getting a little ahead of myself...(ttc)

mrsbenjamindaniel · January 2016

I know i'm a little ahead of myself here but i can't help but think about it, as i've had two miscarriages now closer to each other.

I posted on someone else's thread about this but I'm starting to freak out a little inside about when and how to tell people when/if we actually do get pregnant again. My sister-in-laws are both due with babies this year and my family was so ecstatic over their announcements naturally, just as they were for me in the past (1 successful pregnancy and 2 m/c as mentioned). Now I've got this feeling at the pit of my stomach of "should i not even tell them when i do get pregnant until after the first trimester?". I absolutely SUCK at keeping secrets but i honestly might be okay at keeping it a secret considering i've had two m/c now...and i'm afraid my family would be sad if they didn't know i was so they could help me...i don't know...

and then if i did tell them, I would pry say something like "hey i don't want you to get too excited or anything but i wanted to let you know i'm pregnant again. But please just keep me in your thoughts." What do you think?

Bottom line, I'm pry not going to do elaborate announcements like a lot of people do nowadays or anything 'fun'. I just want to keep it low key and chill i guess. I don't want to make it a big deal, lest to me it will just hurt even more if anything did ever happen again and it didn't work out for some reason again. Is this not a good attitude I guess is what I'm asking? I just don't even know how excited i'll actually be when/if i do become pregnant again...i'm just looking out for my heart i guess

Thanks

ceclarlinetlo · January 2016

I also go back and forth on this. I have had two losses back to back but I don't have any children yet. On the one hand I also don't want to get people's hopes up but on the other hand I have never had the enjoyment of making that announcement because we've always miscarried before being able to announce - and I really want that experience.

Pompomlove · January 2016

I've had one MC. So sorry for your losses. I've had this conversation with myself too. I might feel completely different once I'm UTD again but I refuse to let loss rip us off! I want to celebrate each and every pregnancy, however long it lasts, at least with my family. I know they will be praying for us which brings me comfort and supporting us in our moments of fear and celebrating the milestones.

It sucks that a part of our innocence has gone and that pregnancy has this extra fear attached now.

Good luck with your next and whatever decision you feel comfortable with. It's your pregnancy and your choice.

Xo

Edit: weirdo typo!

Kurtni · January 2016

We announced to family at 12 weeks with my first pregnancy that ended in a stillbirth at 25 weeks. When we conceive again, I think we will probably still do the same. I'm glad I enjoyed my pregnancy and that I got to talk about my daughter with other people. Her death just made me appreciate that time all the more. I certainly understand why someone would choose to keep their pregnancy private for awhile though. I know I will essentially be holding my breath for 40 weeks and counting down the days. I hope I can balance the anxiety with enjoyment.

BornReady · January 2016

I struggled to get pregnant with my first and I was a nervous wreck my entire pregnancy. I wouldn't say I ever "announced", I basically walked around until it became physically obvious I was pregnant. With the trauma of having gone through a miscarriage now, I will probably do the same thing again. I don't feel like it's me trying to protect anyone else, but more like I'm trying to manage my own anxiety. I think we almost know too much of what can go wrong to be innocent about the whole thing anymore. I will say I am so jealous of those people who can just "be pregnant", their innocence!

FireInWonderland · January 2016

You have to do whatever helps you with your pregnancy. If that is to keep it to yourself until your 2nd tri, then do it. If you want to share before then, share and give your caveat. I know because of how family acted in the past we aren't telling my MIL until the 2nd tri, or even later. They get too excited and if I lost it again I couldn't bear the way she acted the first time, let alone again.

As for huge announcements, we don't have that planned either. Probably will just do a family shoot when I start to show and post a few to FB and watch as it clicks with people.

queenklau · January 2016

Hi all, I am exactly on the same boat. Two mc back to back and no living children. After my first loss I went back and forth a lot before I got pregnant again, but once pregnant all this logic went out the window because I was super excited. This time around I will play it by ear. We don't know how we are going to feel when it we see the BFP. Right now I am trying to focus on getting a BFP and not worrying about others. The only person I am excited to announce is DH. I don't want to add extra worry that I will hurt or let others down.

mrsbenjamindaniel · January 2016

Thank you all for sharing your hearts with me

much love to all of you and i pray for the best on your journeys! It is helpful to know I'm not alone and encouraging to hear your thoughts

catiecatp · January 2016

This is a personal decision - but I'll give you some insight into what we plan/planned. We never got to the public announcement stage - we told our parents when we found out that it was a 50/50 chance of a mc at around 7 weeks (which ended up being a mc - and likely the sign we saw was the start of it). I'd told a friend at 5 weeks because she works at my doctor's office and does the scanning (so she'd see the ultrasound) - I'd rather she find out from me.

Next time? I think we'll follow nearly the same plan as this one - BFF will know because of where she works, parents and close family will know late to end of first trimester unless complications arise again - close friends will find out at the start of the second trimester, and parents can tell who they want - and then a general announcement maybe when I'm in the third trimester. The part that has changed is the general announcement - I feel like I want to be more private with it right now - who knows what I'll feel after we get a BFP - but it won't be before the middle of the second trimester.

I love hearing the encouragement to celebrate each and every pregnancy - it is hard but I feel in my heart it is what I should do too.

lilyaster · January 2016

This is a tough decision, and for me it will be one day at a time if and when we have another pregnancy. With our last one, we waited until we had our ultrasound and saw a healthy-looking baby at 10 weeks, then we told family and friends. But we lost that baby two weeks later. It sucked having to announce our loss, but in telling so many people, the support we received was actually really helpful. I can't believe how many of my friends and acquaintances shared that they have been through the same thing. If and when we announce our next pregnancy, it will be reaching out for support and prayers more so than celebration.

getting a little ahead of myself...(ttc)

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