Not feeling as connected to baby #2

Re: Not feeling as connected to baby #2

• kristib1027 member

  January 2016

  Give it time. It's more common than what we think, we just don't often hear about it. You still love your child, you don't want to abandon her, right? There is love there, it's just taking its time to grow. My mother admitted that she didn't bond with me either right away (I was her 3rd.) my older brothers had just been lost due to divorce and custody battle and this depression made it hard for her to believe that she wouldn't lose me too. She admitted it took a few months and it was a random thing one day, that it clicked and she felt that bond. Be open to someone you can trust around you like your Husband, Doctor, parents or therapist about your feelings. You admit it may be because you don't get the time with her like you did with your first so be patient.

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• Bombmom3 member

  January 2016

  This is completely normal and may or may not have something to do with this being your second child and worried about your time with #1. Contrary to popular belief, not every mom and baby have the insta-bond that is romanticized in Lifetime specials and in the minds of pregnant women across America. Sometimes the bond is in fact instant and sometimes it can take awhile (you didn't fall for you husband in the first ten seconds you saw him, right?). As long as you care for your baby and are not having thoughts of abandoning them or harming them or that you intensely dislike or even hate them (these are signs of PPD and should be addressed ASAP) then you shouldn't beat yourself up about it - it will click eventually.
  
  Also, keep in mind your feelings and your relationship with *any* child will be different than with any other. I just had #3 and while you don't love one more than the other you certainly do love them differently. Each child is an individual and you will have a totally different relationship with each one.

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• dec15mum member

  January 2016

  It's totally normal! My mum told me she never bonded with my brother as quick as she did my other brother. But as a PP said it was one thing they did one day that clicked for them and she felt the bond. For my mum it was when he first laughed

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• Mizuiro007 member

  January 2016

  I struggled with it more this time. I think a combination of things going on. I felt DS so much when I was pregnant that by the time he was born I felt a bond. It evolved after he was born but I just felt it so much sooner and differently. This pregnancy I was so busy with DS and having an anterior placenta, I didn't ever feel her the same or get the time to just focus on her and being pregnant. Then when she was born I felt some disbelief and just kind of disconnected.
  
  What has helped me is overnight feedings. DS is asleep then so it's just me and DD and I can focus on just the two of us. I'm getting to know her without being focused on her brother and it's made such a difference. I'm feeling like I get her cues so much better and how different her needs are from what his ever were. Then yesterday morning I was sitting with her and just talking before DS got up and she smiled for me. Not just the little gas smile but eyes wide open big cheesy grin. I was so happy I started tearing up and something just clicked.
  
  So yes, sometimes it just takes more time but I think it also takes a little effort. It gets easier as they're older too, I think. We get used to them as they're older and they have this whole big personality. Newborns are still squishy little blobs that don't do much yet.

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• redfallon member

  January 2016

  Some of mine is that with DD, she is my first baby, and everything was new, and I was worried about little things that I didn't know. With DS, I've been through it before, so where I would've worried with DD, I'm like "eh, he's fine" with DS. I can also put him down more than I could her. She screamed if I wasn't holding her. He's cool with relaxing in the bouncer chair. I also had 100% of my attention available for DD, which I don't have for DS. When she goes back to preschool this week, we will have two days a week with just me and DS, and I think that will help things, too. 

  Jamie

  
  

  
  

   

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• rockinmathchic member

  January 2016

  I also think this is normal. I felt the same way about my first. He was a premie carted away to the NICU right after birth and I was extremely sick. Once I was feeling somewhat better and was able to see and hold him about 36 hours after delivery I just didn't feel it. It took a couple weeks, pretty much right after we were able to take him home from the hospital. With my DD, I went full term and there were no complications and I was able to do skin to skin almost immediately. I immediately felt a bond with her. With me I think it was how different each experience was, but don't worry, I think it will just take time and you may realize, like a PP said that you just love them differently, not more or less.

  Married - 10/10/2009

  DS - Due 11/3/2012 born 9/28/2012 due to Severe Preeclampsia and HELLP Syndrome

  DD - EDD 12/30/15

  "I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou|| [url=http;//www.fertilityfriend.com]Ovulation Chart[/url|| <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation Chart</
  

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• JulieK79 member

  January 2016

  Thanks ladies for making me feel normal and not as guilty. Having a toddler to keep up with and making sure he still gets my time while trying to bond with a newborn is definitely different than just focusing on a newborn. Thanks for reassuring me that it will just take a bit of time this time around.

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• eliseandbaby member

  January 2016

  I just had my first & was so worried because I don't feel the huge rush of love towards her that ppl said I would and it makes me feel horribly guilty so thank you for posting this.

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• esscapelle member

  January 2016

  eliseandbaby said:

  I just had my first & was so worried because I don't feel the huge rush of love towards her that ppl said I would and it makes me feel horribly guilty so thank you for posting this.

  Same here. I'm not an overly emotional person to begin with, but thought there was something wrong with me anyway for not having this huge overwhelming feeling after birth. Glad someone started this thread to show the many emotions a mom may feel - all of which are normal!

  
  
  
  
  
  

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