LGBT Parenting
Noellee2005
member
I'm new...is anyone here?
Noellee2005
member
Good evening,
I was going to introduce myself, but it appears that this board may be inactive. Does anyone still participate here? I've done some lurking in recent weeks and I think I saw something about another board or group..? I'd really like to find a supportive group (to whom I may also offer support!) as my wife and I prepare to have a baby. Thanks, and good luck to anyone who's around!
I was going to introduce myself, but it appears that this board may be inactive. Does anyone still participate here? I've done some lurking in recent weeks and I think I saw something about another board or group..? I'd really like to find a supportive group (to whom I may also offer support!) as my wife and I prepare to have a baby. Thanks, and good luck to anyone who's around!
Re: I'm new...is anyone here?
My wife and I have been ttc since August. Doing IUIs tomorrow and Thursday. I have PCOS so I've also been on the infertility board, but I'm not sure if you are still trying or have already conceived (in which case the infertility board my not be a great option). Maybe we can just start this board up again. :-)
Either way, i wish you and your wife the best during your journey!
08/2015 at home IUI = BFN
IUI #4 - 08/2016 - 100MG Clomid + Ovidrel = ???
Good luck!!
RE DX for me: Anovulatory cycles/Mild PCOS RE DX for DW: Endometrioma on left Ovary.
Reciprocal Ivf Feb 2016. DW eggs and I am carrying. EDD: 10/27/16
Tuesday was our first appointment with the fertility specialist. She plans to carry (as long as everything goes well), so she had some prenatal blood tests and an ultrasound to ensure everything looks good for baby-making and cooking.
You said you and your wife have been trying since August? How did your IUI go today? I'm crossing my fingers for you that this is your month! I do have some other questions about your experience and the process in general, but I don't want to be too forward, so I'll wait to see your response.
Take care!
I'm not sure what issues other than AMH levels there may be just based on age. Hopefully she has a good egg reserve and you guys can continue forward without any major issues. Are you shooting for IUI first or going straight to IVF?
My IUI went great, some major cramping
Later on in the day that i suspect was ovulation pain. Please feel free to ask, i know how much it helped me back in August (and i still continue to learn everyday).
08/2015 at home IUI = BFN
IUI #4 - 08/2016 - 100MG Clomid + Ovidrel = ???
Our plan is to try via IUI. Have you been using medication for it? Our plan is you start next month without any medication, and the doctor said that if we're unsuccessful after three tries, we may look into medication.
Thanks in advance for answering my questions. I know everybody is different, but I do find it interesting to learn about others' journeys. I hope you're no longer cramping and that this is the one that works for you. What an amazing new year it would be for you!
Here's our history. DW and I are both 28. For the past couple of years I've been working on getting my cycles in order. PCOS results in hormonal imbalances. It is more specifically diagnosed with lack of menstral cycles (i would get my period once or twice a year....sounds amazing at first, but it really kicked my butt causing a lot of depression) and having multiple cysts on the ovaries that resemble a pearl necklace (among other things). With regards to fertility, i have a high ovarian reserve but because my hormones are so wacky, the follicles either take forever or never actually do mature, so I rarely ovulate on my own. The RE has me on medication that increases estrogen to mature the follocles and then a trigger shot that basically makes my body ovulate, and helps with timing of IUIs.
Back in August we tried to do an IUi at home. However, even though we thought we had done a ton of research, we still didn't really understand how it all works. OPKs aren't too reliable for women with PCOS (can give false positives) so that cycle ended up being very poorly timed. I didn't O until 1.5 weeks after the IUI...wish we would've known then what we know now lol.
Jump to the next cycle, we had to wait on Sept. B/c i had my first meet with the RE and we wanted to make sure everything was in working order. Had HSG, b/w and u/s done. Also had chicken pox booster (since apparently i wasn't immune). So we skipped that month. Had a medicated cycle Oct-Nov and had first well timed IUI in Nov, BFN for that one. This month is our "second" IUI and are currently in the TWW. Cramping has gone away, have a little nausea and twinges here and there but not feeling too unnormal now.
We decided to go with an anonymous donor from a bank. Didn't really have any family or friends that either weren't in relationships, or would be mature enough for us to trust that he wouldn't try pulling "well that's my kid too" down the line. The vials are adding up but hopefully we wont have to go through too many tries before being successful :-) This would be our first child. Hopefully down the line for the second we'd like to try IVF with her eggs and I carry her child.
Are you seeing an RE or OB/GYN? My recommendation, if your insurance covers it or you can afford it, is to see an RE since this is there specialty, or at least when you are ready to start with meds because they will monitor her very closely to make sure she is responding to the meds and make timing IUIs ideal. OBs don't usually monitor as well as REs do. Also, just make sure that you find out where her AMH levels are (ovarian reserve) since she is 36. AMH levels drop drastically year by year after a certain age and I would hate for you guys to try a couple of months without meds or close monitoring if she has a low reserve. I also recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni W (something...can't remember her last name). I was so suprised to learn how much i didn't know on just my own reproductive system and menstral cycles.
Sorry for such a long post. :-)
08/2015 at home IUI = BFN
IUI #4 - 08/2016 - 100MG Clomid + Ovidrel = ???
08/2015 at home IUI = BFN
IUI #4 - 08/2016 - 100MG Clomid + Ovidrel = ???
I'm thinking I should definitely read the book you suggested since the female reproductive system is proving to be more complicated than I had originally thought.
My wife has not had the X-ray, and I'm unsure if the prenatal testing last week included AMH levels. I guess I thought I was more informed than I am...
The good news is that we are working with an RE. Bad news is that while insurance pays for most of the fertility testing, we live in a State that does not cover treatment.
Like you, we are going through a bank for our donor. We're currently sperm shopping, and it's so weird - it feels a little like how I think online dating would be.
Anyhow, no worries about the long post. I appreciate your openness and advice. It is nice to talk with someone who's going through a similar process. Hopefully not too much longer for you, though!
I am really glad it didn't work, bc it really isn't the "fairy tale" knowing who the donor is. (I can go into that more later lol). We will only buy sperm from now on!
I am 32 and the RE suggested we skip iui at my age and with pcos. The risk of overstimulation and possibly multiple babies is very high. (Think: quadruplets and having to do a reduction surgery, no way!)
We decided we would pursue ivf. With the cost of donor sperm and iui, it seemed financially more feasible for us to just do one try at ivf. The success rate of iui is still only about 20% and we were so scared we would do iui a few times then still need ivf.
Also, we decided since we were doing ivf that I could carry DW eggs! We have done all the testing, I did my mock cycle, and we are waiting until Jan 8 to find out our protocol and the next steps!
No matter how you try, do what is best for you and YW. We all have different reasons why we choose how we try. Good luck! You can ask all the questions you need. Looks like between the two of us, we can tell you about at home, iui, or ivf!
RE DX for me: Anovulatory cycles/Mild PCOS RE DX for DW: Endometrioma on left Ovary.
Reciprocal Ivf Feb 2016. DW eggs and I am carrying. EDD: 10/27/16
In the last several weeks, I've been lurking this board and others, and I see that PCOS is much more common than I thought it was. How discouraging, particularly for women in same-sex relationships, to have this added barrier to starting a family.
Now that you've decided to do IVF though, you must be excited to begin the process! Especially carrying your DW's eggs. That will be so special! Definitely crossing my fingers for you to get good news on Jan. 8th for your next steps! My wife and I actually had an extra surge of baby love today as my SIL gave birth to our first niece. Baby Caitlin was conceived via IVF during BIL's and SIL's first try. I hope that is what happens for you!
Since our consultation, my wife has ovulated (thankfully, her cycle is like clockwork) and we selected our donor (what an interesting/funny experience!) so we expect to try our first IUI in mid-to-late January.
Because we're in the beginning stages of the process, I'm still feeling pretty naive about everything. However, I'm starting to realize how much we actually have going against us. While we are not facing PCOS, we are dealing with frozen sperm and my wife's age (36). I'm trying not to let myself get too excited, but I'd like to remain cautiously optimistic until we don't have a reason to be. No doubt that first TWW will be full of supercharged emotions.
*Edited because I accidentally posted before finishing
Well wishes to all!
08/2015 at home IUI = BFN
IUI #4 - 08/2016 - 100MG Clomid + Ovidrel = ???
How are you feeling!? Did you take your test before your TWW was up? Did you have any symptoms beforehand? What a fantastic start to your new year, and I hope you continue to keep us posted on your journey!!!
Similarly, my wife and I are in our mid-thirties, and so we're well aware that age isn't on our side. We will try IUI in a couple of weeks (today is my wife's CD 1), but I'm not discouraged yet, because we haven't faced a lot of the challenges others have already as this will be our first attempt.
@angelicac06 Congratulations on your baby boy! It looks like the board is picking up a little bit. I'd love to hear about your journey to parenthood!
I've been SUPER exhausted. I had fatigue, minor cramping and pulling sensations (that I thought could have been PMS) and sore boobs (which also thought was PMS). BIG TRIGGER was the fatigue. I couldn't manage to feel well rested even after a long nights sleep.
Second Beta came in at 1467, so I believe I'm 5 weeks today and seem to be progressing well, have my first ultrasound on Monday :-D
Is your wife taking medication this round for the IUI or just monitoring at home with OPK?
@angelicac06 congratulations on the birth of your new baby boy! It's so great to have you here and look forward to hearing more about your experiences.
08/2015 at home IUI = BFN
IUI #4 - 08/2016 - 100MG Clomid + Ovidrel = ???
08/2015 at home IUI = BFN
IUI #4 - 08/2016 - 100MG Clomid + Ovidrel = ???
How does everyone feel about re-starting the weekly checkins (seperate pregnacy/ttc/parenting threads)?
Hope you're feeling less tired than when you last checked in. Love your story about how you showed your wife - too funny! You really got to surprise her! When are you due?
How long do you plan to wait before telling family and friends (if you haven't yet already)? Do you plan to find out the sex ahead of time? I know you had been trying for some time to get pregnant, so had you already purchased some baby stuff for your home?
V should be ovulating late next week, so we'll be trying our first IUI. Lots of feelings about it - excited, scared, happy, apprehensive, cautious... It is unmedicated, so we'll see what happens. Fortunately, we're both quite busy at work right now, so that will at least distract during the weekdays of our TWW.
One funny thing did happen this week, though. Our fertility clinic has several locations throughout our region and has relationships with certain cryobanks. We were informed that if we opted to use a donor from one of those banks, we would not have to pay shipping/handling, because one of the doctors is kind enough to transport donor sperm each month when he travels the from the main clinic to our location. We knew that his next visit would be this past Tuesday, the 12th, barring any inclement weather, of course. So, last weekend, I was watching the weather like a crazy person, and OF COURSE, a nice snowstorm was predicted for our area. On Transport Day. We were lucky that the storm's timing did not affect the doctor's travels, and I am happy to say that our goodies are now in the same State with us...I know, because I called the next day to make sure. And, my wife has been making fun of me this week for being a protective "parent."
@L&V2016 ... not as tired anymore but not full of energy either. Not complaining, we've struggled so much to get this far that I'm trying to really appreciate everything that goes into being a mom and having a child. We're due 9/8/16....so far so good. Haven't told anyone yet...(BTW that is also killing me because I just want to shout it to the world, but we are being cautious). Had our first u/s this week and saw the gestational and yolk sac for a singleton (twins run in the family and I had 2 follicles this time around so we didn't know what to expect). Tuesday we have another u/s and will hopefully, FX, see a heartbeat. We will tell just our parents once we know if there's a heartbeat. We'd like to wait until the end of the first trimester to tell everyone else (but we are also a Puerto Rican family so it's quite possible that once our parents find out...the entire family will know lol). We haven't bought anything but we've been actively involved in many newborns that we have welcomed this year from friends and family and have gotten a pretty good idea at what we think we may need and/or want. I think I want the sex to be a surprise...idk I might crack lol.
This is so exciting, you first IUI round. The story about the donor delivery is absolutely hysterical. But honestly you really do have to double check the deliveries...my doctor's office said they hadn't received mine and the cryobank said they sent it and got confirmation of it's delivery...when all was said and done, it had been delivered but misfiled at the doctor's office. Would have been terrible to show up for IUI and them tell me they didn't have any to use. You're just making sure everything goes as it should...taking care of your children!
Are you going to do back to back IUIs? Any questions that you may have please feel free to ask. It's normal to feel excited and nervous, this is a life changing experience. FX that everything goes well and V ovulates and the IUI goes smoothly. Keep me posted :-D
08/2015 at home IUI = BFN
IUI #4 - 08/2016 - 100MG Clomid + Ovidrel = ???
@vnegron87 congrats on your BFP! I remember how amazing it feels! I was TTC around this time last year and the TWW is no joke! I cracked every time and would test 2 days early every time lol. Its also wonderful you get to see your baby from the get go! My first US was at 5 weeks so I also got to see just the sac at first. Heartbeat at 7 weeks...the most beautiful sound in the world. I'm looking forward hearing your journey. To be honest I'm a little envious. I LOVED being pregnant! I actually miss it A LOT. Enjoy every minute of it!
@Blakelya our 4th cycle was the charm! Lol I obviously think its lucky.
@twomommiestobe whats the story on the known donor that you passed on if you don't mind me asking? Sounds like you have a good story lol. My DW and I used a known donor and are so grateful and feel blessed to have him. Right now we're in the step parent adopting process for my wife and he is just the most accommodating person signing anything we need etc.
V had her IUI today! Everything went smoothly, so we're feeling a lot of emotions today. Now, we wait.
@venegron87 I hope you're continuing to feel not as tired. And, even if you are feeling crappy, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't complain. In fact, because of everything you've had to go through just to get to this point, you might even be even more deserving of the right to complain about pregnancy symptoms.
As for our first round, we're not doing back-to-back (you mean more than one try in the same cycle, right?). I guess we're keeping things as simple as possible at the beginning (i.e. no PCOS history, so no triggers, medicines, etc.).
As much as we love surprises, I think we, too, will find out the sex. Too difficult for me not to know something that can easily be found out, haha. But, we're pretty sure we'll keep the sex (and possible names) to ourselves so that we can avoid an overload of strictly blue or pink gifts until the baby's born. Then, I guess it's inevitable.
@angelicac06 I imagine it must have been a huge adjustment from never really seeking medical attention to being on a first-name basis with your RE staff!
From what I gather, it sounds as if you conceived via IVF? It's wonderful that you enjoyed bring pregnant so much. Perhaps it's too soon to know, but do you think you'll try for another? And, if so, would you carry again? How is your baby boy doing?
You mentioned step-parent adopting..? Maybe that's something I would know about if we were using a known donor, but what exactly does that mean? I would also like to hear @twomommiestobe donor story!
I absolutely loved loved loved pregnancy. I was extremely fortunate to have never been sick or had food aversions or anything. Delivery was okay, I had a scheduled C section. It makes me nervous thinking about going through it again but in reality recovery wasn't that bad. HOWEVER this newborn phase is no joke! It is HARD. You hear about being sleep deprived and your life changing but wow do you not really know until you get there! My LO is a handful. Hes gone through colic, nurses around the clock and cries unless hes being held a certain way or is sleeping or eating. Breastfeeding is extremely challenging at first and sleep is a distant memory. I never thought I'd be so content with just 4 hours daily in my life lol. This is stuff I don't think women are real about. I highly recommend lurking at the December or November board to get an idea of what I am talking about. I specially recommend reading the 'things no one told you' thread, lol. So to finally answer your question yes we want at least 1 more just not anytime soon. We use to want them back to back now we're thinking 2-3 years before we even start the process again. I would carry again. My DW doesn't want to carry ever. It's why we wanted to do reciprocal ivf but I just don't think I can handle the needles. Your wife is carrying right? Do you want to in the future? My LO as much of the opposite of a "good baby" he ended up being, we adore him and are extremely grateful hes healthy and so handsome! Lol we wouldn't trade him for the world.
So because my DW and I are legally married however she is not the biological mother of our LO, she still has to legally adopt him through step parent adoption. Basically our donor friend went to sign he renounces his parental rights at our lawyers office in front of a notary. Then our lawyer petitions a court hearing for my wife and I (takes about 3-4 months to get in the books currently) where a judge grants the adoption. We're currently awaiting a date. They have to determine whether they want to do a home study or not. Home studies are waived if the couple has been married over a year (which we are) and the child has been living with the parent wishing to adopt for at least 6 months ( hes only 7 weeks.)
I'm apologize this turned out way longer of a response than I anticipated lol. Let me know how your wife is doing in these 2 weeks! Oh yes and sleep. As much as you possibly can!
I did take your advice and look at the thread you recommended about things only learned after baby is born. One of the main things I gathered from that is that breastfeeding is extremely difficult and exhausting. So, it will be in my best interest to make sure I keep up with all the other household stuff so that my wife can keep baby fed! Do either or both you and your wife work outside the home, and if so, when must you return to work?
While my wife and I have discussed having more than one child, we have not yet made any decisions. At this point, we want to see if we can conceive Baby #1 first! If all goes well with that (easy conception, healthy pregnancy, etc.), perhaps we'll try for a second, and she will carry again - she's always wanted to; I'm ambivalent. We're not opposed to having an only child, but both my wife and I have and love our siblings.
Thanks for the explanation about the adoption process. I don't think that's something we have to do based on the State where we live and that we're using an anonymous donor.
Anyhow, I'm hoping my time seems to go by add quickly as it passes for you now - our TWW is up on February 4, and I just want to see what our next step will be!
@Blakelya I didn't get a message. Was it in your inbox?
@l&v2016 how are you and V holding out during your TWW ? Will you guys be POAS early?
08/2015 at home IUI = BFN
IUI #4 - 08/2016 - 100MG Clomid + Ovidrel = ???
08/2015 at home IUI = BFN
IUI #4 - 08/2016 - 100MG Clomid + Ovidrel = ???
V and I are waiting it out pretty well, thanks! Any day she feels ANYTHING slightly out of the ordinary, of course it's pregnancy, haha. Logically, we know it's way too early for her to feel anything, but our excitement beats logic with every cramp, dizzy moment or fatigue. We'll find out for sure in one week...unless she takes the test early. Just now, she said she won't, but we still have seven days.
You make a really good point about the second parent adoption. Same as you, we're legally married here in our State and, of course, now the whole country. However, my wife is from a different country and while I do not anticipate us ever leaving, it really is better to be safe than sorry.
What is new with you? Are you still feeling not as tired? Have you let the news slip to anyone? Bought anything for your little one yet?
Hope you're well and chat soon!
Funny story telling my mom. I'm an only child and my mom is a little old fashioned so apparently she has ruled out ever becoming a grandma. We decided to give her a bib that said "Grandmas Little Bunny". I went up to her and said we got her a just because gift, which i know she loves. She takes it out reads it and says "Grandma...who's a grandma?" I said you are. Then she says "ME?!? But how?" And looked at us both. Of course we just chuckled and explained donor sperm which later she admitted she figured but was so puzzled that she was taken aback. Needless to say, she's very excited.
It's amazing the amount of love and support that's flowing our way. I can only wish that everyone's experience is as blessed as ours has been so far. The only thing we've bought are a few books and my wife (even though i told her that LO doesn't have ears yet) reads every night to us :-D.
I wish you guys the best during this next week. While it can feel long...it'll be here sooner than you know and I am keeping my FX for you.
08/2015 at home IUI = BFN
IUI #4 - 08/2016 - 100MG Clomid + Ovidrel = ???
RE DX for me: Anovulatory cycles/Mild PCOS RE DX for DW: Endometrioma on left Ovary.
Reciprocal Ivf Feb 2016. DW eggs and I am carrying. EDD: 10/27/16
While I am not a fan of the website itself (it seems very basic, almost outdated in comparison) the community seems very active and friendly. I just don't think its right what they are doing. I was here some people left last year when the administrators enforced bans for TOUs violations and most were merited. Perhaps one day when or if my BMB slows down. For now I'm hopeful others will join and remain so we can rebuild a community back here.
Now that I've shared my thoughts, @L&V2016 and @Blakelya check back from time to time. I was starting to become invested in your journey!
@L&V2016 5 more days! How have you both kept busy during this TWW? Let do actual brief intro. Both my wife and I have been married for 2 years this V day, together for 5 and a half. We both work full time. She's a financial analyst for a retirement firm and I am a Sales Manager for a fortune 500. I am 27, she will be 33 in a few days. We're from AZ. To answer your question my maternity leave ends at the end of Feb. I received 3 months paid. She took 3 weeks off. I am currently struggling with going back. I want to. I very much miss my suits and high heels every day. My little baby needs so much attention though. I haven't found a caregiver I can trust much less a day care where the ratio is 4:1 at best. I fear my boy will be left alone to cry because she can't handle him. It shatters my heart just thinking about it. I don't want to be a stay at home mom. It's just not for me. I have worked too hard for my career and I cannot walk away with an expectation to obtain it back in the future. At least not with the same co. I have less than a month to find someone or make a decision.
Also I'm not certain how different other staes are. My wife is on our sons birth certificate however adoption is necessary as she cannot prove she is a biological parent therefore has no rights. At least that's the way it works here.
@vnegron87 my mom is also old fashioned and when I told her ee were trying to get pregnant she was shocked. ,"how?" Lol "what do you mean how mom?" She was genuinely suprised as if my DW and I couldn't be cable of starting a family or something. She was thrilled btw, just extremely surprised. How have you and your SO/DW been treated pregnant? At the ob, maternity store, babies r us etc. No one is surprised anymore I found. Everyone just treats it like its a commonality now which is great!
All other intros welcomed as well. Even if its just a couple for now.
How exciting that you heard the heartbeat, @vnegron87! That must have been so special. I love your story about telling your Mom, that is great. Definitely a moment to remember! Glad to hear your pregnancy is going well for you so far.
While I am excited for us to be able to tell family and friends once V is pregnant, I don't anticipate any funny gems like either yours or @angelicac06 . We got married in 2011 (after having been together since 2005) and bought a house later that year. So, we've actually been getting the "When are you going to have a baby" question thrown at us for literally years now.
I know it comes from a place of excitement/love, but I think it's such an invasive question to ask of anyone, gay or straight. So, my go-to answer of "our start-up costs aren't free like everyone else's" usually gets my point across. Sometimes, though, it invites more questioning..."How expensive IS it?" Ack! Go away!
I'm really sorry to learn of your back-to-work/childcare dilemma, @angelicac06. I cannot imagine the stress you must be under. Like you, neither my wife nor I will be stay-at-home moms, so this is territory we will eventually navigate as well. I hope you know what a good Mom you are. I have no doubt you'll find the best solution possible. Also, I have heard a lot of other Moms say they know it's harder for them than it is for their babies, especially at the beginning.
So, get this. I'm usually the impatient one, but I am also a rule-follower. However, V wants to POAS tomorrow. Ummm, we're supposed to wait until Thursday! She got one of those early tests that can supposedly detect pregnancy 4-5 days before your period. I mean, I know it's her body, and if I try to tell her not to, she'll call me Bossy Boots, but we've been so good at waiting. I think my fear is that while I know a negative test doesn't necessarily mean anything this early, but what a shitty way to start the week if that happens. I'd rather be hopeful until Thursday and then if it's a BFN (or, AF comes), at least we can have Friday and the weekend to build ourselves up for next try.
As for the other site, I checked it out and may contribute there some, but I'm not leaving here. I, too, am invested in your journeys and am genuinely interested I hearing about them. I am so thankful for the support I've already received from you ladies!
angelicac06 we're so lucky to have my MIL nearby (K would gasp in shock at my saying that on a regular day.) and close to retirement for when we have a little one. She makes me crazy, but there are very few people I'd trust to care for our child. Are you narrowing down the plan yet? I'm sure that month seems so short at this point.
L&V2016 K and I made the POAS early mistake every time! Just couldn't resist. It felt like a bad high. So much build up and so much yuckiness when it's negative and you don't really know what that means to you have this hope but this disappointment too. Too many feels! But alas, I'm always the impatient one ready to do it again.