Unsolicited advice

nc79 · January 2016

Hi all. I'm 9w pregnant with my first. So far we have only told family the news (we have a rather large family). While they are all loving and very supportive and very excited, I'm already finding we are getting a lot of advice, ways we should be doing things, dos and don'ts etc. I don't want to be rude, but I just want people to be happy and not rattle off advice. Any way to politely tell people to just be happy and back off with the advice? For example some family is trying to pressure us in telling the names we picked or trying to influence our choices. We have names but plan on keeping surprises.

MrsWeh · January 2016

It's really hard to tell people to stop giving you advice without them taking it the wrong way. I just smile and nod. As far as wanting to keep baby names to yourself they should respect your wishes. You may just need to remind them a few times. Once they realize you are sticking to your guns they should leave you alone.

SkiChic626 · January 2016

There's really no "nice" way to tell people to STFU when it comes to advice. Once you tell people this is your first pregnancy they'll have lots of it...just smile and nod. Sometimes I would say, well XYZ has changed in the past number of years so now it's OK/Not OK to do that. As for the name, they should respect that. We kept DD's name a secret and plan on keeping this one's name a secret, as well. I personally don't need to hear opinions either way, I want to like what I like without others' influence. People need to understand and respect that even if they think it's annoying, which is what a lot of people said to us when we wouldn't tell the name. How is that annoying?!? When our parents started to guess names I would just say "yup, that's it!" every time and eventually they stopped lol.

lalalorelai · January 2016

H and I already have a list of absolutely ridiculous names we're going to use if people bug us about what names we're planning on using. MIL has "named" two of her grandchildren while they were still fetuses already, and both times the mother caved and went along with it.

Let the games begin.

MrsWeh · January 2016

lalalorelai said:

H and I already have a list of absolutely ridiculous names we're going to use if people bug us about what names we're planning on using. MIL has "named" two of her grandchildren while they were still fetuses already, and both times the mother caved and went along with it.

Let the games begin.

Wow- that blows my mind. My MIL tried to name my first baby, all it did was make me resent the name she picked out.

1faceinacrowd · January 2016

Welcome to pregnancy. It only gets worse as you grow, and once the baby comes. One time, I was walking through a Walgreens with my then-18-month-old and she was carrying a baggy full of puffs (these little bite-sized snacks they make for toddlers that melt in their mouth). Some random lady walked over and started yelling at me about how kids that age should not be eating popcorn and I should be ashamed of myself. After about 30 seconds of crazy, I interrupted her by pulling the Puffs container out of my purse and putting it right in front of her face and said, "it's not popcorn, you moron, but thanks for your input." and she quietly apologized before power walking in the other direction.
My best friend has been giving me "advice" during this pregnancy too, mostly about my eating. When she sees me have some sort of snack (she's seen me eat two popsicles one day, and a couple of thin mint cookies another day), she tells me I should "watch out" because she doesn't want me to gain too much. She gained 40 pounds and had gestational diabetes during her pregnancy because she ate a GIANT bowl of ice cream Every Single Night lol; I gained 23 pounds with my first pregnancy because I snacked in moderation and did prenatal yoga (doing the exact same thing this time around too) so it drives me crazy when she gives me eating advice, especially since I lost all of the baby weight and then some by 6 weeks postpartum last time, and I'm a perfectly healthy weight.

bearsandbeets7 · January 2016

Everyone is an expert in their mind I've found that letting them say what they want and moving on works pretty well for me. Then again my family and DH family knows they can say whatever they want but I'll still do what I wanna do.

kattyleigh · January 2016

All I can add is that it only multiplies after you actually give birth to the kid. Be open to suggestions from experienced people but find ways to tactfully disagree. Lol.

cm716 · January 2016

We name our kids at the hospial. People kept pressuring us for a name for dd2 and we really didn't have one. Even after she was born, she was nameless for 24 hours. So, for that aspect, i would politely listen to suggestions and then tell mil that you aren't picking a name until you see baby's face. She can't really argue with that.

(dd2 did finally get a name, Ella)

bananers · January 2016

Agree with the others that the advice only gets worse once the baby is here. Now is a great time to practice the smile and saying "thanks for the advice."

As for the names, we didn't tell anyone last time, even our own parents. I liked having just that between us and we'll be doing that again. I think it's easier to be firm on that when it's black and white - don't tell anyone. Once you tell a couple people you get pressured into telling others.

imakeeff0rts · January 2016

Just smile and nod...and ignore it.

I promise you that it probably won't get better once your LO arrives.

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