Naming etiquette

yodiggity · January 2016

We are thinking of possibly using my sister's middle name for baby girl's middle name. I've heard you're not suppose to name a baby after a living relative but whatever. I love my sister dearly and the name flows really well. We haven't totally decided yet but if we do decide to do this, do I need to run it by her first? I don't *think* she would pass on the name (she already has one daughter and didn't pass it on) but she is getting married in a few months and is already TTC so should I make sure she hadn't planned on using it for a hypothetical future daughter? Or just tell her "we've decided to name baby xyz..." and see what she thinks?

Goldsgirl9 · January 2016

I would mention it to her and I think it's flattering! My sisters would be flattered if I chose one of their names for a middle name.

AGK2015 · January 2016

I don't think you have to mention it to her if you don't want to do so... It's super sweet, and will be just as sweet whether you mention it to her in advance our leave it as a surprise for when she meets her niece. Even if she were planning to hand the name down as a first name, and assuming you guys aren't comfortable with cousins who have the same first name, I feel like middle names have a little more wiggle room, so using it shouldn't put her out at all. I'm one who probably would hesitate to use the same first name as a close relative's kiddo, but both first names husband and I were ready to use already exist as middle names in our family (one close young cousin, one nephew).

AmadorRose · January 2016

I've never heard the dead relatives rule; this LO's mn will be after my living MIL; she is over the moon about it. Also, at least where I'm from, mn multiples are not a big deal. For example, my mn is Rose and I have 1 aunt and at least 7 female cousins with the same mn because it's a family name. Namesakes are a huge honor so I don't see why she would be offended.

sarahufl · January 2016

Are you Jewish? Jews are the only group I know of (and correct me if I am wrong) who follow the "don't name someone after someone who is living" rule.

If my sister chose my name as a middle name for her kids, I would be honored.

yodiggity · January 2016

It's not a family name. Actually, for some reason, of the three of us (brother and sister) she's the only one that didn't get a family name. It's a common name, Nicole. I wouldn't use it as a first name but it flows really well with baby's first name and I would like to give her someone's name. I don't care for my own middle name even though it's been passed down many times, my sister's has not.

proudparent2b · January 2016

Definitely wouldn't be an issue in my family. Everyone has convinced themselves that the child will be named after them (we're not choosing any family names). Personally, I would think you'd only have an issue if you were planning to use your sister's first or middle name as your daughter's first name.

kalanieileen · January 2016

I'm not sure why she would see it as a problem! It's a big compliment IMO. I would mention it to her since she is not done having children. My son will have my Dads first name as his middle, Lopaka. He's over the moon... Calls him "Little Lopaka" I'm curious to know where the dead relative rule has its origin !

emgee27 · January 2016

I agree that I only know my Jewish friends follow the rule of not naming after living family.

I'm Latina and I feel like we do the opposite! Kids are named after everyone and repeated often!

I think your sister would be flattered but if you're asking the question, you might just want to run it by her for peace of mind.

yodiggity · January 2016

yes, it's a Jewish thing I think.

Ready4theParty · January 2016

I wouldnt think twice and just go with it. DD1 shares my middle name, but it is very common, Ann, and it's a family tradition to give your first born daughter that middle name. DD2 will share her middle name with my mom, again popular, Elizabeth, but we picked it with my mom in mind.

spicedice · January 2016

@sarahufl That's actually only one group of Jews. One group thinks it's bad luck to name after the living, while another makes a point of naming their children after beloved living relatives.

Personally, if you aren't using it as a first name, then I just say go for it. Even if she plans on using it down the road, it's not like your kids would have the exact same name.

sarahufl · January 2016

fbanke42 said:

@sarahufl That's actually only one group of Jews. One group thinks it's bad luck to name after the living, while another makes a point of naming their children after beloved living relatives. Personally, if you aren't using it as a first name, then I just say go for it. Even if she plans on using it down the road, it's not like your kids would have the exact same name.

You learn something new every day! Where is the split?

spicedice · January 2016

@sarahufl It depends on what region the family is from. Central/Eastern European families think it is bad luck to name after the living, while Middle Eastern families name after the living. I actually only recently found this out. My dad's side of the family is part of the Eastern European group, so I grew up thinking it was weird that a kid was named after their living relative.

sarahufl · January 2016

fbanke42 said:

@sarahufl It depends on what region the family is from. Central/Eastern European families think it is bad luck to name after the living, while Middle Eastern families name after the living. I actually only recently found this out. My dad's side of the family is part of the Eastern European group, so I grew up thinking it was weird that a kid was named after their living relative.

Interesting. We are Catholic but I have a lot of Jewish friends, and my sister and her family are Jewish. They all live in south Florida but must come from Central/Eastern Europe because I know my sister's MIL made a big deal about it with their first.

AGK2015 · January 2016

yodiggity said:

It's not a family name. Actually, for some reason, of the three of us (brother and sister) she's the only one that didn't get a family name. It's a common name, Nicole. I wouldn't use it as a first name but it flows really well with baby's first name and I would like to give her someone's name. I don't care for my own middle name even though it's been passed down many times, my sister's has not.

I love this! This actually makes it even more special! By passing it along to your daughter, you're turning your sister's name into a family name for the first time... if you'll excuse me, I'll be over here in the corner melting into a giant puddle of sappy tears.

straw006 · January 2016

I love that!! I would hope your sister feels honored. I have two sisters and I am doing the same. Our daughters middle name will be my youngest sisters middle name. It flows beautifully❤️

yodiggity · January 2016

AGK2015 said:

yodiggity said:

It's not a family name. Actually, for some reason, of the three of us (brother and sister) she's the only one that didn't get a family name. It's a common name, Nicole. I wouldn't use it as a first name but it flows really well with baby's first name and I would like to give her someone's name. I don't care for my own middle name even though it's been passed down many times, my sister's has not.

I love this! This actually makes it even more special! By passing it along to your daughter, you're turning your sister's name into a family name for the first time... if you'll excuse me, I'll be over here in the corner melting into a giant puddle of sappy tears.

hahahaha aww

Adalinda14 · January 2016

I have the other side of this problem. My brother named his boy and girl, both first and middle, after close family. My lo will have mil's middle name, but her own first, no one else in either family has this name. My family thinks it's really weird and keeps suggesting other names, but dh and I are standing firm. It's a name I've always wanted for a girl. Is this just as weird? I agree with others on yours, I'd be honored, but would think it's required to avoid or do. She's your little girl, her name is up to you!

spicedice · January 2016

Adalinda14 said:
I have the other side of this problem. My brother named his boy and girl, both first and middle, after close family. My lo will have mil's middle name, but her own first, no one else in either family has this name. My family thinks it's really weird and keeps suggesting other names, but dh and I are standing firm. It's a name I've always wanted for a girl. Is this just as weird? I agree with others on yours, I'd be honored, but would think it's required to avoid or do. She's your little girl, her name is up to you!

Almost all of our names aren't family names. This LO will be Vincent, and there isn't a single V name in either family tree. In general, DH and I like to pick names that start with the same letter as a relative, but that is it. If we ever have a girl, we picked an L first name and and E middle name. Both my paternal grandmother and DH's paternal grandmother have L first names. His maternal grandmother has an E name, along with my mother's middle name.

AmadorRose · January 2016

Adalinda14 said:
I have the other side of this problem. My brother named his boy and girl, both first and middle, after close family. My lo will have mil's middle name, but her own first, no one else in either family has this name. My family thinks it's really weird and keeps suggesting other names, but dh and I are standing firm. It's a name I've always wanted for a girl. Is this just as weird? I agree with others on yours, I'd be honored, but would think it's required to avoid or do. She's your little girl, her name is up to you!

Not weird at all, IMO. None of my 14 nieces and nephews have a first name after family (though all the mn's are) and DH refuses to use family names as first names, because his family is Hispanic and he feels it would be too typical and the names too common. It's weird that families try to push names on babies that aren't theirs, IMO.

MariaSara1134 · January 2016

My baby's middle name will be the same as my Dad's, he doesn't know but I'm hoping he likes it. It's also a very common name though, Michael. And as for the Latinos name thing, yes lol my first name is Maria. It's also my mom's first name, my grandma/great grandma's and all my aunts' first names too

ivyvines6 · January 2016

All six of us (me and my siblings) are named after living family members. Only one who feels shafted is the one who's first name was named after someone, but she goes by her middle name instead. Marjorie Hope.

SandiMarie23 · January 2016

We are doing the same thing for our girl, she will have my sister's mn and SIL'S mn. My sister is the only one in the family without a family name so I want to make it a family name for her. We have told her we are doing this but even if we didn't I think she would have been ok with it.

cmjenkies · January 2016

I was planning on using my sis' MN for LO as well, until we decided on a first name that started with the same letter and the whole thing is too sing-songy. Still considering it for future babes though. I say go for it! I'd be flattered x a million.

cmjenkies · January 2016

Speaking of, I don't know why I never posted this on TB, but back in late Oct/early Nov, my cousin had a legit "surprise baby." Like, she went to hospital in excruciating abdominal pain thinking her appendix burst and found out she was 36+ weeks pregnant with absolutely zero indication. Her (now) fiancé was told he had a less than 5% chance of ever having children. It was like something off of the television. After her son was born, I was told that she had considered using my mom's name as a first name for a baby girl. My mom passed in 1999. I was surprisingly not upset about it, as I am not currently planning on using her name for one of my children - maybe some variation as a middle. I was a bit surprised that they didn't ask first though to check - although I hadn't spilled the beans about this pregnancy yet at that point.

cortney626 · January 2016

I would probably let her know you'd like to use her middle name. I don't think there's any issue and would imagine she'd be honored. Even if she was to name any future daughter with the same middle name, it's ok for cousins to have the same MN. If I was to have a boy, we thought of using the MN's from DH's side (for the first name) and the MN's from my dad's side. I have a brother with that middle name and he'd pass it down to any future son as well. So if we both had boys, cousins would have the same middle and my brother didn't care. He liked that I wanted to pass it down. My MN is made up of my mom's middle (Rae) and my aunt's middle (Anne).

emgee27 · January 2016

Adalinda14 said:

I have the other side of this problem. My brother named his boy and girl, both first and middle, after close family. My lo will have mil's middle name, but her own first, no one else in either family has this name. My family thinks it's really weird and keeps suggesting other names, but dh and I are standing firm. It's a name I've always wanted for a girl. Is this just as weird? I agree with others on yours, I'd be honored, but would think it's required to avoid or do. She's your little girl, her name is up to you!

^^^ I think you answered your own question!

I don't think it's weird at all but I get why you're hearing it if it's a cultural thing. We are team green but I know my family would be slightly surprised if we had a boy and didn't either 1) name the baby after my husband (he's already a junior and hates it) or 2) name the baby after my dad. It's for sure a cultural thing on this end. For the record, no first name will be after anyone, it will be a totally fresh name. Middle name, we are completely undecided.

shtjustgotreal · January 2016

I am using my brother's MN (Dean) for this LO (even though it's a girl). I asked if he minded very early on before I even found out the gender if he minded if I used his MN as a MN as well (not sure if he's done having kids and don't want to rob him of a full blown Jr. if he winds up having a boy later on). He seemed honored I asked, but I haven't brought it back up to him since. I'm sure he thinks I've changed my mind by now, especially being that I've since found out I'm having a girl, but I'll let it be a semi surprise in the end that I actually used his MN.

Perhaps ask how she'd feel if that were a possibility and gauge her reaction? But I agree with several other PPs... it is a common name and youre using it as a MN. unless there's some sort of common practice for naming a child after the mother that I don't know about, (like there is for Jr.) I think it's such a sweet idea and your sister should feel honored you are using her name!

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