No desire to BF - sorry for the confusion!
jpocnj
member
I know I just posted this, but I used a username that I had originally signed up with accidentally and I didn't want it out there! It's frustrating that there's no way of deleting your own posted! Anyway...this is what I had posted and thanks to those who had responded or tried to!
I feel pretty selfish admitting this, but I have no desire to bf. I know I still have several months to change the way I feel about it and I'm going to try it of course, but I just really hate my nipples being touched and the thought of breastfeeding just freaks me out.
I'm also going back to work 6
weeks after the baby is born and won't be able to pump or bf for most of the
day. I'm curious if there are any STM's on here who have bf and worked
full-time? I can't imagine being up every 2-3 hours every single night
and then going to work all day. At least with formula DH and I could
switch off night time feedings. What's everyones plan for bf or not, and
for night time feedings??
Re: No desire to BF - sorry for the confusion!
Secondly, they way your boobs/nipple sensations change after baby will be unknown until it happens. For me, I now look at mine as feeders only. (Sorry DH). They became almost numb to a baby touching them, but ultra sensitive if my husband tried. All this means, is that your boobs change once the baby arrives. How they change? TBD. Maybe BF won't feel right for you, and that's OK.
Lastly, I worked full time and was able to breastfeed until about 20 months. I only pumped for the first 12. After that, nursing were only morning and night, and he got cows milk at day care during the day. It is required by law for work to give you the time and privacy to pump. So if it something you realize you are interested in, don't let work stop you. And as for the night feedings, your DH can warm up stored breast milk at night, or do formula at night. Your baby could be BF and FF. That's OK too. And as much as you say you can't imagine what its like to be up every 2-3 hours, you may never need too. Some babies are sleepers. And if you don't get a sleeper (mine was NOT a sleeper), you get used to how to be effective while feeling like a zombie
So, my advice... do what's right for you. I would encourage exploring all options, and see if BF works for you, but it is OK if it doesn't. It is OK if it doesn't work for your lifestyle. Hugs to you!
DST T4L
By law your employer has to give you both time and a place to pump at work, so that might work for you and if I end up loving BFing during those 6 weeks, I'll definitely try that. I guess I'm just trying not to have too many expectations going into this. As long as your baby is fed, that's what matters. I know a few people who formula fed from the hospital, never even tried BFing or couldn't for whatever reason and their kids are fine.
*edited for spelling*
With my daughter I BF for 3 months, had every complication with it imaginable and honestly just didn't like it.
This time around I'm 90% sure I'll go directly to formula again. BF is great and wonderful, but so is feeding your baby and keeping yourself mentally stable
Do what's right for you! Whatever that may be. Just be prepared to deal with everyone else's opinions... Not always fun or easy
Employers are only required to provide adequate time and space for pumping IF they employ more than 50 people. So for example fast food restaurants such as subway and McDonald's are not required to accommodate BF moms because they are franchised businesses and do not employ more than 50 people at each establishment. My point is a lot of Employers especially small businesses and franchises are not required by law to accommodate BF moms.
I did my senior policy project on this legislation just a couple months ago in November so I spent a lot of time picking apart the legislation. I have the links to the specific law on my desktop and can post later if anyone is interested.
Another reason why I detest the US's maternity policy. I can't imagine going to back to work and also having to pump all day just to BF my baby. This shouldn't even be an issue for women - it's infuriating.
I'll be BF'ing - if everything goes as smoothly as it did last time. I have a year off so I don't need to worry about night feedings. I actually don't mind getting up and doing them - but that may not be how everyone feels. If on the weekends H wants to do a night feed, I'll just pump enough for him to give a bottle.
But, like everyone says, do what you want. I would personally give it a go - just to see if the nipple sensation issue maybe isn't so bad - and then decide from there. But to each their own
My thinking right now is that I am going to try to breast feed but will see what happens. My grandmother, mom and my sister all could not really breast feed (the milk supply was either way too low or non-existent) but I'm still going to try and see what happens with me. I've already been told I "can't" breast feed by others because of the issues the women in my family have had and that I "need" to supplement when my milk supply "doesn't come in"...it all goes in one ear and out the other. My body is my body and I'll see what it wants to do when it wants to do it.
This time I am thinking of trying to breast feed at least some. We will be paying almost 2K a month for daycare with too, and we need to cut corners somehow. I will also have the ability to have a full 12 weeks before returning to work. If it works great! If it doesn't great!
You need to do what is best for you and your family. You will be feeding your child either way, and your sanity is the most important. If you do decide to formula feed, I would make sure your nurses in L&D know from the start. This will stop them from trying to push. I also designated my husband as the one to handle any issues that arose with that. A simple "as a family, we decided to formula feed" works great.
Good luck!
3 IUI's w/Clomid & Ovidrel=all BFNs
3 IVF (2 Fresh, 1 frozen) =BFN
Jan 2012 New RE & Fresh Cycle =BFP!
Both of my girls were exclusively formula fed. I breastfed my oldest for about 2 weeks, but I had such awful post partum depression and she was losing so much weight that my husband and I decided to switch to formula. Before switching to formula, I never felt an actual bond with her. That first bottle I fed her I actual felt that maternal pang and realized what I had been missing out on. It was the best decision we ever made and she absolutely thrived. She's now 3 and an absolutely perfect little girl.
My second was formula from birth (she just turned 1 yesterday!) and this new baby will be as well. You have to do what's right for you AND your baby. Fed is best
Here is a link to a great FAQ page regarding current legislation. Below the link I pasted the two questions that specifically talk about small businesses and businesses with less that 50 employees.
https://www.dol.gov/whd/nursingmothers/faqBTNM.htm
What types of employers are covered by the law?
ANSWER: All employers covered by the FLSA must comply with the break time for nursing mothers provision. As explained further below (see “Does the nursing mothers break time provision apply to small businesses?”), all such employers are subject to the FLSA break time requirement unless they have fewer than 50 employees and can demonstrate that compliance with the provision would impose an undue hardship.
Does the nursing mothers break time provision apply to small businesses?
ANSWER: All employers covered by the FLSA, regardless of the size of their business, are required to comply with this provision. However, employers with fewer than 50 employees are not subject to the FLSA break time requirement if the employer can demonstrate that compliance with the provision would impose an undue hardship. Whether compliance would be an undue hardship is determined by looking at the difficulty or expense of compliance for a specific employer in comparison to the size, financial resources, nature, or structure of the employer’s business.
Also I would like to add that as part of my policy research I learned that no one is enforcing this law, at least in my community. So even moms whose employers are covered by this law are having to advocate for themselves and fight for the time and space to pump that they have a legal right to. This finding may be specific to my region, I live in Washington state.
jpocnj- The best advice I ever received about BFing was to , "Feed your baby." Whether it's from a a bottle or breast, nutrition is always the goal. BFing is great and I plan to do it again with this baby. Once I set my routine, pumping wasn't a big deal. Like so many other personal choices we face as mothers, I encourage you to be well-informed and comfortable with the decision you make for your family. Mommy guilt is hard enough without being second guessed by family, well-intentioned friends, and strangers on the Internet.
This baby will be exactly the same. The nurses after my first labor tried to get me to latch DD, But I stayed firm in my choice not to. Don't let anyone make you feel bad. I have never felt bad about not BF. I'm thankful for formula and how it's let me raise my kids.
DD1 born 11/2014
DD2 born 6/2016
I BF my first for 15 months and it was rough at first, but he was a champion eater. He nursed around the clock and was an awful sleeper until 7 months. Then things were fine. With my second he gave up nursing at 7 months and we switched to formula with no problem. I felt zero guilt in switching. I plan to start with BF this one, but we will see how things go.
I'm a big BF supporter, but feeding your baby and keeping your baby healthy is what matters most. As long as you're doing that DON'T FEEL GUITLY!
She was an exclusive pumper, even though she's been a SAHM since her first child was born. And now that I've started researching breastfeeding and pumping and looking at feeding schedules it just seems even more insanely daunting to be an exclusive pumper! Like, you have to get up in the middle of the night and prep a bottle of bm, then you have to feed and change baby and get her back to sleep AND THEN you have to pump to make up for what the baby just ate. I just can't wrap my head around the thought of that.
BFP #4: 8/20/15 EDD: 4/26/18
I only mention the 6 weeks thing because I was inundated last time with many pro-BFing people telling me how the benefits are NEEDED for much longer. It adds to the guilt and I am not a fan of that.
But, I will say (and as you mentioned), pumping is insane. You essentially feed the baby twice (once to pump, once to actually feed). Moms who exclusively pump are my hero. But honestly I'm not sure it's something I could ever do. It's incredibly frustrating (of was for me) to pump and not get as much as I wanted/expected. Gah. Bad memories.
So I'm just trying to say that you don't need to pump/breastfeed in the middle of the night if you don't want to and can still have a productive & successful pumping/bf relationship during the day.
My point is, figure out what you want to do and if you're up for it, give BF a shot. I don't think working is a reason to not try at all - it's a factor, but not the only one. Ultimately, though, we make plans and then life happens, so don't beat yourself up or feel like you have to make any major decision/commitment now.
I do plan to BF but plan on my husband giving the baby a bottle of formula every night so that I can miss one feeding. My mom said it was the smartest thing she ever did because of bonding with my dad, her sleep (& sanity!), and being able to transition me easily when she stopped BF'ing.
As a FTM I don't have any experience- but will say not to feel guilty. A fed baby is a healthy baby whether they get BM or formula.
Baby #2 Due 3/7/20
I didn't know you were able to train your body into producing more during the day and less at night. I was under the impression that if you didn't pump fairly consistently that your supply would severly drop, or can you only train yourself once your supply is well established?
This time I really want to try again, but I currently on antidepressants that I can't BF on so I would need to get off of them before baby is born and I just have to weigh what is more important to me--which is a conversation I will have as we get closer to it with my husband and Doctor. And if I have to FF from the beginning this time, that's ok.
Everyone should do what is best for them and their family.
Edited to fix typo
Me: 29 / Hubster: 31
Married July 2010
DC #1 Oct 2013
DC #2 EDD June 2016
You need to do what works for you. Give it a try when the baby comes but don't feel pressured either way. It's hard enough having a baby without the whole breastmilk/formula stress.
Do not feel guilty. Never, never, never.
I didn't really want to breastfeed, but I decided I was going to anyway. It's hard to escape the "breast is best" extremist, and I felt a lot of peer pressure that convinced me I wouldn't be a good mother if I didn't at least try. So I did try... for 4 days.
My DD wouldn't latch properly because I have "flat nipples." Nipple shields came straight from hell. My milk never came in on one side. DD would scream and cry while we tried to breastfeed, and then would become perfectly content when we supplemented with formula. At one point I decided I would just pump exclusively... which resulted in me throwing pump parts across my living room, and my husband at the store buying formula.
We never looked back. Formula was by far the best decision we made for our family. It's different for everyone (I know plenty of people who love breastfeeding), and you won't truly know until your baby gets here. Breastfeeding just wasn't for me.
That being said - I have toyed with the idea of trying to breastfeed this baby. Maybe I'm just more comfortable as a mother now, but I feel more confident in at least attempting to try. We shall see!