep without bottles, tv, etc. I'm not judging cosleeping vs independent sleeping here. All I'm saying is they hate their arrangement and it wears them out but they think I'm just lucky with a kid who magically sleeps on his own. No, sorry. I coslept with my son until about 9 months old when he no longer nursed at night. At that point we transitioned him to his own bed and room and he's been there since. I read up a lot and spent a lot of time planning and preparing for his transition. There are times he ends up in our bed still. Illness, night terrors or traveling are usually the main reasons, but there have been the occasional night where it's just cause we want to snuggle. Nearly all of the time he's fine in his own bed, though. But this was something we put time and effort into establishing and not just some lucky roll of the dice. They seem to think the same way about my son's behavior in public compared to their fit prone 5 year old. My son is NO angel. He has fits and tantrums and screams and cries like every other 2 year old. But again, we work on his behavior and work on our responses to teach him correct behavior and aren't just "lucky" he doesn't go insane and destroy everything nearby when he doesn't get his way. I just feel like their "you're so lucky you have an easy kid" comments invalidate my preparation and consistency in parenting where I've tried to raise my child to behave nicely and follow certain routines.
Eh... I think with sleeping yes, it can be luck. I don't cosleep but bedtime and naptime are battles with my daughter. Meanwhile my nephews just lay down, ask to go to sleep, sleep through the night since a young age, etc. My daughter's lack of sleeping is not because I didn't read up enough or prepare her for the transition.
I think a lot of it is they just have to draw the line somewhere and most hospitals draw that line at you may have ONE overnight support person. You personally may have one additional child that you feel wouldn't cause any additional problems but if they allow your child how can they deny the woman with the disruptive child or the woman with 6 other kids who insists they'll be no problem at all. Also toddlers and older are MUCH louder than newborns. I've walked through a lot of post natal care wards and have never heard a baby crying through closed doors, pediatric wards are much much different. I can totally relate to it being difficult to find excellent, reliable child care but you did have a long time to do so, even if it wound up having to be someone you background/ reference checked and pay to do so. So now you are kinda stuck- find someone or send hubby home during the hours your daughter can't be there. You may be surprised that it'll bother you less than you think because you'll be so tied up in what you are dealing with. I am a stay at home parent and was so nervous about leaving my first to have my second. Him and I had seriously never been apart for more than a couple hours. Of course I did want to get home as quickly as I could but I was so busy taking care of myself and my new daughter that being apart from my first wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be and he did fabulously with the caretaker we found.
I think one of the biggest issues with hospital policies like the one you are talking about is that they don't want to inadvertantly create MORE patients. Infections are rampant in hospitals (nosocomial infections if you care to look into it more) and while you would be in a labor ward, you and your visitors aren't immune from illnesses brought in by other visitors or patients. Sure, your daughter might not get sick if she's there visiting for 3 hours. BUT she might get sick if she's there all day and night. Remember, the policies are put in place to protect YOU and your new baby who has zero defenses against even the slightest infection. Policies are researched-based on best practice. Yes, insurance dictates how long they want you there but those standards are also research-based.
Ok, har har har. No, I'm not an idiot. I understand that hospitals are chronically over-inhabited and under-staffed. Notice I didn't say the *hospitals* ought to encourage you to stay, I said *doctors*. As in, people who ought to care more about your health than whether or not the hospital has enough nurses. MIL's husband was sent home early from shoulder surgery and ended up back there with complications. My father was sent home early from blood clot treatment and nearly died. I understand HOW hospitals work and WHY, I just don't think that people who I pay to care for me (my doctor) ought to shirk their responsibility in favor of helping the hospital with their full bed issue.
As far as it being a "hotel", if I'm already in a room, not requiring another bed, room, staff, etc, why shouldn't my family be allowed to stay? They're doing nothing there but breathing the air. They're not taking up rooms, food, medicine, beds, anything. Literally just existing. Forgive me for not wanting to spend my first night post-labor without my husband. And forgive me for not being blessed with responsible people to care for my daughter.
All I'm saying is, there's a reason they typically offer for you to say the night after birth- many postpartum complications can be caught within the first 48 hours if you're being monitored. My preeclampsia could've taken my life had I not stayed the "voluntary" amount of time after DD. Again, I understand hospitals are heartless machines that just want your bed ASAP, but I feel that my doctor ought to fight for my rights and comfort in order to best serve my health, which is his job, after all.
I understand I have co-slept with my dd since she was born. She is very calm and docile, a go with the flow kind of kid. I wish I could have a home birth so we could be together as a family through the whole process. It feels very unnatural to be separated during this time in our lives as a family. But the vbac road has a lot of restrictions. Honestly she only has been with a sitter(my mom) twice in her four years. I might be spending my first night pp with out my husband but not alone. He may switch places with my mom. My sister or mil can stay. I also plan to stay the slotted time for recovery even though I dislike hospital stays, I'm a due diligence type. Luckily for me dd is four and has a better understanding of time.
I totally get why hospitals have the policies they do (worked in one for 2yrs), but I also get where you are coming from. I haven't been away from DS for more than a few hours since he was born 15 months ago. And because our care plan for him crashed and burned (MIL emergency surgery on her ankle) I'll now be doing my C-section alone, a large chunk of most days (SO and DS will be there as much as DS will tolerate and behave) in the hospital alone, and the nights alone.
Selfishly, it would help ME so much if DS could spend the night. I would love to have them both there. Realistically, I understand why the policies are there, and if they make an exception for me, then why not for the lady with the screaming kid who is bouncing off the walls or running in the hallways? I'd be annoyed/pissed as hell if I was trying to recover from what might be a difficult delivery and couldn't rest b/c of someone's uncontrolled kid for whom the hospital made an exception.
The hospital I delivered in was amazing in every way. Way different and better than the one I had my daughter in. Anyway they had no problem with my daughter staying the night with me. Of course last minute she decided to stay with the neighbors which ended up being a blessing since I had complications with my Placenta and had to have a Procedure and major blood loss. But I did think it was great we had the option for her to be with us if she wanted....
Re: UO Thursday
DS1 2010
DS2 2013
DD1 2016
I understand that nurses don't want to deal with kids. I get that. I don't want to deal with other people's kids at the grocery, either. But if they're already allowed (so it's not an issue of safety, or sterility, like I said) it would make my life and DD's and DH's life so much easier if she could just sleep in the room with us.
Instead, it's probably going to be an insanely stressful and sleepless night for everyone involved, which is not what I need immediately after giving birth.
DS1 2010
DS2 2013
DD1 2016
I guess I'm mostly freaking out because I had to stay in the hospital for a week after DD was born. I couldn't go a full week without being home overnight with her. It would probably make me make poor health decisions for myself because I wanted to be with her.
Ok I'm sorry, clearly you don't work in hospitals or understand how they work. Hospitals are chronically over capacity and definitely do not want to encourage patients to stay longer than needed, especially HEALTHY patients like post-partum mothers. It is absolutely ridiculous to expect your child to be able to stay in the hospital with you, it is not a hotel. If you're that concerned have DH go home at night with DD and take care of her. You can survive the night without him, you have staff there 24 hours to help you if needed.
Also, I'm tired of pooping. I just have to pee! I swear! But then, apparently not... Guess I'll just hang out in the bathroom for a while because seriously every time I have to pee, the other comes right along with it.
Married: October 2011
DS: January 2016
DS: May 2019
#3: April 2022
As far as it being a "hotel", if I'm already in a room, not requiring another bed, room, staff, etc, why shouldn't my family be allowed to stay? They're doing nothing there but breathing the air. They're not taking up rooms, food, medicine, beds, anything. Literally just existing. Forgive me for not wanting to spend my first night post-labor without my husband. And forgive me for not being blessed with responsible people to care for my daughter.
All I'm saying is, there's a reason they typically offer for you to say the night after birth- many postpartum complications can be caught within the first 48 hours if you're being monitored. My preeclampsia could've taken my life had I not stayed the "voluntary" amount of time after DD. Again, I understand hospitals are heartless machines that just want your bed ASAP, but I feel that my doctor ought to fight for my rights and comfort in order to best serve my health, which is his job, after all.
Honestly, it's kind of irresponsible to not have someone as a backup. What if a true emergency happens to you or DH? Or you both die? Backup care is important and every parent should have a plan and a will! Otherwise your children are subject to the courts.
I guess my UO is that people who think hospitals are boarding houses, entertainment, or hotels are ridiculous. (Not just this issue, but when I was at the hospital some moms had literally a dozen people in the waiting room taking up all the space, being loud and obnoxious, etc.)
DD 12/20/99, DS 12/14/12, M/C 9/2014, M/C 1/2015
I totally get why hospitals have the policies they do (worked in one for 2yrs), but I also get where you are coming from. I haven't been away from DS for more than a few hours since he was born 15 months ago. And because our care plan for him crashed and burned (MIL emergency surgery on her ankle) I'll now be doing my C-section alone, a large chunk of most days (SO and DS will be there as much as DS will tolerate and behave) in the hospital alone, and the nights alone.
Selfishly, it would help ME so much if DS could spend the night. I would love to have them both there. Realistically, I understand why the policies are there, and if they make an exception for me, then why not for the lady with the screaming kid who is bouncing off the walls or running in the hallways? I'd be annoyed/pissed as hell if I was trying to recover from what might be a difficult delivery and couldn't rest b/c of someone's uncontrolled kid for whom the hospital made an exception.
DS1 01/08/03 DD1 08/11/04 DD2 10/06/08 DS2 09/30/14
SURPRISE! Hannah May born 01/22/16