How do I break it off?

alyjmac · January 2016

I've thought long and hard about it and I feel being with SO isn't the best choice for my happiness. He's a good dad and can be so sweet but I can't get over a lot of things.
We never talk out our problems, which is what I need. He just brushes it off and it's never talked about again. He's cheated on me and left me for another in the past (before pregnancy). Just over a month ago I caught him talking to his exs saying stuff like "never know, might see you around

" and being so secretive. Then when I confronted him he blamed me. I just can't trust that it won't happen again.

I just don't know how to tell him. I hate break ups and I always end up caving in and saying I didn't mean it. Any advice?

ChristaG22 · January 2016

So sorry you have to go through this, but congrats to you for being strong enough to do what you need to do. I left my husband while pregnant and it was the best decision I made. My advice is to get your support system in place. Gather those who love you around you and let them know that you will need their love and support during this time. Don't be afraid to tell people the truth, when you are feeling vulnerable, sad or afraid. Talk, talk, talk and write it down too. Writing is really helpful I find. I just put it all on paper and then try to let it go for as long as I can. Also, I've found that In order to truly let someone go, I have to cut them out of my of my life until I am strong enough to resist them. So I would have communication filtered through someone until you feel strong enough, as you can't cut the father out completely I imagine. And if he is a good dad, you wouldn't want to do that anyway.
Again, I commend you for making this tough choice, stay strong and when you can't, have other people share their strenght with you.

Xo

ginaannechelan · January 2016

Find your out. Make your plan and stick to your guns. I wouldn't tell him until everything is in order and you're ready to walk away at that moment, even if it ends up being a trial -- or more permanent.

We've had some real underlying issues similar to yours. I blame DH for a lot of my unhappiness, but I go back to the fact that a lot of it is the season of life we are in with family, jobs, and making this house our home.

Stay strong, momma. Always choose happiness.

mamadeez · January 2016

Make a plan for the first few months after the break and have things in place before you enter into that emotional time. It will make things easier.

Blaming others, specifically you, for the choices he makes is basically stating that he is not in control of his actions, which is false. You may be frustrating him or whatever but he is responsible for communicating his feelings and for any actions/ reactions he chooses (such as talking to his ex in that way). Don't fall for him blaming you. Taking responsibility for your part in it doesn't mean taking responsibility for his choices too!

Try and have as civil a conversation as possible. Try not to blame him and make "I" statements instead of "you" statements. Remember, this is for you, not because of him!

ElleKH · January 2016

Coming from someone who is also terrible with break-ups, my advice to you is to be honest. Whenever I broke up with anyone in the past, I always sugar-coated everything and laid the blame on myself, thinking I was making it easier on the other person. Please don't do this! You're leaving for good reason and he should know why for his own self-improvement and for the happiness of anyone else he ends up with in the future. By telling the truth, you will be doing everyone a favor.

I also love PP's idea of writing everything down. Anytime a friend is going through a break-up, I advise the same: write down the reasons why you are choosing to end it. Because it's so easy to look back and see only the good. Humans are lovely that way, but you need to remember why you chose to go. If you write it down, it will be easier to recall.

You've gotten lots of good advice already, and from some who have gone through the same. Stay strong, mama. You can do this. I wish you luck, happiness, and someday, a great big love. Until then, you have your LO, who will love you for a lifetime.

mel0601 · January 2016

Just take a deep breath and go for it. It will be the toughest descision you ever make but in time you will realise it was the best choice.
For months my relationship with my ex was deteriorating. Little did I know it was because of a very serious drug habit. I was "blissfully" unaware of it. He was also selling.
I was a stay at home mum, expecting our second child when one morning I walked in on him smoking meth. He was nothing like the media portrays . Never violent. Just distant. No sores on his face. Looked completely normal! . Although he did lose weight fast. But I put that down to a new vigorous job.....

After I found out about his secret life I was broken and didn't know what in the world I was going to do. One morning, I literally woke up, paled mine and my sons clothes, a baby bassinet and walked out the front door leaving our beautiful family home, perfectly renovated brand new nursery, my sons perfect room and a home he'd only ever knew, and the life I always dreamed of. And drove thousands of miles away to fight tooth and nail to put our lives back together, before my daughter came. Why? Because I knew this wasn't the life I wanted for my children. Or myself. We deserve better. I would later find out he is facing jail time. His involvement goes deeper than I ever dreamed.

You can do it honey. You can. Just have faith. Your bubba needs a happy mama first and foremost! You deserve so much better!

Just close your eyes. Take that deep breath, and go for it.
Mothers are a force to be reckoned with when their backs are against a wall!
I believe in you!

How do I break it off?

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