Family drama-small kids around baby

Kteems11 · January 2016

How would be the proper way to handle telling my husbands step mother that she cannot bring my niece to the delivery? She is only 4. I do not get along with SMIL first off. We are like oil and water. She's ruined every family event that has ever been about me including part of my wedding. I don't think it's unreasonable for me not to want her to bring another 4 year old to the birth. I don't even want my SMIL there but I know that's not nice. I have a 4 year old step daughter and I just want my family present. I want my husband step daughter and our new baby all together that first day. It's my first baby my first expirence and my step daughter has been so excited for her little brother I want the focus to be on my family not the fact that her cousin she can actually play with is in the waiting room. PLUS my niece just got over strep throat and a sinus infection last week. The thought of anyone coming around my baby breathing on him after he is just born makes my skin crawl. I've been on immuno suppressant drugs the whole pregnancy and I don't know how much that has suppressed my sons immune system as well. Tell me I'm not being a crazy pregnant women. I know my husband just wants to keep everyone happy but I just am not comfortable with having other kids that aren't mine around after birth.

Plus I'm already having to cave on everyone being in the waiting room already. I wanted just parents and grandparents there at the last second and everyone has decided they are going to be there all day and night if needed. I do not like being center of attention I don't do well in pain and I don't want to have to entertain. I know l&d will be the bad guys if needed but still I just want to avoid conflict all together.

SummerOH · January 2016

I will never understand everyone wanting to mill around the room or waiting room. It's a birth, not a damn movie! I get moms and MILs, but not everyone and their brother.

Anyway, tell her that hospital policy is no kids under 12 in the room other than immediate family (stepdaughter) and no visitors that have been recently ill. Honestly, though, I think it's really your husband's responsibility to put her in her place. He needs to be more concerned about you and less about making people happy. This is a special moment for your family that you will only get once. Having someone who stresses you out in the room can delay labor and cause you more pain. It's YOUR body and baby. Not hers. There is no way in hell I'd be trying to keep the peace in this situation. Screw that noise!

Is not telling anyone until the very end an option? "Oh things just went so quickly..."

Monilee1017 · January 2016

First look into hospital policy. My hospital doesn't allow any nonsibilings under the age of 12. So if this is the case with your hospital you aren't the bad guy. If it's not hospital policy I would have husband deal with it, it is his family.

sarahbeara25 · January 2016

I think my hospital actually has a no one under a certain age except siblings rule, and I think it is to minimize exposure. But even if your hospital doesn't I would use it. Say that it is irresponsible to have someone who has just been sick come to the L+D ward. Because even if your baby isn't immune compromised there may be babies who are, or recovering C-section Mommies and you don't want to introduce potential germs. My fiance is loading up on cold meds right now (which he NEVER does) because he doesn't want to even have a slight cold when we go in, if he was sicker he's told me he's not comfortable being present for the birth (we talked about this a while back when he had strep). As much as it would suck to not have him there it's not worth introducing disease to the environment; for me, baby, and others in labour.

Sorry you're going through this. I too have had to cave to the waiting room debate. My parents are coming in (2 hrs so not far) and my mum is going to be with me and Fiance for the delivery so my Dad and younger brother plan on chilling in the waiting room, my sister is in town but she works at the hospital so the furthest any of them will let themselves be is in her office (because God forbid they go hang out at her house). So it seems unfair to ban the In-laws even though they're in town and could easily wait at home. I'm really hoping that they understand that their daughter had very quick labour (first took 3 hours, second took 2) and that most FTM's are not quick, but they keep saying if they don't come right away they'll miss it... Blah...

Anywho Good Luck

I hope it all works itself out

kmo8986 · January 2016

Definitely check out the hospital rule, it may be something they can't even be mad at you about. My 4 year old niece was not allowed to visit when my son was born.

Emott13 · January 2016

I think PPs have given lots of good advice, so I'm just here to say: no! You are not being unreasonable. So often people get so wrapped up in the birth of a grandbaby/niece/nephew/etc that they forget that this is YOUR thing. It's great that they all want to be there and support you and meet baby. That's way better than having everyone upset or displeased with your pregnancy. But in the end, it is YOUR pregnancy. And YOUR birth. That means you get to make the rules.

JoJoMama730 · January 2016

I second the other comments. Giving birth is unpredictable and you can't always plan every detail, but you certainly have every right to control who is in the room with you. I am not "inviting" my step-mother, but I do want my mother with me. If step-mother doesn't like it, well, I'm sorry, but I'm not excluding her in order to be hurtful, and she should really be respectful of my choices. I hope you can find a happy place in all this. With my first child, I did what a PP suggested, and didn't even call my dad and step-mom until after the baby was here. I may do the same this time.

Kteems11 · January 2016

Thanks ladies. I had a super emotional morning over this. My hospital does have the no one under 16 rule but being a hospital employee my husband knows l&d will break any rule I ask. But once I talked to him he completely supported me and told them no kids! Such a relief. Normally I wouldn't have minded being the bad person but I would have heard about this in 25-30 years when my kids are having kids ya know. I hope I'm not the only person who's super emotional this week.

EvaD84 · January 2016

I'm an aussie delivering privately in malaysia and hospital states noone under 12 yrs old or sick people are allowed in l&d ward because of superbug risk etc...

My hubby's family are very friendly and supportive but i don't want his young niece/nephews there who are 5 yr olds etc as they get so rowdy and naughty and right after u've given birth, u just want time alone.

Hubby said last week that he wants to wait till i'm discharged from hospital before telling his family that we have had a healthy baby girl as he doesn't want to spend time entertaining his siblings etc... He just wants to cuddle his newborn.

If family get shitty about that, thats their bloody problem

Latina211508 · January 2016

At my hospital there are no kids allowed under 12 after delivery unless they are your own. I would just say absolutely no. Be upfront and honest about how you feel.

stephanienjer · January 2016

At our hospital, the OB nurses will enforce your rules like they are theirs. Meaning, if you don't want someone there, they'll make it look like it's their policy.
But it does sound like your husband may need man up. This is probably the biggest event you'll have from this point on . If he can't take a stand for you on this, what about all the years ahead of you?

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